_January 1._--Just had a brilliant idea--_quite_ original. I don't
believe even any human person ever _thought_ of such a thing, but
then,--besides being extremely beautiful and expensive, with refined wax
features and golden hair--I am a very clever doll indeed. Frivolous, no
doubt; heartless, so they tell me--but the very reverse of a _fool_. I
flatter myself that if _anybody_ understands the nature of toys,
especially _male_ toys--but I am forgetting my idea--which is this. I am
going this year to write down--the little girl I belong to has no idea I
can write, but I _can_--and better than _she_ does, too!--to write down
every event of importance that happens, _with the dates_. There! I fancy
_that_ is original enough. It will be a valuable dollian document when
it is done, and _most_ interesting to look back upon. Now I must wait
for something to happen.
_January 6._--Went to Small Dance given by the Only Other Wax Doll (a
dreadful old frump!) on the Nursery Hearthrug. Room rather nicely
illuminated by coloured fire from grate, and a pyramid nightlight, but
floor poor. Didn't think much of the music--a fur monkey at the
Digitorium, and a woolly lamb who brought his own bellows, make _rather_
a feeble orchestra. Still, on the whole, enjoyed myself. Much admired.
Several young Ninepins, who are considered stuck-up, and keep a good
deal to their own set, begged to be introduced. Sat out one dance with a
Dice-box, who rattled away most amusingly. I understand he is quite an
authority on games, and anything that falls from his mouth is received
with respect. He is a great sporting character, too, and arranges all
the meetings on the Nursery Race-course, besides being much interested
in Backgammon. I _do_ like a Toy to have _manly_ tastes!
The Captain of a Wooden Marching Regiment quartered in the neighbourhood
was there in full uniform, but not dancing. Told me they _didn't_ in his
regiment. As his legs are made in one piece and glued on to a yellow
stand, inclined to think this was not mere military swagger. He seemed
considerably struck with me. Made an impression, too, on a rather
elderly India-rubber Ball. Snubbed him, as one of the Ninepins told me
he was considered "a bit of a bounder."
Some of the Composition Dolls, I could see, were perfectly _stiff_ with
spite and envy. Spent a very pleasant evening, not getting back to my
drawer till daylight. Too tired to write more.
_Mem._--Not to sit out behind the coal-scuttle another time!
_February 14._--Amount of attention I receive really quite embarrassing.
The Ninepins are too _absurdly_ devoted. One of them (the nicest of all)
told me to-day he had never been so completely bowled over in his whole
existence! I manage to play them off against each other, however. The
India-rubber Ball, too, is at my feet--and, naturally, I spurn him, but
he is so short-winded that nothing will induce him to rise. Though
naturally of an elastic temperament, he has been a good deal cast down
of late. I smile on him occasionally--just to keep the Ball rolling; but
it is becoming a frightful bore.
_March._--Have been presented with a charming pony-carriage, with two
piebald ponies that go by clock work. I wish, though, I was not expected
to share it with a _live kitten_! The kitten has no idea of repose, and
spoils the effect of the turn-out. Try not to seem aware of it--even
when it claws my frock. Rather interested in a young Skipjack, whom I
see occasionally; he is quite good-looking, in a common sort of way. I
talk to him now and then--it is something to do; and he is a new type,
so different from the Ninepins!
_April 1._--Have just heard the Skipjack is engaged to a plaster
Dairy-maid. A little annoyed, because he really seemed----Have been to
see his _fiancee_, a common-place creature, with red cheeks, and a thick
waist. Congratulate the Skipjack, with just a _hint_ that he might have
looked higher. Afraid that he misunderstood me, for he absolutely
jumped.
_April 7._--The Skipjack tells me he has _broken off his engagement_; he
seems to think I shall guess the reason--but I don't, of _course_. Then
he actually has the impertinence to (I can scarcely pen the words for
indignation) to _propose_--to Me! I inform him, in the most
_unmistakable_ terms, that he has presumed on my good-nature, and that
there are social barriers between us, which no Skipjack can ever
surmount. He leaves me abruptly, after declaring that I have broken the
spring of his existence.
_April 8._--Much shocked and annoyed. The Skipjack found quite stiff and
colourless this morning, in the water-jug! Must have jumped in last
night. So _very_ rash and silly of him! Am sure I gave him no
encouragement--or _next_ to none. Hear that the Dairy-maid has gone off
her head. Of course it will be put down to _grief_; but we all know how
easily plaster heads get cracked. Feel really distressed about it all,
for the blame is sure to fall on _me_. Those Composition Dolls will make
a fine scandal out of it!
