The Coat of Many Colours
Before going to work next morning, Phil peeped into Jim's bedroom, and
the sight proved pleasing to his eyes.
The place looked like a rocky beach after a storm and a shipwreck;
boots, hat, spurs, leather straps, riding chaps, coat, pants,
everything, lay in a muddle on the carpet, while Jim, the cause of all
the rummage--innocent-looking as a newly born lamb, and smiling
serenely in his evidently pleasant dreams--lay in bed, fast asleep.
At noon, after lunch, Phil looked in again, pushed the door wide and
entered.
Jim was in his trousers and his undershirt, and was laboriously
shaving himself before the mirror. He turned round and grinned. Phil
grinned back at him and sat down on the edge of the bed.
There were no recriminations. What was past was dead and buried--at
least as much of it as would submit to the treatment without protest.
"Jim!"
"Ugh-huh!"
"Had a good sleep?"
"Sure!"
"Just up?"
"Ay!"
"Feeling fit?"
"You bet!"
"Going to work?"
"Yep!--maybe."
"Did you hear what some tom-fool did to Percival DeRue Hannington's
horse?"
Jim stopped his shaving and grimaced before the mirror, then swung
slowly round on his heel.
"No!--although something inside of me seems to denote the feeling that
I must have heard somebody talk about it. Give me the yarn."
Phil did so, as briefly as possible.
"And DeRue Hannington is as mad as a caged monkey. He has this white
notice placarded on every telegraph pole in town."
Phil tossed over a hand-bill, which Jim perused slowly.
ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS REWARD.
The above reward will be paid to anyone giving information that
will lead to the conviction of the person, or persons, who
maltreated my white mare by coating her with paint.
Percival DeRue Hannington.
Jim laughed and threw the paper back to Phil.
"Well!--I should worry about a little thing like that. Man,--I've
troubles enough of my own to contend with."
"How's that?" asked Phil, looking up. "You haven't been doing anything
likely to get you into hot water?"
"No--father confessor,--excepting maybe this:"
It was Jim's turn to throw over a piece of paper which he picked up
from the bureau.
Phil looked it over.
It was an Agreement for Sale, between James Shallingford Dalton and
James Langford, in which the former accepted from the latter nine
horses--receipt of which was thereby acknowledged--as first payment of
five hundred dollars on his Brantlock Ranch of sixty acres, with
barns and shack, two dray-horses, one dray and one and a half tons of
sacked potatoes; total purchase price thirty-five hundred dollars;
second payment of two thousand dollars to be made within seven days,
the balance in six months thereafter; prompt payment on due dates to
be the essence of the agreement.
Phil glanced over at Jim, then turned up his nose in disgust.
"Gee!--and I thought you were a lawyer."
"So did I!" returned Jim ruefully.
"But what in the name of all that's lovely made you sign an agreement
like that?"
"The Lord only knows!"
"Great snakes!--it would be all right if it weren't for that last
clause. Didn't you read it? 'Prompt settlement on due dates to be the
essence of the agreement.' Couldn't you see that the property reverts
to Dalton immediately you fail to make any one payment on the dates
agreed?"
Jim laughed in a woe-begone way.
"Ay!--Dalton put one over on me that time, all right. But it's the
very last. Can't stand for this happening again. It hurts, right on my
professional dignity. Won't he have the haw-haw on me?
"Ah, well! What's done can't be undone. 'My deed's upon my head.'"
"Gosh, but he's a rotter," growled Phil. "Put a thing like that over
on a drunken man!"
"Hush! Not drunk, Phil;--call it indisposed! You know I am an aesthete
on these matters.
"But wasn't it some bait though, Phil?"
"Oh, great stuff all right! The ranch must be worth six or seven
thousand dollars. But a fat chance you had of ever getting it. Why, he
had you every way you turned. All you did was to give him a present
of nine horses worth five hundred dollars."
"He'll never get his spuds back, that's one blessing."
"Go to it;--be philosophic! Lovely consolation that! A ton and a half
of potatoes for five hundred bucks!"
"That's right, Shadow, dearie,--rub it in."
Phil did not answer, but sat on Jim's bed and looked at the carpet in
evident disgust.
After a few minutes of silence, Jim grunted, then he began to laugh.
