In order to listen to music intelligently—or what is really much
more important—in order to give the appearance of listening to
music intelligently, it is necessary for the novice to master
thoroughly two fundamental facts.
The first, and most important of these, is that the letter “w” in
Russian is pronounced like “v”; the second, that Rachmaninoff has
a daughter at Vassar.
Not very difficult, surely—but it is remarkable how much
enjoyment one can get out of music by the simple use of these two
formulas. With a little practise in their use, the veriest tyro
can bewilder her escort even though she be herself so musically
uninformed as to think that the celeste is only used in
connection with _Aïda_, or that a minor triad is perhaps a young
wood nymph.
One other important fundamental is that enthusiasm should never
be expressed for any music written after 1870; by a careful
observance of this rule one will constantly experience that
delightful satisfaction which comes with finding one’s opinions
shared by the music critics in the daily press.
[Illustration]
Chivalry or the Instinct of Self-Preservation? A Fine Point _The young
lady in the picture has just laid out a perfect drive. She had,
unfortunately, neglected to wait until the gentleman playing ahead of
her had progressed more than fifteen yards down the fairway, and her
ball, traveling at a velocity of 1675 f.s., has caught the gentleman
squarely in the half-pint bottle. What mistake, if any, is the
gentleman making in chasing her off the course with his niblick, if we
assume that she called “Fore!” when the ball had attained to within
three feet of the gentleman?_
[Illustration]
An Inexperienced “Gun” _You will exclaim, no doubt, on looking at the
scene depicted above, “Cherchez la femme.” It is, however, nothing so
serious as you will pardonably suppose. The gentleman is merely an
inexperienced “gun” at a shooting-party, who has begun following his
bird before it has risen above the head of his loader. This very clumsy
violation of the etiquette of sport proves, beyond the shadow of a
doubt, that he has learned to shoot from the comic papers, and that his
coat-of-arms can never again be looked upon as anything but bogus._