success as the other had been conveyed to Lady Muskerry. Miss Hamilton
had just received an account of it, when the latter came to pay her a
visit: something seemed to possess her thoughts very much; when, having
stayed some time, her cousin desired her to walk into her cabinet. As
soon as they were there: "I desire your secrecy for what I am going to
tell you," said Lady Muskerry. "Do not you wonder what strange creatures
men are? Do not trust to them, my dear cousin: my Lord Muskerry, who,
before our marriage, could have passed whole days and nights in seeing me
dance, thinks proper now to forbid me dancing, and says it does not
become me. This is not all: he has so often rung in my ears the subject
of this masquerade, that I am obliged to hide from him the honour the
queen has done me, in inviting me to it. However, I am surprised I am
not informed who is to be my partner: but if you knew what a plague it
is, to find out, in this cursed town, in what manner the people of
Babylon dress, you would pity me for what I have suffered since the time
I have been appointed: besides, the cost which it puts me to is beyond
all imagination."
Here it was that Miss Hamilton's inclination to laugh, which had
increased in proportion as she endeavoured to suppress it, at length
overcame her, and broke out in an immoderate fit: Lady Muskerry took it
in good humour, not doubting but it was the fantastical conduct of her
husband that she was laughing at. Miss Hamilton told her that all
husbands were much the same, and that one ought not to be concerned at
their whims; that she did not know who was to be her partner at the
masquerade; but that, as she was named, the gentleman named with her
would certainly not fail to attend her; although she could not comprehend
why he had not yet declared himself, unless he likewise had some
fantastical spouse, who had forbid him to dance.
This conversation being finished, Lady Muskerry went away in great haste,
to endeavour to learn some news of her partner. Those who were
accomplices in the plot were laughing very heartily at this visit, when
Lord Muskerry paid them one in his turn, and taking Miss Hamilton aside:
"Do you know," said he, "whether there is to be any ball in the city
tomorrow?" "No," said she; "but why do you ask?" "Because." said he,
"I am informed that my wife is making great preparations of dress. I
know very well she is not to be at the masquerade: that I have taken care
of; but as the devil is in her for dancing, I am very much afraid that
she will be affording some fresh subject for ridicule, notwithstanding
all my precautions: however, if it was amongst the citizens, at some
private party, I should not much mind it."
They satisfied him as well as they could, and having dismissed him, under
pretence of a thousand things they had to prepare for the next day, Miss
Hamilton thought herself at liberty for that morning, when in came Miss
Price, one of the maids of honour to the Duchess. This was just what she
was wishing for: This lady and Miss Blague had been at variance some
time, on account of Duncan, whom Miss Price had drawn away from the
other; and hatred still subsisted between these two divinities.
Though the maids of honour were not nominated for the masquerade, yet
they were to assist at it; and, consequently, were to neglect nothing to
set themselves off to advantage. Miss Hamilton had still another pair of
gloves of the same sort as those she had sent to Miss Blague, which she
made a present of to her rival, with a few knots of the same riband,
which appeared to have been made on purpose for her, brown as she was.
Miss Price returned her a thousand thanks, and promised to do herself the
honour of wearing them at the ball. "You will oblige me if you do," said
Miss Hamilton, "but if you mention that such a trifle as this comes from
me, I shall never forgive you; but," continued she, "do not go and rob
poor Miss Blague of the Marquis Brisacier, as you already have of Duncan:
I know very well that it is wholly in your power: you have wit: you speak
French: and were he once to converse with you ever so little the other
could have no pretensions to him." This was enough: Miss Blague was only
ridiculous and coquettish: Miss Price was ridiculous, coquettish, and
something else besides.
The day being come, the court, more splendid than ever, exhibited all its
magnificence at this masquerade. The company were all met except the
Chevalier de Grammont: every body was astonished that he should be one
of the last at such a time, as his readiness was so remarkable on every
occasion; but they were still more surprised to see him at length appear
in an ordinary court-dress, which he had worn before. The thing was
preposterous on such an occasion, and very extraordinary with respect to
him: in vain had he the finest point-lace, with the largest and best
powdered peruke imaginable his dress, magnificent enough for any other
purpose, was not at all proper for this entertainment.
