SUGARMAN'S BAR-MITZVAH PARTY.
The day of Ebenezer Sugarman's _Bar-mitzvah_ duly arrived. All his sins
would henceforth be on his own head and everybody rejoiced. By the
Friday evening so many presents had arrived--four breastpins, two rings,
six pocket-knives, three sets of _Machzorim_ or Festival Prayer-books,
and the like--that his father barred up the door very carefully and in
the middle of the night, hearing a mouse scampering across the floor,
woke up in a cold sweat and threw open the bedroom window and cried "Ho!
Buglers!" But the "Buglers" made no sign of being scared, everything was
still and nothing purloined, so Jonathan took a reprimand from his
disturbed wife and curled himself up again in bed.
Sugarman did things in style and through the influence of a client the
confirmation ceremony was celebrated in "Duke's Plaizer Shool."
Ebenezer, who was tall and weak-eyed, with lank black hair, had a fine
new black cloth suit and a beautiful silk praying-shawl with blue
stripes, and a glittering watch-chain and a gold ring and a nice new
Prayer-book with gilt edges, and all the boys under thirteen made up
their minds to grow up and be responsible for their sins as quick as
possible. Ebenezer walked up to the Reading Desk with a dauntless stride
and intoned his Portion of the Law with no more tremor than was
necessitated by the musical roulades, and then marched upstairs, as bold
as brass, to his mother, who was sitting up in the gallery, and who gave
him a loud smacking kiss that could be heard in the four corners of the
synagogue, just as if she were a real lady.
Then there was the _Bar-mitzvah_ breakfast, at which Ebenezer delivered
an English sermon and a speech, both openly written by the Shalotten
_Shammos_, and everybody commended the boy's beautiful sentiments and
the beautiful language in which they were couched. Mrs. Sugarman forgot
all the trouble Ebenezer had given her in the face of his assurances of
respect and affection and she wept copiously. Having only one eye she
could not see what her Jonathan saw, and what was spoiling his enjoyment
of Ebenezer's effusive gratitude to his dear parents for having trained
him up in lofty principles.
It was chiefly male cronies who had been invited to breakfast, and the
table had been decorated with biscuits and fruit and sweets not
appertaining to the meal, but provided for the refreshment of the
less-favored visitors--such as Mr. and Mrs. Hyams--who would be dropping
in during the day. Now, nearly every one of the guests had brought a
little boy with him, each of whom stood like a page behind his father's
chair.
Before starting on their prandial fried fish, these trencher-men took
from the dainties wherewith the ornamental plates were laden and gave
thereof to their offspring. Now this was only right and proper, because
it is the prerogative of children to "_nash_" on these occasions. But as
the meal progressed, each father from time to time, while talking
briskly to his neighbor, allowed his hand to stray mechanically into the
plates and thence negligently backwards into the hand of his infant, who
stuffed the treasure into his pockets. Sugarman fidgeted about uneasily;
not one surreptitious seizure escaped him, and every one pricked him
like a needle. Soon his soul grew punctured like a pin-cushion. The
Shalotten _Shammos_ was among the worst offenders, and he covered his
back-handed proceedings with a ceaseless flow of complimentary
conversation.
"Excellent fish, Mrs. Sugarman," he said, dexterously slipping some
almonds behind his chair.
"What?" said Mrs. Sugarman, who was hard of hearing.
"First-class plaice!" shouted the Shalotten _Shammos_, negligently
conveying a bunch of raisins.
"So they ought to be," said Mrs. Sugarman in her thin tinkling accents,
"they were all alive in the pan."
"Ah, did they twitter?" said Mr. Belcovitch, pricking up his ears.
"No," Bessie interposed. "What do you mean?"
"At home in my town," said Mr. Belcovitch impressively, "a fish made a
noise in the pan one Friday."
"Well? and suppose?" said the Shalotten _Shammos_, passing a fig to the
rear, "the oil frizzles."
"Nothing of the kind," said Belcovitch angrily, "A real living noise.
