THE ADVENTURE OF THE UNWIELDY GIFTHORSE
When dormant lightning is pent in the polished hoofs of a colt,
And his neck is clothed with thunder,--then, horseman, beware of
the bolt!
_From the Persian, by H. B. J._
In accordance with English usages, Mr Bhosh, being now officially
engaged to the fair Princess Jones, did dance daily attendance in her
company, and, she being passionately fond of equitation, he was
compelled himself to become the Centaur and act as her _cavalier
servant_ on a nag which was furnished throughout by a West End livery
jobber. Fortunately, he displayed such marvellous dexterity and skill as
an equestrian that he did not once sustain a single reverse!
Truly, it was a glorious and noble sight to behold Bindabun clinging
with imperturbable calmness to the saddle of his steed, as it ambled and
gamboled in so spirited a manner that all the fashionables made sure
that he was inevitably to slide over its tail quarters! But invariably
he returned, having suffered no further inconvenience than the
bereavement of his tall hat, and the heart of Princess Petunia was
uplifted with pride when she saw that her betrothed, in addition to
being a B.A. and barrister-at-law, was also such a rough rider.
It is _de rigueur_ in all civilised societies to encourage matrimony by
bestowing rewards upon those who are about to come up to the scratch of
such holy estate, and consequently splendid gifts of carriage,
timepieces, tea-caddies, slices of fish, jewels, blotter-cases,
biscuit-caskets, cigar-lights, and pin-cushions were poured forth upon
Mr Bhosh and his partner, as if from the inexhaustibly bountiful horn of
a Pharmacopoeia.
Last, but not least, one morning appeared a _saice_ leading an unwieldy
steed of the complexion of a chestnut, and bearing an anonymously-signed
paper, stating that said horse was a connubial gift to Mr Bhosh from a
perfervid admirer.
Our friend Bindabun was like to throw his bonnet over the mills with
excessive joy, and could not be persuaded to rest until he had made a
trial trip on his gifted horse, while the amiable Princess readily
consented to become his companion.
So, on a balmy and luscious afternoon in Spring, when the mellifluous
blackbirds, sparrows, and other fowls of that ilk were engaged in
billing and cooing on the foliage of innumerable trees and bushes, and
the blooming flowers were blowing proudly on their polychromatic beds,
Mr Bhosh made the ascension of his gifthorse, and titupped by the side
of his betrothed into the Row, the observed of all the observing
masculine and feminine smarties.
But, hoity-toity! he had not titupped very many yards when the
unwieldy steed came prematurely to a halt and adopted an unruly
deportment. Mr Bhosh inflicted corporal punishment upon its loins with a
golden-headed whip, at which the rebellious beast erected itself upon
its hinder legs until it was practically a biped.
[Illustration: THE CANTANKEROUS STEED EXECUTED A LEAP WITH
ASTOUNDING AGILITY (Illustration V)]
Bindabun, although at the extremity of his wits to preserve his saddle
by his firm hold on the bridle-rein, undauntedly aimed a swishing blow
at the head and front of the offending animal, which instantaneously
returned its forelegs to _terra firma_, but elevated its latter end to
such a degree that our hero very narrowly escaped sliding over its neck
by cleverly clutching the saddleback.
Next, the cantankerous steed executed a leap with astounding agility,
arching its back like a bow, and propelling our poor friend into the air
like the arrow, though by providential luck and management on his part
he descended safely into his seat after every repetition of this
dangerous manoeuvre.
All things, however, must come to an end at some time, and the unwieldy
quadruped at last became weary of leaping and, securing the complete
control of his bit, did a bolt from the blue.
Willy nilly was Mr Bhosh compelled to accompany it upon its mad,
unbridled career, while all witnesses freely hazarded the conjecture
that his abduction would be rather speedily terminated by his being left
behind, and I will presume to maintain that a less practical horseman
would long before have become an ordinary pedestrian.
But Bindabun, although both stirrupholes were untenanted, and he was
compelled to hold on to his steed's mane by his teeth and nails,
nevertheless remained triumphantly in the ascendant.
On, on he rushed, making the entire circumference of the Park in his
wild, delirious canter, and when the galloping horse once more
reappeared, and Mr Bhosh was perceived to be still snug on his saddle,
the spectators were unable to refrain from heartfelt joy.
A second time the incorrigible courser careered round the Park on his
thundering great hoofs, and still our heroic friend preserved his
equilibrium--but, heigh-ho! I have to sorrowfully relate that, on his
third circuit, it was the different pair of shoes--for the headstrong
animal, abstaining from motion in a rather too abrupt manner, propelled
Mr Bhosh over its head with excessive velocity into the elegant interior
of a victoria-carriage.
He alighted upon a great dame who had maliciously been enjoying the
spectacle of his predicament, but who now was forced to experience the
crushing repartee of his _tu quoque_, for such a forcible collision with
his person caused her not only two blackened optics but irremediable
damage to the leather of her nose.
The pristine beauty of her features was irrecoverably dismantled, while
Mr Bhosh--thanks to his landing on such soft and yielding
material--remained intact and able to return to his domicile in a
four-wheeled cab.
Beloved reader, however sceptical thou mayest be, thou wilt infallibly
admire with me the inscrutable workings of Nemesis, when thou learnest
that the aforesaid great lady was no other than the Duchess of
Dickinson, and (what is still more wonderful) that it was she who had
insidiously presented him with such a fearful gift of the Danaides as an
obstreperous and unwieldy steed!
Truly, as poet Shakespeare sagaciously observes, there is a divinity
that rough-hews our ends, however we may endeavour to preserve their
shapeliness!