_Saturday_:
I wonder how long I shall go on writing in this Journal? I suppose once
I should be happy it would not be necessary; well the moment has not yet
come, in spite of my being the _fiancé_ of the woman I desire.
At ten o'clock I was waiting for her in the sitting-room, and I was
thinking of that other time when I waited in anxiety, in case she did
not return at all. I was very excited, but it was more the exhilaration
I used to feel when we were going to have some stunning marauding
expeditions over No-Man's Land. The old zest was in my veins.
I heard Alathea's ring, and after she had taken off her hat she came
into the room. I believed that her anxieties must be assuaged because
George Harcourt had telephoned late on Thursday night to say that he had
been successful, and that he had four thousand francs to hand back to
me, the affair having been concluded for twenty-six thousand. So what
was my surprise to see Alathea's face below her glasses more woebegone
than ever! At first it gave me a stab of pain. Does she really hate me
so? She did not mention the money, so I wonder if it is that she does
not yet know her father is cleared? I bowed as coldly as I used always
to do, and she asked me if I had a chapter ready for her to type? I
answered that I had not, because I had been too busy with other things
to have composed anything.
"I think we had better discuss the necessary arrangements for our
marriage before we can settle down to our old work," I said.
"Very well."
"I shall have to have your full name and your father's and mother's and
all that, you know, to make it legal. My lawyer will attend to all the
formalities--they are quite considerable, I believe. He arrives from
London on Monday. I got him a passport by pulling a lot of strings."
She actually trembled. It seemed as if the idea of all this had not come
to her, some of the value of her sacrifice would be diminished if the
family skeleton should be laid bare, I could see she felt, so I
reassured her.
"Believe me, I do not wish you to tell me anything about your family. As
long as you can give just sufficient facts to satisfy the law, I have no
curiosity to see them unless I can be of use."
"Thank you."
"I think a fortnight is the quickest that everything can be settled
in.--Will you marry me on the seventh of November, Miss Sharp?"
"Yes."
"Do you care for the church ceremony, or will the one at the Consulate
do?"
"I should think that would be quite enough for us."
The ring cases were all lying upon the table by me--I pointed to them.
"I wonder if you would choose an engagement ring?" and I began opening
the lids. "It is customary, you know," I went on as she started
reluctantly. I intended to be firm with her in all the points where I
had rights.
"Don't you think it is a little ridiculous?" she asked. "A ring for a
mere business arrangement?"
I would not allow myself to be hurt, but I was conscious that I felt a
little angry.
"You would prefer not to choose a ring then? Very well, I will decide
for you," and I took up one really magnificent single stone diamond, set
as only Cartier can set stones.
"This is the last thing in modernity," and I handed it to her. "A hard
white diamond of egregious size, it cannot fail to be a reminder of our
hard business bargain, and I shall ask you to be good enough to wear
it."
I suppose she saw that I was not pleased, for she drew in her lips a
little, but she took the ring.
Her hands seemed very restless as she held it, they were certainly not
nearly so red as they formerly were.
"Am I to put it on now?"
"Please."
She did so, only she put it on her right third finger, her cheeks
growing pink.
"Why do you do that?" I asked.
"What?"
"Put the ring on the wrong hand."
She changed it reluctantly, then she burst out:
"I suppose I ought to thank you for such a very splendid gift, but I
can't, because I would much rather not have it, please do let us keep to
business in every way, and please don't give me any more presents. I am
going to be just your secretary, with my wages commuted into some lump
sum, I suppose."
I felt more angry, and I think she saw it. I remained silent, which
forced her to speak.
"Do you intend that I shall live here, in the flat?"
"Of course. Will you please choose which of the two guest rooms you
would prefer, they both have bathrooms, and you will have the decoration
re-done as you wish."
Silence.
My exasperation augmented.
"Will you also please engage a maid, and go and order every sort of
clothes which you ought to have. I know by the way you were dressed when
I saw you in the _Bois_ that Sunday, that your taste is perfect."
She stiffened as I spoke. It was quite plain to be seen that she loathed
taking anything from me, but I had no intention of ceding a single point
where I had the right to impose my will.
"You see you will be known as my wife, therefore you must dress
according to the position, and have everything my mother used to have.
Otherwise, people would not respect you, and only think that you were
invidiously placed."
Her cheeks flamed again at the last words.
"It is difficult to picture it all," she said; "Tell me exactly what you
expect of me daily."
"I expect that when you have breakfasted, in your room if you wish, that
you will come and talk to me, perhaps do a little writing, or go out to
drive, or what you wish, and that we shall lunch, and in the afternoon
do whatever turns up. You will want to go out and see your friends and
do what you please. And perhaps you will play to me as often as you feel
inclined, and after dinner we can go to the theatre, or read, or do
whatever you like. And as soon as my treatments with these doctors are
concluded, and I have my new leg and eye, and we shall hope war is
finished, we can travel, or go back to England, and then I shall begin
taking up a political career, and I shall hope you will take a real
interest in that and help me as though I were your brother."
"Very well."
"You will order the clothes to-day?"
"Yes."
She was subdued now, the programme was not very formidable, except that
it contained daily companionship with me.
