Almost before her eyes were open the next morning, Audrey felt as though
some big black weight lay upon her, as though something very dreadful had
happened. And then gradually sleep cleared from her brain, and
recollection came back.
She had been petty, mean, and everyone knew it, everyone must despise her.
She had hurt her own mother, she had hurt them all. She had shown them
that she was ashamed of them--and why? Not because they had done anything
wrong, or despicable, but because they were poor and were obliged to live
in a shabby house, shabbily furnished!
"Oh, I can never live it down," she thought miserably. "I can never make
them forget, and think well of me again!" She buried her face in her
pillow and groaned aloud. She wished wildly for all sort of impossible
things to happen, that she could put miles and miles, and oceans and
continents between herself and everybody--or that she could wipe out all
recollection of her foolishness from everyone's mind, or never, never have
to meet the Vivians again.
There is no way, though, of blotting out in a moment our wrongdoing,
our foolishness, our mistakes. They cannot be wiped off, as a sum off a
slate, nor the results, nor the memory of them. There is nothing to be
done but to face the consequences bravely, to live them down hour by hour;
so, profiting by the lesson thus learnt, that in time those about us will
find it hard to believe that we ever were so foolish, or wicked.
Through genuine repentance and sorrow only can we expiate our faults,
and Audrey had sense enough to know this.
"I have just got to live through it," she sighed miserably, "but oh, I
wish I hadn't hurt mother so."
As she was passing her mother's bedroom door on her way downstairs, a
sudden impulse made her knock.
"Come in," said the sweet kind voice; but as she turned the handle
Audrey's courage nearly failed her. "Oh, it's nothing," she began, and
was turning away when fortunately the thought came to her--how glad she
would be after, if she were brave now, and did what she came in to do.
"It will be a beginning," she told herself feverishly, "I shall be much
happier after," and allowing herself no more time for thought, she marched
bravely in and up to the bed.
"Mother," she said, and the tears rushed to her eyes again. "I want you
to try to forget--please, _please_. It was all a mistake. I was all--all
wrong. I am so sorry."
"My dear, I know, I understand." Her mother threw her arms round her, and
drew her gently down beside her. "I know how these things happen, if we
are not always loyal in thought and in deed. I have failed often, Audrey
dear, so I understand. But we will both forget, darling." And then
Audrey broke down entirely. "Mother, I can never forget, I can never
forgive myself, but I will try never to be so mean again, never.
I am going to begin to-day to do better. I really mean to."
"We all will, we will begin by trying to understand each other, shall we?
Try to be more patient, and to see how things seem to others. Don't you
think a good motto for us all would be 'others first.'"
"I don't think Faith needs that motto, mother," said Audrey wistfully,
which was a great admission for her, and the first step on the new road
she meant to tread.
"Oh yes, she does, dear. We all do, some more, some less."
"Well, I am one who needs it very much more," and Audrey smiled ruefully
as she raised herself. "Now I am going down to see what I can do to help.
I will begin by laying her breakfast-tray as nicely and temptingly as ever
I can," she thought, as she hurried away. She felt so lighthearted she
wanted to do something for everyone, to make all feel as happy as she did
herself. But alas, alas! when she got downstairs her happiness received a
check. Joan was ill.
In the kitchen Audrey found Faith seated by the kitchen fire with Joan
upon her lap. Joan drowsy and feverish, and fretful. Faith anxious and
pale.
"I believe she is ill," said Faith, looking up at her with eyes full of
alarm, "she has been so restless all night. I wonder what can be the
matter. I have been so careful about her food, and I don't see how she
can have got a cold."
Joan turned uneasily, and began to whimper, Mary came over and looked
anxiously at the flushed baby face. "She's feverish, Miss Faith, she's
got a cold somehow. She is so hot, and it seems to hurt her to move."
With a swift shock of fear Audrey remembered what had happened the
previous evening--the little thinly-clad body lying outside the
bed-clothes, exposed to the draught from the open window. She coloured
guiltily, but for a moment she hesitated to speak. It was so dreadful to
have to heap more blame upon herself--to have to make everyone think more
hardly of her, just when she had begun to try to make them think better.
But once again she conquered herself, and so took another step, and a long
one, along the new but stony road she had set out to tread.
Faith looked grave as she listened. She adored her baby sister, and she
found it hard not to blame Audrey. "I ought not to have gone away," she
began irritably, but stopped, as it struck her what a self-righteous and
conceited thing it was that she was saying. "I had better put her back to
bed again, I expect," she concluded, more gently.
