"Yes, I know," she said. "But I call the whole clan Mactavish; it is near
enough, and it does worry Mary so, she corrects me every time. Now don't
you want to get married, and be just like Mary?" There was a twinkle in
her eye.
I said I had not felt wild about it yet. I wanted to go and see life
first.
But she told me one couldn't see life unless one were married.
"Not even if one is an adventuress, like me?" I asked.
"A _what_?"
"An adventuress," I said. "People do seem so astonished when I say that. I
have got to be one, you know, because Mrs. Carruthers never left me the
money after all, and in the book I read about it, it said you were that if
you had nice clothes, and--and--red hair--and things--and no home."
She rippled all over with laughter.
"You duck!" she said. "Now you and I will be friends. Only you must not
play with Robert Vavasour. He belongs to me. He is one of my special and
particular own pets. Is it a bargain?"
I do wish now I had the pluck then to say straight out that I rather liked
Lord Robert, and would not make any bargain, but one is foolish sometimes
when taken suddenly. It is then when I suppose it shows if one's head is
screwed on, and mine wasn't to-night. But she looked so charming, and I
felt a little proud, and perhaps ashamed to show that I am very much
interested in Lord Robert, especially if he belongs to her, whatever that
means; and so I said it was a bargain, and of course I had never thought
of playing with him; but when I came to reflect afterwards, that is a
promise, I suppose, and I sha'n't be able to look at him any more under my
eyelashes. And I don't know why I feel very wide awake and tired, and
rather silly, and as if I wanted to cry to-night.
However, she was awfully kind to me, and lovely, and has asked me to go
and stay with her, and lots of nice things, so it is all for the best, no
doubt. But when Lord Robert came in, and came over to us, it did feel hard
having to get up at once and go and pretend I wanted to talk to Malcolm.
I did not dare to look up often, but sometimes, and I found Lord Robert's
eyes were fixed on me with an air of reproach and entreaty, and the last
time there was wrath as well.
Lady Verningham kept him with her until every one started to go to bed.
There had been music and bridge, and other boring diversions happening,
but I sat still. And I don't know what Malcolm had been talking about; I
had not been listening, though I kept murmuring "Yes" and "No."
He got more and more _empressé_, until suddenly I realized he was saying,
as we rose:
"You have promised! Now remember, and I shall ask you to keep
it--to-morrow."
And there was such a loving, mawkish, wobbly look in his eyes, it made me
feel quite sick. The horrible part is I don't know what I have promised
any more than the man in the moon. It may be something perfectly dreadful,
for all I know. Well, if it is a fearful thing, like kissing him, I shall
have to break my word, which I never do for any consideration whatever.
Oh, dear, oh, dear! It is not always so easy to laugh at life as I once
thought. I almost wish I were settled down, and had not to be an
adventuress. Some situations are so difficult. I think now I shall go to
bed.
I wonder if Lord Robert---- No, what is the good of wondering; he is no
longer my affair.