A CONFESSION
"--Already dead!" Carroll did not know if his lips framed the words or if
the walls of the room had echoed. He was startled at a time when he
fancied that there could be no further surprise in store for him. He
found himself eyeing the woman and he wondered that he gave credence to
her statement.
Naomi was sitting straight, large black eyes dilated, hands gripping the
arms of the chair tightly, lips slightly parted. Even under the stress of
the moment Carroll was actually conscious of her feminine allure; unable
to free himself of her hypnotic personality. She spoke--but he scarcely
heard her words through his chaos of thought.
"He was dead--before I got into the taxi-cab."
He saw that she was fighting to impress upon him the truth of her
well-nigh unbelievable statement, that every atom of her brain strove
desperately to convince him. And then she relaxed suddenly, as though
from too great strain, and a shudder passed over her.
"I knew--I knew--"
"You knew _what_, Mrs. Lawrence?"
"I knew that you would not believe me. Oh! it's true--this story I am
telling you. But I knew no one could believe it--it stretches one's
credulity too far. That is why I have kept silent through all these days
which have passed--that and a desire to save Evelyn and my husband."
"You love your husband?" Carroll bit his lips. The question had slipped
out before he realized that he had formed the words. But she did not
evade the issue--
"I despise him, Mr. Carroll. But he has played square with me--more so
than I have with him. And publication of this would hurt him--"
"Because he cares for you?"
"No. But because he is proud: because he is jealous of his personal
possessions--of which I am one."
"I see--And Mr. Warren--?"
She spread her hands in a helpless, hopeless gesture. "What's the use,
Mr. Carroll? Why, should I wrack myself with the story when you do not
even believe the reason upon which it is based? If you only believed me
when I tell you that when I got into the taxicab Roland had already
been killed--"
"I do believe that," returned Carroll gently.
She inbreathed sharply, then her eyes narrowed a trifle. "Do you mean
that--or is it bait to make me talk?"
"I can not do more than repeat my statement. I believe what you
have told me."
She held his eyes for a moment, then slowly hers shrank from the contact.
"You are telling me the truth," she ventured.
"And if you will tell me the whole story, Mrs. Lawrence--I shall see what
I can do for you."
"What is there to do for me? There is no way to keep my name from it--my
name and the story of the mistake which I made--was willing to make."
"Good God! No."
"If we--" he used the pronoun unconsciously--"can establish that, there
may be some way of keeping the details from the public. Suppose you
start at the beginning--and tell me what there is to tell?"
She hesitated. "Everything?"
"Everything--or nothing. A portion of the story will not help either of
us. Of course you don't have to--"
Impulsively she leaned forward. "There is something about you, Mr.
Carroll, which makes me trust you. I feel that you are a friend rather
than an enemy."
He bowed gratefully. "Thank you."
"It really began shortly after my marriage to Mr. Lawrence--" she had
started her story before she knew it. "I knew that I had made a mistake.
He is nearly thirteen years older than I--a man of icy disposition, a
nature which is cruel in its frigidity. I am not that--that kind of a
woman, Mr. Carroll. I should not have married that type of man.
"He was good enough to me in his own peculiar way. I have a little money
of my own: he is wealthy. He liked to dress me up and show me off. He was
liberal with money--if not with kindness--when there was trouble in my
family. After my parents died he allowed Evelyn to live with us. They
have never liked one another--the more reason why I am grateful to him
for allowing her to remain in the house.
"That is the life we have led together. We have long since ceased to have
anything in common. He has kept to himself and I have remained alone. So
far as the world knew--our home life was tranquil. Unbearably so--to a
nature like mine which loves love--and life.
"I grew to hate my husband as a man much as I admired him in certain ways
for his brain and his achievement. Our individualities are millions of
miles apart. There was no oneness in our married life. And gradually he
learned that I hated him--and he became contemptuous. That stung my
pride. He didn't care. I felt--felt unsexed!
"No need to go into further detail. Sufficient to say that I became
desperate for a little affection, a little kindness, a little recognition
of the fact that I am a woman--and a not entirely unattractive one. It
was about then that I met Roland Warren.
