"To the bi-monthly exhibition of the Royal Horticultural
Society the Marquis of SALISBURY sent a magnificent
collection--of strawberries especially. Mr. W.H. SMITH showed
specimens of the same luscious fruit, for which he received
the thanks of the Society."--_Daily Telegraph_.
_Head-Gardener_ SM-TH _soliloquiseth_:--
OHO! my beauty! If _you_ don't get a fust prize, and "receive the
thanks of the Society" I'm a cowcumber! "The Fruits of Early Industry
and Economy." Title of a picture by that splendid sample of the
industrious and the economical, GEORGE MORLAND, I believe. Yes, that's
it. My Industry and G-SCH-N's Economy.
We are a moral family;
We are, we are, we are!
All the cardinal virtues bound in--ahem! no matter.
Talk of the Gigantic Gooseberry! What is that apocryphal monstrosity
compared with this Brobdingnagian Berry? [_Sings._
Bravo, my "British Queen"!
Long live my "British Queen"!
Brave "British Queen"!
Send it victorious,
First-Prizer glorious,
Fill Rads censorious
With envious spleen!
As you _will_, my Beauty! When did swaggering H-RC-RT's horticulture
produce such goodly fruits? Or sour-mug'd M-RL-Y's? Or leary L-BBY's?
Or Slawkenbergian M-ND-LLA's? Or even that of the Grand Old Grower,
GL-DST-NE himself, with all his fluent patter about British Pomona,
and the native Jam-pot?
I know the badly-beaten lot maintain that the plant is a "Sport" from
an old purchase of their own. Bless you, they claim _all_ the good
stocks--always did. Who cares? My young floricultural friend, JOE
of Birmingham, who knows a bit about fruits as well as concerning
orchids, let me tell you,--JOE, I say, laughs their preposterous
pretensions to scorn. Look at G-SCH-N's own particular plant there--a
bit late, but very promising, and probably destined to take a prize
before the season's over. Didn't JOE recommend the stock to GL-DST-NE
years ago? And didn't the haughty Hawarden horticulturist turn up his
nose at it as an "Unauthorised" intruder upon his own Prize Programme?
And, more by token, didn't JOE get the hump in consequence, cut the
old connection, and set up on his own account in the forcing-house
line, with a friendly leaning to our firm? Aha! "_Hinc illæ
lachrymæ_," as the Guv'nor would say. Hence, also, this Colossal
Strawberry!
Thanks of the Society? I should rayther think so! They may chaff
"OLD MORALITY" as much as they like--but morality _pays_, even in
strawberry-growing; and my duty to my (British) Queen has brought
about _this_ triumph. Early Industry started it, and careful
horticultural Economy brought it to its present pitch of perfection.
Look at it! Size, shape, sweetness, scent, all superb! If the Season
shouldn't produce another Prize-Winner, this alone ought to satisfy
SOLLY. And if G-SCH-N's seedling, "Gratis," _should_ turn out a
triumph later on, why we shall score tremendously. Wish G-SCH-N would
"sit up and snort" less, and smile more. Patience and plenty of sun!
That's the tip for a horticulturist. Standing at the door and shying
stones at your neighbour's glasshouses, won't make your own fruit
ripen, if GEORGE JOKIM could only see it. As H-RT D-KE says, _tu
quoques_ are a nuisance, and want fumigating off the face of the
earth. JOKIM and ARTHUR B-LF-R a bit too fond of 'em for _my_ fancy.
However, all the "you're anothers" on earth can't affect my Strawberry
now, thanks be! _The_ Fruit of the Season, though I say it who perhaps
shouldn't.
(_Sings._) From "Greenlands" sunny garden,
And vista'd vitreous panes,
We mean to rival Hawarden,
In glories and in gains.
I have produced, Sweet WILL-I-AM,
This Giant Strawber-ry,
In horticultural skill I am
A match for W.G.! [_Left chortling._
* * * * *
THE VERY LAST ON THE 'BUS STRIKE.--After the comparative quiet of last
week, the streets of London will now be as 'bussy as ever.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE FRUIT OF THE SESSION.
W.H. SM-TH (_Head Gardener and Prize Exhibitor_). "HAD TO NIP OFF A
LOT OF BLOOMS TO GET HIM UP TO THIS SIZE!!"
"At the Bimonthly Exhibition of the Royal Horticultural
Society ... Mr. W.H. SMITH showed specimens of the same
luscious fruit"--strawberries--"for which he received the
thanks of the Society."--_Daily Telegraph_, Wednesday, June 10.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SHORT-LIVED PLEASURE.
PORTRAIT OF A LITERARY FRIEND, WHO, LIVING IN A MAIN THOROUGHFARE,
WAS AN ARDENT SUPPORTER OF THE 'BUS STRIKE, SUBSCRIBED TO ITS FUNDS,
ADD HOPED IT MIGHT LONG CONTINUE. HE SAYS HE HASN'T HAD SUCH A QUIET
TIME WITH HIS BOOKS FOR YEARS. BUT ALAS! SINCE LAST SUNDAY HE HAS NOT
SMILED AGAIN.]
* * * * *