It was one of those calm quarters of an hour which sometimes happen even
in a Y.M.C.A. canteen. Private Penny, leaning over the counter, consumed
coffee and buns and bestowed spasmodic confidences upon me as I cut up
cake into the regulation slices.
"Oxo and biscuits, please," broke in a languid voice suddenly, and a
pale young man with an armlet approached the counter. I turned away for
the cup, and Private Penny, laying down his mug, addressed the newcomer.
"Who are you?" he inquired genially.
The young man surveyed him with cold superiority; then he turned to me.
"I'm a DERBY man, you see," he began complacently. "A lot of pals'll be
here presently, and we're all going to join this afternoon. They're
late."
"And what," I asked with resentment, for Private Penny was a friend of
mine, "are you going to join?"
It appeared that this superior person, after unprejudiced consideration
of the matter, had decided to join the A.S.C. He said he considered he
would be of most use in the A.S.C.; he said he was specially designed
and constructed by Providence for the A.S.C.; he said....
And then suddenly we became aware that Private Penny was mourning gently
to himself over a dough-nut.
"Pore chap!" he was muttering, "pore young feller--'e don't know. None
of 'em knows till it's too late, and then they finds their mistake. No
good to tell 'em--pore chap, pore chap--so pleased over it, too!"
"What's that you're saying?" the youth cut in anxiously.
"Young man," said Private Penny very solemnly, "if you'd take my
advice--the advice of one that's served his country twelve months at the
Front--you'd let the Army Service Corps alone. Not that I'm doubting
you're a plucky young feller enough, but you ain't up to that. It's
_nerve_ you want for it. Well, I wouldn't take it on myself, and I'm
pretty well seasoned. Why, you 'ave to go calmly into the mouth of 'ell
with supplies, over the open ground, when the Infantry's safe and snug
in the trenches. You ain't strong enough for it--reely you ain't."
"Er--" hesitated the young man.
"Well, I _had_ thought of the R.A.M.C. Mother's idea was----"
Private Penny groaned. "You know," he said with emotion, "I've took a
kind of fancy to you, Percy. And if it's me dying breath I
says--_don't!_ That kind of work ain't right nor proper for the likes of
you. Why, you 'ave to go out in the field there (and you ain't even
armed, nor protected, mind you!) and you 'ave to see the most _orrerble_
sights! Can't I tell by yer face, can't I see with me understanding eyes
that you're the sort that would go mad in no time if you 'ad some o'
them things to do? If it's me last word----" Emotion choked him.
Percy looked wildly around. "There's the Artillery," he gasped, "if
that's your advice."
Private Penny burst into a sob of uncontrollable anguish. "Percy," he
moaned, "if you want to break me heart, that's the way to do it! _Say_
I've advised you to that, if you like, but it ain't true. With all me
soul I says--_don't_ do it. Think, dear boy, think. Kinsider the
_guns!_--the noise--the smoke--the smell--the bursting shells all
round--the mad horses and mules everywhere. If you 'ave any affection
for me in your 'eart, Percival, leave the guns alone! If you can't
control your courage for my sake--your fool'ardiness, Percy!--think of
all your dear ones at 'ome and turn back before it is too late!"
Percy shuddered. "I might try the Engineers," he said hopelessly, "but
I don't----"
"If," said Private Penny in the still tones of despair, "_I_ have druv
you to this, I shall cut me throat. I can't live with that on me
conscience. 'Ave you thought of the danger of mining and sapping? 'Ave
you kinsidered field telegrafts? 'Ave you--'ot-'eaded and impulsive as
you are--'ave you kinsidered _anything_? Percy, if you're set on this
job, tell me quick, and put me out of me agony!"
"No," said Percy abruptly. "But"--with sudden misgiving--"w-what can I
do? I'm on my way to join and I must join _something_."
Private Penny pushed his mug over to be re-filled. "I'm an infantryman
myself," he said carelessly, "and I speaks as one that knows. And wot I
says is--if you wants a cheerful protected kinder life, with a quiet
'ole to 'ide yer 'ead in--if you wants rest and comfort, kimbined with
plenty o' fresh air--if you wants to serve yer King and country without
any danger to yer 'ealth, then the infantry's the life for you, and the
trenches is the place to spend it in. Ain't I been out there one solid
year, and no 'arm 'appened to me yet? It's child's play, that it is,
sitting there in a 'ole, with big guns booming over you protective-like
from be'ind and killing all the enemy in front for you. And yer food and
yer love-letters brought to you regular, and doctors and parsons to see
you whenever you feels queer. Take my advice, Percy my son--join the
Infantry at once and make sure of a gentleman's life. I've took a fancy
to you, and I tells you straight." And he eclipsed himself behind his
replenished mug.
"Thank you very much," said Percy gratefully, "I can see that the
Infantry is the place for me. I shall insist upon joining it. Thank you
_very_ much for all your advice----"
At this moment a great wave of khaki burst into the room and swept to
the counter, clamouring for attention. On the crest of it came Percy's
friends in mufti, and once, across the tumult, his voice reached my
ears. "... quite decided...." he was saying loftily, "some infantry
regiment or other just seems...." and he was jostled away in the centre
of an admiring group.
Involuntarily I looked across at Private Penny.
One eye met mine from behind an upturned mug, and the lid fell and rose
again, once, rapidly; he too had heard.
* * * * *
"A Council of War in the Desert.
"British Officers are here seen holding a 'bow-wow.'"--_Western
Weekly News._