Married to Rodney! That would be life! Not the slavery of her mother.
Married to Rodney, life would have, constantly, a new meaning. She
could coquette with life, play with life—living became suddenly
sparkling, many coloured.
Before this, she had not asked for romance. She had never dreamed of
even this much romance. She had just asked that she become not like
her mother, a slave to a man who cared nothing for her, for whom she
cared nothing. Her mother did not love her father. Other women she knew
did not love their husbands. She saw that, now. They tolerated them,
because they were being supported. They slaved for them because men
wanted slaves. Married to Rodney—love, a full flowering of love—
Rodney did not telephone her for two weeks. She thought of him every
day, more than she had ever thought of one person—one thing—in all of
her life before. Rodney—she saw his light, thick, rather rough hair,
felt his cheek against hers. She thought of him every night after she
had got into bed, picturing him in the dark, imagining herself kissing
him and being kissed over and over again.
Then, just as she was bewilderingly accepting the fact that perhaps,
after all, he did not care for her, Rodney telephoned her and asked
her to go to another dance with him—no excuse, no discussion of his
two weeks of silence. She accepted him eagerly—and bought another new
dress, a thin white one, this time. She must look charming.
The second dance was like the first. Her heart sang when she was with
him. She was astonished at herself, at her emotions. She had not
thought herself capable of such things. She sneered at her mother even
as she felt sorry for her. What did her mother—the other women she
knew—know about such feelings—about men like Rodney? They had never
even met men like Rodney.
For three weeks, then, Rodney took her to a dance every Saturday night.
On a Wednesday he took her to the theatre. And, after each outing there
were kisses in the front hall of the apartment. Finally he asked her
something—but it was not to marry him.
Corinna was surprised. Then she was furious at Rodney for
misunderstanding her, at herself for not being able to yield to him.
She went over all of the old platitudes of respectability—what kind
of a girl did he think she was? had she led him to think, by word or
action, that she would dream of such a thing—how dared he talk to
her—even think of her like that?
And Rodney, with a stubborn sort of persistency went over his list
of platitudes, too. After all—what harm was there? He liked her all
right—would take care of her—she knew that—he would marry her if he
could—surely she knew—had known from the first—that he wasn’t the
marrying kind. She had kissed him, hadn’t she—encouraged him—led him
on? Other girls....
Corinna did not see Rodney any more. He never telephoned her again. She
knew where she could reach him, knew where he was employed. But what
was there to say to him? She was properly bound with all of the virtues
of her class. Kisses were all right. Coquetries were all right. Why,
she had even definitely decided to marry Rodney. Of course, her low-cut
evening dresses, her little tricks—pressing against him with her bare
shoulder, of kissing him, of touching his face with her fingers—these
were proper as long as they were baits to matrimony. They were decent
then, legitimate. But Rodney had “insulted” her. He had misunderstood
her.
As time passed, she definitely decided that she had been mistaken in
him, that Rodney had, from the first, been unprincipled, unworthy of
her company, that he had led her on—tried to get the best of her, but
that, at the first hint of his true feelings toward her, she had sent
him from her in great and righteous wrath. She had had a lucky escape.
For months, then, she longed to see Rodney, but she knew what seeing
him would mean. She wanted only matrimony. It was respectable, decent,
the right thing—to be married.... But now it was unthinkable that she
should even consider Rodney.
Life became dull-coloured, tinted only by the thought of what she had
been through, of her escape—a fascinating, secret thing. She went to
dances with the men she had known before, tried to look especially
nice, in case Rodney should see her. She carried with her, though, from
that time, some of the coquetry that being in love with Rodney had
given her. She found that, even though it was artificial now, it added
to her popularity.