The king immediately took notice of it: "Chevalier," said he, "Termes is
not arrived then?" "Pardon me, sire," said he, "God be thanked!" "Why
God be thanked?" said the king; "has anything happened to him on the
road?" "Sire," said the Chevalier de Grammont, "this is the history of
my dress, and of Termes, my messenger." At these words the ball, ready
to begin, was suspended: the dancers making a circle around the Chevalier
de Grammont, he continued his story in the following manner:
"It is now two days since this fellow ought to have been here, according
to my orders and his protestations: you may judge of my impatience all
this day, when I found he did not come: at last, after I had heartily
cursed him, about an hour ago he arrived, splashed all over from head to
foot, booted up to the waist, and looking as if he had been
excommunicated 'Very well, Mr. Scoundrel,' said I, 'this is just like
you, you must be waited for to the very last minute, and it is a miracle
that you are arrived at all.' 'Yes, faith,' said he, 'it is a miracle.
You are always grumbling: I had the finest suit in the world made for
you, which the Duke de Guise himself was at the trouble of ordering.'
'Give it me then, scoundrel,' said I. 'Sir,' said he, 'if I did not
employ a dozen embroiderers upon it, who did nothing but work day and
night, I am a rascal: I never left them one moment: 'And where is it
traitor?' said I: 'do not stand here prating, while I should be
dressing.' 'I had,' continued he, 'packed it up, made it tight, and
folded it in such a manner, that all the rain in the world could never
have been able to reach it; and I rid post, day and night, knowing your
impatience, and that you were not to be trifled with.' 'But where is
it?' said I. 'Lost, sir,' said he, clasping his hands. 'How! lost,'
said I, in surprise. 'Yes, lost, perished, swallowed up: what can I say
more?' 'What! was the packet-boat cast away then?' said I. 'Oh!
indeed, sir, a great deal worse, as you shall see,' answered he: 'I was
within half a league of Calais yesterday morning, and I was resolved to
go by the sea-side, to make greater haste; but, indeed, they say very
true, that nothing is like the highway; for I got into a quicksand, where
I sunk up to the chin.' 'A quicksand,' said I, 'near Calais?' 'Yes,
sir,' said he, 'and such a quicksand that, the devil take me, if they saw
anything but the top of my head when they pulled me out: as for my horse,
fifteen men could scarce get him out; but the portmanteau, where I had
unfortunately put your clothes, could never be found: it must be at least
a league under ground.'
"This, sire," continued the Chevalier de Grammont, "is the adventure, and
the relation which this honest gentleman has given me of it. I should
certainly have killed him, but I was afraid of making Miss Hamilton wait,
and I was desirous of giving your Majesty immediate advice of the
quicksand, that your couriers may take care to avoid it."
The King was ready to split his sides with laughing, when the Chevalier
de Grammont, resuming the discourse, "apropos, sire," said he, "I had
forgot to tell you, that, to increase my ill-humour, I was stopped, as I
was getting out of my chair, by the devil of a phantom in masquerade, who
would by all means persuade me that the queen had commanded me to dance
with her; and as I excused myself with the least rudeness possible, she
charged me to find out who was to be her partner, and desired me to send
him to her immediately so that your Majesty will do well to give orders
about it; for she has placed herself in ambush in a coach, to seize upon
all those who pass through Whitehall. However, I must tell you, that it
is worth while to see her dress; for she must have at least sixty ells of
gauze and silver tissue about her, not to mention a sort of a pyramid
upon her head, adorned with a hundred thousand baubles."
This last account surprised all the assembly, except those who had a
share in the plot. The queen assured them, that all she had appointed
for the ball were present; and the king, having paused some minutes:
"I bet," said he, "that it is the Duchess of Newcastle." "And I," said
Lord Muskerry, coming up to Miss Hamilton, "will bet it is another fool;
for I am very much mistaken if it is not my wife."