"You seem to be quite pleased with your performance," commented Phil
sarcastically.
"Man,--I was just thinkin' what a grand thing it would be if only I
could make these payments."
"A fine chance you have--about fifty dollars in the wide world and
five days left in which to make two thousand. Nobody in this town will
lend you a red cent. They are all too anxious putting their money in a
hole in the ground themselves. Of course, you might write forty dime
novels at fifty dollars apiece and make it that way:--that means just
eight a day for five days."
Phil got up and clapped Jim on the shoulder. "Guess you'd best forget
it, old boy! Let the tail follow the dog."
"But you must admit, Phil, that the weak spot in this deal of
Rattlesnake's, after all, is right on the question of my ability to
raise the dough."
"Yes!--I admit it--but the real weak point is one he never reckoned
on."
"And what's that, pray?"
"He knew you had just gone on one of your crazy bouts. The law of
averages informed him that you would get back to your--ahem!--sober
senses in about a month's time, when the date of your second payment
would be long gone by and your precious Agreement for Sale, if ever
you happened to remember it again, would be simply so much waste
paper. He would throw half a dozen fits, right now, if he knew you
were--ahem!--_compos mentis_, with five days still to go to make two
thousand dollars--maybe. But I'm wasting your precious time, Jim," he
continued. "Get out your pen, and ink, and paper, and get busy;--eight
dime novels of thirty thousand words apiece--two hundred and forty
thousand words a day for five days! Shades of Sir Walter Scott and
Balzac!"
He laughed. "I wouldn't do it, Jim;--no, not for a farm!"
And Phil went back to the smithy as Jim continued dressing, doing a
little special thinking, the while, on the side.
All that day, the mystery of who painted DeRue Hannington's horse was
the talk of the town.
Several painters and paper-hangers, as they went about their business
in garments that betrayed their calling, were glared at in open
suspicion. The reward of one hundred dollars read very good and a sort
of hidden-treasure-hunt look was in the eyes of many.
The next day blue notices instead of white were tacked to the
telegraph poles and the hoardings. With DeRue Hannington's anger and
indignation, the reward had risen in the night. It now stood at five
hundred dollars.
In unison, the keenness of the hunt for the perpetrator of the
so-called dastardly outrage rose four hundred per cent.
Meanwhile, Jim did not go to work at the Court House as he had
practically said, nor yet did he go outside. He sat quietly in his own
room, smoking his pipe and reading Emerson and Professor Drummond,
which, of course, was quite in keeping with the peculiarities of his
temperament. He had little to say to Phil as the latter dropped in to
see him from time to time; and the all-absorbing topic of the
town--DeRue Hannington's big reward--seemed to interest him about as
much as did the approaching dissolution of his hold on the ranch he
had contracted to purchase from Rattlesnake Dalton.
Phil looked in vain for signs of diligence in the direction of stories
from the pen of Captain Mayne Plunkett, and articles on the affairs of
the heart by Aunt Christina.
In the language of the farm, Jim was simply _sawing wood_.
For two days, the signs on the telegraph poles remained blue in
colour.
On the evening of that second day Jim ventured only a little into
conversation.
"Phil,--do you know I'm heart sick of playing the darned idiot. I've a
good mind to start work."
"Jee-rusalem! You don't say!" exclaimed his astounded friend.
"Honest to goodness! Man, I wish, though, that I could beat Dalton to
it on that deal."
"I wish you could too, for he is bragging all over the town how he put
one over on you, and that you're on the loose somewhere, worse than
ever, too shamefaced to show up in your own town."
By way of answer, Jim twisted his gaunt face in an enigmatical smile.
"It's a good ranch!" continued Phil.
"Of course it is! That is why I'd give my head to fool him on it."
"Well!--I've a thousand bucks and one dollar in the Commercial Bank,
and I'm willing to go halves if you can raise the balance."
Jim started up excitedly, but he subsided almost as quickly. He
pulled out the linings of his pockets and with them came a little roll
of bills.
"One hundred and sixteen dollars!" he said ruefully. "I've counted
them one hundred and sixteen times, backwards, forwards and upside
down, these last three days, and I can't get them to grow a dollar
more."
"Won't somebody stand good for you?"
