THE LAST CONVERSATION BETWEEN GODOLPHIN AND CONSTANCE.--HIS THOUGHTS
AND SOLITARY WALK AMIDST THE SCENES OF HIS YOUTH.--THE LETTER.--THE
DEPARTURE.
They had denied themselves to all the visitors who had attacked the
Priory; but on their first arrival, they had deemed it necessary to
conciliate their neighbours by concentrating into one formal act of
hospitality all those social courtesies which they could not persuade
themselves to relinquish their solitude in order singly to perform.
Accordingly, a day had been fixed for one grand fete at the Priory; it
was to follow close on the election, and be considered as in honour
of that event. The evening for this gala succeeded that which I have
recorded in the last chapter. It was with great reluctance that they
prepared themselves to greet this sole interruption of their seclusion;
and they laughed, although they did not laugh cordially, at the serious
annoyance which the giving a ball was for the first time to occasion to
persons who had been giving balls for a succession of years.
The day was remarkably still and close; the sun had not once pierced
through the dull atmosphere, which was charged with the yet silent but
gathering thunder; and as the evening came on, the sullen tokens of an
approaching storm became more and more loweringly pronounced.
“We shall not, I fear, have propitious weather for our festival
to-night,” said Godolphin; “but after a general election, people’s
nerves are tolerably hardened: what are the petty fret and tumult of
nature, lasting but an hour, to the angry and everlasting passions of
men?”
“A profound deduction from a wet night, dear Percy,” said Constance,
smiling.
“Like our friend C----,” rejoined Godolphin, in the same vein; “I can
philosophise on the putting on one’s gloves, you know:” and therewith
their conversation flowed into a vein singularly contrasted with the
character of the coming events. Time fled on as they were thus engaged
until Constance started up, surprised at the lateness of the hour, to
attend the duties of the toilette.
“Wear this, dearest,” said Godolphin, taking a rose from a flower-stand
by the window, “in memory of that ball at Wendover Castle, which
although itself passed bitterly enough for me, has yet left so many
happy recollections.” Constance put the rose into her bosom; its leaves
were then all fresh and brilliant--so were her prospects for the future.
He kissed her forehead as they parted;--they parted for the last time.
Godolphin, left alone, turned to the window, which, opening to the
ground, invited him forth among the flowers that studded the grass-plots
which sloped away to the dark and unwavering trees that girded the
lawn. That pause of nature which precedes a storm ever had a peculiar
attraction to his mind; and instinctively he sauntered from the house,
wrapped in the dreaming, half-developed thought which belonged to his
temperament. Mechanically he strayed on until he found himself beside
the still lake which the hollows of the dismantled park embedded. There
he paused, gazing unconsciously on the gloomy shadows which fell from
the arches of the Priory and the tall trees around. Not a ripple stirred
the broad expanse of waters; the birds had gone to rest; no sound, save
the voice of the distant brook that fed the lake beside which, on the
first night of his return to his ancestral home, he had wandered with
Constance, broke the universal silence. That voice was never mute. All
else might be dumb; but that living stream, rushing through its rocky
bed, stilled not its repining music. Like the soul of the landscape is
the gush of a fresh stream; it knows no sleep, no pause; it works for
ever--the life, the cause of life to all around. The great frame of
nature may repose, but the spirit of the waters rests not for a moment.
As the soul of the landscape is the soul of man, in our deepest slumbers
its course glides on, and works unsilent, unslumbering, through its
destined channel.
With slow step and folded arms Godolphin moved along. The
well-remembered scenes of his childhood were all before him; the wild
verdure of the fern, the broken ground, with its thousand mimic mounts
and valleys, the deep dell overgrown with matted shrubs and dark as a
wizard’s cave; the remains of many a stately vista, where the tender
green of the lime showed forth, even in that dusky light, beneath the
richer leaves of the chestnut; all was familiar and home-breathing
to his mind. Fragments of boyish verse, forgotten for years, rose
hauntingly to his remembrance, telling of wild thoughts, unsatisfied
dreams, disappointed hopes.
