|A SINGULAR thing occurred in England the other day, and in view of its
truth, and also in order that the American side of the affair may be
shown in the correct light, we give the facts as they occurred, having
obtained our information directly from the parties who were implicated
in the affair. We hesitate to take hold of the subject, but our duty to
the American people demands some action, and we do not falter.
During the past winter there arrived in London a suspicious-looking
metallic box, with a peculiar thumb-screw or button on the top. It was
sent by mail, and was addressed to a prominent land owner. This
gentleman had been on the watch for some explosive machine for some
time, and when it was brought to him, he at once turned it over to the
authorities for investigation. The police force, detective force and
chemists were called in, and requested to ascertain the nature of the
infernal machine, and, if possible, where it came from.
Experts examined the box, and, with the aid of a cord attached to
the suspicious button on top, pulled open the metallic box without
explosion. The substance contained therein, was of a dark color, with a
strong smell of ammonia. All kinds of tests were made by the experts, in
order to ascertain of what kind of combustible it was composed. The odor
was carefully noted, as well as the taste, and then there was a careful
chemical analysis made, which was barren of result. In the midst of
the general alarm, the London papers, with large scare-heads and
astonishers, gave full and elaborate reports of the attempt upon the
life of a prominent man, through the agency of a new and very peculiar
machine, loaded with an explosive, of which scientists could gain no
knowledge or information whatever.
It looked as though the assassin was far in advance of science, or at
least of professional chemists, and the matter was about to be given up
in despair, when the following letter arrived from San Antonio, Texas,
United States of America:
"My Dear Sir:--I sent you by a recent mail, prepaid, a small metallic
box of bat guano, from the caves of Texas, for analysis and experiment.
Please acknowledge receipt of saine.
"Morton Frewen."
Then the experts went home. They felt as though science had done all it
could in this case, and they needed rest, and perfect calm, and change
of scene. They hadn't seen their families for some time, and they wanted
to go home and get acquainted with their wives. They didn't ask for
any pay for their services. They just said it was in the interest of
science, and they couldn't have the heart to charge anything for it. One
chemist started off without his umbrella, and never went back after it.
When he got home he was troubled with nausea, and they had to feed him
on cracker toast for several weeks.
We tell this incident simply to vindicate America. The London papers
did not give all the proceedings, and we feel it our duty to place the
United States upon a square footing with England in this matter. Of
course it is a little tough on the experts, but when we know our duty
to our magnificent country and the land that gave us birth, there is no
earthly power we fear, no terrestrial snoozer who can deter us from its
performance.