A few days later I found myself in sight of Forli. As I rode along I
meditated; and presently the thought came to me that after all there was
perhaps a certain equality in the portioning out of good and evil in
this world. When fate gave one happiness she followed it with
unhappiness, but the two lasted about an equal time, so that the balance
was not unevenly preserved.... In my love for Giulia I had gone through
a few days of intense happiness; the first kiss had caused me such
ecstasy that I was rapt up to heaven; I felt myself a god. And this was
followed by a sort of passive happiness, when I lived but to enjoy my
love and cared for nothing in the world besides. Then came the
catastrophe, and I passed through the most awful misery that man had
ever felt: even now as I thought of it the sweat gathered on my
forehead. But I noticed that strangely as this wretchedness was equal
with the first happiness, so was it equal in length. And this was
followed by a passive unhappiness when I no longer felt all the
bitterness of my woe, but only a certain dull misery, which was like
peace. And half smiling, half sighing, I thought that the passive misery
again was equal to the passive happiness. Finally came the blessed state
of indifference, and, except for the remembrance, my heart was as if
nothing had been at all. So it seemed to me that one ought not to
complain; for if the world had no right to give one continual misery,
one had no cause to expect unmingled happiness, and the conjunction of
the two, in all things equal, seemed normal and reasonable. And I had
not noticed that I was come to Forli.
I entered the gate with a pleasant sense of homecoming. I passed along
the grey streets I was beginning to know so well, and felt for them
something of the affection of old friends. I was glad, too, that I
should shortly see Checco and my dear Matteo. I felt I had been unkind
to Matteo: he was so fond of me and had always been so good, but I had
been so wrapped up in my love that his very presence had been
importunate, and I had responded coldly to his friendliness. And being
then in a sentimental mood, I thought how much better and more
trustworthy a friend is to the most lovely woman in the world. You could
neglect him and be unfaithful to him, and yet if you were in trouble you
could come back and he would take you to his arms and comfort you, and
never once complain that you had strayed away. I longed to be with
Matteo, clasping his hand. In my hurry I put the spurs to my horse, and
clattered along the street. In a few minutes I had reached the Palazzo,
leapt off my horse, sprung up the stairs, and flung myself into the arms
of my friend.
After the first greetings, Matteo dragged me along to Checco.
'The good cousin is most eager to hear your news. We must not keep him
waiting.'
Checco seemed as pleased to see me as Matteo. He warmly pressed my hand,
and said,--
'I am glad to have you back, Filippo. In your absence we have been
lamenting like forsaken shepherdesses. Now, what is your news?'
I was fully impressed with my importance at the moment, and the anxiety
with which I was being listened to. I resolved not to betray myself too
soon, and began telling them about the kindness of Lorenzo, and the play
which he had invited me to see. I described the brilliancy of the
assembly, and the excellence of the acting. They listened with interest,
but I could see it was not what they wanted to hear.
'But I see you want to hear about more important matters,' I said.
'Well--'
'Ah!' they cried, drawing their chairs closer to me, settling themselves
to listen attentively.
With a slight smile I proceeded to give them the details of the
commercial transaction which had been the ostensible purpose of my
visit, and I laughed to myself as I saw their disgust. Checco could not
restrain his impatience, but did not like to interrupt me. Matteo,
however, saw that I was mocking, and broke in.
'Confound you, Filippo! Why do you torment us when you know we are on
pins and needles?'