“But I am happy at last,” said he aloud; “yes, happy. I have passed that
bridge of life which divides us from the follies of youth; and better
prospects, and nobler desires, extend before me. What a world of wisdom
in that one saying of Radclyffe’s, ‘Benevolence is the sole cure to
idealism;’ to live for others draws us from demanding miracles for
ourselves. What duty as yet have I fulfilled? I renounced ambition as
unwise, and with it I renounced wisdom itself. I lived for pleasure--I
lived the life of disappointment. Without one vicious disposition, I
have fallen into a hundred vices; I have never been actively selfish,
yet always selfish. I nursed high thoughts--for what end? A poet in
heart, a voluptuary in life. If mine own interest came into clear
collision with that of another, mine I would have sacrificed, but I
never asked if the whole course of my existence was not that of a war
with the universal interest. Too thoughtful to be without a leading
principle in life, the one principle I adopted has been one error. I
have tasted all that imagination can give to earthly possession: youth,
health, liberty, knowledge, love, luxury, pomp. Woman was my first
passion,--what woman have I wooed in vain? I imagined that my career
hung upon Constance’s breath--Constance loved and refused me. I
attributed my errors to that refusal; Constance became mine--how have I
retrieved them? A vague, a dim, an unconfessed remorse has pursued me in
the memory of Lucilla; yet, why not have redeemed that fault to her by
good to others? What is penitence not put into action, but the
great fallacy in morals? A sin to one, if irremediable, can only be
compensated by a virtue to some one else. Yet was I to blame in my
conduct to Lucilla? Why should conscience so haunt me at that name? Did
I not fly her? Was it not herself who compelled our union? Did I not
cherish, respect, honour, forbear with her, more than I have since with
my wedded Constance? Did I not resolve to renounce Constance herself,
when most loved, for Lucilla’s sake alone? Who prevented that
sacrifice--who deserted me--who carved out her own separate
life?--Lucilla herself. No, so far, my sin is light. But ought I not to
have left all things to follow her, to discover her, to force upon her
an independence from want, or possibly from crime? Ah, there was my
sin, and the sin of my nature; the sin, too, of the children of
the world--passive sin. I could sacrifice my happiness, but not my
indolence; I was not ungenerous, I was inert. But is it too late? Can
I not yet search, discover her, and remove from my mind the anxious
burthen which her remembrance imposes on it? For, oh, one thought of
remorse linked with the being who has loved us, is more intolerable to
the conscience than the gravest crime!”
Muttering such thoughts, Godolphin strayed on until the deepening night
suddenly recalled his attention to the lateness of the hour. He turned
to the house and entered his own apartment. Several of the guests had
already come. Godolphin was yet dressing, when a servant knocked at the
door and presented him with a note.
“Lay it on the table,” said he to the valet; “it is probably some excuse
about the ball.”
“Sir,” said the servant, “a lad has just brought it from S----,” naming
a village about four miles distant; “and says he is to wait for an
answer. He was ordered to ride as fast as possible.”
With some impatience Godolphin took up the note; but the moment his eye
rested on the writing, it fell from his hands; his cheek, his lips,
grew as white as death; his heart seemed to refuse its functions; it
was literally as if life stood still for a moment, as by the force of a
sudden poison. With a strong effort he recovered himself, tore open the
note, and read as follows:
“Percy Godolphin, the hour has arrived-once more we shall meet. I
summon you, fair love, to that meeting--the bed of death. Come! Lucilla
Volktman.”
“Don’t alarm the countess,” said Godolphin to his servant, in a very
low, calm voice; “bring my horse to the postern, and send the bearer of
this note to me.”
The messenger appeared--a rough country lad, of about eighteen or
twenty.
“You brought this note?”
“I did, your honour.”
“From whom?”
