to New York?"
"I got to do some additional spring buying the same like every other
drygoods merchant," Eschenbach replied. "You've no idee what elegant
weather we got it out on the Lakes this spring. Spring styles was
selling like hot cakes in March already; and our store employees'
association held a picnic the first Sunday in April which we beat the
tar out of a nine from a furniture factory--five to four in a
ten-inning game."
"Is that a fact?" Finkman said. "_Aber_ how does it come that you are
lunching alone, Mr. Eschenbach?"
"Adelstern was coming with me," Eschenbach replied, "but at the last
minute he had to attend the weekly luncheon of his cutting staff. It's
wonderful the way that feller has got his workpeople organized, Mr.
Finkman! He's a very enlightened merchant, with a lot of very fine
idees for the welfare of his employees. And you can well believe it,
Mr. Finkman, goods made under such ideel conditions are very attractive
to me. I've been a customer of Adelstern's for many years now; and
sometimes, if he ain't got exactly what I am looking for, I take the
next best thing from him. I believe in encouraging idees like
Adelstern's--especially when he is got a very nifty little ball team in
his society, too."
If there was one quality above all others upon which Charles Finkman
prided himself it was his philanthropy; and as a philanthropist he
yielded precedence to nobody. Indeed, his name graced the title pages
of as many institutional reports as there were orphan asylums,
hospitals, and homes appurtenant to his religious community within the
boundaries of Greater New York; for both he and his partner had long
since discovered that as an advertising medium the annual report of a
hospital is superior to an entire year's issue of a trade journal, and
the cost is distinctly lower. The idea that philanthropy among one's
own employees could promote sales had never occurred to him, however,
and it came as a distinct shock that he had so long neglected this
phase of salesmanship.
"Why, I never thought that any concern in the cloak and suit business
was doing such things." Finkman continued; and his tones voiced his
chagrin at the discovery of Adelstern's philanthropic innovation. "I
knew that drygoods stores like yours, Mr. Eschenbach, they got a lot of
enlightened idees, but I never knew nobody which is doing such things
in the cloak and suit trade."
At this juncture Louis Birsky abandoned his plans for a Saint Honore
tart, with Vienna coffee and cream. Instead he conceived a bold stroke
of salesmanship, and he turned immediately to Finkman.
"What are you talking nonsense, Mr. Finkman?" he said. "We ourselves
got in our place already an employees' mutual aid society, which our
designer, Jacob Golnik, is president of it--and all the operators
belong yet."
It cannot truthfully be said that Finkman received this information
with any degree of enthusiasm; and perhaps, to a person of less rugged
sensibilities than Louis Birsky, Finkman's manner might have seemed a
trifle chilly as he searched his mind for a sufficiently discouraging
rejoinder.
"Of course, Birsky," he growled at last, "when I says I didn't know any
concerns in the cloak and suit business which is got a mutual aid
society, understand me, I ain't counting small concerns."
"Sure, I know," Birsky replied cheerfully; "but I am telling you,
Finkman, that we got such a mutual aid society, which, if you are
calling a hundred operators a small concern, Finkman, you got awful big
idees, Finkman, and that's all I got to say."
Eschenbach smiled amiably by way of smoothing things over.
"Have your hundred operators formed a mutual aid society, Mr. ----"
"My name is Mr. Birsky," Louis said, rising from his chair; and,
without further encouragement, he seated himself at Eschenbach's table,
"of Birsky & Zapp; and we not only got a hundred operators, Mr.
Eschenbach, but our cutting-room staff and our office staff also joins
the society."
"You don't tell me," Eschenbach commented. "And how do you find it
works?"
"W-e-e-ll, I tell yer," Birsky commenced, "of course we ourselves got
to donate already five hundred dollars to start the thing, Mr.
Eschenbach."
While he made this startling declaration he gazed steadily at Finkman,
who was moving his head in a slow and skeptic nodding, as one who says:
"_Yow! Ich glaub's._"
"Five hundred dollars it costs us only to-day yet, Mr. Eschenbach,"
Birsky went on, clearing his throat pompously; "but certainly, Mr.
Eschenbach, in the end it pays us."
"How do you make that out?" Finkman demanded gruffly.
"Why, the money remains on deposit with a bank," Birsky explained, "and
every week for five weeks we deduct from the operators' wages also one
dollar a week, which we put with the five hundred we are giving."
Finkman continued to nod more briskly in a manner that proclaimed: "I
see the whole thing now."
"So that at the end of five weeks," Birsky went on, "every operator is
got coming to him ten dollars."
