_Nov 4._--This morning, when I attended the queen, she asked me if I
should like to go and see my father at Chesington? and then gave orders
immediately for a chaise to be ready without delay--“And there is no
need you should hurry yourself,” she added, “for it will do perfectly
well if you are back to dinner; when I dress, I will send for Miss
Planta.”
I thanked her very much, and she seemed quite delighted to give me this
gratification. “The first thing I thought of this morning, when I woke,”
said she, “and when I saw the sun shining in upon the bed, was that this
would be a fine morning for Miss Burney to go and see her father.”
And soon after, to make me yet more comfortable she found a deputy for
my man as well as for myself, condescending to give orders herself that
another person might lay the cloth, lest I should be hurried home on
that account.
I need not tell my two dear readers how sensibly I felt her goodness,
when I acquaint them of its effect upon me; which was no less than to
induce, to impel me to trust her with my performance of her request.
just as she was quitting her dressing-room, I got behind her, and
suddenly blurted out--
“Your majesty's goodness to me, ma'am, makes me venture to own that
there is a command which I received some time ago, and which I have made
some attempt to execute.”
She turned round with great quickness,--“The great coat?” she cried, “is
it that?”
I was glad to be so soon understood, and took it from my pocket
book--but holding it a little back, as she offered to take it.
“For your majesty alone,” I cried; “I must entreat that it may meet no
other eyes, and I hope it will not be looked at when any one else is
even in sight!”
She gave me a ready promise, and took it with an alacrity and walked off
with a vivacity that assured me she would not be very long before she
examined it; though, when I added another little request, almost a
condition, that it might not be read till I was far away, she put it
into her pocket unopened, and, wishing me a pleasant ride, and that I
might find my father well, she proceeded towards the breakfast parlour.
My dear friends will, I know, wish to see it,--and so they shall; though
not this moment, as I have it not about me, and do not remember it
completely.[224]
My breakfast was short, the chaise was soon ready, and forth I sallied
for dear--once how dear!--old Chesington! Every step of the road brought
back to my mind the first and most loved and honoured friend of my
earliest years, and I felt a melancholy almost like my first regret for
him, when I considered what joy, what happiness I lost, in missing his
congratulations on a situation so much what he would have chosen for
me--congratulations which, flowing from a mind such as his, so wise,
so zealous, so sincere, might almost have reconciled me to it myself--I
mean even then--for now the struggle is over, and I am content enough.
John rode on, to open the gates; the gardener met him and I believe
surprise was never greater than he carried into the house with my name.
Out ran dear Kitty Cooke, whose honestly affectionate reception touched
me very much,--“O,” cried she, “had our best friend lived to see this
day when you came to poor old Chesington from Court!”
Her grief, ever fresh, then overflowed in a torrent and I could hardly
either comfort her, or keep down the sad regretful recollections rising
in my own memory. O my dear Susan, with what unmixed satisfaction, till
that fatal period when I paid him my last visit, had I ever entered
those gates-where passed the scenes of the greatest ease, gaiety, and
native mirth that have fallen to my lot!
Mrs. James Burney next, all astonishment, and our dear James himself,
all incredulity, at the report carried before me, came out.[225] Their
hearty welcome and more pleasant surprise recovered me from the species
of consternation with which I had approached their dwelling, and the
visit, from that time, turned out perfectly gay and happy.
My dearest father was already gone to town; but I had had much reason to
expect I should miss him, and therefore I could not be surprised....
I left them all with great reluctance: I had no time to walk in the
garden,--no heart to ascend the little mount, and see how Norbury hills
and woods looked from it!
I set out a little the sooner, to enable me to make another visit, which
I had also much at heart,--it was to our aunts at Kingston. I can never
tell you their astonishment at sight of me; they took me for my own
ghost, I believe, at first, but they soon put my substance to the proof,
and nothing could better answer my motives than my welcome, which I need
not paint to my Susan, who never sees them without experiencing it. To my
great satisfaction, also, my nieces Fanny and Sophy happened to be there
at that time.
My return was just in time for my company, which I found increased by
the arrival of two more gentlemen, Mr. Fisher and Mr. Turbulent. Mr.
Fisher had been ordered to come, that he might read prayers the next
day, Sunday. Mr. Turbulent[226] was summoned, I suppose, for his usual
occupations; reading with the princesses, or to the queen. Shall I
introduce to you this gentleman such as I now think him at once? or
wait to let his character open itself to you by degrees, and in the
same manner that it did to me? So capital a part as you will find him
destined to play, hereafter, in my concerns, I mean, sooner or later, to
the best of my power, to make you fully acquainted with him....
He took his seat next mine at the table, and assisted me, while Mr.
Fisher sat as chaplain at the bottom. The dinner went off extremely
well, though from no help of mine.... The three men and the three
females were all intimately acquainted with one another, and the
conversation, altogether, was equal, open, and agreeable.
You may a little judge of this, when I tell you a short speech that
escaped Miss Planta. Mr. Turbulent said he must go early to town the
next morning, and added, he should call to see Mrs. Schwellenberg, by
order of the queen, “Now for heaven's sake, Mr. Turbulent,” she cried,
eagerly, “don't you begin talking to her of how comfortable we are
here!--it will bring her back directly!”
This was said in a half whisper; and I hope no one else heard it. I
leave you, my dear friends, to your own comments.