“Why, a sort of a strange lady as is lying at the ‘Chequers,’ and not
expected to live. She be mortal bad, sir, and do run on awesome.”
Godolphin pressed his hands convulsively together.
“And how long has she been there?”
“She only came about two hours since, sir; she came in a chaise, sir,
and was taken so ill, that we sent for the doctor directly. He says she
can’t get over the night.”
Godolphin walked to and fro, without trusting himself to speak, for
some minutes. The boy stood by the door, pulling about his hat, and
wondering, and staring, and thoroughly stupid.
“Did she come alone?”
“Eh, your honour?”
“Was no one with her?”
“Oh, yes! a little nigger girl: she it was sent me with the letter.”
“The horse is ready, sir,” said the servant; “but had you not better
have the carriage brought out? It looks very black; it must rain
shortly, sir; and the ford between this and S---- is dangerous to cross
in so dark a night.”
“Peace!” cried Godolphin, with flashing eyes, and a low convulsive
laugh. “Shall I ride to that death-bed at my ease and leisure?”
He strode rapidly down the stairs, and reached the small postern door:
it was a part of the old building: one of the grooms held his impatient
horse--the swiftest in his splendid stud; and the dim but flaring light,
held by another of the servitors, streamed against the dull heavens and
the imperfectly seen and frowning ruins of the ancient pile.
Godolphin, unconscious of all around, and muttering to himself, leaped
on his steed: the fire glinted from the coursers hoofs; and thus the
last lord of that knightly race bade farewell to his father’s halls.
Those words which he had muttered, and which his favourite servant
caught and superstitiously remembered, were the words in Lucilla’s
note--“The hour has arrived!”
CHAPTER THE LAST.
A DREAD MEETING.--THE STORM.--THE CATASTROPHE.
On the humble pallet of the village inn lay the broken form of the
astrologer’s expiring daughter. The surgeon of the place sat by the
bedside, dismayed and terrified, despite his hardened vocation, by the
wild words and ghastly shrieks that ever and anon burst from the lips
of the dying woman. The words were, indeed, uttered in a foreign tongue
unfamiliar to the leech, a language not ordinarily suited to inspire
terror; the language of love, and poetry, and music, the language of the
sweet South. But, uttered in that voice where the passions of the soul
still wrestled against the gathering weakness of the frame, the soft
syllables sounded harsh and fearful; and the dishevelled locks of the
sufferer--the wandering fire of the sunken eyes--the distorted gestures
of the thin, transparent arms, gave fierce effect to the unknown words,
and betrayed the dark strength of the delirium which raged upon her.
One wretched light on the rude table opposite the bed broke the gloom of
the mean chamber; and across the window flashed the first lightnings
of the storm about to break. By the other side of the bed sat,
mute, watchful, tearless, the Moorish girl, who was Lucilla’s sole
attendant--her eyes fixed on the sufferer with faithful, unwearying
love; her ears listening, with all the quick sense of her race, to
catch, amidst the growing noises of the storm, and the tread of
hurrying steps below, the expected sound of the hoofs that should herald
Godolphin’s approach.
Suddenly, as if exhausted by the paroxysm of her disease, Lucilla’s
voice sank into silence; and she lay so still, so motionless, that, but
for the faint and wavering pulse of the hand, which the surgeon was
now suffered to hold, they might have believed the tortured spirit was
already released. This torpor lasted for some minutes, when, raising
herself up, as a bright gleam of intelligence stole over the hollow
cheeks, Lucilla put her finger to her lips, smiled, and said, in a low,
clear voice, “Hark! he comes!”
