Mrs. Delany was too much fatigued to return to the Lodge to tea; but
Mrs. Fielding and her three daughters, Lord Courtown, Mr. Fisher, the
general, and the major, made up our set.
Mrs. Schwellenberg was very ill. She declined making tea, and put it
into the hands of the general. I had always kept back from that office,
as well as from presiding at the table, that I might keep the more
quiet, and be permitted to sit silent; which, at first, was a repose
quite necessary to my depressed state of spirits, and which, as they
grew better, I found equally necessary to keep off the foul fiends of
Jealousy and Rivalry in my colleague; who, apparently, never wishes
to hear my voice but when we are tete-a-tete, and then never is in
good-humour when it is at rest. I could not, however, see this feminine
occupation in masculine hands, and not, for shame, propose taking it
upon myself. The general readily relinquished it, and I was fain to come
forth and do the honours.
Lord Courtown sat himself next me, and talked with me the whole time,
in well-bred and pleasant discourse. The Major waited upon me as
assiduously as if he had been as much my equerry as the king's, and all
went smooth, well, and naturally, except that the poor sick lady grew
evidently less and less pleased with the arrangement of things, and
less and less in humour with its arrangers: so obvious, indeed, was the
displeasure that the cipher should become a number, that had my own
mind been easy, I should have felt much vexed to observe what a curb was
placed over me: for hitherto, except when she had been engaged herself,
and only to Major Price and Mr. Fisher, that cipher had “word spoke
never one.” 'Tis wonderful, my dearest Susan, what wretched tempers are
to be met with--wretched in and to themselves--wretched to and for all
that surround them. However, while only to be stupid and silent will do,
we shall not be at variance. Were I happier, perhaps I might comply with
more difficulty; so be not sorry, my Susan, nor you, my sweet Fredy, if,
bye-and-bye, you should hear me complain. It will be a very good sign.