"No--_mon ami_--not that--they are not for me--those--but a secretary--a
'Mees'--_tiens_?--for why do you want us two?"
"You _two_! good Lord! Do you think, Suzette--_Mon Dieu!_"--I now became
very angry. "My secretary is here to type my book--. Let us understand
one another quite--You have overstepped the mark this time, Suzette, and
there must be an end. Name whatever sum you want me to settle on you and
then I don't ever wish to see you again."
She burst into frantic weeping. She had meant nothing--she was
jealous--she loved me--even going to the sea could do nothing for her! I
was her _adoré_--her sun, moon and stars--of what matter a leg or an
eye--! I was her life--her _Amant_!!
"Nonsense, Suzette!--you have told me often it was only because I was
very rich--now be sensible--these things have to have an end some day. I
shall be going back to England soon, so just let me make you comfortable
and happy and let us part friends--."
She still stormed and raged--'There was someone else--it was the
"Mees"--I had been different ever since she had come to the flat--She,
Suzette, would be revenged--she would kill her--!'
Then I flew into a rage, and dominated her, and when I had her
thoroughly frightened I appealed to the best in her--and when she was
sobbing quietly Burton came in to say that dinner was ready--his face
was eloquent!
"Don't let the waiters see you like that," I said.
Suzette rushed to the glass and looked at herself, and then began
opening her gold chain bag to get out her powder and lip grease--I went
on into the salon and left her--.
What an irony everything is--! When I was yearning for tenderness and
love--, even Suzette's, I was unable to touch her, and now because I am
quite indifferent, both she and Nina, in their separate ways, have begun
to find me attractive. So there is nothing in it really, it is only as
to whether or no you arouse the hunting instinct!
Suzette wore an air of deep pathos during our repast--. She had put some
blue round her eyes to heighten the effect of the red of the real tears,
and she appeared very pretty and gentle--It had not the slightest effect
upon me--I found myself looking on like a third person. The mole with
its three black hairs seemed to be the only salient point about her.
Poor little Suzette!--How glad I felt that I had never even pretended a
scrap of love for her!
That astonishing sense of the fitness of things which so many of these
women possess, showed itself as the evening wore on--. Finding the
situation hopeless, Suzette accepted it, curbed the real emotion in
herself and played the game--She tried to amuse me--and then we
discussed plans for her future. A villa at Monte Carlo she decided at
last--A _bijou_ of a place! which she knew of--. And when we parted at
about eleven o'clock everything was arranged satisfactorily. Then she
said good-bye to me--She would go back to Paris by the last train--.
"Good-bye, Suzette!"--and I bent down and kissed her forehead--"You have
been the jolliest little pal possible--and remember that I have
appreciated it,--and you will always have a real friend in me!"
She burst into tears once more--real tears--.
"_Je t'aime bien!_" she whispered--"I shall go to Deauville--_Va!_"
We wrung hands, and she went to the door, but there she turned, and some
of her old fire came back to her--.
"Pah! these English Meeses! thin, stiff, _ennuyeuse_!--thou wilt yet
regret thy Suzette, Nicholas!" and with this she left me.
* * * * *
So that episode in my life is ended--and I shall never repeat the
experiment.
But are not women the most amazing creatures!
You adore them and give them abject devotion and they treat you as
dirt--nothing can be so cruel as the tenderest hearted woman is to a
male slave--! Another woman appears upon the scene--then the first one
begins to treat you with some respect. You grow masterful--love is
aroused in her. You become indifferent--and very often it is she who
then turns into the slave!--The worst of it is that when you really care
you are incapable of playing a game successfully. The woman's
subconscious mind _knows_ that it is merely pretense--and so she remains
a tyrant.--It is only when she herself has ceased to put forth
sufficient attraction to keep you and you are growing numb that you can
win out and find your self-respect again.
There was a moment when I was very angry with Suzette and almost shaking
her, when I saw in her eyes the first look of real passionate
affection--!
Are there any women in the world who could be mates?--who would be able
to love one, and hold one at the same time--satisfying one's mind and
one's spirit and one's body--?--Could Alathea--?--I do not know.
I had got this far in my speculations when a note was brought to me by a
smart French maid--it was now past eleven at night--.
It was from Coralie--.
"I am here, _cher Ami_--I am rather in a difficulty--Can I come to your
sitting-room?"
I scribbled "of course"--and in a moment she came--seductive and
distressful. Duquesnois had been recalled to the front suddenly--her
husband would be back on the morrow--. Might she stay and have some St.
Galmier water with me--could we ring the bell and order it, so that the
waiter might see her there?--because if the husband asked anything--he
could be sure it was only the much wounded Englishman, and he would not
mind--!!