The Moor crept across the chamber, and opening the door, stood there in
a listening attitude. She, as yet, heard not the tread of the speeding
charger;--a moment, and it smote her ear; a moment more it halted by
the inn door: the snort of the panting horse--the rush of steps--Percy
Godolphin was in the room--was by the bedside--the poor sufferer was in
his arms; and softened, thrilled, overpowered, Lucilla resigned herself
to that dear caress; she drank in the sobs of his choked voice; she
felt still, as in happier days, burning into her heart, the magic of his
kisses. One instant of youth, of love, of hope, broke into that desolate
and fearful hour, and silent and scarcely conscious tears gushed from
her aching eyes, and laved, as it were, the burthen and the agony from
her heart.
The Moor traversed the room, and, laying one hand on the surgeon’s
shoulder, pointed to the door. Lucilla and Godolphin were alone.
“Oh!” said he, at last finding voice, “is it thus--thus we meet? But say
not that you are dying, Lucilla! have mercy, mercy upon your betrayer,
your----”
Here he could utter no more; he sank beside her, covering his face with
his hands, and sobbing bitterly.
The momentary lucid interval for Lucilla had passed away; the maniac
rapture returned, although in a wild and solemn shape.
“Blame not yourself,” said she, earnestly; “the remorseless stars are
the sole betrayers: yet, bright and lovely as they once seemed when they
assured me of a bond between thee and me, I could not dream that their
still and shining lore could forebode such gloomy truths. Oh, Percy!
since we parted, the earth has not been as the earth to me: the Natural
has left my life; a weird and roving spirit has entered my breast, and
filled my brain, and possessed my thoughts, and moved every spring of my
existence: the sun and the air, the green herb, the freshness and glory
of the world, have been covered with a mist in which only dim shapes
of dread were shadowed forth. But thou, my love, on whose breast I
have dreamed such blessed dreams, wert not to blame. No! the power
that crushes we cannot accuse: the heavens are above the reach of our
reproach; they smile upon our agony; they bid the seasons roll on,
unmoved and unsympathising, above our broken hearts. And what has been
my course since your last kiss on these dying lips? Godolphin,”--and
here Lucilla drew herself apart from him, and writhed, as with some
bitter memory,--“these lips have felt other kisses, and these ears have
drunk unhallowed sounds, and wild revelry and wilder passion have made
me laugh over the sepulchre of my soul. But I am a poor creature; pour,
poor--mad, Percy--mad--they tell me so!” Then, in the sudden changes
incident to her disease, Lucilla continued--“I saw your bride, Percy,
when your bore her from Rome, and the wheels of your bridal carriage
swept over me, for I flung myself in their way; but they scratched me
not; the bright demons above ordained otherwise, and I wandered over the
world; but you shall know not,” added Lucilla, with a laugh of dreadful
levity, “whither or with whom, for we must have concealments, my love,
as you will confess; and I strove to forget you, and my brain sank in
the effort. I felt my frame withering, and they told me my doom was
fixed, and I resolved to come to England, and look on my first love once
more; so I came, and I saw you, Godolphin; and I knew, by the wrinkles
in your brow, and the musing thought in your eye, that your proud lot
had not brought you content. And then there came to me a stately shape,
and I knew it for her for whom you had deserted me: she told me, as you
tell me, to live, to forget the past. Mockery, mockery! But my heart
is proud as hers, Percy, and I would not stoop to the kindness of a
triumphant rival; and I fled, what matters it whither? But listen,
Percy, listen; my woes have made me wise in that science which is not
of heart, and I knew that you and I must meet once more, and that that
meeting would be in this hour; and I counted, minute by minute, with a
savage gladness, the days that were to bring on this interview and my
death!” Then raising her voice into a wild shriek--“Beware,
beware, Percy!--the rush of waters is on my ear-the splash, the
gurgle!--Beware!--your last hour, also; is at hand!”
From the moment in which she uttered these words, Lucilla relapsed into
her former frantic paroxysms. Shriek followed shriek; she appeared to
know none around her, not even Godolphin. With throes and agony the soul
seemed to wrench itself from the frame. The hours swept on--midnight
came--clear and distinct the voice of the clock below reached that
chamber.
