_Nov. 6._--This morning happened my first disgrace of being too late for
the queen--this noon, rather; for in a morning 'tis a disaster that has
never arrived to this moment.
The affair thus came to pass. I walked for some time early in Kew
gardens, and then called upon Mrs. Smelt. I there heard that the king
and queen were gone, privately, to Windsor, to the Lodge--probably
for some papers they could not intrust with a messenger. Mr. Smelt,
therefore, proposed taking this opportunity of shewing me Richmond
gardens, offering to be my security that I should have full time. I
accepted the proposal with pleasure, and we set out upon our expedition.
Our talk was almost all of the queen. Mr. Smelt wishes me to draw up
her character. I owned to him that should it appear to me, on nearer and
closer inspection, what it seemed to me then, the task could not be an
unpleasant one.
He saw me safe to the Lodge, and there took his leave: and I was going
leisurely upstairs, when I met the Princess Amelia and Mrs. Cheveley;
and while I was playing with the little princess, Mrs. Cheveley
announced to me that the queen had been returned some time, and that I
had been sent for immediately.
Thunderstruck at this intelligence, I hastened to her dressing-room;
when I opened the door, I saw she was having her hair dressed. To add
to my confusion, the Princess Augusta, Lady Effingham, and Lady Frances
Howard were all in the room. I stood still at the door, not knowing
whether to advance, or wait a new summons. In what a new situation did
I feel myself!--and how did I long to give way to my first impulse, and
run back to my own room.
In a minute or two, the queen not a little drily said, “Where have you
been, Miss Burney?”
I told her my tale,--that hearing she was gone to Windsor, I had been
walking in Richmond gardens with Mr. Smelt. She said no more, and I
stood behind her chair. The princess and two ladies were seated.
What republican feelings were rising in my breast, till she softened
them down again, when presently, in a voice changed from that dryness
which had wholly disconcerted me, to its natural tone, she condescended
to ask me to look at Lady Frances Howard's gown, and see if it was not
very pretty.
This made a dutiful subject of me again in a moment. Yet I felt a
discomposure all day, that determined me upon using the severest caution
to avoid such a surprise for the future. The Windsor journey having been
merely upon business, had been more brief than was believed possible.
When I left the queen, I was told that Mrs. Delany was waiting for me in
the parlour. What a pleasure and relief to me to run to that dear lady,
and relate to her my mischance, and its circumstances! Mr. Smelt soon
joined us there; he was shocked at the accident; and I saw strongly by
his manner how much more seriously such a matter was regarded, than any
one, unused to the inside of a Court, could possibly imagine.
“IS IT PERMITTED?”
_Nov. 8._--This was the birth-day of the Princess Augusta, now eighteen.
I could not resist this opportunity of presenting her one of my
fairings, though I had some little fear she might think herself past the
age for receiving birth-day gifts, except from the royal family: however
they had arrived so seemingly a propos, and had been so much approved
by the queen, that I determined to make the attempt. I took one of the
work-boxes, and wrote with a pencil, round the middle ornament, “Est-il
permis?”--and then I sent for Miss Makentomb, the princess's wardrobe
woman, and begged her to place the box upon her royal highness's table.
At the queen's dressing-time, as I opened the door, her majesty said,
“O, here she is!--Est-il permis?--Come, come in to Augusta!” and made
me follow her into the next room, the door of which was open, where
the princess was seated at a writing-desk, probably answering some
congratulatory letters.
Immediately, in a manner the most pleasing, she thanked me for the
little cadeau, saying, “Only one thing I must beg, that you will write
the motto with a pen.”
The queen seconded this motion, smilingly repeating “Est-il permis?”
And afterwards, in the evening, the Princess Augusta came to the
parlour, to fetch Mrs. Delany and Mrs. Smelt, and again said, “Now, will
you, Miss Burney--will you write that for me with a pen?”