"I suppose so," agreed Audrey doubtfully. She did not in the least know
what to do in a case of illness. Mary came to the rescue. Mary had lots
of brothers and sisters at home, and had had a good deal of experience.
"I shouldn't, miss," she said, "in this summer weather it is so hard to
keep them covered up, and restless as Miss Joan is, she wouldn't have the
bedclothes over her more'n a minute at a time. I'd give her a nice deep
hot bath here by the fire, and then wrap her up in a big shawl, and keep
her by the fire. It'll be hot for anybody that's holding her, but I
believe it'll drive the chill out of her quicker than anything."
"I'll do anything to get her well again," said Faith eagerly. So a bath
was made ready--all the water that was needed for breakfast was used for
it, but that was a trifling matter, and Mary's advice was followed to the
letter.
"Now I'll get her some hot milk," said Mary, as she arranged the last wrap
around the little patient, and put the cookery book under Faith's feet for
a footstool.
"Oh!" gasped Faith, "don't make up too big a fire, Mary, or I shall really
explode!"
Audrey, ashamed and sorry, moved about unobtrusively trying to do what she
could; but it was mortifying to her to find how little she could do.
At last it occurred to her to go upstairs and see if Tom and Debby wanted
any help in the fastening of strings and buttons, and the brushing of
hair.
"Oh dear," she sighed, "you have only one button left on your frock,
Debby, and the string of your apron is broken. Can't you put on another?"
"They've all only got one string, you will find a safety pin somewhere,
I have it pinned gen'rally."
"Oh! well, I will mend them for you when I've got time."
"Faith said she would when she'd got time, but when she'd got time she
hadn't got any tape, and when we remembered to buy some tape we couldn't
find a bodkin. Where does one buy bodkins, Audrey?"
"I don't know, but I have two in my work-box. I will put in the tapes for
you. Now run down while I turn out the beds. Oh no, come here," as the
pair went dashing away, "come and fold up your nightgowns, you should
never leave them lying on the floor like that. Who do you think is going
to fold them for you? I believe you never think of the trouble you give."
Tom and Debby went back patiently, and picking up their offending
garments, struggled with them valiantly. But, however careful they were,
it seemed as though one sleeve would hang out, or the folds would go
crooked, simply for the purpose of aggravating two impatient little
people.
"I wish we didn't have sleeves," sighed Deborah.
"Let's cut them off," cried Tom, and in a spirit of mischief, picked up a
pair of scissors and pretended to cut the sleeve.
He was only pretending, but Audrey misunderstood, and, with a sharp slap
on the hands, sent the scissors skimming across the floor.
The unexpectedness of the blow, the pain, and the indignity, roused Tom to
real anger, and for a few moments there was an ugly scene. Debby cried,
Tom raged, and Audrey scolded. "You can fold the old thing yourself,"
cried Tom, flinging out of the room. Audrey dragged him back.
"I shall not, you shall do it yourself if you have to stay here all day.
I shall speak to father about your behaviour, and I do think you might
have tried to behave decently and not have made such a noise when Joan is
ill, and we want her to sleep. You think of no one but yourselves--you
two."
"Joan ill! You might have told us before. How were we to know? and--and
you were making more noise than anybody, and--and it was all your fault in
the beginning," cried Tom. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself Audrey,
you are the eldest, and--and you knew Joan was ill."
Debby was less angry, and more concerned. "Where is Joan?" she asked
anxiously. "Is she in bed?"
"She is in the kitchen by the fire, so don't go there making a noise too.
You had better play in the garden, and do be as quiet as you can."
"I am going to see mother first," retorted Debby, "we always do when we
are dressed. Mummy likes us to. And we don't make a noise if we _know_
we mustn't. If you had only told us Joan was ill----"
But Audrey was already half-way down the stairs, on her way to the
kitchen. "Children are such worries," she sighed. "Now I will get
mother's breakfast."
In the kitchen she found Faith sitting patiently by the fire, she was
scarlet with the heat, and very weary, but there was a look of relief in
her eyes. "She is sleeping so comfortably," she whispered. "That shows
that she is in less pain, doesn't it?"
"I should think so. You look awfully hot."
"Hot! I am roasting, I feel quite faint every now and then, but I don't
mind anything if it is doing Joan good."
"Can't you put her down? Make her up a bed on a chair or something, can't
you?"
"No. She rouses at once if I try to put her out of my arms. I would
rather hold her. It doesn't matter about being hot. I shall cool down
again some day."