“Hush!” cried Lucilla, starting. “Hush!” and just at that moment,
through the window opposite, the huge clouds, breaking in one spot,
discovered high and far above them a solitary star.
“Thine, thine, Godolphin!” she shrieked forth, pointing to the lonely
orb; “it summons thee;--farewell, but not for long!”
* * * * *
* * * * *
* * * * *
The Moor rushed forward with a loud cry; she placed her hand on
Lucilla’s bosom; the heart was still, the breath was gone, the fire had
vanished from the ashes: that strange unearthly spirit was perhaps with
the stars for whose mysteries it had so vainly yearned.
Down fell the black rain in torrents; and far from the mountains you
might hear the rushing of the swollen streams, as they poured into the
bosom of the valleys. The sullen, continued mass of cloud was broken,
and the vapours hurried fast and louring over the heavens, leaving now
and then a star to glitter forth ere again “the jaws of darkness did
devour it up.” At the lower verge of the horizon, the lightning flashed
fierce, but at lingering intervals; the trees rocked and groaned beneath
the rain and storm; and, immediately above the bowed head of a solitary
horseman, broke the thunder that, amidst the whirl of his own emotions,
he scarcely heard.
Beside a stream, which the rains had already swelled, was a gipsy
encampment; and as some of the dusky itinerants, waiting perhaps the
return of a part of their band from a predatory excursion, cowered over
the flickering fires in their tent, they perceived the horseman rapidly
approaching the stream.
“See to yon gentry cove,” cried one of the band; “‘tis the same we saw
in the forenight crossing the ford above. He has taken a short cut, the
buzzard! and will have to go round again to the ford; a precious time to
be gallivanting about!”
“Pish!” said an old hag; “I love to see the proud ones tasting the
bitter wind and rain as we bear alway; ‘tis but a mile longer round to
the ford. I wish it was twenty.”
“Hallo!” cried the first speaker; “the fool takes to the water. He’ll be
drowned; the banks are too high and rough to land man or horse yonder.
Hallo!” and with that painful sympathy which the hardest feel at the
imminent peril of another when immediately subjected to their eyes, the
gipsy ran forth into the pelting storm, shouting to the traveller
to halt. For one moment Godolphin’s steed still shrunk back from the
rushing tide: deep darkness was over the water; and the horseman saw not
the height of the opposite banks. The shout of the gipsy sounded to his
ear like the cry of the dead whom he had left: he dashed his heels into
the sides of the reluctant horse, and was in the stream.
“Light--light the torches!” cried the gipsy; and in a few moments the
banks were illumined with many a brand from the fire, which the rain
however almost instantly extinguished; yet, by that momentary light,
they saw the noble animal breasting the waters, and perceived that
Godolphin, discovering by the depth his mistake, had already turned the
horse’s head in the direction of the ford: they could see no more, but
they shouted to Godolphin to turn back to the place from which he had
plunged; and, in a few minutes afterwards, they heard, several yards
above, the horse clambering up the rugged banks, which there were steep
and high, and crushing the boughs that clothed the ascent. They thought,
at the same time, that they distinguished also the splash of a heavy
substance in the waves; but they fancied it some detached fragment of
earth or stone, and turned to their tent, in the belief that the daring
rider had escaped the peril he had so madly incurred. That night the
riderless steed of Godolphin arrived at the porch of the Priory, where
Constance, alarmed, pale, breathless, stood exposed to the storm,
awaiting the return of Godolphin, or the messengers she had despatched
in search of him.
At daybreak his corpse was found by the shallows of the ford; and the
mark of violence across the temples, as of some blow, led them to guess
that in scaling the banks his head had struck against one of the tossing
boughs that overhung them, and the blow had precipitated him into the
waters.
LETTER FROM CONSTANCE, COUNTESS OF ERPINGHAM, TO * * *.
August, 1832.
