"Everything is _cause_ and _effect_--We draw the result of every action
we commit, good or bad--and sometimes it is not until the next re-birth
we pay for the bad ones, or receive the result of the good ones--."
"Is that why then that I am a cripple and life seems a beastly
affair--?"
"Of course--You drew that upon yourself by some actions in your last
life--. Also it may be to teach you some lesson in the improvement of
the soul--."
"I don't seem to have learned anything--I believe I am rebellious all
the time--."
"Probably."
"Miss Sharp--you could really help me if you would. Please explain to
me--I will be a diligent pupil."
"Perhaps you were in a position of great power the last time, and were
lavish and kind to people in a way--or you would not be so rich now--but
you caused suffering and relied upon yourself, not on anything
divine--you must have caused much suffering, perhaps mentally even, and
so you had to be re-born and be wounded--to teach you the lesson of it
all;--that is called your Karma. Our Karma is what we bring on with us
from life to life in the way of obligations which we must discharge--so
you see it rests with each one of us not to lay up more debts to pay in
the future."
Her refined voice was level, as though she were controlling herself, not
to allow any personal feeling to enter her discourse--her gloved hands
were perfectly still in her lap--She was in profile to me so that I
could see that her very long eyelashes seemed to be rather pressed
against the glasses--I have not before been so close to her in a bright
light.--Why does she wear those damned spectacles? I was thinking, when
she said--
"You find it hard to be confined to your chair and not to be able to
fight, don't you?--Well when you could fight it was not always the
pleasure of going over the top? You had to have times in the trenches
too, hadn't you--when you just had to bear it?"
"Of course--?"
"Well--you are in the trenches now, don't you see--and it is according
to how your soul learns the lesson of them, as to whether in this life
you will ever be allowed to go over the top again--or even to have
peace."
"What is the lesson?"
"I am not God--I cannot tell you--but we would all know what our lesson
to learn is, if we were not too vain to face the truth into ourselves."
"The aim being?"--
"Why of course to improve character and learn strength."
"What qualities do you most admire in a person, Miss Sharp?"
"Self control and strength."
"You have no sympathy with weaklings?"
"None whatever--bad strong people are better than weak good ones."
I knew this was true. This fragile creature suggests infinite repose and
strength--what could she have done in a former life to bring her back in
such unkind surroundings, that she must spend her days in drudgery, so
that she has never even leisure to think?--I longed to ask her, but did
not dare.
"Shall we not begin work now," she suggested--and I demonstrated my
first lesson in self control by agreeing, and we did not talk again
until luncheon time.
"If you don't mind we shall go to the little café by the _lac_," I
said--"and then afterwards we can find another place and work
again--Burton will have had my wheeled chair brought down there, so we
can choose a decent spot in one of the _bosquets_."
She nodded slightly--Now that it was not to help my moral regeneration
she did not intend to talk any more, it seemed!
As we got into the fiacre I slipped in the slightest degree, and caught
on to her arm--It was bare to the elbow in the little cheap cotton
frock, and as I touched the fine, fine skin, that maddening feeling came
over me again to clasp her in my arms.--I pulled myself together, and
she got in beside me. She has a darling tiny curl which comes behind her
ear, slipped down probably because her hair is so unfashionably
dressed--None of Suzette's "_geste_," nor even the subtle perfect taste
of the fluffies.--It is just torn back and rolled into a tight twist.
But now that I see her out of doors and in perspective I realize that
she has a lovely small figure, and that everything is in the right
place. I had told Burton to order the nicest lunch he could think of in
that simple place, and our table under one of the umbrellas was waiting
for us when we arrived.
There were only four other people there besides ourselves, and a few
came in afterwards.
I had forgotten my bread tickets, so Miss Sharp gave me one of hers. She
had relapsed into absolute silence. The only words she had uttered as
we came down that avenue from The Trianon to the _lac_ were when I
exclaimed at the beauty of it--I judged by her mouth that she was
admiring it too--and she said softly--
"For me, Versailles is the loveliest spot on earth!"