Finkman snorted cynically.
"Coming to him!" he said with satirical emphasis.
"Coming to him," Birsky retorted, "that's what I said, Finkman; and the
whole idee is very fine for us as well as for them."
"I should say so," Finkman commented; "because at the end of five weeks
you got in bank a thousand dollars which you ain't paying no interest
on to nobody."
"With us, a thousand dollars don't figure so much as like with some
people, Finkman," Birsky retorted; "and our idee is that if we should
keep the money on deposit it's like a security that our operators
wouldn't strike on us so easy. Furthermore, Finkman, if you are
doubting our good faith, understand me, let me say that Mr. Eschenbach
is welcome he should come round to my place to-morrow morning yet and I
would show him everything is open and aboveboard, like a lodge
already."
"Why, I should be delighted to see how this thing works with you, Mr.
Birsky," Eschenbach said. "I suppose you know what an interest I am
taking in welfare work of this description."
"I think he had a sort of an idee of it," Finkman interrupted, "when he
butts in here."
Again Eschenbach smiled beneficently on the rival manufacturers in an
effort to preserve the peace.
"I should like to have some other details from your plan, Mr. Birsky,"
he said. "How do you propose to spend this money?"
Birsky drew back his chair from the table.
"It's a long story, Mr. Eschenbach," he replied; "and if it's all the
same to you I would tell you the whole thing round at my place
to-morrow morning."
He rose to his feet and, searching in his waistcoat pocket, produced a
card that he laid on the table in front of Eschenbach.
"Here is our card, Mr. Eschenbach," he said, "and I hope we could look
for you at eleven o'clock, say."
"Make it half-past ten, Mr. Birsky," Eschenbach replied as he extended
his hand in farewell. "Will you join me there, Mr. Finkman?"
Finkman nodded sulkily.
"I will if I got the time, Mr. Eschenbach," he said; "_aber_ don't rely
on me too much."
A malicious smile spread itself over Birsky's face as he started to
leave.
"Me and my partner is going to feel terrible disappointed if you don't
show up, Finkman," he declared; and with this parting shot he hurried
back to his place of business.
"Say, Barney," he said after he had removed his hat, "ain't it
surprising what a back number a feller like Charles Finkman is?"
"We should be such back numbers as Finkman & Maisener, Louis," Barney
commented dryly, "with a rating two hundred thousand to three hundred
thousand, first credit."
"Even so," Louis commented, "the feller surprises me--he is such an
iggeramus. Actually, Barney, he says he never knew that a single
garment manufacturer in the city of New York is got in his shop one of
them there mutual aid affairs. 'Why, Mr. Finkman,' I says, 'we
ourselves got such a mutual aid society,' I says; and right away
Eschenbach says he would come round here to-morrow morning and see how
the thing works. So you should tell Kanef he should fix over them racks
to show up well them changeable taffetas. Also, Barney, you should tell
Kanef to put them serges and the other stickers back of the piece
goods; and----"
At this point Barney raised a protesting hand.
"One moment, Louis," he cried. "What d'ye mean Eschenbach comes
to-morrow?"
"Why, Eschenbach is interested in our mutual aid society; and----"
"Our mutual aid society!" Barney cried. "What are you talking about,
our mutual aid society?"
"Well, then, Golnik's mutual aid society," Louis continued.
"Golnik's mutual aid society!" exclaimed Zapp. "Golnik ain't got no
mutual aid society no more, Birsky. I told him after you are gone to
lunch, Birsky, that if him _oder_ anybody else round here even so much
as mentions such a thing to us again we would fire 'em right out of
here, contracts _oder_ no contracts."
Birsky sat down in a chair and gazed mournfully at his partner.
"You told him that, Zapp?" he said.
"I certainly did," Zapp replied. "What do you think I would tell him
after the way Feigenbaum takes on so?"
Birsky nodded his head slowly.
"That's the way it goes, Zapp," he said. "I am sitting there in
Hammersmith's half an hour already, scheming how we should get
Eschenbach round here so he should look over our line--which I didn't
hardly eat nothing at all, understand me--and you go to work and knock
away the ground from under my toes already!"
"What d'ye mean, I am knocking away the ground from under your toes?"
Zapp cried indignantly. "What has Golnik's mutual aid society got to do
_mit_ your toes, Birsky--_oder_ Eschenbach, neither?"
"It's got a whole lot to do with it," Birsky declared. "It's got
everything to do with it; in fact, Barney, if it wouldn't be that I am
telling Eschenbach we got a mutual aid society here he wouldn't come
round here at all."
