Oh, how silly to want the moon! But that is evidently what is the matter
with me. Here I am in a comfortable house with a kind hostess, and no
immediate want of money, and yet I am restless, and sometimes unhappy.
For the four days since I arrived Lady Ver has been so kind to me, taken
the greatest pains to try and amuse me and cheer me up. We have driven
about in her electric brougham and shopped, and agreeable people have been
to lunch each day, and I have had what I suppose is a _succès_. At least
she says so.
I am beginning to understand things better, and it seems one must have no
real feelings, just as Mrs. Carruthers always told me, if one wants to
enjoy life.
On two evenings Lady Ver has been out, with numbers of regrets at leaving
me behind, and I have gathered that she has seen Lord Robert, but he has
not been here, I am glad to say.
I am real friends with the angels, who are delightful people, and very
well brought up. Lady Ver evidently knows much better about it than Mary
Mackintosh, although she does not talk in that way.
I can't think what I am going to do next. I suppose soon this kind of
drifting will seem quite natural, but at present the position galls me for
some reason. I _hate_ to think people are being kind out of charity. How
very foolish of me, though!
Lady Merrenden is coming to lunch to-morrow. I am interested to see her,
because Lord Robert said she was such a dear. I wonder what has become of
him. He has not been here--I wonder--No, I am _too_ silly.
Lady Ver does not get up to breakfast, and I go into her room and have
mine on another little tray, and we talk, and she reads me bits out of her
letters.
She seems to have a number of people in love with her--that must be nice.
"It keeps Charlie always devoted," she said, "because he realizes he owns
what the other men want."
She says, too, that all male creatures are fighters by nature; they don't
value things they obtain easily, and which are no trouble to keep. You
must always make them realize you will be off like a snipe if they relax
their efforts to please you for one moment.
Of course there are heaps of humdrum ways of living, where the husband is
quite fond, but it does not make his heart beat, and Lady Ver says she
couldn't stay on with a man whose heart she couldn't make beat when she
wanted to.