The woman snatched it out of the pan and ran with it to the Rabbi. But
he did not know what to do. Fortunately there was staying with him for
the Sabbath a travelling Saint from the far city of Ridnik, a _Chasid_,
very skilful in plagues and purifications, and able to make clean a
creeping thing by a hundred and fifty reasons. He directed the woman to
wrap the fish in a shroud and give it honorable burial as quickly as
possible. The funeral took place the same afternoon and a lot of people
went in solemn procession to the woman's back garden and buried it with
all seemly rites, and the knife with which it had been cut was buried in
the same grave, having been defiled by contact with the demon. One man
said it should be burned, but that was absurd because the demon would be
only too glad to find itself in its native element, but to prevent Satan
from rebuking the woman any more its mouth was stopped with furnace
ashes. There was no time to obtain Palestine earth, which would have
completely crushed the demon."
"The woman must have committed some _Avirah_" said Karlkammer.
"A true story!" said the Shalotten _Shammos_, ironically. "That tale has
been over Warsaw this twelvemonth."
"It occurred when I was a boy," affirmed Belcovitch indignantly. "I
remember it quite well. Some people explained it favorably. Others were
of opinion that the soul of the fishmonger had transmigrated into the
fish, an opinion borne out by the death of the fishmonger a few days
before. And the Rabbi is still alive to prove it--may his light continue
to shine--though they write that he has lost his memory."
The Shalotten _Shammos_ sceptically passed a pear to his son. Old
Gabriel Hamburg, the scholar, came compassionately to the raconteur's
assistance.
"Rabbi Solomon Maimon," he said, "has left it on record that he
witnessed a similar funeral in Posen."
"It was well she buried it," said Karlkammer. "It was an atonement for a
child, and saved its life."
The Shalotten _Shammos_ laughed outright.
"Ah, laugh not," said Mrs. Belcovitch. "Or you might laugh with blood.
It isn't for my own sins that I was born with ill-matched legs."
"I must laugh when I hear of God's fools burying fish anywhere but in
their stomach," said the Shalotten _Shammos_, transporting a Brazil nut
to the rear, where it was quickly annexed by Solomon Ansell, who had
sneaked in uninvited and ousted the other boy from his coign of vantage.
The conversation was becoming heated; Breckeloff turned the topic.
"My sister has married a man who can't play cards," he said
lugubriously.
"How lucky for her," answered several voices.
"No, it's just her black luck," he rejoined. "For he _will_ play."
There was a burst of laughter and then the company remembered that
Breckeloff was a _Badchan_ or jester.
"Why, your sister's husband is a splendid player," said Sugarman with a
flash of memory, and the company laughed afresh.
"Yes," said Breckeloff. "But he doesn't give me the chance of losing to
him now, he's got such a stuck-up _Kotzon_. He belongs to Duke's Plaizer
_Shool_ and comes there very late, and when you ask him his birthplace
he forgets he was a _Pullack_ and says becomes from 'behind Berlin.'"
These strokes of true satire occasioned more merriment and were worth a
biscuit to Solomon Ansell _vice_ the son of the Shalotten _Shammos_.
Among the inoffensive guests were old Gabriel Hamburg, the scholar, and
young Joseph Strelitski, the student, who sat together. On the left of
the somewhat seedy Strelitski pretty Bessie in blue silk presided over
the coffee-pot. Nobody knew whence Bessie had stolen her good looks:
probably some remote ancestress! Bessie was in every way the most
agreeable member of the family, inheriting some of her father's brains,
but wisely going for the rest of herself to that remote ancestress.
Gabriel Hamburg and Joseph Strelitski had both had relations with No. 1
Royal Street for some time, yet they had hardly exchanged a word and
their meeting at this breakfast table found them as great strangers as
though they had never seen each other. Strelitski came because he
boarded with the Sugarmans, and Hamburg came because he sometimes
consulted Jonathan Sugarman about a Talmudical passage. Sugarman was
charged with the oral traditions of a chain of Rabbis, like an actor who
knows all the "business" elaborated by his predecessors, and even a
scientific scholar like Hamburg found him occasionally and fortuitously
illuminating. Even so Karlkammer's red hair was a pillar of fire in the
trackless wilderness of Hebrew literature. Gabriel Hamburg was a mighty
savant who endured all things for the love of knowledge and the sake of
six men in Europe who followed his work and profited by its results.