"That's all right," Zapp said. "He ain't in the mutual aid society
business--he's in the drygoods business, Louis; and so soon as we
showed him them changeable taffetas at eight dollars he would quick
forget all about mutual aid societies."
Birsky shook his head emphatically.
"That's where you make a big mistake, Barney," he replied; and
forthwith he unfolded to Zapp a circumstantial narrative of his
encounter with Eschenbach and Finkman at Hammersmith's cafe.
"So you see, Barney," he continued, "if we are ever going to do
business _mit_ Eschenbach, understand me, for a start the mutual aid
society is everything and the changeable taffetas don't figure at all."
"But I thought you are saying this morning you wouldn't want to do
business _mit_ Eschenbach," Zapp protested.
"This morning was something else again," Birsky said. "This morning I
was busy getting through _mit_ Feigenbaum, which if I got a bird in one
hand, Barney, I ain't trying to hold two in the other."
"That's all right, Louis," Zapp replied, "if you think when you booked
Feigenbaum's order that you got a bird in one hand, Louis, you better
wait till the goods is shipped and paid for. Otherwise, Louis, if
Feigenbaum hears you are monkeying round _mit_ mutual aid societies he
would go to work and cancel the order on us, and you could kiss
yourself good-bye with his business."
"_Schmooes_, Barney!" Birsky protested. "How is Feigenbaum, which he is
safe in Bridgetown, going to find out what is going on in our shop? We
could be running here a dozen mutual aid societies, understand me, for
all that one-eyed _Rosher_ hears of it."
Zapp shrugged his shoulders.
"All right, Louis," he said; "if you want to fix up mutual aid
societies round here go ahead and do so--only one thing I got to tell
you, Louis: you should fix it up that some one else as Golnik should be
president, understand me, because a designer like Golnik is enough
stuck on himself without he should be president of a mutual aid
society. Treasurer is good enough for him."
Birsky received the suggestion with a satirical smile.
"You got a real head for business, Zapp, I must say," he said, "when
you are going to make a feller like Golnik treasurer."
"Well, then, we could make Golnik secretary, and Kanef, the shipping
clerk, treasurer," Zapp suggested. "The feller's got rich relations in
the herring business."
"I don't care a snap if the feller's relations own all the herring
business in the world, Zapp," Birsky continued. "This afternoon yet we
would go to work and get up this here mutual aid society, _mit_ Jacob
Golnik president and I. Kanef vice-president."
"And who would be treasurer then?" Zapp asked meekly; whereat Louis
Birsky slapped his chest.
"I would be treasurer," he announced; "and for a twenty dollar bill we
would get Henry D. Feldman he should fix up the by-laws, which you
could take it from me, Zapp, if there's any honour coming to Golnik
after me and Feldman gets through, understand me, the feller is easy
flattered, Zapp--and that's all I got to say."
* * * * *
It was not until after five o'clock that Birsky returned from Feldman's
office with the typewritten constitution and by-laws of a voluntary
association entitled the Mutual Aid Society Employees of Birsky & Zapp.
Moreover, under the advice of counsel, he had transferred from the
firm's balance in the Kosciusko Bank the sum of five hundred dollars to
a new account denominated L. Birsky, Treasurer; and the omission of the
conjunction "as" before the word "Treasurer" was all that prevented the
funds so deposited from becoming the property of the mutual aid
society. In short, everything was in readiness for the reception of
Jonas Eschenbach the following morning except the trifling detail of
notifying Jacob Golnik and the hundred operators that their mutual aid
society had come into being; and as soon as Birsky had removed his hat
and coat he hastened into the cutting room and beckoned to Golnik.
"Golnik," he said, "_kommen Sie mal h'rein_ for a minute." Golnik
looked up from a pile of cloth and waved his hand reassuringly.
"It's all right, Mr. Birsky," he said. "I thought the matter over
already; and you and your partner is right, Mr. Birsky. This here
mutual aid society is nix, Mr. Birsky. Why should I take from my salary
a dollar a week for five weeks, understand me, while a lot of old
_Schnorrers_ like them pressers in there is liable to die on us any
minute, y'understand, and right away we got to pay out a death benefit
for forty or fifty dollars?"