_May._--The Ninepins are getting very difficult to manage; have to put
them down as delicately as possible; but I am afraid, poor fellows, they
are dreadfully upset. The Wooden Captain has challenged the Dice-box to
a duel--I fear, on _my_ account. However, as the officer's sword will
not unglue, I _hope_ nothing will come of it. All this _most_ worrying,
though, and gives me little _real_ satisfaction. I find myself sighing
for more _difficult_ conquests.
_June._--Went to afternoon tea with the biggest Dutch Doll. Rather a
come-down, but now that there is this coolness between the Composition
set and myself, I must go _somewhere_. I feel _so_ bored at times! Can
see the ridiculous Dutch thing is trying to _out-dress_ me! She had a
frock on that _must_ have cost at _least_ fifty beads, and I don't
believe it will _ever_ be paid for! Only made her look the bigger _guy,_
though! Tea-party a stupid affair. Make-believe tea in pewter cups. Met
the latest arrival, a really nice-looking Gentleman Doll, introduced as
"Mr. Joseph." Very innocent face, without any moustache, and the
sweetest blue eyes (except mine) I think I _ever_ saw! Seemed rather
shy, but pleasant. Asked him to call.
_June 18._--Mr. Joseph has not called _yet_. Very strange! Suspect those
horrid Composition Dolls have been setting him against me. Met him by
the back-board and scolded him. He seemed confused. By a little
management, I got it all out of him. I was right. He _has_ been told
about the Skipjack. He has strict principles, and gave me to understand
that he would prefer to decline my acquaintance--which was _like his
impudence_! This is exciting, though. I intend to overcome these
scruples; I mean him to be madly in love with me--then I shall
scornfully reject him, which will serve him just _right_!
_July._--My tactics have succeeded--_at last_! To-day Joseph called,
_ostensibly_ to beg me to go and see the unhappy Ball, who, it seems, is
terribly collapsed, reduced to a _mere bowl_, and so exhausted that he
cannot hold out much longer. However, in the course of the interview, I
soon made him oblivious of the Ball. He fell at my feet. "Beautiful
Gloriana," he cried, "with all your many and glaring faults, I love
you!" Then I carried out the _rest_ of my programme--it was a painful
scene, and I will only record that when he left me, he was completely
_un-dolled_! I feel almost sorry for him--he had rather a nice face!
[Illustration: "I see _him_ standing, on the very brink of the
precipice."]
_July 4._--I don't seem able to settle to anything. After all, I think I
will go and see the poor Ball. It would comfort him, and I might see
_him_ there. I will order the pony-carriage.
* * * * *
_August._--What has happened to me? Where have I been all this time? Let
me collect myself, and see how much I remember. My last clear
recollection is of being in my carriage on my way to receive the
departing Ball's last sigh.... Something has started the clockwork. My
ponies are bolting, and I haven't the _slightest_ control over them! We
are rushing along the smooth plain of the chest of drawers, and rapidly
nearing the edge. I try to scream for help, but all I can utter is,
"Papa!" and "Mamma!" All at once I see _him_ standing, calm and
collected, on the very brink of the precipice. Is he strong enough to
stop the ponies in their mad clockwork career, and save me, _even yet_?
_How_ I will love him if he does! An instant of sickening suspense ...
we are _over_!--falling down, down, down.... A crash, a whirr of
clockwork, a rush of bran to my head--and I know no more. What follows
is a dream--a horrible, confused nightmare--of lying among a heap of
limp bodies--some armless, some legless, others (ah! the horror of it)
_headless_! I grope blindly for my own limbs--they are intact; then I
feel the place where I naturally expect to find my head--it is
_gone_!... The shock is too much--I faint once more. And that is all.
Thank goodness, it was only a dream--for here I am, in the same old
nursery again! Not _all_ a dream, either--or my pony-carriage would
scarcely present such a damaged appearance. The _accident_ was real.
Then what--_what_ has become of Joseph? I _must_ find him--I must make
him understand that I repent--that, for the future, I intend to be a
changed doll!
