Over a Bottle of _Claret_ you'll give me leave to _declare
it_, that I've fairly put the _Vowels_ upon the good Folks at
_Newgate, i.o.u._ When I'm able, I may, or may not discharge
my _Fees_, 'tis a _Fee-simple_, for a Man in my Condition to
acknowledge; and tho' I'm safe out of _Newgate_, I must yet
have, or at least, affect, a _New Gate_ by Limping, or Turning
my Toes in by making a right _Hand_ of my _Feet_. Not _to be
long_, for I hate _Prolixity_ in all Business: _In short_,
after _Filing, Defileing, Sawing_, when no Body _Saw_.
_Climbing_ (this _Clime in_) it prov'd a good _Turner_ of my
Affairs, thro' the House of a _Turner_. Being quite past, and
safe from _Estreat_ on Person or Chattels, and safe in the
_Street_, I thought Thanks due to him who cou'd _Deliver
hence_; and immediately (for you must know I'm a _Catholick_)
to give Thanks for my Deliverance, I stept amongst the
_Grey-Fryers_ to come an joyn with me, in saying a
_Pater-Noster_, or so, at _Amen-Corner_. The _Fryers_ being
_Fat_ began to _Broil_, and soon after _Boild up_ into a
Passion to be disturb'd at that time of Night. But being got
_Loose_ and having no Time to _Lose_, I gave them good Words,
and so the Business was done. From thence I soon slip'd
through _Ludgate_, but was damnably fearful of an _Old Bailey_
always lurking thereabout, who might have brought me to the
_Fleet_ for being too _Nimble_, besides, I was wonderfully
apprehensive of receiving some unwelcome _Huggings_ from the
_W....n_ there; therefore with a step and a stride I soon got
over _Fleet-ditch_, and (as in Justice I ought) I prais'd the
_Bridge_ I got over. Being a _Batchelor_, and not being
capable to to manage a Bridewell you know. I had no Business
near _St. Brides_, so kept the right handside, designing to
_Pop_ into the _Alley_ as usual; but fearing to go thro'
there, and _harp_ too much on the same _String_, it gave an
_Allay_ to my Intention, and on I went to _Shoe-lane_ end but
there meeting with a _Bully Hack_ of the Town, he wou'd have
shov'd me down, which my Spirit resenting, tho' a _brawny
Dog_, I soon _Coller'd_ him, fell Souse at him, then with his
own Cane I _strapped_ till he was force to _Buckle_ too, and
hold his _Tongue_, in so much he durst not say his _Soul_ was
his own, and was glad to pack of at _Last_, and turn his
_Heels_ upon me: I was glad he was gone you may be sure, and
_dextrously_ made a _Hand_ of my _Feet_ under the
_Leg-Tavern_; but the very Thoughts of _Fetter-Lane_ call'd to
mind some Passages, which made me avoid the _Passage_ at the
end of it, (next to the Coffee House you know) so I soon
whip'd over the way, yet going along two wooden _Logger-heads_
at _St. Dunstan's_ made just them a damn'd Noise about their
_Quarters_, but the sight of me made perfectly _Hush_ in a
_Minute_; now fearing to goe by _Chance-a wry-Lane_, as being
upon the _Watch_ my self and not to be _debarr'd_ at
_Temple-Bar_; I stole up _Bell-Yard_, but narrowly escap'd
being _Clapper-claw'd_ by two Fellows I did not like in the
Alley, so was forc'd to goe round with a design to _Sheer-off_
into _Sheer-Lane_, but the _Trumpet_ sounding at that very
time, alarm'd me so, I was forc'd to Grope my way back through
_Hemlock-Court_, and take my _Passage_ by _Ship-Yard_ without
the Bar again; but there meeting with one of our trusty
Friends, (all Ceremonies a-part) he told me under the _Rose_ I
must expect no _Mercy_ in _St. Clement's_ Parish, for the
_Butchers_ there on the _Back_ on't would _Face_ me, and with
their _Cleavers_ soon bring me down on my _marrow_ Bones; you
may believe I soon hastened thence, but by this time being
Fainty and night Spent, I put forward, and seeing a _Light_
near the _Savoy-Gate_, I was resolv'd not to make _Light_ of
the Opportunity, but call'd for an hearty Dram of _Luther_ and
_Calvin_, that is, _Mum_ and _Geneva_ mix'd; but having Fasted
so long before, it soon got into my Noddle, and e'er I had
gone twenty steps, it had so intirely _Stranded_ my Reason,
that by the time I came to _Half-Moon-Street_ end, it gave a
_New-Exchange_ to my Senses, and made me quite _Lunatick_.
However, after a little Rest, I stole down _George-Passage_
into _Oaf-Alley_ in _York-Buildings_, and thence (tho' a vile
Man) into _Villiers-Street_, and so into the _Strand_ again,
where having gone a little way, _Hefford's-Harp_ at the Sign
of the _Irish-Harp_, put me a _Jumping and Dancing_ to that
degree that I could not forbear making a _Somerset_ or two
before _Northumberland-House_. I thought once of taking the
_Windsor_ Coach for my self _John Sheppard_, by the Name of
_Crook_---- but fearing to be _Hook'd_ in before my Journey's
End, I stept into _Hedge-Lane_, where two Harlots were up in
the _Boughs_ (it seems) _Branching_ out their Respects to one
another, through their Windows, and People beginning to gather
thereabout, I ran _Pelmel_ to _Piccadilly_, where meeting by
meer chance a _Bakers_ Cart going to _Turnham-Green_, I being
not _Mealy Mouth'd_, nor the Man being _Crusty_ I _wheel'd_
out of Town.
I did call at _Hammersmith_, having no occasion directly. I
shall stay two or three Days in that Neighbourhood, so, if you
Direct a letter for Mr. Sligh Bolt, to be left with Mrs.
_Tabitha Skymmington_ at _Cheesewick_, it's Safety will _Bear
Water_ by any _Boat_, and come _Current_ with the Tyde to
Dear BOB
Yours from the Top
of _Newgate_ to the Bottom