Elizabeth and Charlotte were seated one morning in the parlour at
Hunsford parsonage, enjoying the prospect of Rosings from the front
window, and Mr. Collins was working in his garden, which was one of his
most respectable pleasures, when the peace of the household was suspended
by the arrival of a letter from London:—
“THEATRE ROYAL, DRURY LANE,
“LONDON, _December, 19—_.
“DEAR COUSIN WILLIAM,—We have long neglected to maintain a
commerce of letters, but I have learned through the public
prints of your recent union with an elegant female from
Hertfordshire and desire to tender you and your lady my
respects in what I trust will prove an agreeable form. I am
directing an entertainment at this theatre, which is designed
to be in harmony with the general Christmas rejoicings, and,
you may rest assured, in no way offends the principles of the
Church which you adorn. Will you not honour it by your presence
and thus confer an innocent enjoyment upon your lady? In that
hope, I enclose a box ticket for the pantomime on Monday
se’nnight and remain your well-wisher and cousin,
“ARTHUR COLLINS.”
Smiling to herself, Elizabeth reflected that the two Messrs. Collins
might certainly call cousins in epistolary composition, while Charlotte
anxiously inquired if the proposal had her William’s approval.
“I am by no means of opinion,” said he, “that an entertainment of this
kind, given by a man of character, who is also my own second cousin, to
respectable people, can have any evil tendency; but, before accepting the
invitation, it is, of course, proper that I should seek the countenance
of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.” Accordingly, he lost no time in making his
way to Rosings.
Lady Catherine, who chanced to be meditating that very morning on a
visit to London for the purchase of a new bonnet and _pèlerine_, was all
affability and condescension.
“To be sure, you will go, Mr. Collins,” said her ladyship. “I advise you
to accept the invitation without delay. It is the duty of a clergyman of
your station to refine and improve such entertainments by his presence.
Nay,” she added, “Sir Lewis highly approved them and _I_ myself will
go with you.” Mr. Collins was overwhelmed by civility far beyond his
expectations, and hurried away to prepare Charlotte and Elizabeth for
this splendid addition to their party.
Early on the Monday se’nnight they set out for London in one of her
ladyship’s carriages, for, as Mr. Collins took the opportunity of
remarking, she had several, drawn by four post-horses, which they changed
at the “Bell” at Bromley. On the way her ladyship examined the young
ladies’ knotting-work and advised them to do it differently, instructed
Elizabeth in the humility of deportment appropriate to the front seat of
a carriage, and determined what the weather was to be to-morrow.
When they were at last arrived and seated in their box Lady Catherine
approved the spacious dignity of the baronial hall, which, she said,
reminded her of the great gallery at Pemberley, but was shocked at the
familiarities which passed between the Baron and Baroness Beauxchamps
and their page-boy. “These foreign nobles,” she exclaimed, “adventurers,
I daresay! It was Sir Lewis’s opinion that _all_ foreigners were
adventurers. No English baron, it is certain, would talk so familiarly
to a common domestic, a person of inferior birth, and of no importance
in the world. Honour, decorum, prudence, nay, interest, forbid it. With
such manners, I do not wonder that the domestic arrangements are in
disorder, the very stair-carpet unfastened, and a machine for cleaning
knives actually brought into a reception room! See, they cannot even lay
a table-cloth!” And her ladyship advised Charlotte on the proper way of
laying table-cloths, especially in clergymen’s families.
After a song of Miss Florence Smithson’s Charlotte talked in a low tone
with Elizabeth, and her ladyship called out:—“What is that you are
saying, Mrs. Collins? What is it you are talking of? What are you telling
Miss Bennet? Let me hear what it is.”
“We are speaking of music, madam,” said Charlotte.
“Of music! Then pray speak aloud. It is of all subjects my delight. I
must have my share in the conversation, if you are speaking of music.
There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment
of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I
should have been a great proficient.”
When Cinderella set out for the ball in her coach-and-six with a whole
train of running-footmen Lady Catherine signified her approbation. “Young
women should always be properly guarded and attended, according to
their situation in life. When my niece Georgiana went to Ramsgate last
summer, I made a point of her having two men-servants go with her. I am
excessively attentive to all those things.”
But now they were at the ball, and the box party was all attention. The
Prince, dignified and a little stiff, reminded Elizabeth of Mr. Darcy.
But guests so strange as Mutt and Jeff, she thought, would never be
allowed to pollute the shades of Pemberley. Mr. Collins’s usually cold
composure forsook him at the sight of the Baroness playing cards with
the Baron on one of her _paniers_ as a table, and felt it his duty to
apologize to Lady Catherine for the unseemly incident. “If your ladyship
will warrant me,” he began, “I will point out to my cousin that neither
a person of your high station nor a clergyman of the Church of England
ought to be asked to witness this licentiousness of behaviour.” “And
advise him,” said her ladyship, “on the authority of Lady Catherine de
Bourgh, that _paniers_ were never used for this disgraceful purpose.
There is no one in England who knows more about _paniers_ than myself,
for my grandmother, Lady Anne, wore them, and some day Mrs. Jennings, the
housekeeper, shall show them to Miss Bennet,” for Elizabeth could not
forbear a smile, “at Rosings.”
The party retired early, for Elizabeth had to be conveyed to her uncle’s
as far as Gracechurch Street, and Lady Catherine desired the interval of
a long night before choosing her new bonnet. It was not until Mr. Collins
was once more in his parsonage that he sent his cousin an acknowledgment
of the entertainment afforded at Drury Lane, as follows:—
“HUNSFORD, _near_ WESTERHAM, KENT,
“_January, 19—_.
“DEAR SIR,—We withdrew from your Christmas entertainment
on Monday last with mingled feelings of gratification and
reprobation. When I say ‘we’ I should tell you that my
Charlotte and I not only brought with us a Miss Elizabeth
Bennet, one of the friends of her maiden state, but were
honoured by the company of the Right Honourable Lady Catherine
de Bourgh, widow of Sir Lewis de Bourgh, whose bounty and
beneficence have, as you know, preferred me to the valuable
rectory of this parish, where it shall be my earnest endeavour
to demean myself with grateful respect towards her ladyship,
and be ever ready to perform those rites and ceremonies which
are instituted by the Church of England. It is as a clergyman
that I feel it my duty to warn you against the sinful game of
cards exhibited in the scene of the Prince’s ball. If it had
been family whist, I could have excused it, for there can be
little harm in whist, at least among players who are not in
such circumstances as to make five shillings any object. But
the Baroness Beauxchamps is manifestly engaged in a game of
sheer chance, if not of downright cheating. The admission of
this incident to your stage cannot but have proceeded, you must
allow me to tell you, from a faulty degree of indulgence. And
I am to add, on the high authority of Lady Catherine, probably
the highest on this as on many other subjects, that there is no
instance on record of the _paniers_ once worn by ladies being
used as card-tables. With respectful compliments to your lady
and family,
“I remain, dear sir, your cousin,
“WILLIAM COLLINS.”