"Somebody might,--but I am not borrowing. That is one thing Jim
Langford never did in his life and he is not going to start in now
with it to help him out of a tom-fool boozing stunt he never should
have got into. I don't mind your money so much, Phil, for it would be
a partnership affair between two pals, but I am not crawling all over
town begging for loans, especially after Dalton has had his say.
No,--it's no good!"
At noon next day, Jim was still in the doldrums.
Phil rushed in all excitement.
"What do you know about that fool Hannington? The town is ablaze with
red posters now, and he is offering a thousand dollars reward, for one
day only--like a bargain sale--to anyone who will lay information that
will lead to the conviction of the horse painter."
Jim laid down his book, put his pipe out by smothering it with his
little finger, then got up and went to the clothes closet. He took
down his hat and jacket.
"What's up now?" asked Phil.
"I'm after that thousand, sonny!"
"What?"
"I saw Hannington's horse painted. I know who did it and I'm going to
lay information."
Phil gaped.
As Jim was proceeding outside, Phil ran after him and laid hold on his
arm.
"Wait a bit, old man! Let me get this right," he said slowly. "Do you
mean to say you are going to play informer for a thousand dirty
dollars?"
"Why not? I'm the only man who saw it done. There are mighty few in
town who wouldn't do the same thing if they knew what I know. Besides,
the fellow who did it darned-well deserves all that he gets. I've no
love for him, and I need the money. Good-bye, Philly! I'll see you
anon."
He went downstairs, opened the front door cautiously and, finding few
people about, he hurried along the block and down the back lanes to
the rear of _The Advertiser_ building. He sneaked unseen into Ben
Todd's private office. There was no one inside. Ben, evidently, was in
the basement in the printing shop.
The editor's desk was littered as usual with newspapers, scribbled
scraps of paper, cuttings, paste-pots and such paraphernalia of the
making of a country newspaper.
Jim closed the door, sat down in Todd's chair and took up the
telephone receiver. He called for DeRue Hannington and got him without
difficulty.
"Hullo!--is that Mr. Hannington?"
"Mr. DeRue Hannington speaking."
"Are you busy?"
"Not too much so! Who is they-ah?"
"Could you come down to _The Advertiser_ office right away--Mr. Todd's
place--something important in regard to what you are so worked up
over?"
"Why, yes,--certainly! Of course, I can come."
"Be here in ten minutes."
"Yes! Who is calling?"
"Never mind! Come and see, and come quick!"
And Jim rang off.
In two or three minutes Ben Todd, the editor, came in, long of legs
and hunched of back, trailing his arms like an ape, his handsome
bearded face lit up in pleasantness and his keen brown eyes searching
Jim curiously.
"Hello, Jim! Glad to see you! The boys must have miscued. I heard you
had fallen off the water wagon."
"And can't a fellow climb back again as easily as he fell off?"
"Some can, but you generally take your own sweet time, my Wayward Boy.
Still, I'm glad to see you. What brought you in?"
Jim swung round in the chair. "I want you to act as umpire for me in a
little matter. Are you willing?"
"Of course I am! What is it?"
"Why,--here comes the other fellow," said Jim, as the handle of the
door turned and the gaudy, resplendent and immaculate Percival
strutted in, bringing with him an odour of pomade and scented soap.
Ben Todd looked over in surprise.
"Aw,--good day, gentlemen! Someone 'phoned me beastly hurriedly."
"Sit down, Mr. Hannington--Mr. DeRue Hannington," invited Ben. "Guess
you were the one who 'phoned, Jim?"
"Yes!" acknowledged Jim, becoming alert. And he wasted no time beating
about.
"You wish to know the name of the man who Union-Jacked your cayuse?"
"The name of the boundah who painted my mare!--you just jolly-well bet
your boots I do, sir!"
"Well,--I know it."
"Yes--yes!"
"Does your offer of a thousand dollars still hold good?"
"Till midnight, to-night;--certainly!"
"Good! Make out a cheque now and hand it over to Mr. Todd as umpire."
"Doesn't the word of DeRue Hannington bally-well suit everyone here?"
exclaimed the Englishman in a hurt tone.
"Sure!--but this is strictly business."
