If there is one thing I do dislike, it is to go into a draper's shop.
To my mind, it is not a man's business at all; it is one essentially
feminine. I have never been able to reconcile, myself to the
troublesome formalities one has to go through in these marts of
female finery; there seems to be no such thing as to pop inside for
a trifling article, lay down your money for it, and get away again.
No; the system of trade pursued at such establishments is undoubtedly
to get you to sit down, with leisure to look about you, and coax you
into buying things you don't want.
Years ago, when I was living in lonely lodgings, I had occasion one
Saturday night to slip into the nearest draper's shop for some pins.
"I only want a farthing's worth of pins," I observed,
apologetically, to the bald-headed shopwalker who pounced down upon
me. "Please to step this way." To my astonishment he marched me to
the extreme end of the shop, thence through an opening in the side
wall, past another long double row of dames and damsels of all sorts
and sizes making purchases, and finally referred me to a young lady
whose special function in life seemed to consist in selling pins to
adventurous young gentlemen like myself. She was an extremely good
looking young lady too, and I felt considerably embarrassed at the
insignificance of my purchase. "And the next thing, please?" she
asked, during the wrapping-up process. I informed her, as politely
as I could, that I did not require anything more.
"Gloves, handkerchiefs, collars, shirts, neckties--?"
"No thank you," I returned, "I only came in for the pins." But I was
not to be let off so easily.
Utterly ignoring the humble penny that I had laid down on the
counter, she showed me samples of almost everything in the shop
suitable for male wear. Blushing to the roots of my hair, I implored
her to spare herself further trouble, as my wardrobe was already
extensive. Then she showed me a sample silk umbrella. I was unwilling
to rush away abruptly from the presence of such a charming young
lady, but she provoked me to it; indeed, I was only prevented from
carrying out my design by my failure to discern the hole in the wall
through which I had been inveigled into that department. "If you
would be so good as to give me my change," I stammered out, feeling
heartily ashamed at the thought of wanting the change at all.
"Certainly sir." Then she proceeded to make out the bill. "Oh, never
mind about the bill," I said, "I'm rather in a hurry." Of this appeal
she took no notice. "Sign, please," she said to the young lady at her
elbow. "Pins, one farthing," she added to my utter confusion. The
second young lady made a wild flourish over the bill with her pencil
and turned away. My fair tormentor slowly wrapped my penny in the
bill, screwed up the whole inside a large wooden ball, jerked a
dangling cord at her elbow, then stood looking me straight in the
face as the ball went rolling along a set of tramway lines over our
heads to the other end of the shop. That was the most melancholy game
at skittles I ever took part in. It seemed an age before the ball
came back to us, whereupon the young lady took out the bill and my
change--a halfpenny. "We haven't a farthing in the place," she said
innocently, "What else will you take for it?" "Oh, it doesn't matter
at all," I returned, anxious only to rush away from the spot--which I
did. It was a good quarter-of-an-hour before I gained the street.
During that interval, I strayed into the carpet department, upset an
old lady, fell sprawling over a chair, rushed into the arms of the
shopwalker, knocked down a huge stack of flannels, trod on some
unfortunate young fellow's corn, making him howl with pain, and last,
not least, ran foul of a perambulator laden with a baby and the usual
Saturday night's marketing in the doorway.
I entered that shop full of hope and promise; I left it a melancholy
man.
Though not quite so exciting as the foregoing, there is an intimate
connection between that incident and the one I shall now dwell upon.
Let me tell the tale as I told it to my wife. The other day I brought
home a neat little Japanese basket--a mere knick-knack, costing only
twopence. "Oh, how pretty!" exclaimed my wife. "Wherever did you get
this?" "I bought it at a large shop in Regent Street," I answered,
"but it cost me a great deal of trouble to get it." Pressed for
particulars, I continued:
"I was amusing myself by looking at the shops, when I saw a lot of
these little Japanese baskets in the corner of a large window,
plainly marked twopence each. So I stepped inside to buy one. The
door was promptly opened for me by a black boy, resplendent in
gold-faced livery. He made me a profound salaam, as a gentleman of
aristocratic bearing came forward to meet me. 'And what may I have
the pleasure of showing you?' he inquired. 'Oh!' I returned, not
without some misgivings, 'I only want one of those little Japanese
baskets which you have in one corner of the window, marked, I
believe, twopence each.' 'Certainly, sir. Will you be so kind as to
step into this department?' he said.