Verily, fit audience though few. But such is the fate of great scholars
whose readers are sown throughout the lands more sparsely than monarchs.
One by one Hamburg grappled with the countless problems of Jewish
literary history, settling dates and authors, disintegrating the Books
of the Bible into their constituent parts, now inserting a gap of
centuries between two halves of the same chapter, now flashing the light
of new theories upon the development of Jewish theology. He lived at
Royal Street and the British Museum, for he spent most of his time
groping among the folios and manuscripts, and had no need for more than
the little back bedroom, behind the Ansells, stuffed with mouldy books.
Nobody (who was anybody) had heard of him in England, and he worked on,
unencumbered by patronage or a full stomach. The Ghetto, itself, knew
little of him, for there were but few with whom he found intercourse
satisfying. He was not "orthodox" in belief though eminently so in
practice--which is all the Ghetto demands--not from hypocrisy but from
ancient prejudice. Scholarship had not shrivelled up his humanity, for
he had a genial fund of humor and a gentle play of satire and loved his
neighbors for their folly and narrowmindedness. Unlike Spinoza, too, he
did not go out of his way to inform them of his heterodox views, content
to comprehend the crowd rather than be misunderstood by it. He knew that
the bigger soul includes the smaller and that the smaller can never
circumscribe the bigger. Such money as was indispensable for the
endowment of research he earned by copying texts and hunting out
references for the numerous scholars and clergymen who infest the Museum
and prevent the general reader from having elbow room. In person he was
small and bent and snuffy. Superficially more intelligible, Joseph
Strelitski was really a deeper mystery than Gabriel Hamburg. He was
known to be a recent arrival on English soil, yet he spoke English
fluently. He studied at Jews' College by day and was preparing for the
examinations at the London University. None of the other students knew
where he lived nor a bit of his past history. There was a vague idea
afloat that he was an only child whose parents had been hounded to
penury and death by Russian persecution, but who launched it nobody
knew. His eyes were sad and earnest, a curl of raven hair fell forwards
on his high brow; his clothing was shabby and darned in places by his
own hand. Beyond accepting the gift of education at the hands of dead
men he would take no help. On several distinct occasions, the magic
name, Rothschild, was appealed to on his behalf by well-wishers, and
through its avenue of almoners it responded with its eternal quenchless
unquestioning generosity to students. But Joseph Strelitski always
quietly sent back these bounties. He made enough to exist upon by
touting for a cigar-firm in the evenings. In the streets he walked with
tight-pursed lips, dreaming no one knew what.
And yet there were times when his tight-pursed lips unclenched
themselves and he drew in great breaths even of Ghetto air with the huge
contentment of one who has known suffocation. "One can breathe here,"
he seemed to be saying. The atmosphere, untainted by spies, venal
officials, and jeering soldiery, seemed fresh and sweet. Here the ground
was stable, not mined in all directions; no arbitrary ukase--veritable
sword of Damocles--hung over the head and darkened the sunshine. In such
a country, where faith was free and action untrammelled, mere living was
an ecstasy when remembrance came over one, and so Joseph Strelitski
sometimes threw back his head and breathed in liberty. The
voluptuousness of the sensation cannot be known by born freemen.
When Joseph Strelitski's father was sent to Siberia, he took his
nine-year old boy with him in infringement of the law which prohibits
exiles from taking children above five years of age. The police
authorities, however, raised no objection, and they permitted Joseph to
attend the public school at Kansk, Yeniseisk province, where the
Strelitski family resided. A year or so afterwards the Yeniseisk
authorities accorded the family permission to reside in Yeniseisk, and
Joseph, having given proof of brilliant abilities, was placed in the
Yeniseisk gymnasium. For nigh three years the boy studied here,
astonishing the gymnasium with his extraordinary ability, when suddenly
the Government authorities ordered the boy to return at once "to the
place where he was born." In vain the directors of the gymnasium, won
over by the poor boy's talent and enthusiasm for study, petitioned the
Government. The Yeniseisk authorities were again ordered to expel him.
