"Life would be impossible without a sense of humor, even if it is a grim
one."
"Well, nothing need be grim any more, and we can both smile at the
rather absurd situation between us, which, however, suits us both
admirably. You will never interfere with me, or I with you."
"No--" There was a tone in this which let me feel that her thoughts had
harked back to Suzette.
"The Duchesse is going to have a little tea party for us on Saturday,
you know, so that you may be introduced as my wife."
Alathea became embarrassed at once.
"Will people know my real name?"
"No--we shall tell no stories, but we shall not be communicative. You
will be introduced as an old English friend of the Duchesse's."
She looked at me for an instant and there was gratitude in her
expression.
"Alathea, I want you to forget all about the troubles which must have
clouded your life. They are all over now, and some day, perhaps you will
introduce me to your mother and little sister."
"I will, of course when they come back from the South. My mother has
often been so ill."
"I want you to feel that I would do anything for them. Are you sure they
have all they want?"
She protested.
"Indeed--yes, far more. You have given too much already."
She raised her head with that indescribable little gesture of hauteur,
which becomes her so beautifully. I could read her mind. It said, "I
loathe receiving anything from him, with that woman in the background!"
When we went into the salon I wondered what she would do. I did not
speak. She took my crutch and shook up my cushion, taking great care not
to touch me. I could not look up. I knew that a powerful electric
current would pass from my eye to hers, if I did, and that she would see
that I was only longing to take her to my heart.
I remained silent and gazed into the fire. She sat down quietly on the
sofa at the side, so that I would have to turn my head to look at her.
Thus we remained for quite five minutes, speechless. The air throbbed
with emotion. I dared not move.
At last she said, "Would you care that I should read to you again, or
play?"
"Play for a little." My voice was chilly. I was quite determined the
iciness should come from me first, not her, for a few days.
She went to the piano, and she began the Debussy she had played that
afternoon when I had first asked her to play--I never can remember its
name--and when she had finished she stopped.
"What made you play that now?" I asked.
"I felt like it."
"It wrenches my nerves. What makes you feel all unrestful and rebellious
and defiant, Alathea, am I not keeping the bargain?"
"Yes, of course."
"You are bored to death then?"
"No, I am wondering."
"Wondering what?"
She did not answer. I could not see her without getting up out of my
chair.
"Please come here," I asked in an indifferent cold voice. "You know it
is so difficult for me to move."
She came back and sat down upon the sofa again. The light of the apricot
lamp fell softly on her hair.
"Now tell me about what you were wondering."
Her mouth grew stubborn and she did not speak.
"It is so unlike you to do these very female things, beginning sentences
and not going on. I never saw anyone so changed; once I looked upon you
as the model for all that was balanced, and unlike your sex. It was I
who used to feel nervous and ineffectual, now, ever since we have been
engaged, you seem to be disturbed, and to have lost your serenity. Don't
you think as it is the first evening that we are alone together that it
would be a wise thing to try and get at each other's point of view? Tell
me the truth Alathea, what has caused the alteration in you?"
Now she looked straight at me, and there was defiance in her expressive
eyes.
"That is just what I was wondering about. It is true, I seem to have
lost my serenity, I am self-conscious--I am conscious of you."
A delicious sensation of joy flowed through me, and the feeling of
triumph began which is with me still. If she is conscious of me--!
"Do you mind if I smoke?" I asked with complete casualness to hide my
emotions. She shook her head, and I lit a cigarette.
"You were uneasy because you did not trust me, you thought underneath
there might be some trap, and that I would seize you once you belonged
to me. There was a moment when I might have felt inclined to do so,
though I would never have broken my word, but you have cured me of all
that, and there is nothing to prevent our being quite good
acquaintances,--even if your prejudice does not ever allow you to be
friends."
For a second a blank look came into her expression. I was banking on my
knowledge of the psychology of a human mind, the predatory instinct must
inevitably be aroused in her by my attitude of indifference, if I can
only act well enough and keep it up! I should certainly win in a fairly
short space of time. But she is so attractive, I do not yet know if I
shall have the strength of mind to do so.
"Are you not going to give me some regular work to do each day?" she
asked with a tone of mock respect in her voice. "None of the letters
have been answered lately, or the bills paid."
"Yes. I scrambled through them all myself while I was waiting, but if
you will look over the book again, we might finally send it to a
publisher."
"Very well."
"I don't want you to feel that you have ever to stay in or do any work
you don't feel inclined for. We shall have lots of time, for the rest of
our lives. No doubt to-morrow you would wish to spend with your mother,
if she is going away."
"I said good-bye to her this morning. There is no need for me to go
back. I came prepared to stay. Unless of course you would rather be
alone, then I can go out for a walk." This last with a peculiar tone in
the words.
"Naturally you will want to go for walks, and drives, and shopping. You
don't imagine that I shall expect you to be a prisoner, just waiting on
my beck and call!"
"Yes, that is how I took the bargain. It is quite unfair otherwise. I am
here as a paid dependant and receiving really too high wages for any
possible work I can give in return. I would not have entered into it
otherwise or on any other terms. I loathe to receive favors."
"Madame Lucifer!"
She flashed blue sparks at me!
"I am not forced to command you to work you know," I went on "that is
not part of the bargain, the bargain is entirely concerned with my not
asking _you_ to give me any favors, personal favors, like affection, or
caresses, etcetera, or that I shall ever expect you to be really my
wife."
She frowned.
"Well, you may put your mind entirely at rest, you have been so awfully
disagreeable to me for so long, ever since we were at Versailles in the
summer, that you don't attract me at all now, except your intellect and
your playing. So if you will talk sometimes and play sometimes, that
will be all right. I don't desire anything else. Now, assured about
this, can't you be at ease and restful again?"
I know why she wore glasses. She cannot control the expression of her
eyes! The pupils dilate and contract and tell one wonderful things! I
know that this attitude of mine is having a powerful effect upon her,
the feminine in her hates to feel that she has lost power over me--even
over my senses. I could have laughed aloud, I was so pleased with my
success, but I did not dare to look at her much, or I could never have
kept the game up. She was more delectable than I can ever describe.
"It would interest me so much to know why your hands used to be so red,"
I asked after a little pause. "They are getting so much whiter now."
"I had work to do, dishes to wash, our old nurse was too ill, as well as
my mother, and my little brother then--" there was a break in her soft
voice. "I do not like red hands any more than you do. They distressed
my father always. I will try to take care of them now."
"Yes--do."
The evening post had come in, and been put by Burton discreetly on a
side table. He naturally thought such mundane things could not interest
me on my wedding night. I caught sight of the little pile and asked
Alathea to bring them to me.
She did. One from Coralie was lying on top and one immediately under it
from Solonge de Clerté! Alathea saw that they were both in female
writing. The rest were bills and business.
"Do you permit me to open them?" I asked punctiliously.
"Of course," and she reddened. "Are you not master here? How absurd to
ask me!"
"It is not; you are Lady Thormonde, even if you are not my wife, and
have a right to courtesy."
She shrugged her shoulders.
"Why did you put--'To Alathea from her husband' on the bracelets? You
are 'Sir Nicholas' and not my husband."
"It was a _bêtise_, a slip of the pen; I admit you are right," and
indifferently I opened Coralie's effusion, smiling over it. I put up my
hand as if to shade my eye, and looked at Alathea through the fingers.
She was watching me with an expression of slightly anxious interest. I
could almost have believed that she was _jealous_!
My triumph increased.