"Meekly I followed him through long avenues of silks, damasks,
brocades, and other costly examples of Oriental luxury in all the
tints of the rainbow. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable at the
thought of causing him so much trouble, when he paused at the
entrance to another department, and called out, 'Japanese baskets,
please.' Then turning to me, he said, 'If you will be good enough to
step forward, they will be most happy to serve you.' I did so, and
found myself on the threshold of an Eastern bazaar. Another nobleman
now took me in hand. 'And what may I have the pleasure----' he began,
making a courteous bow. 'I only want one of those little Japanese
baskets which you have in a corner of your window, marked, I believe,
twopence each--or, possibly, they may be two shillings?' I said in a
shaky voice. 'No, sir, quite right--they are twopence each,' he
replied, to my great relief; for I had begun to suspect they might be
two guineas. 'Will you do me the favour to step this way?' While
following at his side, I asked myself whether, at the end of my
travels, I should ever be able to find my way back again; so
bewildering were the ramifications through which we passed. Presently
he handed me over to another nobleman, who, having learned my
pleasure (which by this time had developed rather painful
tendencies), graciously escorted me to the further end of a long
counter, and begged me to take a chair. A stylishly-dressed young
lady sailed towards us behind the counter. 'I shall feel extremely
obliged,' said the nobleman to her, 'If you will be so good as to
request Miss Doubleyou to step down, and serve this gentleman. 'Yes,
sir,' answered the young lady, as she vanished somewhere behind me;
for my eyes were now following the retreating figure of the nobleman.
After a little while I heard a pattering of feet, and, looking round,
beheld some tokens of a young lady descending a spiral staircase. She
was behind the counter the next moment and then I made a discovery.
It was the same young lady who had served me with the farthing's
worth of pins years before! I recognised her at once, and I suspect
the recognition was mutual. But, of course, she never betrayed the
least emotion.'And what article may I have the pleasure to serve you
with?' she asked, m the still small voice of a duchess. There was a
gulping sensation in my throat as I answered, 'You have, I believe,
in one corner of one of your windows a number of little Japanese
baskets, marked, if my eyes did not deceive me, twopence each. (The
graceful nod of her head was reassuring.) I should be very glad to
become the possessor of one of those articles.' 'Certainly, sir, I'll
bring it to you,' she answered. 'Oh, thank you!' I returned,
delighted at the prospect; and so she departed on her errand of
mercy.
"Whether, by the rules of the establishment, it was necessary for her
to obtain a written permission from each of those three noblemen to
pass over their territory and invade the shop window, or whether she
lost herself in the numerous windings and turnings through which I
had been conducted in perfect safety, I cannot say; I only know that
she was gone a very long time. But when at last she made her
reappearance with one of those little Japanese baskets in her hand,
and beaming with smiles, I felt I owed her an everlasting debt of
gratitude. She did not ask me if there was any other article she
could have the pleasure of showing me; she had asked me that before
and she remembered that I was proof against her persuasiveness! The
fair creature simply made a movement towards the spiral staircase,
as I thought, to fetch down a witness to the important transaction,
until my eyes rested on some tissue paper. 'Pray don't stay to wrap
it up,' I exclaimed, 'my pockets are ample,' and my thanks were
profuse. Seizing the coveted treasure, I laid my twopence down on the
counter and walked straight forward in a contrary direction to that
by which I had entered, gladdened by the prospect that I was making
direct for the street. If anyone had arrested my progress for the
sake of further formalities, I should unquestionably have knocked
them down. But everyone must have seen the glare of defiant
desperation flashing from my restless eyes and no one dared to bar
my egress. As I emerged from that shop into Regent Street, I felt as
exhausted as if I had just bought a grand piano or a suite of
furniture. 'Really,' I said to my wife in conclusion, 'if I could
have foreseen all the trouble in store for me over buying this
little Japanese basket, price twopence, it would have been still
reposing with its companions in the corner of that magnificent shop
window in Regent Street.'"
She promised to prize it all the more on that account. And now, when
I look at that little Japanese basket, my mind wanders back to the
farthing's worth of pins I purchased in my old bachelor days.