"Have you told the Duchesse de Courville-Hautevine yet that we are
engaged?" I asked after a moment's pause.
Discomfort grew in her manner.
"No."
"Do you think that she will not approve of the marriage?"
"She may not."
"Perhaps you would rather that I told her?"
"As you please."
"I want you to understand something quite clearly, Alathea." She started
when I said her name, "and that is that I expect you to treat me with
confidence, and tell me anything which you think that I ought to know,
so that we neither of us can be put in a false position, beyond that,
believe me, I have no curiosity. I desire a companionship of brain, and
a sort of permanent secretary who does not feel hostile all the time,
that is all."
I could see that she was controlling herself with all her will, and that
she was overwrought and intensely troubled. I knew that some barrier was
between us which I could not at present surmount. All she said after a
minute was:
"How did you know that my name was 'Alathea'?"
"I heard your little sister call you that the day I saw you in the
_Bois_. I think it a very beautiful name."
Silence.
Her discomfort seemed to come to a climax, for after a little she spoke.
"The twenty-five thousand francs beyond the twenty-five I asked you for,
I cannot return to you. I feel very much about it, and that you should
pay for my clothes, and give me presents. It is the hardest thing I ever
had to do in my life,--to take all this."
"Do not let it bother you, I am quite content with the bargain. Perhaps
you would rather go now after we have selected which room you will
have."
"Thank you."
She gave me my crutch, and I led the way and she followed. I knew
instinctively that she would choose the room which was furthest from
mine. She did!
"This will do," she said immediately we entered it.
"The look-out is not so nice, it only gets the early morning sun," I
ventured to remark.
"It is quieter."
"Very well."
"It was rather arranged for a man, and is perhaps severe. Do you wish
anything changed?"
She did not appear to take any more interest in it than if it had been a
hotel room. She had given it the merest glance, although it is quite a
little masterpiece in its way, of William and Mary--even the panelling
being English, and of the time, and the old rose silk window and bed
curtains.
"I don't want anything altered, thank you."
It seemed a strange moment, to be talking thus calmly to the woman who,
in a fortnight, will be my wife. I feel that a volcano is really working
under our feet, and that adds to the excitement!
When we got back to the sitting-room I offered to send the carriage for
her to go and do her shopping, but she refused, and I thought it was
wiser to let her go. We shall have years to talk in presently, and there
is always the danger of our coming to an open rupture, and the bargain
being off, if we see much of one another now.
"Good-bye," she said a little nervously, and I bowed and said
"Good-bye," and she went from the room.
And when she had gone I laughed aloud, and began to analyse the
situation.
George Harcourt has paid the gambling debt, therefore the fifty thousand
I gave Alathea cannot have been used for that. Some fresh worry is
perhaps upon the wretched family. The obvious thing for me to do is to
go and see the Duchesse, and yet I have some strange sort of wish that
it should be Alathea herself who tells me everything, and not that she
becomes aware, by inference, that I must know. I feel that our future
happiness depends upon her giving up all this stubborn pride. What is at
the back of her mind? I do not know. That resentment and dislike of me
has only become crystallized since the Suzette affair. I am sure she
thinks that Suzette is my mistress still, and this insults her, but she
reasons that with the bargain as it is, she has not the smallest right
to object. She is furious with herself to think that it should matter to
her. That is a thought! Why indeed should it matter if she is utterly
indifferent to me? Is it possible? Can it be that? No--I dare not think
of it, but, in any case it will be the most thrilling situation, once
she is my wife.
I believe it would be wisest for me not to go to the Duchesse's but
simply to write her a note telling her of my news, then anything she
may tell me will be gratuitous.
I had just finished doing this when once again a letter was brought in
from that lady, and this time it was to thank me for my cheque, and to
tell me that it had been the means of preventing a most disagreeable
scandal and bringing peace to a family!
Sardonic mirth overcame me. So three separate people seem to be under
the impression that they have paid this gambler's debts! Each apparently
unaware that there was anyone else in the running! It looks as if
"Bobby" had wolfed the lot! Does Alathea know, and is this the extra
cause of her worry?
I sent my note back by the Duchesse's messenger, who still waited, and
went to my luncheon.
In about an hour the telephone rang--a request from the Hotel de
Courville that I should repair there immediately without fail.
"Her Grace spoke herself," Burton said, "and said it was most important,
Sir Nicholas."
"Very well, order the carriage. By the way. Burton, did you congratulate
Miss Sharp?"
Burton coughed.
"I did make so bold, Sir Nicholas, as to tell the young lady how very
glad I was, but she took it queer like, she stiffened up and said it was
only a business arrangement, to be able to write your letters and do
your work without people talking about it. That seemed funny to me, so I
said nothing more."
"Burton it is funny for the moment, Miss Sharp is only marrying me for
some reason for her family, the same one which forces her to work, but I
hope I can make her think differently about it some day."
"Pardon the liberty I am taking, Sir Nicholas, but perhaps she don't
like the idea of Mam'zelle, and don't know she's gone for good."
"That is probably the case."
Burton's wise old face expressed complete understanding, as he left the
room, and presently I was on my way to the Hotel de Courville, a sense
of exhilaration and of excitement and joy in my heart!