No respite was granted and the thirteen-year old lad was sent to Sokolk
in the Government of Grodno at the other extreme of European Russia,
where he was quite alone in the world. Before he was sixteen, he escaped
to England, his soul branded by terrible memories, and steeled by
solitude to a stern strength.
At Sugarman's he spoke little and then mainly with the father on
scholastic points. After meals he retired quickly to his business or his
sleeping-den, which was across the road. Bessie loved Daniel Hyams, but
she was a woman and Strelitski's neutrality piqued her. Even to-day it
is possible he might not have spoken to Gabriel Hamburg if his other
neighbor had not been Bessie. Gabriel Hamburg was glad to talk to the
youth, the outlines of whose English history were known to him.
Strelitski seemed to expand under the sunshine of a congenial spirit; he
answered Hamburg's sympathetic inquiries about his work without
reluctance and even made some remarks on his own initiative.
And as they spoke, an undercurrent of pensive thought was flowing in the
old scholar's soul and his tones grew tenderer and tenderer. The echoes
of Ebenezer's effusive speech were in his ears and the artificial notes
rang strangely genuine. All round him sat happy fathers of happy
children, men who warmed their hands at the home-fire of life, men who
lived while he was thinking. Yet he, too, had had his chance far back in
the dim and dusty years, his chance of love and money with it. He had
let it slip away for poverty and learning, and only six men in Europe
cared whether he lived or died. The sense of his own loneliness smote
him with a sudden aching desolation. His gaze grew humid; the face of
the young student was covered with a veil of mist and seemed to shine
with the radiance of an unstained soul. If he had been as other men he
might have had such a son. At this moment Gabriel Hamburg was speaking
of paragoge in Hebrew grammar, but his voice faltered and in imagination
he was laying hands of paternal benediction on Joseph Strelitski's head.
Swayed by an overmastering impulse he burst out at last.
"An idea strikes me!"
Strelitski looked up in silent interrogation at the old man's agitated
face.
"You live by yourself. I live by myself. We are both students. Why
should we not live together as students, too?"
A swift wave of surprise traversed Strelitski's face, and his eyes grew
soft. For an instant the one solitary soul visibly yearned towards the
other; he hesitated.
"Do not think I am too old," said the great scholar, trembling all over.
"I know it is the young who chum together, but still I am a student. And
you shall see how lively and cheerful I will be." He forced a smile that
hovered on tears. "We shall be two rackety young students, every night
raising a thousand devils. _Gaudeamus igitur_." He began to hum in his
cracked hoarse voice the _Burschen-lied_ of his early days at the Berlin
Gymnasium.
But Strelitski's face had grown dusky with a gradual flush and a
deepening gloom; his black eyebrows were knit and his lips set together
and his eyes full of sullen ire. He suspected a snare to assist him.
He shook his head. "Thank you," he said slowly. "But I prefer to live
alone."
And he turned and spoke to the astonished Bessie, and so the two strange
lonely vessels that had hailed each other across the darkness drifted
away and apart for ever in the waste of waters.
But Jonathan Sugarman's eye was on more tragic episodes. Gradually the
plates emptied, for the guests openly followed up the more substantial
elements of the repast by dessert, more devastating even than the rear
manoeuvres. At last there was nothing but an aching china blank. The men
looked round the table for something else to "_nash_," but everywhere
was the same depressing desolation. Only in the centre of the table
towered in awful intact majesty the great _Bar-mitzvah_ cake, like some
mighty sphinx of stone surveying the ruins of empires, and the least
reverent shrank before its austere gaze. But at last the Shalotten
_Shammos_ shook off his awe and stretched out his hand leisurely towards
the cake, as became the master of ceremonies. But when Sugarman the
_Shadchan_ beheld his hand moving like a creeping flame forward, he
sprang towards him, as the tigress springs when the hunter threatens her
cub. And speaking no word he snatched the great cake from under the hand
of the spoiler and tucked it under his arm, in the place where he
carried Nehemiah, and sped therewith from the room. Then consternation
fell upon the scene till Solomon Ansell, crawling on hands and knees in
search of windfalls, discovered a basket of apples stored under the
centre of the table, and the Shalotten _Shammos's_ son told his father
thereof ere Solomon could do more than secure a few for his brother and
sisters. And the Shalotten _Shammos_ laughed joyously, "Apples," and
dived under the table, and his long form reached to the other side and
beyond, and graybearded men echoed the joyous cry and scrambled on the
ground like schoolboys.