Audrey picked up a tray. "I am going to get mother's breakfast," she
announced. "I want to make it look nice. Mary, can you wipe this tray
for me, it has something sticky on it."
Mary put down her saucepan of milk and went away with the tray in her
hand. "I s'pose it must have touched something," she said cheerfully.
"Yes, evidently--and you couldn't have washed it properly. It has made my
hands sticky too." It really was aggravating, for she had only just
washed them. "Where can I find a clean tray-cloth, Mary?"
"In the drawer of the press, miss."
Audrey's face wore an expression of deep disdain as she turned over the
collection of things in the untidy drawer. "I can't see anything fit to
use," she said irritably. "Where are the clean ones kept, Mary?"
"We have only two, miss, one is in the wash, the other you've got in your
hand. It is a bit crumpled, I am afraid."
"If we've got so few, it's a pity not to take more care of those we have,"
grumbled Audrey, "this really is not fit to use, but I suppose I must."
When she began to collect the china, the cup, as usual, had a smear on it,
and the plate was not clean. "I had better wash it all, I suppose, as
usual!" she thought impatiently, and banged open the tea-towel drawer with
such force that Joan started out of her sleep.
"I'd have got the tray ready, if you'd left it, Miss Audrey," said Mary
shortly.
"I wanted to make it look nice and tempting."
Poor Faith grew to look harassed and miserable. Whatever happened, she
did not want a collision between Audrey and Mary. Mary was rough, and not
thorough, but she was good-tempered, hard-working, and ready to turn her
hand to anything.
Mr. Carlyle came into the kitchen. "Is breakfast nearly ready?" he asked,
"it is nine o'clock, and I have a full day before me--why, Baby! what is
the matter?" He stood looking down at his two flushed daughters, while
Faith explained. "But I think she is better," she concluded eagerly,
"look, daddy, she is smiling at you! If we are careful all day, I daresay
she will be well to-morrow."
"And do you intend to sit by that fire all day with her! Why, you will be
a cinder."
Faith laughed, "I am rather hot, but it has done her good, I am sure--at
least the hot bath and the heat has. Mary thought of it, wasn't it clever
of her?"
"I will take her presently, Miss Faith, while you have your breakfast,"
said Mary, much gratified by the little compliment.
Mr. Carlyle went over to where Audrey stood arranging a few flowers on her
mother's tray. "How dainty!" he said approvingly, "your mother will
appreciate that, dear. She loves pretty, dainty things about her.
I am going over to Abbot's Field to-day," he added, "and I thought I would
call on Mrs. Vivian, and the old gentleman. Will you come with me, to
represent your mother? I think it would be rather pleasant, don't you?"
Audrey coloured with embarrassment. To her the prospect did not seem at
all pleasant. "I--I am afraid I can't, father. I have a lot to do at
home."
Her mind was full of plans for tidying house and garden, and making
everything more presentable. It was a big undertaking, she knew, but she
was full of zeal.
Her father looked disappointed. "Oh well, then, I must go alone.
I thought you would like to meet the young people again--and I think they
still expect you--they were so anxious to see you. But never mind, I will
tell them that you are busy, but are hoping to see them over here one day
very soon. I had better fix a day; will Thursday do?"
"Thursday! so soon!" The suggestion filled her with dismay, but she kept
her dismay to herself. "Yes, father, I think so," she said feebly, and
lifting up the tray went slowly with it to her mother's room. Debby was
sitting on the bed, chattering quite happily, all the temper forgotten.
"Oh, how pretty," she cried, as she caught sight of the breakfast tray.
"Oh, how tempting," said Mrs. Carlyle, smiling her appreciation,
"the sight of it gives me quite an appetite."
"Do you always do trays like that?" asked Tom, "or is it a birthday?"
"Yes, always. No, it is not a birthday. It is the right way, that's
all."
"When I am ill in bed, will you bring up my breakfast to me on a tray with
a white cloth, and a flower, and a dear little dainty teapot of my own?"
asked Debby eagerly.
"Yes," laughed Audrey, "but don't try to be ill on purpose."
"I think I will wait until the new governess comes," said Debby gravely.
She could not endure the thought of lessons, and of being shut up for ever
so many hours a day.
As soon as breakfast was over Audrey stepped out at the front door, and
surveyed the garden. "It is the first thing they will see," she thought
despondingly, as, with the expected guests in her mind, she looked from
the ragged grass to the unswept path, and thence to the untrimmed bushes.
"I wish I could get Job Toms to cut the grass. I must ask father to order
him to."
