SCENE--_The Crystal Palace. The Nave is filled with a dense
throng of Pleasure-seekers. Every free seat commanding the
most distant view of a Variety Performance on the Great Stage,
has been occupied an hour in advance. The less punctual stand
and enjoy the spectacle of other persons' hats or bonnets.
Gangs of Male and Female Promenaders jostle and hustle to
their hearts' content, or perform the war-song and dance
of the Lower-class 'ARRY, which consists in chanting "Oi
tiddly-oi-toi; hoi-toi-oi!" to a double shuffle. Tired women
sit on chairs and look at nothing. In the Grounds, the fancy
of young men and maidens is lightly turning to thoughts of
love; the first dawn of the tender passion being intimated,
on the part of the youth, by chasing his charmer into a corner
and partially throttling her, whereupon the maiden coyly
conveys that his sentiments are not unreciprocated by thumping
him between the shoulders. From time to time, two champions
contend with fists for the smiles of beauty, who may usually
be heard bellowing inconsolably in the background. A small
but increasing per-centage have already had as much liquid
refreshment as is good for them, and intend to have more.
Altogether, the scene, if festive, might puzzle an Intelligent
Foreigner who is more familiar with Continental ideas of
enjoyment._
_A Damsel_ (_in a ruby plush hat with a mauve feather_). Why, if they
yn't got that bloomin' ole statute down from Charin' Cross! What's
_'e_ doin' of down 'ere, I wonder?
_Her Swain_ (_whose feather is only pink and white paper_). Doin' of?
Tykin' 's d'y orf--like the rest of us are tykin' it.
_The Damsel_ (_giggling_). You go on--you don't green _me_ that w'y--a
statute!
_Swain_. Well, 'yn't this what they call a "Statutory" 'Oliday, eh?
_Damsel_ (_in high appreciation of his humour_). I'll fetch you _sech_
a slap in a minnit! 'Ere, let's gow on the Swissback.
_Another Damsel_ (_in a peacock-blue hat with orange pompons_). See
that nekked young man on the big 'orse, ALF? It says "Castor" on the
stand. 'Oo was _'e_?.
_Alf_. Oh, _I_'d 'now. I dessay it'll be 'im as invented the Castor
Ile.
_The Damsel_ (_disgusted_). Fancy their puttin' up a monument to
_'im_!
_Superior 'Arry_ (_talking Music-halls to his Adored One_). 'Ave you
'eard her sing "_Come where the Booze is Cheapest_"?
_The Adored_. Lots o' toimes. I _do_ like _'er_ singing. She mykes
sech comical soigns--and then the _things_ she sez! But I've 'eard
she's very common in her tork, and that--_orf_ the styge.
_The S.A._ I shouldn't wonder. Some on 'em _are_ that way. You can't
'ave _everythink_!
_His Adored_. No, it _is_ a pity, though. 'Spose we go out, and pl'y
Kiss in the Ring? [_They do._