A STATEMENT of the facts in which this book began may gratify the
curiosity of some of its readers.
While gathering materials for a History of Friendship, I was often
struck both by the small number of recorded examples of the sentiment
among women, which were discovered in my researches, and by the
commonness of the expressed belief, that strong natural obstacles
make friendship a comparatively feeble and rare experience with them.
Spurred by further thought, as well as by many talks, I kept on
exploring the subject. At length, so much matter was mustered that I
determined to insert in my work a distinct chapter on the Friendships
of Women. Still the subject grew in interest for me, and the bulk of
historic illustration swelled beyond the size of a chapter. Then I
decided to make a little treatise of it by itself.
The principle and sentiment of friendship deserve a much larger share
of the attention given, alike in the life and the literature of our
time, to the passion of love. One would infer from most of the
popular writings of the day, that love is the only emotion worthy of
notice. But surely there are in human nature other feelings, which
demand far more culture than they generally receive, feelings which
really play an important part in human life, and which ought to play
a still more important part. Am I deceived in thinking, that, in
particular, the place of friendship in the Live; of women is a
subject which, if soundly discussed, and set forth with mastery and
sympathy, may give precious guidance, comfort, and inspiration to
thousands of embittered and languishing souls? Will not the large
number, who are denied the satisfactions of impassioned love, be
grateful for a book which shows them what rich and noble resources
they may find in his widely different, though closely kindred,
sentiment? Is not such a book especially needed at he present time?
In method of treatment, I have, without neglecting moral analysis or
reflective exposition, even greater prominence to biographic
narrative, living presentation of instances from which the reader may
draw the befitting lessons of the topic, and apply them for personal
profit. Poetry, it has been said, is balm on the wounds of non-
fulfilment in our lives. When our own experience and imagination are
wanting in that balm, we must borrow it from others. If we muse, with
open heart, on the enthusiastic dreams and fruitions of more richly
impassioned or more happily placed natures, the contagious glow of
their affections may enkindle ours. This is one of the highest uses
of art, a use which puts on artists the duty of setting before their
patrons sights of righteousness and bliss, trust and peace, rather
than sights of wretchedness, wrangling, doubt, and error.
In conjoined importance and interest, to those who have a taste for
it, no other study can compare with the study of human nature and
human experience, as illustrated in individual examples. If the
students are curious as to the secrets of greatness, and are emulous
of excellence, the attraction is enhanced when they deal with persons
of extraordinary powers and careers. It then becomes fascinating.
Beautiful and noble characters can find nothing so enchanting as a
beautiful and noble character. It was truly said by Vauvenargues,
"Sooner or later, we enjoy only souls." These pages will present
portrayals of a large number of charming souls, with accounts of
their happiest experiences. For our poor human heart, there will
always be a bewitchment about the memories of those persons who were
either remarkable for their power of drawing affection or were
signalized by their enjoyment of the boon. Many a rare character,
otherwise long ago consumed in the alembic of time, will long
continue to be fondly singled out and studied. So when the famous
Marchioness of Salisbury was accidentally burned to death, the
Skeleton was known as hers only by the jewels with which she had been
decked.
It may be dangerous to overlook ignorantly what is false and hateful
in society; but it is pernicious to pick out such objects for
exclusive or permanent scrutiny. The most wholesome results are
likely to be secured by the fastening of our attention prevailingly
on what is true and fair and blessed in our fellow-beings. Such a
choice will commend itself to the best spirits; for, while it is the
spontaneous movement of a mean nature to contract and swoop, a
generous nature prefers to expand and soar. The vulture pounces on
rottenness with a cry of obscene satisfaction; but the lark seeks the
sunrise with a song of worship. So let the ingenuous mind, studying
human character and life, bestow a shunning glance at evil, a fixed
gaze on good. So, should any one wish to write a history of the
enmities of women, for which, doubtless, the materials are ample, I
willingly yield him the task, appropriating only the privilege of
doing justice to their friendships.
In the present volume, my first and constant purpose has been boldly
to state the truth just as it is, to do justice to the facts of the
subject. My second purpose has been to be of use, to give help and
comfort. In whatever degree poetry and ideal sentiment may be
accompaniments, neither of them has in any sense been made an aim of
the work. While freely allowing his mind to shine into his pen, and
his heart to flow through it, the writer has adopted every precaution
to prevent or correct all those refractions of ignorance and
prejudice, and all that coloring of morbid sentimentality, which
would stand in the way of truth and use. In treating such a theme as
friendship, the worst dangers are hardness and levity on the one
extreme, exaggeration and mawkishness on the other, and cowardice and
squeamishness between. These faults, it is hoped, are not chargeable
on the following pages.
This book is a book of goodness. It is devoted to the nurture of
those benign virtues which it so plainly shows waiting on and winning
the best beauty and joy of the world. Small causes can bring about
great effects, when time and facts conspire to help them. A cocoanut,
tossed by the waves into a little sand on a rock amidst the ocean,
has been known to strike root, and to form the centre of a luxuriant
island of palms. Unable to look for any such striking result from the
influence of this work, I shall be happy, indeed, if the power of the
examples to which I have here given voice shall demonstrate the other
side of the deep thought penned by Shakespeare: One good deed, dying
tongueless, Slaughters a thousand waiting upon that.