"I wonder if you understand women, Mr. Carroll? I wonder if it is
possible for you to comprehend their psychological reactions? Because if
you cannot--you will never understand what Roland Warren meant to me. You
will never understand the condition which has led to--this tragedy."
She paused and Carroll nodded. "You can trust me to understand."
"I believe you do. I believe you understand something of what was going
on within me when Roland came into my life. In the light of what has
transpired, the fact that I was neglected by my husband seems
absurd--trivial. But it is not absurd--it is _not_ trivial!
"Mr. Warren was kind to me. He was attentive--courteous--I believe that
he really loved me. I may have been fooled, of course. Starved as I was
for the affection of a man, I may have been blind to the sincerity of his
protestations. But I believed him.
"As to how I felt toward him: I don't know. I liked him--admired him. I
believe that I loved him. But again we are faced with the abnormal
condition in which I found myself. I believe I loved him as I believe he
loved me. He represented a chance for life when for three years I had
been dead--living and breathing--yet dead as a woman. And that is the
most terrible of all deaths.
"We planned to elope. Don't ask me how I could consider such a thing.
There is no answer possible. It wasn't a sane decision--but I decided
that I would. There was the craving to get away from things--to try to
start over. To revel in the richest things of life for awhile. I was
selfish--unutterably so. I didn't think then of the effect on my
husband--or of the effect on Evelyn. I was selfish--yes. But immoral--no!
What I planned to do--under the circumstances--was not immoral. Even yet
I cannot convince myself that it was.
"Roland laid all his plans to leave the city. In all my delirium of
preparation--the hiding and the secrecy--I felt sincerely sorry for only
one person, and that person was Hazel Gresham to whom Mr. Warren was
engaged. I believe she was in love with him. But so was I--and if he
loved me--as I said before, Mr. Carroll--I was selfish!
"On the morning of the day we were to go--my husband was in Nashville,
you know--Mr. Warren came to the house in his car. He showed me that he
had reserved a drawing-room for us to New York. In order that we would
not be seen together, he gave me one of the railroad tickets. I was to
reach the Union Station ten minutes before train time. If you
recall--the train on which we were to go was quite late that night.
"We planned not to talk to one another at the station until after
boarding the train. Morning would have published news of the scandal
broadcast, but until the irrevocable step had been taken--we determined
to avoid gossip. And, Mr. Carroll--I was then--what is called a 'good
woman'. My faithlessness up to that time, and to this moment, had been
mental--and mental only.
"When he left me that morning he took with him my suit-case. We had
agreed that I was not to take a trunk: that I was to buy--a
trousseau--in New York. I looked upon it almost as a honeymoon. He took
my suit-case to the Union Station and checked it there. I did not see
him again that day."
"Toward evening--knowing that my husband was not due back until the
following morning, and realizing that I could not leave Evelyn alone in
the house--I suggested that she spend the night with Hazel Gresham. She
was surprised--knowing that I dread to be alone at night--but was ready
enough to go. I was not overcome with either emotion or shame when I told
her good-bye that afternoon. I was so hungry for happiness that I was
dead to the other emotions.
"I went to the station that night in a street car. I had telephoned in
advance and learned that the train was late. The night was the worst of
the winter--bitterly cold. When I reached the station, I saw that Roland
was already there, and as he saw me enter, he left through the opposite
door--walking out to the platform which parallels the railroad tracks.
"Then from the outside, he motioned me to follow. He wanted to talk to
me, but would not risk doing so where we might be seen. I sat down for
awhile, then, as casually as I could, followed him onto the station
platform. I saw him down at the far end near the baggage room. Again he
motioned to me to follow him. And he started out past the baggage room
into the railroad yards.
"I was very grateful to him. He was taking no risk of our being seen
together. I followed slowly--not seeing him, but knowing that he would be
waiting for me out there. You understand where I mean? It is in that
section of the railroad yards where through trains leave their early
morning Pullmans--the tracks are parallel to Atlantic Avenue--and also
the main line tracks running into the Union Station shed.
