She was silent.
I opened the door an inch. Her room was dark. Without looking in, I
placed my mouth close to the opening, and said--
“Oh--Heloise!”
That was all. I had thought to conceal my own emotions. I had thought
to speak gently, kindly--in a way that would make her feel me there as
a steady, helpful friend. But my voice suddenly choked. And all I could
say was, “Oh--Heloise!”
She did not reply.
I waited there. I felt that I must not intrude. I could not think just
what would be best to do.
Then she tossed again, restlessly. And she moaned, with a sort of
muffled shudder in her voice, as if she had set her teeth and was
fighting with all her waning strength to keep from making a sound.
I could n't stand it. I opened the door. The light from my room fell
across her bed and showed her there, her lovely arms outside the
coverlet, her dark hair, in a thick, long braid, lying on the pillow and
across her shoulder.
Still she did not' speak. I entered (thinking vividly of that first time
that I had ventured unasked into this dingy little room that was the
only place in the world she could call, even momentarily, her own ). I
went straight to the bed. I took one unresisting hand in mine, and gazed
down at her during the moment that my eyes were accustoming themselves
to this dimmer light.
She rolled her head weakly around on the pillow, and looked up at me.
Then I saw that she was very white. Her eyes were shining at me out of
great, dark circles. There were marks of pain, of physical suffering, on
her dear face, such as I had never before seen there. Hitherto she had
merely been sad.
I sank down, sitting on the edge of the bed. I could not say anything.
I stroked her wrists. I gently smoothed her forehead and temples and
cheeks. Her skin was cool, almost cold, to the touch.
Her great eyes sought mine. Weak and ill as she was, I knew that she was
looking into my soul, and studying it, perhaps wondering about it.
At least, now, there would be no more evasion between us. I felt that.
Whatever she might say to me, when she should feel able to talk, would
come directly from the most sacred depths of her consciousness. We had
never been so close. Even at that sad moment, the thought thrilled me.