The king was for sending to know who it was, and to bring her in: Lord
Muskerry offered himself for that service, for the reason already
mentioned; and it was very well he did so. Miss Hamilton was not sorry
for this, knowing very well that he was not mistaken in his conjecture;
the jest would have gone much farther than she intended, if the Princess
of Babylon had appeared in all her glory.
The ball was not very well executed, if one maybe allowed the expression,
so long as they danced only slow dances; and yet there were as good
dancers, and as beautiful women in this assembly, as were to be found in
the whole world: but as their number was not great, they left the French,
and went to country dances. When they had danced some time, the king
thought fit to introduce his auxiliaries, to give the others a little
respite; the queen's and the duchess's maids of honour were therefore
called in to dance with the gentlemen.
Then it was that they were at leisure to take notice of Miss Blague, and
they found that the billet they had conveyed to her on the part of
Brisacier had its effect: she was more yellow than saffron: her hair was
stuffed with the citron-coloured riband, which she had put there out of
complaisance; and, to inform Brisacier of his fate, she raised often to
her head her victorious hands, adorned with the gloves we have before
mentioned: but, if they were surprised to see her in a head-dress that
made her look more wan than ever, she was very differently surprised to
see Miss Price partake with her in every particular of Brisacier's
present: her surprise soon turned to jealousy; for her rival had not
failed to join in conversation with him, on account of what had been
insinuated to her the evening before; nor did Brisacier fail to return
her first advances, without paying the least attention to the fair
Blague, nor to the signs which she was tormenting herself to make him,
to inform him of his happy destiny.
Miss Price was short and thick, and consequently no dancer, the Duke of
Buckingham, who brought Brisacier forward as often as he could, came to
desire him, on the part of the king, to dance with Miss Blague, without
knowing what was then passing in this nymph's heart: Brisacier excused
himself, on account of the contempt that he had for country dances: Miss
Blague thought that it was herself that he despised; and, seeing that he
was engaged in conversation with her mortal enemy, she began to dance,
without knowing what she was doing. Though her indignation and jealousy
were sufficiently remarkable to divert the court, none but Miss Hamilton
and her accomplices, understood the joke perfectly: their pleasure was
quite complete; for Lord Muskerry returned, still more confounded at the
vision, of which the Chevalier de Grammont had given the description. He
acquainted Miss Hamilton, that it was Lady Muskerry herself, a thousand
times more ridiculous than she had ever been before, and that he had had
an immense trouble to get her home, and place a sentry at her chamber
door.
The reader may think, perhaps, that we have dwelt too long on these
trifling incidents; perhaps he may be right. We will therefore pass to
others.
Everything favoured the Chevalier de Grammont in the new passion which he
entertained: he was not, however, without rivals; but, what is a great
deal more extraordinary, he was without uneasiness: he was acquainted
with their understandings, and no stranger to Miss Hamilton's way of
thinking.
Among her lovers, the most considerable, though the least professedly so,
was the Duke of York: it was in vain for him to conceal it, the court was
too well acquainted with his character to doubt of his inclinations for
her. He did not think it proper to declare such sentiments as were not
fit for Miss Hamilton to hear; but he talked to her as much as he could,
and ogled her with great assiduity. As hunting was his favourite
diversion, that sport employed him one part of the day, and he came home
generally much fatigued; but Miss Hamilton's presence revived him, when
he found her either with the queen or the duchess. There it was that,
not daring to tell her of what lay heavy on his heart, he entertained her
with what he had in his head: telling her miracles of the cunning of
foxes and the mettle of horses; giving her accounts of broken legs and
arms, dislocated shoulders, and other curious and entertaining
adventures; after which, his eyes told her the rest, till such time as
sleep interrupted their conversation; for these tender interpreters could
not help sometimes composing themselves in the midst of their ogling.
The duchess was not at all alarmed at a passion which her rival was far
from thinking sincere, and with which she used to divert herself, as far
as respect would admit her; on the contrary, as her highness had an
affection and esteem for Miss Hamilton, she never treated her more
graciously than on the present occasion.
