THE question as prayed on my mind during the long waits at the Rewiew on
Saturday, and which not ewen the Marines couldn't anser, and for which I
dessay as I shall have to wait till the next Jewbilly afore I gits it
sattisfactoryly xplained, is, why must these sillybrations be all begun
so uncommon hurly? There may be sum werry singlar peeple as likes hurly
rising. Having probberbly nothink werry pertickler to do of a heavening,
they natrally goes to roost hurley, like powltry, and plowmen, and such
like, and having probberbly nothink werry pertickler to do in the
morning, they natrally gits up hurley to do it, like the powltry
aforesaid. But to Waiters in gineral and to Hed Waiters in pertickler,
nothink is so hawful as hurley rising. As late as you like at nite and
as late as you likes in the morning. Them's my sentiments and I means to
stick to 'em. And I suttenly thinks as I never seed sitch a
sleepy-looking set of gents as assembled at Warterloo Stashun at about
arf-past seven, Hay. Hem. on Saturday Morning. However, we most of us
had a nice refreshing slumber on the way down, and then pulled ourselves
together for the gorgeous specktacle.
My werry fust thort was, how about the foaming billows? and I'm bound to
say as they behaved theirselves uncommon steady. There was no playfool
game of pitch and toss, but they were as quiet as Chelsea Reach. The
number of great big ships as we seed was enuff to make ewen an Hed
Waiter proud of his country, but I confesses that I carn't say much as
regards their beauty, for I thinks they was about as hugly a lot of
black-looking monsters as ever tried to rule the waves.
Having propperly attended to my offishal dooties, I learned from a most
respectable-looking Marine that it wood be at least two hours afore the
QUEEN came, so I thort I wood seize the hoppertoonity of increasing my
nolledge of ships and shippery by arsking my frend a few naughtical
questions. Of course I begun with the Anker, and arkst him when it was
last weighed--he said, about a week ago. How much did it weigh? Just 2
tun, 4 pound, 6 ounces. Why did they weigh it so offen? To see if it
wood stand the shivering of our timbers when we fired our big gun. Had
he spliced his mane brace lately? Not during the last fortnite. Having
got on so well with him, I thort I woodn't not arsk him no more
questions, for fear of betraying my hignorance, and I seed him
afterwards a pinting me out to sum grinning Sailers, ewidently as the
werry rewerse of a mere Land Lubber.
He had kindly shown me the best plaice to stand to see the QUEEN'S
Pursession pass, so I quietly warked up to it about 3 a clock, wen she
was xpected to start, and there I waited till 4 a clock, and then we
heard the gun fire as told us the QUEEN had started; and then began such
a deffening noise with all the ships a salooting, as they calls it, and
such a blinding smoke arterwards, that I wished myself miles away: and
then, jest as the Percession was a gitting in site, there cum a order
from the Hed Hofficer, "All below!" witch I soon found out meant as no
one of us laymen was to stop on deck to see the QUEEN, for fear as the
QUEEN mite see us, witch wood have bin agin the rules! So we was all
bundled down stares, ladies and all, and a few was kindly allowd to peep
through the Port Holes, as sumbody called 'em, though, as there wasn't
no Port served out, I carnt make out what that means.
I amost forgot to menshun the heat, but it really was that hot that when
a going for to lean cumferably against the Capstain Bar, I think they
calls it, it amost burnt a ole in my and! Speaking about this to my
frendly Marine, he told me as they didn't think nothink of that, for
when they went to the Troppix, wherever that may be, they allers cooked
their stakes and chops on the Fokestal by the heat of the Sun, which did
'em to a turn, and then roasted their Appels for desert, and then biled
the Kettel for Tea. What a grand thing is Nolledge! for I am free to
confess as I was quite hignorant of all these fax afore. But then it's
werry easily accounted for in my frend's case.
He isn't like a mere common Sailer a got to look after the Ship. A
Marine is of that shuperior class of man as is allers seleckted to
receeve the most himportant hinformation. When anythink of a werry
striking charackter occurs it is allers reckomended that it should be
"told to the Marines," so they is naterally allays brim full of
hinformation, and allers reddy to communicate it troothfully and
onerably, as my frend did to me, and without which I shood have remained
in my prewious state of hignorance.
If arsked for my reel opinion as to the Naval Rewiew, truth would compel
me to say that what with the noise, and what with the smoke, and what
with being ordered below jest as the QUEEN went past, I didn't see werry
much of it, and what I did see didn't strike me as werry himposing, like
a Lord Mare's Show for instance, or the Drewry Lane Pantomime. But it
gave me the oppertoonity of bragging about it to them as wasn't there,
and that's about the cause of most peeple going to such things, I
rayther fancies; but after all, there's such a fine feeling of purfect
safety on Terror Firmer, as nothink can't equal on the bounding Sea, so
I hopes when the next Naval Rewiew is held, that they'll have it on
Shore. ROBERT.
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AMENDMENT TO LAND BILL.--"That any tenant unable to pay his rent should
sell his holding before the next gale day. That this process should be
known for the purposes of this Act as 'The Sale before the Gale.'"
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[Illustration: A CAUTION TO THE UNWARY!
_He._ "ALLOW ME TO TAKE YOU IN TO SUPPER."
_She._ "OH, DO WAIT A MINUTE! LOOK--THERE'S THAT MAN PROPOSING TO MAY
THISSLEDOWN ON THE BALCONY! I MUST SEE WHAT SHE SAYS!!"]
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