_September._--Still searching for Joseph. No trace of him. I seem to be
a changed doll in more ways than one. My former set knows me not. The
Ninepins do not stagger when I smile at them now; the Dice-box gapes
open-mouthed at my greeting. I call upon the Composition Dolls--they are
very polite; but it is quite clear that they don't remember me in the
least! Alas! how soon one is forgotten in the world of Toys! Have no
heart to recall myself to them. I go, for the first time since my
accident, to a convenient brass knob, in which I would once gaze at my
reflected features by the hour. How indescribable are my sensations at
the discovery that I have a _totally new head_--a china one! I, who used
to look down on china dolls! It is a very decent head, in its way; quite
neat and inoffensive, with smooth, shiny hair, which won't come down
like the golden locks I _once_ had. I am glad--yes, _glad_ now--that
Joseph has gone, and the home he used to occupy is deserted, and shut
up. If he were here, _he_ would not know me either. Now I can live
single all my remaining days, in memory of him, and devote myself to
doing good!
_October._--Have entered on my new career. Am organising a Mission for
Lost Toys, and a Clothing Club for Rag Dolls. To-day, while "slumming"
in the lumber-closet, found my old acquaintance, the Dutch Doll in a
_shocking_ state of destitution--nothing on her but a piece of _tattered
tissue-paper_! To think that my evil example and her own _senseless
extravagance_ have brought her to _this_! Gave her one of my old
tea-gowns and a Sunday domino, but did not reveal myself. Feeling very
sad and lonely: think I shall have to keep a mouse--I must have
_something_ to love me!
_October 15._--Someone has taken poor dear Joseph's old house. I see a
new doll, with a small but worldly black moustache and a very bad
countenance, watching me as I pass the windows. Shall call and leave a
scripture brick. It may do him good.
_October 16._--Have called.... _Never_ heard worse language from the
lips of _any_ doll! Came across my old admirer, the Ball, who is better,
though still what I have heard the nursery governess describe as an
"_oblate spheroid_." Of course, he did not recognise me.
_December._--Have seen a good deal of the Doll with the worldly
moustache lately. From certain symptoms, do not despair of reforming
him--ultimately. He seems softening. Yesterday he told me he did not
think he should live long. Yet he has a splendid constitution--the best
porcelain. He is dreadfully cynical--seems so reckless about everything.
If I could only reclaim him--for Joseph's sake!
This afternoon I saw the yellow stand which the Wooden Captain used to
occupy. What memories it recalled, ah me! Can he have disgraced himself
and been "broke"? And am _I_ responsible?
_Christmas Eve._--Am sitting in my corner, my mouse curled comfortably
at my feet, when the Walking Postman comes up with a letter--for _me_!
It is from the Wicked Doll! He is very ill--_dying_, he thinks--and
wishes to see me. How well I remember that _other_ message which
Joseph--but Joseph is taken, and the Ball still bounds! Well, I will go.
It will be something to tell my Diary.
* * * * *
_Christmas Day._--Something _indeed_! How shall I begin my wondrous
_incredible_ tale? I reached the Doll's House, which looked gloomier and
more deserted than ever, with the sullen glow of the dying fire
reflected redly in its windows. The green door stood open--I went in.
"Ha, ha! _trapped_!" cried a sneering voice behind me. It was the Wicked
Doll! His letter was a _ruse_--he was as well as I was--and I--I was
shut up there in that lonely house, entirely at his mercy!... It was a
frightful position for any doll to be placed in; and yet, looking back
on it now, I don't think I minded it so _very_ much.
"Listen!" he said, in response to my agonized entreaties. "Long, long
ago, when I was young and innocent, a beautiful but heartless being
bewitched me, kid and bran! I told my love--she mocked at me. Since then
I have sworn, though she has escaped me, to avenge myself by sacrificing
the life of the first doll I could entice into my power. _You_ are that
doll. You must die!"... "I am quite prepared," I told him--"do your
worst!" which seemed to confuse him very much. "I will," he said,
"presently--presently; there is no hurry. You see," he explained, in a
tone almost of apology, "in endeavouring to save her life (it was my
last good action) I got my head smashed, and received the substitute I
now wear, which, as you will observe, is that of an unmitigated villain.
And it's no use having a head like that if you don't live _up_ to
it--_is_ it, now? So--as I think I observed before--prepare for the
worst!" "Don't talk about it any more--_do_ it!" I said, and I breathed
Joseph's name softly. But the Wicked Doll did nothing at all. I began to
feel safer--it was so obvious that he hadn't the faintest notion _what_
to do. "She treated me abominably," he said feebly; "_any_ doll would
have been annoyed at the heartless way in which Gloriana----"