The two Russells, uncle and nephew,--were two other of the Chevalier de
Grammont's rivals: the uncle was full seventy, and had distinguished
himself by his courage and fidelity in the civil wars. His passions and
intentions, with regard to Miss Hamilton, appeared both at once; but his
magnificence only appeared by halves in those gallantries which love
inspires. It was not long since the fashion of high crowned hats had
been left off, in order to fall into the other extreme. Old Russell,
amazed at so terrible a change, resolved to keep a medium, which made him
remarkable: he was still more so, by his constancy for cut doublets,
which he supported a long time after they had been universally
suppressed; but, what was more surprising than all, was a certain mixture
of avarice and liberality, constantly at war with each other, ever since
he had entered the list with love.
His nephew was only of a younger brother's family, but was considered as
his uncle's heir; and though he was under the necessity of attending to
his uncle for an establishment, and still more so of humouring him, in
order to get his estate, he could not avoid his fate. Mrs. Middleton
showed him a sufficient degree of preference; but her favours could not
secure him from the charms of Miss Hamilton: his person would have had
nothing disagreeable in it, if he had but left it to nature; but he was
formal in all his actions, and silent even to stupidity; and yet rather
more tiresome when he did speak.
The Chevalier de Grammont, very much at his ease in all these
competitions, engaged himself more and more in his passion, without
forming other designs, or conceiving other hopes, than to render himself
agreeable. Though his passion was openly declared, no person at court
regarded it otherwise than as a habit of gallantry, which goes no farther
than to do justice to merit.
His monitor, Saint Evremond, was quite of a different opinion; and
finding, that, besides an immense increase of magnificence and assiduity,
he regretted those hours which he bestowed on play; that he no longer
sought after those long and agreeable conversations they used to have
together; and that this new attachment everywhere robbed him of himself:
"Monsieur le Chevalier," said he, "methinks that for some time you have
left the town beauties and their lovers in perfect repose: Mrs. Middleton
makes fresh conquests with impunity, and wears your presents, under your
nose, without your taking the smallest notice. Poor Miss Warmestre has
been very quietly brought to bed in the midst of the court, without your
having even said a word about it. I foresaw it plain enough, Monsieur le
Chevalier, you have got acquainted with Miss Hamilton, and, what has
never before happened to you, you are really in love; but let us consider
a little what may be the consequence. In the first place, then, I
believe, you have not the least intention of seducing her: such is her
birth and merit, that if you were in possession of the estate and title
of your family, it might be excusable in you to offer yourself upon
honourable terms, however ridiculous marriage may be in general; for, if
you only wish for wit, prudence, and the treasures of beauty, you could
not pay your addresses to a more proper person: but for you, who possess
only a very moderate share of those of fortune, you cannot pay your
addresses more improperly.
"For your brother Toulongeon, whose disposition I am acquainted with, will
not have the complaisance to die, to favour your pretensions: but suppose
you had a competent fortune for you both--and that is supposing a good
deal--are you acquainted with the delicacy, not to say capriciousness, of
this fair one about such an engagement? Do you know that she has had the
choice of the best matches in England? The Duke of Richmond paid his
addresses to her first; but though he was in love with her, still he was
mercenary: however, the king, observing that want of fortune was the only
impediment to the match, took that article upon himself, out of regard to
the Duke of Ormond, to the merit and birth of Miss Hamilton, and to her
father's services; but, resenting that a man, who pretended to be in
love, should bargain like a merchant, and likewise reflecting upon his
character in the world, she did not think that being Duchess of Richmond
was a sufficient recompense for the danger that was to be feared from a
brute and a debauchee.
"Has not little Jermyn, notwithstanding his uncle's great estate, and his
own brilliant reputation, failed in his suit to her? And has she ever so
much as vouchsafed to look at Henry Howard, who is upon the point of
being the first duke in England, and who is already in actual possession
of all the estates of the house of Norfolk? I confess that he is a
clown, but what other lady in all England would not have dispensed with
his stupidity and his disagreeable person, to be the first duchess in the
kingdom, with twenty-five thousand a year?