"I was conscious of the intense cold, but excitement buoyed me up. I
passed through the gate which ordinarily bars passengers from the tracks,
but which that night had either been left open or opened by Roland. The
wind, as I stepped from under the shelter of the station shed, was
terrific: howling across the yards, stinging with sleet. It was very
slippery under foot--I had to watch closely. And I was just a trifle
nervous because here and there through the yards I could see
lanterns--yard workers and track walkers, I presume. And occasionally the
headlight of a switch engine zigzagged across the tracks--I was afraid
I'd be caught in the glare--
"Finally, I saw Warren. He had walked about a hundred and fifty yards
down the track and was standing in the shelter of the Pullman office
building. It was very dark there--just enough light for me to make out
his silhouette. I started forward--then stopped: frightened.
"For I distinctly saw the figure of a man coming into the yards from
Atlantic Avenue. From the moment I noticed him I had the peculiar
impression that the man had not only seen Mr. Warren and intended
speaking to him--but also that the meeting was not unexpected. I stopped
where I was and strained my eyes through the darkness--
"I could not see much--save that they were talking. Of course I could
hear nothing. I was shivering--but more with premonition of tragedy than
with the terrific cold. Then suddenly I saw the two shadows merge--the
combined shadow whirled strangely. I knew that Mr. Warren was fighting
with this other man.
"I started forward again. Then I saw one of the shadows step back from
the other. There was the flash of a revolver--no noise, because a train
was rolling under the shed at the moment. But I saw the flash of the gun.
I stood motionless, horrified. I didn't advance, didn't run--
"I knew that the man who had been shot was Mr. Warren. I didn't know
what to do. I felt suddenly lost; hopeless--And watching, I saw one
figure stoop and lift the prostrate man. He dragged him across the
tracks to the inky darkness between the Pullman offices and the rear of
the baggage room. I don't know what he did there--but I remember
looking toward Atlantic Avenue and seeing a yellow taxicab parked
against the curb. I could see that there was no one in the driver's
seat--and while I watched I saw the man who had done the shooting drag
Mr. Warren's body to the taxicab. It was dark in the street--the arc
light on the corner was out--
"I saw him throw Mr. Warren's body into the taxicab. It was then that I
turned and fled toward the station.
"I can't tell you how I felt. At a time like that one doesn't pause to
analyze one's emotional reactions. I was conscious of horror--of that and
the idea that I must save myself. And then the thought struck me that
perhaps Mr. Warren was _not_ dead. Perhaps he was only badly wounded. If
that were the case I knew that he would freeze to death in the cab. It
was necessary to get to him--
"By that time I had reached the waiting room. I saw his suit-case--and
then, Mr. Carroll--I thought of something else: something which made it
imperative that I get to Mr. Warren--" She stopped suddenly.
Carroll--eyes wide with interest--motioned her on.
"You thought of something--something which made it necessary for you to
get to him?"
"Yes. I remembered that he had in his pocket the check for my suit-case!
He had checked it himself that day. I realized in a flash that there
would be a police investigation--and the minute that checkroom stub was
found, the detectives would have followed it up. They would have
discovered my suit-case. My name would then have been indelibly linked
with his--in--in that way--
"So there were two reasons why I knew I must get into that taxicab: to
recover the suit-case check--and to either assure myself that he was
dead, or else take him where he could get expert medical attention.
Almost before I knew what I was doing I seized his suit-case, which he
had left on the floor of the waiting room. I left the station along with
several passengers who had come in on the local train. I called the
taxicab--I told him to drive me to some place on East End Avenue--gave
him some address which I knew was a long distance away--so that I would
have time to learn if he was dead--and if he wasn't, to get him to a
doctor's; and if he was, to find the check--the finding of which in his
pocket would have connected me with the affair.
"He was dead!" She paused--choked--and went on gamely. "I got out of the
taxicab when it slowed down at a railroad crossing. I walked half the
distance back to town, then caught the last street car home--"
Her voice died away. Carroll relaxed slowly. Then a puzzled frown creased
his forehead--
"The man who did the actual shooting," he said quietly--"have you the
slightest idea as to his identity?"
"No." Her manner was almost indifferent: the strain was over--she was
hardly conscious of what she was saying. "He was smaller than Mr.
Warren--a man of about my husband's size--"
She stopped abruptly! Carroll's gaze grew steely--he made a note of the
expression of horror in her eyes.
"About your husband's size!" he repeated softly.