_A Photographer's Studio on the Seventh Floor. It is a warm afternoon._
MR. STIPPLER, _Photographic Artist, is discovered alone._
MR. STIPPLER (_to himself_). No appointments while this weather lasts,
thank goodness! I shall be able to get ahead with those negatives now.
(_Sharp whistle from speaking-tube, to which he goes._) Well?
VOICE OF LADY ASSISTANT (_in shop below_). Lady just brought her dog in;
wants to know if she can have it taken now.
MR. STIP. (_to himself_). Oh, dash the dog and the lady too!
THE VOICE. No, only the _dog_, the lady says.
MR. STIP. (_confused_). Eh? Oh, exactly. Ask the lady to have the
goodness to--ah--step up. (_He opens the studio door, and awaits the
arrival of his client; interval, at the end of which sounds as of a
female in distress about halfway down are distinctly audible._) She's
_stepping_ up. (_Another interval. The head of a breathless_ ELDERLY
LADY _emerges from the gloom._) This way, Madam.
ELDERLY LADY (_entering and sinking into the first plush chair_). Oh,
_dear_ me, I thought I should _never_ get to the top! Now _why_ can't
you photographers have your studios on the ground floor? So _much_ more
convenient!
MR. STIP. No doubt, Madam, no doubt. But there is--ah--a prejudice in
the profession in favah of the roof; possibly the light is considered
somewhat superiah. I thought I understood there was--ah--a dog?
The E. L. Oh, he'll be here presently. I think he saw something in one
of the rooms on the way up that took his fancy, or very likely he's
resting on one of the landing mats,--such an _intelligent_ dog! I'll
call him. Fluffy, Fluffy, come along, my pet, nearly up now! Mustn't
keep his missis waiting for him. (_A very long pause: presently a small
rough-haired terrier lounges into the studio with an air of
proprietorship_.) That's the dog; he's so small, he can't take _very_
long to do, _can_ he?
MR. STIP. The--ah--precise size of the animal does not signify, Madam;
we do it by an instantaneous process. The only question is the precise
pose you would prefer. I presume the dog is a good--ah--rattah?
The E. L. Really, I've no idea. But he's _very_ clever at killing
bluebottles; he _will_ smash them on the window-panes.
MR. STIP. (_without interest_). I see, Madam. We have a speciality for
our combination backgrounds, and you might like to have him represented
on a country common, in the act of watching a hole in a bank.
The E. L. (_impressed_). For bluebottles?
MR. STIP. For--ah--rats. (_By way of concession._) _Or_ bluebottles, of
course, if you prefer it.
The E. L. I think I would rather have something more characteristic. He
has such a pretty way of lying on his back with all his paws sticking
straight up in the air. I never saw any _other_ dog do it.
MR. STIP. Precisely. But I doubt whether that particulah pose would be
effective--in a photograph.
The E. L. You think not? Where _has_ he got to, now? Oh, _do_ just look
at him going round, examining everything! He _quite_ understands what
he's wanted to do; you've no idea what a clever dog he is!
MR. STIP. Ray-ally? How would it do to have him on a rock in the middle
of a salmon stream?
The E. L. It would make me so uncomfortable to see it; he has a perfect
_horror_ of wetting his little feet!
MR. STIP. In _that_ case, no doubt----Then what do you say to posing
him on an ornamental pedestal? We could introduce a Yorkshire moor, or a
view of Canterbury Cathedral, as a background.
The E. L. A pedestal seems _so_ suggestive of a cemetery, doesn't it?
MR. STIP. Then we must try some other position. (_He resigns himself to
the commonplace._) Can the dog--ah--sit up?
The E. L. Bee-yutifully! Fluffy, come and show how nicely you can sit
up!
FLUFF (_to himself_). Show off for this fellow? Who pretends he's got
rats--and hasn't! Not if _I_ know it!
[_He rolls over on his back with a well-assumed air of
idiotcy_.
The E. L. (_delighted_). There, _that's_ the attitude I told you of. But
perhaps it _would_ come out rather too leggy?
MR. STIP. It is--ah--open to that objection, certainly, Madam. Perhaps
we had better take him on a chair sitting up. (FLUFF is, _with infinite
trouble, prevailed upon to mount an arm-chair, from which he growls
savagely whenever_ MR. STIPPLER _approaches_.) You will probably be more
successful with him than I, Madam.
The E. L. I could make him sit up in a _moment_, if I had any of his
biscuits with me. But I forgot to bring them.
MR. STIP. There is a confectionah next door. We could send out a lad for
some biscuits. About how much would you requiah--a quartah of a pound?
