Just a simple little story I've a fancy for inditing;
It shows the funny quarters in which chivalry may lodge,
A story about Africa, and Englishmen, and fighting,
And an unromantic hero by the name of Samuel Hodge.
"Samuel Hodge!" The words in question never previously filled a
Conspicuous place in fiction or the Chronicles of Fame;
And the Blood and Culture critics, or the Rosa and Matilda
School of Novelists would shudder at the mention of the name.
It was up the Gambia River--and of _that_ unpleasant station
It is chiefly in connection with the fever that we hear!--
That my hero with the vulgar and prosaic appellation
Was a private--mind, a private!--and a sturdy pioneer.
It's a dreary kind of region, where the river mists arising
Roll slowly out to seaward, dropping poison in their track.
And accordingly few gentlemen will find the fact surprising
That a rather small proportion of our garrison comes back!
It is filthy, it is foetid, it is sordid, it is squalid;
If you tried it for a season, you would very soon repent;
But the British trader likes it, and he finds a reason solid
For the liking, in his profit at the rate of cent, per cent.
And to guard the British traders, gallant men and merry younkers,
In their coats of blue and scarlet, still are stationed at the
post,
Whilst the migratory natives, who are known as "Tillie-bunkas,"
Grub up and down for ground-nuts and chaffer on the coast.
Furthermore, to help the trader in his laudable vocation,
We have heaps of little treaties with a host of little kings,
And, at times, the coloured caitiffs in their wild inebriation,
Gather round us, little hornets, with uncomfortable stings.
To my tale:--The King of Barra had been getting rather "sarsy,"
In fact, for such an insect, he was coming it too strong,
So we sent a small detachment--it was led by Colonel D'Arcy--
To drive him from his capital of Tubabecolong!
Now on due investigation, when his land they had invaded,
They learnt from information which was brought them by the guides
That the worthy King of Barra had completely _barra_caded
The spacious mud-construction where his majesty resides.
"At it, boys!" said Colonel D'Arcy, and himself was first to enter,
And his fellows tried to follow with the customary cheers;
Through the town he dashed impatient, but had scarcely reached the
centre
Ere he found the task before him was a task for pioneers.
For so strongly and so stoutly all the gates were palisaded,
The supports could never enter if he did not clear a way:--
But Sammy Hodge, perceiving how the foe might be "persuaded,"
Had certain special talents which he hastened to display.
Whilst the bullets, then, were flying, and the bayonets were glancing
Whilst the whole affair in fury rather heightened than relaxed,
With axe in hand, and silently, our pioneer advancing
SMOTE THE GATE; AND BADE IT OPEN; AND IT DID--AS IT WAS AXED!