Faith on her way back to the kitchen and Joan, saw Audrey in the garden
and joined her. "I wish we had flower beds on either side of the path,"
said Audrey, "they would look so pretty, but I suppose the children would
always walk on them."
"They wouldn't if they were told not to," declared Faith, always ready to
champion the little imps. "What a jolly idea, Audrey. If Joan wasn't ill
I'd come out this minute and begin to make them. It wouldn't take very
long."
"Oh yes, it would, to make them properly. We ought to have a real
gardener to do it, and then we should want dozens of bedding plants, we
should have to have something to start with. But all that would cost very
nearly a sovereign, I expect."
"I hadn't thought of having bedding plants," said Faith, disappointedly.
"Of course we couldn't spend money on plants. I was thinking of roots,
and seeds, and cuttings. The people in the village would gladly give us
a lot. Mrs. Pope offered me young sunflower seedlings only a week or two
ago, and Miss Babbs is always offering me phloxes, and wallflowers, and
things. We could soon fill up the beds, I am sure, and with things that
would come up year after year by themselves. Let's each make a bed for
ourselves, shall we, Audrey, and each do our own in our own way. It would
make the garden look ever so much nicer."
"I couldn't, and if I can't, you can't, at least you oughtn't to.
It would look too silly to have a bed on only one side. The garden would
look like a pig with one ear."
"It would be a very pretty pig," laughed Faith, "at least its one ear
would."
"Anyhow, we couldn't get it done by Thursday, and what I wanted was to try
and get the place looking nicer by the time the Vivians come. Now I am
going in to see if I can do anything to the drawing-room."
"Oh!" Faith's face grew grave. "Do you think we need use the
drawing-room? Won't the dining-room do? You see we have taken some of
the nicest things from there for mother's room--to make that as nice as
possible. The curtains, and the carpet."
"Whatever are we going to do!" cried Audrey in genuine dismay.
"It really is too dreadful. Father oughtn't to ask people here if we
haven't a room fit to ask them into. You see we _must_ use the
drawing-room."
"What for?"
"Why, for tea, of course, for one thing."
"Oh!" cried Faith, "don't let's have a dotted-around-the-room tea!
The children make such a mess with their crumbs, they can't help it, and
they are sure to upset their cups, and drop their plates--and we shall be
in one big worry all the time. They hate those teas, and so do I!
Let's have a nice comfortable one in the dining-room, and sit up to
table."
"And spend all the rest of the time there too, I suppose?" sarcastically.
Faith looked pained. "Well, I don't suppose they would mind very much if
we did, as long as we were all jolly and happy. They seemed so kind and
friendly, and not a bit stuck up."
"Oh," cried Audrey impatiently, "you seem to think anything will do,
as long as you are happy and jolly. You don't realise what other people
are accustomed to, and expect."
"I think I am glad I don't," said Faith gravely, "it only seems to worry
one."
"I do wish you would keep your blind straight in your bedroom," retorted
Audrey irritably, "no house could possibly look nice with the blinds all
anyhow, as ours are."
"Um, yes, they do look bad, we ought to have sticks for them, tape is
always getting loose. Audrey," eagerly, "suppose we take our tea up on
the moor, and have a kind of picnic, when the Vivians come. Wouldn't that
be rather jolly?"
Audrey's face brightened. "Yes, that might be a good plan. They would
not be in the house much then."
"Mother would want to see them."
"Would she? Oh, well, she could. I'd like them to know mother--and her
room is quite presentable. We shall have to get some nice cakes.
I wonder if we have any baskets that will do to carry the things in?
And oh! I do hope that Mary will wash the cups and saucers properly that
day. She is so horribly careless, one can't trust her the least little
bit. I always have to look at my cup before I drink, to see if it is
clean."
Faith looked at her with troubled eyes. "The best plan would be to wash
them all yourself that day," she suggested, "then you would be sure they
would be all right, and have quite a load off your mind. You can easily
offer to wash the dishes and things for Mary, because she will have extra
work to do, and then you can put aside those that we shall want in the
afternoon. I will go and look out the baskets by and by. Do remind me if
I forget. Oh, I must hurry in now, poor Mary is sitting by the fire all
this time holding Joan, she will be roasted alive."
Audrey made no reply to her sister's suggestion. She liked things to be
dainty, and clean, but she did not like the task of making them so; and to
expect her to wash the dishes herself was really rather too much!
The head of a house did not expect to have to do the work herself.
Her part was to tell others what to do, and see that they did it.
At least that was her opinion.