Hannington pulled out his cheque book, wrote out the cheque for one
thousand dollars payable to "cash" and handed it over to Ben Todd who
was eyeing the scene in undisguised interest; his keen mind already
fathoming the secret.
"There!" remarked Hannington. "Now, give me your information, my deah
Langford."
"If the man I name gets convicted, or if you fail to lay a charge
against him, the money comes to me? Do I get the arrangement right?"
"You have it absolutely, my careful Scotsman. Fire away! Fire away!"
"You got that, Mr. Todd?" queried Jim.
"Absolutely!" mocked the editor.
"Well, gentleman,--the name of the man who painted Mr. Percival DeRue
Hannington's mare is--James Langford, your most humble and obedient
servant, and very much at the service of both of you."
Ben Todd grunted.
The Englishman sat bolt upright. His chin dropped and he gaped, his
fingers running nervously up and down over the gilt metal buttons of
his fancy waistcoat. He rose slowly from his chair and his face grew
pale in his anger; then it became red and perspiry.
"You--you confounded scoundrel! You--you miserable individual!
You--you trickster!"
"Go on,--go on!" put in Jim coolly, "the more you call me down, the
better I like it. I'm a positive glutton for anathema. Mr. DeRue
Hannington simply eats up elocution,--eh, Ben!"
The editor smiled dryly. "He does, but he is finding some difficulty
in digesting some of yours, Jim, and I'm not surprised at it."
Jim held over the desk 'phone to Hannington.
"Better 'phone up for Palmer and get it over."
Hannington pushed the receiver away.
"I refuse,--I--I decline absolutely. I shan't prosecute,--damned if I
do! It is downright blackmail. Yes,--by gad! Give me back my cheque,
Mr. Todd, and let me go. I'm jolly-well sick of this."
"'Give me my principal and let me go,'" quoted Jim in mockery.
"I can't do that, Mr. Hannington. Sorry," said the editor, "but if you
decline to prosecute, the money goes to Mr. Langford."
"Then, by gad!" cried Hannington, "I shall prosecute to the utmost
deuced rigour of the bally law, and be-dimned to him. You cawn't fool
lightly with a DeRue Hannington,--no sirs!
"I'll have you understand we DeRue Hanningtons are fighters. My
great-great-grandfathers both fought at Waterloo, DeRue on the side of
the French and Hannington on the side of the British,--yes, sirs!"
"I'm thinking maybe that explains why you are not quite sure now
whether you are the prosecutor or the prosecuted," pawkily remarked
Jim.
Hannington glared, grabbed up the telephone and called for the police
station. As usual, Palmer was up on his ranch, and Hannington had to
be contented with Howden, the deputy, who got over to the _Advertiser_
office almost immediately and, in a very short space of time
afterwards, he had the not unwilling Jim safely locked up for the
night in the town jail.
Howden, to save himself a little labour--ostensibly for the sake of
his friendship with Jim, but really to leave himself free for his
evening's amours with a waitress at the Kenora--offered to allow Jim
to go home if he would promise to show up at the Court in the morning,
but Jim was too fond of experience and too susceptible of melodrama to
pass up so golden an opportunity;--he refused to give his parole and
in consequence slept soundly and innocently on a little camp bed, in a
ten by five cell, at the expense of the municipality.
As soon as the news got about--which it did with astounding
rapidity--the entire town was in a fit of merriment over the latest
exploit of the wily Langford and the discomfiture of DeRue Hannington;
and early the following morning, when the local police magistrate was
still negotiating his matutinal egg, the little Courtroom was packed
to overflowing.
Phil called off work for an hour or two in order to be on hand should
Jim require his aid in any way.
The voluminous and cheerful judge disposed of a case of petty thieving
in quick time, then called the case against James Langford for cruelty
to animals and destruction of property.
When Jim appeared--his eyes twinkling, but his face as solemn as a
parish minister at the funeral of a wealthy and generous member of his
congregation, a muffled cheer broke out, which was promptly squelched
by the magistrate, to DeRue Hannington's undisguised pleasure.
The case against Jim was read. He pleaded guilty, refusing lawyer's
aid or the privilege of stepping into the witness box. There were no
dramatics--at least not until the police magistrate pronounced the
sentence.