"What are you talking about a death benefit?" Birsky exclaimed. "Why
should you got death benefits in a mutual aid society? A mutual aid
society, which if you got any idee about the English language at all,
Golnik, means a society which the members helps each other, Golnik; and
if a member goes to work and dies, Golnik, he couldn't help nobody no
more. In a mutual aid society, Golnik, if a member dies he is dead,
understand me, and all he gets out is what he puts in less his share of
what it costs to run the society."
Golnik laid down his shears and gazed earnestly at his employer.
"I never thought that way about it before," he said; "but, anyhow, Mr.
Birsky, _Gott soll hueten_ such a feller shouldn't die sudden,
understand me, then we got to pay him a sick benefit yet five dollars a
week; and the least such a _Schlemiel_ lingers on us is ten weeks,
which you could see for yourself, Mr. Birsky, where do I get off?"
"Well, you would be anyhow president, Golnik--ain't it?" Birsky said.
"Sure, I know, Mr. Birsky," Golnik continued; "but what is the _Kunst_
a feller should be president, understand me, if I got to pay every week
my good money for a lot of operators which they _fress_ from pickles
and fish, understand me, till they are black in the face _mit_ the
indigestion, y'understand, while me I never got so much as a headache
even? So I guess you are right, after all, Mr. Birsky. A feller which
he is such a big fool that he joins one of them there mutual aid
societies deserves he should get fired right out of here."
"_Aber_, Golnik," Birsky protested, "me and Zapp has changed our minds
already and we are agreeable we should have such a society, which you
would be president and Kanef vice-president."
There was a note of anxiety in Birsky's voice that caused Golnik to
hesitate before replying, and he immediately conjectured that Birsky's
reconsideration of the mutual aid society plan had been made on grounds
not entirely altruistic.
"Well," he said at length, "of course if you and Mr. Zapp is changed
your minds, Mr. Birsky, I couldn't kick; _aber_, if it's all the same
to you, you should please leave me out of it."
"What d'ye mean, leave you out of it?" Birsky cried. "When we would got
here an employees' mutual aid society, Golnik, who would be president
from it if the designer wouldn't, Golnik?"
Golnik gave an excellent imitation of a disinterested onlooker as he
shrugged his shoulders in reply.
"What's the matter with Kanef, Mr. Birsky?" he asked.
"Kanef is a shipping clerk only, Golnik," Birsky replied; "and you know
as well as I do, Golnik, a shipping clerk is got so much influence with
the operators like nothing at all. Besides, Golnik, we already got your
name in as president, which, if we would change it now, right away we
are out twenty dollars we paid Henry D. Feldman this afternoon he
should draw up the papers for us."
"So!" Golnik exclaimed. "Feldman draws up the papers!"
"Sure he did," Birsky said; "which, if we started this thing, Golnik,
we want to do it right."
Golnik nodded.
"And he would do it right, too, Mr. Birsky," he commented; "which,
judging from the contract he is drawing up between you and me last
December, an elegant chance them operators is got in such a society."
Birsky patted his designer confidentially on the shoulder.
"What do you care, Golnik?" he said. "You ain't an operator--and
besides, Golnik, I couldn't stand here and argue with you all night; so
I tell you what I would do, Golnik: come in this here society as
president and we wouldn't deduct nothing from your wages at all, and
you would be a member in good standing, anyhow."
Golnik shook his head slowly, whereat Birsky continued his confidential
patting.
"And so long as the society lasts, Golnik," he said, "we ourselves
would pay you two dollars a week to boot."
"And I am also to get sick benefits?" Golnik asked.
"You would get just so much sick benefits as anybody else in the
society," Birsky replied, "because you could leave that point to me,
Golnik, which I forgot to told you, Golnik, that I am the treasurer; so
you should please be so good and break it to Bogin and Kanef and the
operators. We want to get through with this thing."
For the remainder of the afternoon, therefore, the business premises of
Birsky & Zapp were given over to speechmaking on the part of Birsky and
Golnik; and when at the conclusion of his fervid oration Golnik
exhibited to the hundred operators the passbook of L. Birsky,
Treasurer, the enthusiasm it evoked lost nothing by the omission of the
conjunctive adverb "as." Indeed, resolutions were passed and spread
upon the minutes of such a laudatory character that, until the arrival
of Jonas Eschenbach the following morning, there persisted in both
Birsky and Zapp a genuine glow of virtue.
"Why, how do you do, Mr. Eschenbach?" Louis cried, as Eschenbach
cuddled his hand in a warm, fat grasp. "This is my partner, Mr. Zapp."
"Ain't it a fine weather?" Barney remarked after he had undergone the
handclasp of philanthropy.