"To conclude, Lord Falmouth has told me himself, that he has always
looked upon her as the only acquisition wanting to complete his
happiness: but, that even at the height of the splendour of his fortune,
he never had had the assurance to open his sentiments to her; that he
either felt in himself too much weakness, or too much pride, to be
satisfied with obtaining her solely by the persuasion of her relations;
and that, though the first refusals of the fair on such occasions are not
much minded, he knew with what an air she had received the addresses of
those whose persons she did not like. After this, Monsieur le Chevalier,
consider what method you intend to pursue: for, if you are in love, the
passion will still increase, and the greater the attachment, the less
capable will you be of making those serious reflections that are now in
your power."
"My poor philosopher," answered the Chevalier de Grammont, "you
understand Latin very well, you can make good verses, you understand the
course, and are acquainted with the nature of the stars in the firmament;
but, as for the luminaries of the terrestrial globe, you are utterly
unacquainted with them: you have told me nothing about Miss Hamilton, but
what the king told me three days ago. That she has refused the savages
you have mentioned is all in her favour if she had admitted their
addresses, I would have had nothing to say to her, though I love her
to distraction. Attend now to what I am going to say: I am resolved
to marry her, and I will have my tutor Saint Evremond himself to be the
first man to commend me for it. As for an establishment, I shall make my
peace with the king, and will solicit him to make her one of the ladies
of the bed-chamber to the queen: this he will grant me. Toulongeon will
die, without my assistance.
[Count de Toulongeon was elder brother to Count Grammont, who, by
his death, in 1679, became, according to St. Evremond, on that
event, one of the richest noblemen at court.--See St. Evremond's
Works. vol. ii., p. 327.]
"Notwithstanding all his care; Miss Hamilton will have Semeat,--[A country
seat belonging to the family of the Grammonts.]--with the Chevalier de
Grammont, as an indemnification for the Norfolks and Richmonds. Now,
have you any thing to advance against this project? For I will bet you
an hundred louis, that everything will happen as I have foretold it."
At this time the king's attachment to Miss Stewart was so public, that
every person perceived, that if she was but possessed of art, she might
become as absolute a mistress over his conduct as she was over his heart.
This was a fine opportunity for those who had experience and ambition.
The Duke of Buckingham formed the design of governing her, in order to
ingratiate himself with the king: God knows what a governor he would have
been, and what a head he was possessed of, to guide another; however,
he was the properest man in the world to insinuate himself with Miss
Stewart: she was childish in her behaviour, and laughed at everything,
and her taste for frivolous amusements, though unaffected, was only
allowable in a girl about twelve or thirteen years old. A child,
however, she was, in every other respect, except playing with a doll:
blind man's buff was her most favourite amusement: she was building
castles of cards, while the deepest play was going on in her apartments,
where you saw her surrounded by eager courtiers, who handed her the
cards, or young architects, who endeavoured to imitate her.
She had, however, a passion for music, and had some taste for singing.
The Duke of Buckingham, who built the finest towers of cards imaginable,
had an agreeable voice: she had no aversion to scandal: and the duke was
both the father and the mother of scandal, he made songs, and invented
old women's stories, with which she was delighted; but his particular
talent consisted in turning into ridicule whatever was ridiculous in
other people, and in taking them off, even in their presence, without
their perceiving it: in short, he knew how to act all parts with so much
grace and pleasantry, that it was difficult to do without him, when he
had a mind to make himself agreeable; and he made himself so necessary to
Miss Stewart's amusement, that she sent all over the town to seek for
him, when he did not attend the king to her apartments.
He was extremely handsome, and still thought himself much more so than he
really was: although he had a great deal of discernment, yet his vanity
made him mistake some civilities as intended for his person, which were
only bestowed on his wit and drollery: in short, being seduced by too
good an opinion of his own merit, he forgot his first project and his
Portuguese mistress, in order to pursue a fancy in which he mistook
himself; for he no sooner began to act a serious part with Miss Stewart,
than he met with so severe a repulse that he abandoned, at once, all his
designs upon her: however, the familiarity she had procured him with the
king, opened the way to those favours to which he was afterwards
advanced.