"Perhaps it was right to dissemble your love, but----"
SCENE XXXV.--_The Morning Room._ TIME--_About_ 1 P.M.
_Undershell_ (_to himself, alone_). I'm rather sorry that that Miss
SPELWANE couldn't stay. She's a trifle angular--but clever. It was
distinctly sharp of her to see through that fellow SPURRELL from the
first, and lay such an ingenious little trap for him. And she has a
great feeling for Literature--knows my verses by heart, I discovered,
quite accidentally. All the same, I wish she hadn't intercepted those
snowdrops. Now I shall have to go out and pick some more. (_Sounds
outside in the entrance hall._) Too late--they've got back from
church!
_Mrs. Brooke-Chatteris_ (_entering with_ Lady RHODA, Sir RUPERT,
_and_ BEARPARK). Such a nice, plain, simple service--I'm positively
_ravenous!_
_Lady Rhoda._ Struck me some of those chubby choir-boys wanted
smackin'. What a business it seems to get the servants properly into
their pew; as bad as boxin' a string of hunters! As for _you_, ARCHIE,
the way you fidgeted durin' the sermon was down right disgraceful!...
So _there_ you are, Mr. BLAIR; not been to Church; but I
forgot--p'raps you're a Dissenter, or somethin'?
_Und._ (_annoyed_). Only, Lady RHODA, in the sense that I have
hitherto failed to discover any form of creed that commands my
intellectual assent.
_Lady Rhoda_ (_unimpressed_). I expect you haven't tried. Are you
a--what d'ye call it?--a Lacedemoniac?
_Und._ (_with lofty tolerance_). I _presume_ you mean a "Laodicean."
No, I should rather describe myself as a Deist.
_Archie_ (_in a surly undertone_). What's a _Deast_ when he's at
home? If he'd said a _Beast_ now! (_Aloud, as_ PILLINER _enters with_
Captain THICKNESSE.) Hullo, why here's THICKNESSE! So you _haven't_
gone after all, then?
_Captain Thicknesse._ What an observant young beggar you are,
BEARPARK! Nothin' escapes you. No, I haven't. (_To_ Sir RUPERT,
_rather sheepishly_.) Fact is, Sir, I--I somehow just missed the
train, and--and--thought I might as well come back, instead of waitin'
about, don't you know.
_Sir Rupert_ (_heartily_). Why, of course, my dear boy, of course!
Never have forgiven you if you _hadn't_. Great nuisance for _you_,
though. Hope you blew the fool of a man up; he _ought_ to have been
round in plenty of time.
[Illustration: "Perhaps--when you come to think over it all
quietly--you _will_."]
_Capt. Thick._ Not the groom's fault, Sir. I kept him waitin' a bit,
and--and we had to stop to shift the seat and that, and so----
_Und._ (_to himself_). Great blundering booby! Can't he see nobody
wants him _here!_ As if he hadn't bored poor Lady MAISIE enough at
breakfast! Ah, well, I must come to her rescue once more, I suppose!
_Sir Rup._ Half an hour to lunch! Anybody like to come round to the
stables? I'm going to see how my wife's horse _Deerfoot_ is getting
on. Fond of horses, eh, Mr.--a--UNDERSHELL? Care to come with us?
_Und._ (_to himself_). I've seen quite enough of _that_ beast already!
(_Aloud, with some asperity._) You must really excuse me, Sir RUPERT.
I am at one with Mr. RUSKIN--I _detest_ horses.
_Sir Rup._ Ah? Pity. We're rather fond of 'em here. But we can't
expect a poet to be a sportsman, eh?
_Und._ For my own poor part, I confess I look forward to a day, not
far distant, when the spread of civilisation will have abolished every
form of so-called Sport.
_Sir Rup._ _Do_ you, though? (_After conquering a choke with
difficulty._) Allow me to hope that you will continue to enjoy the
pleasures of anticipation as long as possible. (_To the rest._) Well,
are you coming?
[_All except_ UNDERSHELL _follow their host out_.
_Und._ (_alone, to himself_). If they think I'm going to be
_patronised_, or suppress my honest convictions----! Now I'll go and
pick those---- (Lady MAISIE _enters from the Conservatory_.) Ah, Lady
MAISIE, I have been trying to find you. I had plucked a few
snowdrops, which I promised myself the pleasure of presenting to you.
Unfortunately they--er--failed to reach their destination.
_Lady Maisie_ (_distantly_). Thanks, Mr. BLAIR; I am only sorry you
should have given yourself such unnecessary trouble.
_Und._ (_detaining her, as she seemed about to pass on_). I
have another piece of intelligence which you may hear
less--er--philosophically, Lady MAISIE. Your _bête noire_ has
returned.
_Lady Maisie_ (_with lifted eyebrows_). My _bête noire_, Mr. BLAIR?
_Und._ Why affect not to understand? I have an infallible instinct
in all matters concerning _you_, and, sweetly tolerant as you are, I
instantly divined what an insufferable nuisance you found our military
friend, Captain THICKNESSE.
_Lady Maisie._ There are limits even to _my_ tolerance, Mr. BLAIR. I
admit I find some people insufferable--but Captain THICKNESSE is not
one of them.
_Und._ Then appearances are deceptive indeed. Come, Lady MAISIE,
surely you can trust Me!
[Lady CANTIRE _enters_.
_Lady Cantire_ (_in her most awful tones_). MAISIE, my dear, I appear
to have interrupted an interview of a somewhat confidential character.
If so, pray let me know it, and I will go elsewhere.
_Lady Maisie_ (_calmly_). Not in the very least, Mamma. Mr. BLAIR was
merely trying to prepare me for the fact that Captain THICKNESSE has
come back; which was quite needless, as I happen to have heard it
already from his own lips.
_Lady Cant._ Captain THICKNESSE come back! (_To_ UNDERSHELL.) I wish
to speak to my daughter. May I ask you to leave us?
_Und._ With pleasure, Lady CANTIRE. (_To himself, as he retires._)
What a consummate actress that girl is! And what a coquette!
_Lady Cant._ (_after a silence_). MAISIE, what does all this mean? No
_nonsense_ now! What brought GERALD THICKNESSE back?
_Lady Maisie._ I _suppose_ the dog-cart, Mamma. He missed his train,
you know. I don't think he minds--much.
_Lady Cant._ Let me tell you _this_, my dear. It is a great deal more
than you _deserve_ after---- How long has he come back for?
_Lady Maisie._ Only a few hours; but--but from things he said, I fancy
he would stay on longer--if Aunt ALBINIA asked him.
_Lady Cant._ Then we may consider that settled; he stays. (Lady
CULVERIN _appears_.) Here _is_ your Aunt. You had better leave us, my
dear.