"_Leolom tikkach_--always take," quoted the _Badchan_ gleefully.
When Sugarman returned, radiant, he found his absence had been fatal.
"Piece of fool! Two-eyed lump of flesh," said Mrs. Sugarman in a loud
whisper. "Flying out of the room as if thou hadst the ague."
"Shall I sit still like thee while our home is eaten up around us?"
Sugarman whispered back. "Couldst thou not look to the apples? Plaster
image! Leaden fool! See, they have emptied the basket, too."
"Well, dost thou expect luck and blessing to crawl into it? Even five
shillings' worth of _nash_ cannot last for ever. May ten ammunition
wagons of black curses be discharged on thee!" replied Mrs. Sugarman,
her one eye shooting fire.
This was the last straw of insult added to injury. Sugarman was
exasperated beyond endurance. He forgot that he had a wider audience
than his wife; he lost all control of himself, and cried aloud in a
frenzy of rage, "What a pity thou hadst not a fourth uncle!"
Mrs. Sugarman collapsed, speechless.
"A greedy lot, marm," Sugarman reported to Mrs. Hyams on the Monday. "I
was very glad you and your people didn't come; dere was noding left
except de prospectuses of the Hamburg lotter_ee_ vich I left laying all
about for de guests to take. Being _Shabbos_ I could not give dem out."
"We were sorry not to come, but neither Mr. Hyams nor myself felt well,"
said the white-haired broken-down old woman with her painfully slow
enunciation. Her English words rarely went beyond two syllables.
"Ah!" said Sugarman. "But I've come to give you back your corkscrew."
"Why, it's broken," said Mrs. Hyams, as she took it.
"So it is, marm," he admitted readily. "But if you taink dat I ought to
pay for de damage you're mistaken. If you lend me your cat"--here he
began to make the argumentative movement with his thumb, as though
scooping out imaginary _kosher_ cheese with it; "If you lend me your cat
to kill my rat," his tones took on the strange Talmudic singsong--"and
my rat instead kills your cat, then it is the fault of your cat and not
the fault of my rat."
Poor Mrs. Hyams could not meet this argument. If Mendel had been at
home, he might have found a counter-analogy. As it was, Sugarman
re-tucked Nehemiah under his arm and departed triumphant, almost
consoled for the raid on his provisions by the thought of money saved.
In the street he met the Shalotten _Shammos_.
"Blessed art thou who comest," said the giant, in Hebrew; then relapsing
into Yiddish he cried: "I've been wanting to see you. What did you mean
by telling your wife you were sorry she had not a fourth uncle?"
"Soorka knew what I meant," said Sugarman with a little croak of
victory, "I have told her the story before. When the Almighty _Shadchan_
was making marriages in Heaven, before we were yet born, the name of my
wife was coupled with my own. The spirit of her eldest uncle hearing
this flew up to the Angel who made the proclamation and said: 'Angel!
thou art making a mistake. The man of whom thou makest mention will be
of a lower status than this future niece of mine.' Said the Angel; 'Sh!
It is all right. She will halt on one leg.' Came then the spirit of her
second uncle and said: 'Angel, what blazonest thou? A niece of mine
marry a man of such family?' Says the Angel: 'Sh! It is all right. She
will be blind in one eye.' Came the spirit of her third uncle and said:
'Angel, hast thou not erred? Surely thou canst not mean to marry my
future niece into such a humble family.' Said the Angel: 'Sh! It is all
right. She will be deaf in one ear.' Now, do you see? If she had only
had a fourth uncle, she would have been dumb into the bargain; there is
only one mouth and my life would have been a happy one. Before I told
Soorka that history she used to throw up her better breeding and finer
family to me. Even in public she would shed my blood. Now she does not
do it even in private."
Sugarman the _Shadchan_ winked, readjusted Nehemiah and went his way.