My mind flew then to the thought of what it would be to buy a really
nice house here and spend the summers--with her--for my own--. I found
myself clutching at my crutch--.
I tried to make conversation at lunch. There is nothing in the world so
difficult as to keep this up when you are nervous with interest, and the
other person is determined not to say a sentence which is unnecessary. A
chill crept over me.
Burton turned up in time to pay the bill and put me into my chair.
"I don't think you look well enough to stay out the afternoon, Sir
Nicholas"--he said--"Better go straight back to the hotel and rest--."
Miss Sharp joined in.
"I was going to say that"--she said.
I felt like a cross, disappointed child--I knew they were both right
though; I was feeling pretty tired and had not an idea in my head. But
if I did that, there would be a chance to see her lost--and all the long
hours to face alone--.
"I am quite all right and I want to work," I said fretfully--and we
started off.
We went up through the lovely _allées_ past _Enceledus_--and on to the
_Quinconce du Nord_, Miss Sharp walking a little behind my chair.
Here Burton bent over me--.
"It would be good for you to be taking a nap, Sir Nicholas--Indeed it
would."
It seemed as if Miss Sharp was abetting him, for she came to my side--.
"If you can get quite comfortable--I would read to you, and you might
sleep," she said--.
"We've no book"--I retorted--peeved, and yet pleased at the idea.
"I have one here which, will do"--and she took a little volume from her
bag.--"I have wanted it for a long time, and I bought it at the _Foire_
as I came from the station to-day--it cost a franc!"
It was a worn eighteenth century copy of François Villon--.
"Yes, that will be nice," I agreed--and leaned back while Burton settled
my cushion, and then retired to a distance. Twelve years on and off of
Paris has not taught him French--at least not the French of François
Villon!
Miss Sharp took a little _parc_ chair and I was able to watch her as she
read--I did not even hear the words--because, as she was looking down I
had not to guard myself, but could let my eye devour her small oval
face. All my nerves were thrilling again and there was no peace--how I
longed--ached--to take her into my arms!
She looked up once after an hour, to see if I were asleep, I
suppose.--She must have observed passionate emotion in my eye--she
looked down at the book instantly, but a soft pink flush came into her
cheeks--which have a mother of pearl transparency usually. This caused
me deep pleasure--I had been able to make her feel something at any
rate! but then I was frightened--perhaps she would suggest going if she
found the situation uncomfortable. Her voice had a fresh tone in it as
she went on, and finally it faltered, and she stopped.
"If it is not putting you to sleep" she remarked--"perhaps you would not
object if I walked on and typed what I took down this morning--It seems
a pity to waste this time."
I knew that if I did not let her have her way there might be
difficulties, so I agreed--and said that I would go back to the hotel
and rest upon the sofa in the salon--So the procession started, and as
we took the _allée_, to bring us to the Reservoirs on the level--I
suddenly caught sight of Coralie and her last favoured one!--both of
whom are supposed to be at Deauville with the rest!
Coralie was exquisitely dressed, Duquesnois in uniform.
I realized that she had seen us, and that she could not avoid coming up
to talk, although that had not been her intention--When one is supposed
to be at Deauville with one's family, and is in reality at Versailles
with one's lover--one does not seek to recognize one's friends!
She came forward with _empressement_ when she found the meeting was
inevitable--.
"Nicholas!" she cooed "--what happiness!"--
Then she eyed Miss Sharp mischievously, making a movement as though she
expected me to introduce them--.
But Miss Sharp defeated this by immediately walking on--.
"_Tiens!_" said Coralie--.
"That is Miss Sharp--my secretary--What are you doing--here Coralie?"
"Perhaps the same as you, _cher ami_--" and she rippled with
laughter--"Versailles is so tranquil a place!"