"James Langford," he droned severely, "have you ever been tried before
for a criminal act of any kind?"
"No, sir!"
"This is your first offence?"
"No, sir!--but the first time I've been caught."
"Now, Jim,--that'll do!" reprimanded the magistrate, forgetting his
courtly dignity for the moment and breaking into a grin; for Jim and
he were cronies of long standing.
"I deeply regret that I cannot give you the benefit of the First
Offender's Act. These boyish pranks of yours must be put down. You
will be breaking windows and riding your horse on the sidewalk next if
we allow you to go on in this way, unpunished. You are a big lad now
and it is high time you were beginning to take life seriously."
Hannington nodded his head approvingly, and clasped his hands over his
stomach.
"In pronouncing sentence, I hope you will take this lesson to heart
and that this will be your last appearance before this or any other
Court of Justice.
"I fine you fifty dollars and costs, and command that you wash and
scrub Percival DeRue Hannington's mare, between the hours of two and
four p.m. in front of the Court House, every day, until the animal is
restored to its natural colour."
A wild laugh and a great shuffling of feet greeted the sentence.
DeRue Hannington sprang up indignantly, his face bursting red with
anger.
"But sir--but sir--I--I! Fifty dollars?--why--I paid one thousand
dollars to get him here. Your Honour, it is a positive scandal--a
perfect outrage!"
"Silence, sir!" commanded the magistrate.
"But it is an outrage, sir. I insist--it is a low, beastly trick. I
appeal--I----"
"Silence!" roared the magistrate again. "One word more, sir, and I'll
commit you for contempt of Court. Next case!"
At the Court House door the crowd seized upon Jim, hoisted him on
their shoulders and carried him down Main Street, singing and
chaffing as happily as if Jim had just won an election.
At the Commercial Bank Jim stopped them and beckoned to Phil.
"Say!--get your thousand dollars out of the Bank and we'll have the
crowd take us to Dalton's office right away. I got Hannington's
cheque, marked O.K., from Ben Todd in the Court House. We'll call
Dalton's bluff for once--and at once."
Phil rushed into the Bank and was back in three minutes with the money
in his possession.
"Now boys!" shouted Jim, "down to Dalton's office and then to the
Kenora."
Off they went, shouting and singing as before, not particular as to
what it was all about, but simply keen on making an uproar--and as big
a one as possible--now that the opportunity presented itself.
James Dalton--sole proprietor of the Dalton Realty Company--was
standing at the door of his office, watching the actions of the
oncoming crowd. The moment he saw Jim, however, he hurried inside.
The mob stopped at the door. Jim jumped to the ground.
"Come on in, Phil! Stay there, boys--just for a minute or two. There
are drinks for the crowd at the end of this trip."
By this time, Dalton was sitting behind his desk, his thumb in the
armhole of his vest, nervously chewing at the end of an unlighted
cigar.
"I bought the Brantlock Ranch from you the other day, Rattler."
"That's right,--go to it!" ventured Dalton as a try-out. "I kind of
half expected something like this."
"Are you going to deny it?"
"If you mean, am I going to deny that I gave a gink, half dippy with
booze, an Agreement for Sale in temporary exchange for a bunch of
horses that he couldn't look after and was liable to have pinched on
him; if you mean am I going to deny that I did it to save him losin'
what he couldn't keep an eye on himself,--then I ain't."
Dalton leaned back, still pale from excitement but not at all
unsatisfied with his vocal delivery.
Jim looked over to Phil in sheer astonishment at the man's audacity.
Phil smiled in return.
"What do you think of that now;--the Rattler turned 'good Samaritan'?
"And you did it just out of the goodness of your kind, unselfish,
little, palpitating heart, Dalton?"
"I ain't throwin' any bouquets at myself," remarked Dalton.
"And where are the horses you were so kind as to look after for me?"
"I made a better sale of them hat-racks than you ever could 'a' done.
I got eight hundred bucks for the bunch. And I'm ready to give you a
cheque for that amount, less ten percent for puttin' the deal
through;--seven hundred and twenty bucks, the minute you hand over the
phoney agreement which I was dam-fool enough to give you at the time
to satisfy your would-be lawyer's intooition and to keep you from
yappin' all over the country."