_He goes to the speaking tube._
The E. L. He won't eat _all_ those; he's a _most_ abstemious dog. But
they must be _sweet_, tell them. (_Delay. Arrival of the biscuits. The_
ELDERLY LADY _holds one up, and_ FLUFF _leaps, barking frantically,
until he succeeds in snatching it; a manoeuvre which he repeats with
each successive biscuit_.) Do you know, I'm afraid he really _mustn't_
have any more--biscuits always _excite_ him so. Suppose you take him
lying on the chair, much as he is now? (MR. STIPPLER _attempts to place
the dog's paws, and is snapped at_.) Oh, _do_ be careful!
MR. STIP. (_heroically_). Oh, it's of no consequence, Madam. I
am--ah--_accustomed_ to it.
The E. L. Oh, yes; but _he_ isn't, you know; so please be _very_ gentle
with him! And could you get him a little water first? I'm sure he's
thirsty. (MR. STIPPLER _brings water in a developing dish, which_ FLUFF
_empties promptly_.) Now he'll be as _good_----!
MR. STIP. (_after wiping_ FLUFF'S _chin and arranging his legs_). If we
can only keep him like that for one second.
The E. L. But he ought to have his ears pricked. (MR. STIPPLER _makes
weird noises behind the camera, resembling demon cats in torture_; FLUFF
_regards him with calm contempt_.) Oh, and his hair is all in his eyes,
and they're his best feature!
[MR. STIPPLER _attempts to part_ FLUFF'S _fringe; snarls_.
MR. STIP. I have not discovered his eyes at present, Madam; but he
appears to have excellent--ah--_teeth_.
The E. L. _Has_n't he! Now, couldn't you catch him like _that_?
MR. STIP. _(to himself_). He's more likely to catch _me_ like that!
(_Aloud; as he retreats under a hanging canopy._) I think we shall get a
good one of him as he is. (_Focussing_.) Yes, that will do very nicely.
(_He puts in the plate, and prepares to release the shutter, whereupon_
FLUFF _deliberately rises and presents his tail to the camera_.) I
presume you do not desiah a _back_ view of the dog, Madam!
[Illustration: "What's she got hold of _now_."]
The E. L. Certainly not! Oh, Fluffy, naughty--naughty! Now lie down
again, like a good dog. Oh, I'm afraid he's going to sleep!
MR. STIP. If you would kindly take this--ah--toy in your hand, Madam, it
might rouse him a little.
The E. L. (_exhibiting a gutta-percha rat_). Here, Fluffy, Fluffy,
_here's_ a pitty sing! What _is_ it, eh!
FLUFF (_after opening one eye_). The old fool fancies she's got a rat!
Well, she may _keep_ it!
[_He curls himself up again_.
MR. STIP. We must try to obtain more--ah--animation than that.
[_He hands the_ ELDERLY LADY _a jingling toy_.
The E. L. (_shaking it vigorously_). Fluffy, see what Missis has got!
FLUFF _(by a yawn of much eloquence_). At _her_ age, too! Wonderful how
she can _do_ it!
[_He closes his eyes wearily._
MR. STIP. Perhaps you may produce a better effect with this. [_He hands
her a stuffed stoat._
FLUFF (_to himself_). What's she got hold of _now_? Hul-lo! (_He rises,
and inspects the stoat with interest._) I'd no idea the old girl was so
"varmint"!
MR. STIP. Capital! Now, if he'll stay like that another----(FLUFF
_jumps down, and wags his tail with conscious merit._) Oh, _dear_ me. I
never saw such a dog!
The E. L. He's tired out, poor doggie, and no wonder. But he'll be all
the _quieter_ for it, _won't_ he? (_After restoring_ FLUFF _to the
chair._) Now, couldn't you take him panting, like that?
MR. STIP. I must wait till he's got a little less tongue out, Madam.
The E. L. Must you? Why? _I_ should have thought it was a capital
opportunity.
MR. STIP. For a physician, Madam, _not_ a photographer. If I were to
take him now the result would be an--ah--enormous tongue, with a dog in
the remote distance.
The E. L. And he's putting out more and more of it! Perhaps he's thirsty
again. Here, Fluffy, water--water! [_She produces the developing dish._
FLUFF (_in barks of unmistakable significance_). Look here, I've had
about enough of this tomfoolery. Let's go. _Come_ on!
MR. STIP. (_seconding the motion with relief_). I'm _afraid_ we're not
likely to do better with him to-day. Perhaps if you could look in some
othah afternoon?
The E. L. Why, we've only been an hour and twenty minutes as yet! But
what would be the best time to bring him?
MR. STIP. I should say the light and the temperatuah would probably be
more favourable by the week aftah next--(_to himself_) when I shall be
taking my holiday!
The E. L. Very well, I'll come then. Oh, Fluffy, Fluffy, what a silly
little dog you are to give all this trouble!
FLUFF (_to himself, as he makes a triumphant exit_). Not half so silly
as some people think! I _must_ tell the cat about this; she'll go into
fits! I will say she has a considerable sense of humour--for a cat.
[Illustration]