|AT the October term of the district court we shall resign the office of
United States Commissioner for this judicial district, an office which
we have held so long, and with such great credit to ourself. Fearing
that in the hurry and rush of other business our contemporaries might
overlook the matter, we have consented to mention, briefly, the fact
that at the opening of court, Judge Blair will be called upon to accept
the resignation of one of our most tried and true officials, who has for
so long held up this corner of the great national fabric.
It has been our solemn duty to examine the greaser who sold liquor
to our red brother, and filled him up with the deadly juice of the
sour-mash tree. It has devolved upon us to singe the soft-eyed lad who
stole baled hay from the reservation, and it has also been our glorious
privilege to examine, in a preliminary manner, the absent-minded party
who gathered unto himself the U. S. mule.
We have attempted to resign before, but failed. One reason was, that it
was a novel proceeding in Wyoming, and no one seemed to know how to go
to work at it. No one had ever resigned before, and the matter had to be
hunted up and the law thoroughly understood.
The office is one of great profit, as we have said before. It brings
wealth into the coffers of the U. S. Commissioner in a way that is well
calculated to turn the head of most people. We have, however, succeeded
in controlling ourself, and have so far suppressed that beastly pride
which wealth engenders. With a salary of $7.25 per annum, and lead
pencils, we have-steadily refused to go to Europe, preferring rather to
plod along here in the wild west, although we may never see the beauties
of a foreign shore.
Official duty was at all times weighing upon our mind like a leaden
load. Oft in the stilly night we have been wakened by the oppressing
thought that, perhaps at that moment, on some distant reservation, some
pale-faced villain might be selling valley-tan to the gentle, untutored
Indian brave, and it has tortured us and robbed us of slumber and joy.
Now it is a relief to know that very soon we shall be free from this
great responsibility. If an Indian gets drunk on the reservation, or a
time-honored government mule is stolen, we shall not be expected to
get up in the night and administer swift and terrible justice to the
offender. Old-man-with-a-torpid-liver can go as drunk as he pleases on
the reservation. It does not come under our jurisdiction any more. We
can sleep now nights while some other man peels his coat, and acts as
the United States nemesis for this diocese.
Sometime during the ensuing week we will turn over the lead pencil and
the blotting paper of the office to our successor. We leave the Indian
temperance movement in his hands. The United States mule, kleptomaniac
also, we leave with him. With a clear conscience and an unliquidated
claim against the government for $9.55, the earnings of the past two
years, we turn over the office, knowing that although we have sacrificed
our health, we have never evaded our duty, no matter how dangerous or
disagreeable.
Yet we do not ask for any gold-headed cane as a mark of esteem on the
part of the government. We have a watch that does very well for us, so
that a testimonial consisting of a gold watch, costing $250, would be
unnecessary. Any little trinket of that kind would, of course, show
how ready the department of justice is to appreciate the work of an
efficient officer, but we do not look for it, nor ask it. A thoroughly
fumigated and disinfected conscience is all we want. That is enough for
us. Do not call out the band. Just let us retire from the office quietly
and unostentatiously. As regards the United States Commissionership, we
retire to private life. In the bosom of our family we will forget the
turbulent voyage of official life through which we have passed, and as
we monkey with the children around our hearthstone, we will shut our
eyes to the official suffering that is going on on all around us.