Jim went up to the desk and leaned over toward Dalton.
Dalton leaned back in his chair, so far back that he nearly tip-tilted
over it.
"Rattler," said Jim, "come off your perch. It isn't any good. ''Tain't
the knowing kind of cattle that is ketched with mouldy corn,'" he
quoted roughly.
"I ain't professin' to be up to your high-falutin' talk, Langford, but
I get the drift; and I guess you think I'd be batty enough to give you
a ranch worth seven thousand bucks on an Agreement for Sale in
exchange for a bunch of old spavined mules and three thousand bucks
on time."
Jim pulled the Agreement out of his pocket and threw it on the desk,
thumping his fist down hard on top of it right under Rattlesnake's
sharp nose, causing Dalton to jump again.
"See that?"
"Yep,--guess I do!"
"Well,--you're going to abide by it."
"I am?--like hell!" said Dalton.
Phil took a gun from his pocket and handed it to Jim.
Jim toyed with it. "See that?"
"Can it, Langford! Gun stuff don't go down with me. It is ancient
history. You'll get pinched again if you try that on."
"But you see it--don't you?"
"Sure thing! I ain't got 'stigmatism that bad yet."
"Well, Rattler,--it isn't loaded, but I am going to rap you over the
koko with it if you don't be a good boy and do as you are told."
"Now,--repeat after me!"
Dalton laughed and rolled his eyes upward to the ceiling.
Jim's arm darted out and the butt-end of the revolver caught Dalton
such a sharp rap over the head that that individual was some seconds
before he recovered.
"Now," said Jim, "are you ready?"
Dalton sat tight.
"Hi, boys!" shouted Langford sharply, a sudden inspiration seizing
him. "I've got a dirty horse-thief, red-handed and self-confessed.
Bring in a rope. We can start him with a dip in the horse-trough."
Three husky individuals strode inside.
Dalton gasped. He knew just what the men in the Valley thought of
horse-stealing, in general, and he was all unprepared for this sudden
move of Jim's.
"Steady a minute, boys!" exclaimed Jim. "It seems that Dalton has not
quite made up his mind as to whether he stole those horses of mine
that he sold afterwards, or simply took them from me in part-payment
of the Brantlock Ranch.
"Now, Rattler, come on, repeat your little spiel after me, or go with
the boys and get what's coming to you."
Dalton saw the game was up.
"This Agreement," said Jim.
"This Agreement," repeated Dalton sheepishly.
"Is a real, genuine Agreement."
"Is a real, genuine Agreement," continued the other.
"Between Jim Langford and me, and stands good."
"Between Jim Langford and me, and stands good."
"Sorry to disappoint you, boys!--but Dalton remembers now that he
didn't steal my horses,--he bought them.
"Now Rattler, darling!--Phil Ralston and I are taking up that
Agreement and want possession of the ranch right away."
Dalton licked his lips.
"There's two thousand plunks due me to-day on that there agreement."
"And there's the money, my bonnie boy!"
Jim threw Hannington's marked cheque on the table. Phil followed with
ten one-hundred-dollar bills.
"Make out your receipt, son,--quick!"
Rattlesnake Jim turned a sickly white and looked at the two before him
in a blank kind of way, then his eyes travelled to the three men by
the window and over to the crowd at the door, none of whom had any
sympathy for him, but, on the contrary were all aching for the
pleasure of dipping him--or anyone else for that matter--into the
nearby horse-trough.
Slowly Dalton opened his drawer, took out his receipt book, made out
the necessary document and handed it over.
"Guess you've won!" he said, picking up the cheque and money.
"Call off your dogs now, and get to hell out of this!"
"Gee, Rattler, but you're polite with your customers," remarked Phil
with a smile.
"Ta-ta, son!" cried Jim, "another thousand little bucklets in six
months and you are fully paid up. Dirty, rotten fraud,--eh, my wee
mannie!"
At the door Jim raised his voice.
"Thanks, fellows! Phil and I are going ranching and we haven't time
for booze any more, but you go on down to the Kenora and tell Charlie
Mack to give you a couple of rounds each at my expense. I'll 'phone
him as soon as we get home.
"You're a dog-goned bunch of real, live sports,--every mother's son of
ye."