“I have read the work you have so kindly compiled from the papers
transmitted to your care, and from your own intimate knowledge of those
to whom they relate;--you have in much fulfilled my wishes with singular
success. On the one hand, I have been anxious that a History should be
given to the world, from which lessons so deep and, I firmly believe,
salutary, may be generally derived: on the other hand, I have been
anxious that it should be clothed in such disguises, that the names of
the real actors in the drama should be for ever a secret. Both these
objects you have attained. It is impossible I think, for any one to read
the book about to be published, without being impressed with the truth
of the moral it is intended to convey, and without seeing, by a thousand
infallible signs, that its spring and its general course have flowed
from reality and not fiction. Yet have you, by a few light alterations
and addition, managed to effect that concealment of names and persons,
which is due no less to the living than to the memory of the dead.
“So far I thank you from my heart: but in one point you have utterly
failed. You have done no justice to the noble character you meant to
delineate under the name of Godolphin; you have drawn his likeness with
a harsh and cruel pencil; you have enlarged on the few weaknesses he
might have possessed, until you have made them the foreground of the
portrait; and his vivid generosity, his high honour, his brilliant
intellect, the extraordinary stores of his mind, you have left in
shadow. Oh, God! that for such a being such a destiny was reserved! and
in the prime of life, just when his mind had awakened to a sense of its
own powers and their legitimate objects! What a fatal system of things,
that could for thirty-seven years have led away, by the pursuits and
dissipations of a life suited but to the beings he despised, a genius of
such an order, a heart of such tender emotions!(1) But on this subject I
cannot, cannot write. I must lay down the pen: to-morrow I will try and
force myself to resume it.
“Well, then, I say, you have not done justice to him. I beseech you to
remodel that character, and atone to the memory of one, whom none ever
saw but to admire, or knew but to love.
“Of me,--of me, the vain, the scheming, the proud, the unfeminine
cherisher of bitter thoughts, of stern designs,--of me, on the other
hand, how flattering is the picture you have drawn! In that flattery
is my sure disguise; therefore, I will not ask you to shade it into the
poor and unlovely truth. But while, with agony and shame, I feel that
you have rightly described that seeming neglectfulness of one no more,
which sprang from the pride that believed itself neglected, you have not
said enough--no, not one millionth part enough--of the real love that
I constantly bore to him: the only soft and redeeming portion of my
nature. But who can know, who can describe what another feels? Even I
knew not what I felt, until death taught it me.
“Since I have read the whole book, one thought constantly haunts me--the
strangeness that I should survive his loss; that the stubborn strings
of my heart have not been broken long since; that I live, and live, too,
amidst the world! Ay, but not one of the world; with that consciousness
I sustain myself in the petty and sterile career of life. Shut out
henceforth and for ever, from all the tenderer feelings that belong to
my sex; without mother, husband, child, or friend; unloved and unloving,
I support myself by the belief that I have done the little suffered to
my sex in expediting the great change which is advancing on the world;
and I cheer myself by the firm assurance that, sooner or later, a time
must come, when those vast disparities in life which have been fatal,
not to myself alone, but to all I have admired and loved; which render
the great heartless, and the lowly servile; which make genius either
an enemy to mankind or the victim to itself; which debase the energetic
purpose; which fritter away the ennobling sentiment; which cool the
heart and fetter the capacities, and are favorable only to the general
development of the Mediocre and the Lukewarm, shall, if never utterly
removed, at least be smoothed away into more genial and unobstructed
elements of society. Alas! it is with an aching eye that we look abroad
for the only solace, the only occupation of life,--Solitude at home, and
Memory at our hearth.”
THE END.
(1) The reader will acquit me of the charge of injustice to Godolphin’s
character when he arrives at this sentence; it conveys exactly the
impression that my delineation, faithful to truth, is intended to
convey--the influences of our actual world on the ideal and imaginative
order of mind, when that mind is without the stimulus of pursuits at
once practical and ennobling.
End of Project Gutenberg’s Godolphin, Complete, by Edward Bulwer-Lytton