"A bachelor's life is a splendid breakfast; a tolerably flat dinner;
and a most miserable supper."
Being a bachelor does not excuse a man from certain forms of hospitality.
Many "society men" live in apartments, at the present time, and may
entertain the ladies who have favored them with invitations; in fact, it
is expected that a man who has often been entertained will reciprocate in
some fashion.
If a bachelor's quarters are too restricted for any other form of
entertaining, he may give a theatre party, followed by a supper at some
cafe. Or he may do this without the theatre party. Of course, such an
entertainment is expensive, but he must remember that the ladies who have
entertained him have spent a good deal of money on their fetes.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 765]
The Bachelor and the Chaperon.--The first thing the bachelor must do is
to secure a chaperon. She must be a married woman of unimpeachable
reputation. Having done this, he invites the other members of the party,
first submitting his list to her approval. The usual number is six, three
men and three women, or two men and four ladies. Two men may join forces
to entertain a quartet of ladies, or more, and thus halve the expense. The
carriage or taxicab is sent first to the residence of the chaperon; the
host accompanies it or may meet it there. The other ladies are called for,
the other men generally meet the carriages at the theatre. The host sits
next the chaperon at the theatre and at the supper, placing her on his
right.
If a supper is to follow, and it almost always does, the host has reserved
a table at the hotel or cafe and has perhaps ordered flowers and a special
menu in advance. He has also settled the account, so that he has only to
cross the waiter's palm with silver at the conclusion of the repast, in
acknowledgment of faultless service.
Cheaper Ways of Entertaining.--In summer there are cheaper ways in which a
bachelor may payoff his social obligations. Most bachelors belong to
clubs, where they may give luncheons or suppers. There are roof-gardens
and outdoor vaudeville, open-air concerts, etc., that may be made
pleasurable occasions. He may charter a yacht, in company with several
friends, and entertain a dozen or half score ladies with a sailing party.
At all these, however, he must provide a chaperon.
A very pleasant and informal way for a bachelor to entertain is to invite
some of his more intimate women acquaintances to afternoon tea at his
apartments. For this he writes personal notes or gives verbal invitations.
He asks some married, lady to assist him, placing it in the light of a
favor to himself. She must arrive early, and remain until the last guest
has left. The host pays the chaperon special deference, asking her to pour
the tea, and either escorting her home or ordering a carriage for her.
Elaborate refreshments are not necessary at such an affair. Sandwiches,
cakes, tea, served in the American fashion or a la' Russe, are sufficient.
The chaperon presides at the refreshment table. All things needed for the
refreshment of the guests may be ordered from a caterer. If the affair is
in the evening, chocolate and coffee may be served instead of tea, or
cakes, coffee and ices.
The Bachelor's Chafing Dish.--If the circumstances of the bachelor permit,
he may give a chafing-dish supper, presiding over the manufacture of a
Welsh rarebit or lobster a la Newburg, making the coffee himself in a
machine. This might take the place of the supper at a restaurant after the
play. After such a supper, or a dinner in his rooms, the host escorts the
ladies to their carriages, and accompanies the chaperon to her home.
If none of these methods of entertaining chance to be within
the man's means--for many poor men of pleasing address are social
favorites--he may fall back on the pretty compliment implied in sending
flowers or bonbons, remembering that matrons as well as "buds" appreciate
such attentions.
[766 MOTHERS' REMEDIES]
In Village Society.--In small towns and in the country, the young man
would ridicule the idea of having a chaperon along. He seldom considers
the question of repaying social invitations, or paying calls after an
entertainment. He should be careful to show courtesy to the host and
hostess, to dance with the latter and her daughter at a dancing party, and
may escort mother and daughter or the mother and some one of her friends,
to a lecture or concert. Generally he ignores all claims of this
character. But he should not.
Should He Offer His Arm?--A man seldom offers a woman his arm nowadays,
unless she is so elderly or infirm that she needs the support. For a
couple to walk arm in arm in daylight is decidedly provincial. For a man
to take a woman's arm is a liberty not permissible unless she is a member
of his family. He should offer his arm if holding an umbrella over her at
night, on a poorly lighted street or a country road at night. A woman,
unless very infirm or ill, should not walk arm-in-arm with a man in
daylight.
The Outside of the Walk.--A man usually walks on a woman's right, in order
to protect her if necessary, It looks absurd, however, for him to be
dodging around her to keep on the outside of the walk unless some danger
is to be encountered.
Minor Matters of Men's Etiquette.--A man should not carry a girl's
parasol; he should however assume any parcel she may be carrying.
When a man escorts a woman to her home it is not correct for him to linger
at the door. He should accompany her up the steps, ring the bell and wait
until she is admitted. If the hour is at all late he should not enter,
even though invited.
It is extremely bad form for a man to speak of a woman by her Christian
name while talking to casual acquaintances. Though long acquaintance may
sanction the familiarity at home, or among intimate friends, to all
outsiders she should be Miss.
The custom of leaving the theatre between acts is inexcusable. If a man is
escorting a lady, he is guilty of great rudeness if he leaves her,
Cards and Calls.--If calling on a lady who is visiting a person who is a
stranger to him, he must ask for her hostess, sending up a card for her as
well as for his friend. If calling with a lady, he should wait for her to
give the signal for departure.
The man who attends an afternoon tea should leave a card for each lady
mentioned in the invitation, and for the host, whether the latter was
present or not. He must send the same number of cards if unable to be
present, enclosing them all in an envelope which fits the cards,
addressing it to the hostess, and mailing it so that it will be received
on the day of the function. He must call upon his hostess within two weeks
after an invitation to a dinner or ball.
[MANNERS AND SOCIAL CUSTOMS 767]
In attending a tea or afternoon reception, the right-hand glove must be
removed before entering the drawing room, as it is bad form to offer a
gloved hand to one's hostess on such occasions.
If, when calling on a lady, another visitor arrives, the first comer must
not attempt to "sit him out." He should make his adieux within a
reasonable time after the second arrival, even though a friend in more
intimate standing.
Bad Habits.--A man should carefully avoid mannerisms, such as twisting his
mustache, fussing with his tie, fidgeting with some little article taken
from a table, as a paper knife, etc. These awkwardnesses are the outcome
of nervousness. He should strive at all times to be simple, at ease, and
unconscious of himself. If he tries to "show off" he makes himself
obnoxious.
Picking the teeth, chewing a toothpick, cleaning the finger nails in
company, are gross violations of propriety.
The Car Fare Question.--A girl occasionally appeals to writers on social
forms to find out when she should permit a man to pay her car fare. It is
expected that he will pay for her if he is escorting her, and she should
allow him to do so without comment. If they happen on the same car by
chance she should pay her own fare. If the man anticipates her, handing
the change to the conductor and saying "For two," she should thank him
simply and let the matter pass. Really, it is not entirely good form for a
man to pay a woman's fare under such circumstances, unless she has
difficulty in finding her purse, or her change. Then he may say "Allow me"
and pay for her. If she finds her money she may return the amount, and he
should take it without protest.