I met the mercurial Gosling at the club a few days ago. As I hadn't seen
him for some time I asked if he had been on a holiday. "Yes," he said,
"down at Shinglestrand. Golfing? No--yes. I did play one game, the first
since the War, and rather a remarkable game it was. I'm a member of the
golf-club there, and was down at the clubhouse one morning looking at
the papers when a fat middle-aged man, about my age, asked me if I cared
for a game. I didn't, but in a spirit of self-sacrifice said that I
should be very glad. 'I think I ought to tell you,' he went on, 'that I
don't care about playing with a 18-handicap man, and that I always like
to have a sovereign on the match.' Now I never was much of a player--too
erratic, I suppose. My handicap has gone up from 12 to 18, and the last
time I played it was about 24. But, exasperated by his swank, I suddenly
found myself saying, 'My handicap is 12.' 'Very well,' replied the fat
man, 'I'll give you 4 strokes.' We went out to the first tee, and after
he had made a moderate shot I hit the drive of my life. My second landed
on the green and I ran down a long putt--this for a 4-bogey hole. I'm
not going to bore you with details. I won the second and third holes,
and then the fat man went to pieces. I never wanted any of my strokes
and downed him by 5 and 3. As we re-entered the club-house my partner,
who had become strangely silent, walked up to the board which gives the
list of handicaps and looked at them. There was my name with 18 opposite
it. 'I thought you said your handicap was 12,' he observed. 'Well,' I
answered, 'it wasn't more than that this morning.' The fat man was very
angry. He said he would report me to the committee, and he did. But the
secretary (who happens to be my brother) played up nobly. He
communicated with the secretary of the fat man's club, whom he happened
to know, and, having found out that the fat man's handicap was not 6 but
12, he wrote to him to say that in view of the fact that 'the lies had
been equally bad on both sides' the committee did not propose to take
any action. The fat man got no change out of my brother and I kept my
sovereign."
* * * * *
The Globe Trotters.
"Mr. and Mrs. ----, of Knysna, are on a
visit to Knysna."--_South African Paper._
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE MAYOR AND CORPORATION OF SPARKLINGTON-ON-SEA SOLEMNLY
TOUCHING WOOD ON THE OCCASION OF THEIR SENDING OUT TO THE PRESS A NOTICE
THAT THEIR TOWN HAS NEVER SUFFERED FROM ENEMY AIR-RAIDS.]
* * * * *