"I bet yer it's a fine weather," Eschenbach said. "Such a fine weather
is important for people which is running sick-benefit societies."
"_Warum_ sick-benefit societies, Mr. Eschenbach?"
"Well," Eschenbach replied, "I take it that in a sick-benefit society
the health of the members is paramount."
"Sure, it is," Barney agreed. "You couldn't expect otherwise, Mr.
Eschenbach, from the _Machshovos_ them fellers eats for their
lunch--herring and pickles _mit_ beer."
"I am not speaking from the food they eat," Eschenbach continued;
"_aber_, in bad weather, Mr. Zapp, you must got to expect that a
certain proportion of your members would be laid up with colds
already."
Zapp waved his hand carelessly.
"For that matter," he said, "we told them fellers the sick-benefit
society wouldn't fall for no colds _oder_ indigestion, which both of
'em comes from the stummick."
"May be that's a wise plan, Mr. Zapp," Eschenbach continued; "but the
best way a feller should keep himself he shouldn't take no colds _oder_
indigestion is from athaletics."
"That's where you make a big mistake, Mr. Eschenbach," said Zapp, who
had served an apprenticeship in the underwear business. "Even in the
hottest weather I am wearing a long-sleeve undershirt and regular
length pants, and I never got at all so much as a little _Magensaeure_."
"I don't doubt your word for a minute, Mr. Zapp," Eschenbach went on;
"but it ain't what you wear which is counting so much, y'understand--it's
what you do. Now you take them operators of yours, Mr. Zapp, and if
they would play once in a while a game of baseball, _verstehst du
mich_--especially this time of the year, Mr. Zapp--their health
improves something wonderful."
"Baseball!" Birsky exclaimed. "And when do you suppose our operators
gets time to _spiel_ baseball, Mr. Eschenbach?"
"They got plenty time, Mr. Birsky," Eschenbach replied. "For instance,
in Adelstern's shop, Mr. Birsky, every lunch-hour they got the
operators practising on the roof; while on Sundays yet they play in
some vacant lots which Adelstern gets left on his hands from boom times
already, up in the Bronix somewheres."
"_Aber_ we got stuck _mit_ only improved property," Birsky protested,
"on Ammerman Avenue, a five-story, twelve-room house _mit_ stores,
which we bought from Finkman at the end of the boom times already, and
which we couldn't give it away free for nothing even; and what for a
baseball game could you play it on the roof of a new-law house on a lot
thirty-three by ninety-nine?"
"Such objection is nothing, Mr. Birsky," Eschenbach rejoined, "because
for five dollars a month the landlord here lets you use the roof
lunch-hours; and for a start I would get Adelstern he should lend you
his lots. Later you could get others, Mr. Birsky, because Mr. Adelstern
ain't the only one which gets stuck from boom times _mit_ Bronix lots
already. I bet yer there is hundreds of real-estate speculators which
stands willing to hire vacant lots for baseball Sundays, and they
wouldn't charge you more as a couple dollars, neither."
"Well," Birsky said, handing his visitor a cigar, "maybe you are right,
Mr. Eschenbach; but, anyhow, Mr. Eschenbach, we got here an elegant
line of popular-price goods which I should like for you to give a look
at."
"I got plenty time to look at your line, Mr. Birsky," Eschenbach
assured him. "I would be in town several days yet already; and before I
go, Mr. Birsky, I would like to see it if Adelstern's idees would work
out here."
"_Aber_ we are running our society on our own idees, Mr. Eschenbach,"
Zapp said.
"Quite right, too," Eschenbach agreed; "but I don't mind telling you,
Mr. Birsky, that Adelstern's baseball team is originally my idee, Mr.
Birsky--and if you don't mind, Mr. Birsky, I would like to look over
your employees and see if I couldn't pick out nine good men."
"For my part," Birsky said, rising to his feet, "you could pick out
twenty, Mr. Eschenbach."
Forthwith they proceeded to the rear of the loft, where the hundred odd
members of the mutual aid society were engaged in the manifold
employments of a cloak and suit factory, and the smiles and nods with
which they greeted their treasurer rekindled in Birsky and Zapp the
glow of virtue that to some degree had abated at Eschenbach's refusal
to examine their sample line.
"You see, Mr. Eschenbach," Birsky said proudly, "what a good feeling
the operators has for us. And you wouldn't believe how it shows in the
work, too, Mr. Eschenbach. Our goods is elegant made up."
"I don't doubt it," Eschenbach said. "Which of your operators do you
consider is the strongest, Mr. Zapp?"