When Ghisleri was at last able to go out of the house, his first visit
was to Maddalena dell' Armi. He had written a line to say that he was
coming, and she expected him. The meeting was a strange one, for both
felt at first the constraint of their mutual position. Ghisleri looked
at her face, which had been so hard when he had last seen it, and he saw
that it had softened. There were no signs of suffering, however, and her
expression was almost as placid as his own. He raised her hand to his
lips and sat down opposite to her. Then the light fell on his face and
she saw how changed he was. She remembered how he had looked when she
had seen him after he was wounded, and she saw that he was almost as
pale now as then, and that he was thin almost to emaciation.
"Are you really growing strong again?" she asked in a tone of anxiety.
"Yes, indeed," he answered with a smile. "I feel as though I were quite
well--a little gaunt and weak, perhaps, but that will soon pass. And
you--how have you spent your time in all these weeks since I last saw
you?"
"Very much as usual," replied Maddalena, and suddenly a weary look came
into her eyes. "If you care to know--as long as you were really in
danger I did not go out. Then I went everywhere again, and tried to
amuse myself."
"Did you succeed?" asked Ghisleri, trying hard to speak cheerfully.
There had been something hopeless in Maddalena's tone which shocked him
and pained him.
"More or less. Why do you ask me that?"
"Because I am interested."
"Do you care for me in the least--in any way?" she asked abruptly.
"You know that I do--"
"How should I know it?"
Ghisleri did not reply at once, for the question was not easily
answered. Maddalena waited in silence until he should speak.
"Perhaps you are right," he said at last. "You have no means of knowing
it, and I have no means of proving it. Dearest lady, since we have both
changed so much, do you not think you could believe a little in my
friendship?"
"We ought to be friends--you should be my best friend."
"I mean to be, if you will let me."
A long silence followed. Maddalena sat quite still, leaning back in a
corner of the sofa and looking at a picture on the opposite wall.
Ghisleri sat upright on a chair at a little distance from her.
"You say that you will be my friend, if I will let you," she said
slowly, after several minutes. "Even if you could imagine that I could
not wish it, you ought to be my best friend just the same. If I made you
suffer every hour of the day as I did on that last night, you ought to
bear it, and never have one unkind thought of me. No; do not answer me
yet: I have much more to say. You know that I have always told you just
what I have felt, when I have told you anything about myself. I was
very unhappy when we met at that ball--or, rather, when we parted--so
unhappy that I hardly knew what I said. I ought to have waited and
thought before I spoke. If I could have guessed that you were to be
wounded--well, it is of no use now. I am very, very fond of you. In
spite of everything, if you felt the least love for me still, however
little, I would say, 'Let us be as we were, as long as it can last.' As
it is--"
She paused and looked at him. He knew what she meant. If there were a
spark of love, she would forget everything and take him back on any
terms. For a moment the old struggle was violently resumed in his heart.
Ought he not, for her sake, to pretend love, and to live out his life as
best he could in the letter of devotion if not in the true spirit of
love? Or would not such an attempt necessarily be a failure, and bring
her more and more unhappiness with each month and year? He only
hesitated for an instant while she paused; then he determined to say
nothing. That was really the turning-point in Pietro Ghisleri's life.
"As it is," continued Maddalena, a little unsteadily, but with a brave
effort, "nothing but friendship is possible. Let it at least be a true
and honest friendship which neither of us need be ashamed of. Let all
the world see it. Go your way, and I will go mine, so far as the rest is
concerned. If you love Lady Herbert, marry her, if she will have you,
when her mourning is over."
"I do not love Lady Herbert at all," said Ghisleri with perfect truth.
"Well--if you should, or any other woman. Let the world say what it
will, it cannot invent anything worse than it has said of me already.
You owe me nothing--nothing but that,--to be a true friend to me always,
as I will be to you as long as I live."
She put out her hand, and he took it and pressed it. As she felt his,
the bright tears started to her eyes.
"What is it?" he asked tenderly, bending towards her as he spoke.
"Nothing," she answered hastily. "Your hand is so thin--how foolish of
me! I suppose you will grow to be as strong as ever?"
He saw how she still loved him, in spite of all. It was not too late
even now to renew the comedy, but his resolution had grown strong and
unalterable in a few moments.
"You are much too good to me," he said softly. "I have not deserved
it--but I will try to."
"Do not let us speak of all this any more for the present," she replied.
"Since we are friends, let us talk of other things, as friends do."
It was not easy, but Ghisleri did his best, feeling that the effort must
be made sooner or later and had therefore best be made at once. He kept
up the conversation for nearly half an hour, and then rose to go.
"Are you not very tired?" asked Maddalena, anxiously.
"Not at all. I am much stronger than I look."
"Indeed I hope you are!" she answered, looking at him sadly. "Good-bye.
Come soon again."
"Yes, I will come very soon."
Ghisleri went out and had himself driven about the city for an hour in
the bright spring weather. It was all new to him now, and he looked at
people and things with a sort of interest he had long forgotten to feel.
A few of his acquaintances recognised him at once, and waved their hats
to him if they chanced to be men, or made pretty gestures with their
hands if they were women. But the greater number did not know him at
first, and stared after the death-like face and the gaunt figure wrapped
in a fur coat that had grown far too wide.
He was very glad that the first meeting with Maddalena was over, for he
had looked forward to it with considerable anxiety. Something like what
had actually been said about friendship had been inevitable, as he now
saw, but he had not realised how much he was still loved, nor that
Maddalena could so far humiliate herself as to show that she cared for
him still, and to offer a renewal of their old relations. Even now,
could he have seen her pale and tear-stained face as she sat motionless
in the place where he had left her, he might possibly have been weak
enough to yield, strong as his determination was not to do so. But that
sight was spared him, and he was glad that he had held his peace when
she had paused to give him an opportunity of speaking. It was far better
so. To act a miserable play with her, no matter from what so-called
honourable motive of consideration, would be to make her life far more
unhappy than it would ultimately be if she knew the truth. He was
satisfied with what he had done, therefore, when he went back to his
rooms and lay down to rest after the fatigue of his first day out. But
the meeting had left a very sad and painful impression, and all that he
felt of remorse and regret for what he had done was doubled now. He
hated to think that by his fault she was cast upon the world, with
little left to save her, "trying to amuse herself," as she had said, and
he wondered at her gentleness and kindness to himself, so different from
her behaviour at their last meeting. That, at least, comforted him. In a
woman who could thus forgive there must be depths of goodness which
would ultimately come to the surface. He remembered how often he had
thought her hard, unjust, unkind, and, above all, unbelieving, in the
days that succeeded the first outbursts of unreasoning love, and how,
even while loving her, he had not always found it easy not to judge her
harshly. She was very different now. Possibly, since she felt that she
had lost her old power over him, she would be less impatient with him
when she did not understand him, and when he displeased her. Come what
might, treat him as she would, he owed her faithful allegiance and
service--and those at least he could give. He could never atone to her,
but in the changing scenes of the world he might, by devoting to her
interest all the skill and tact he possessed, make her life happier and
easier.
Before night he received a note from Laura Arden. She wrote that she had
seen him driving, though he had not seen her pass, as he had been
looking in the opposite direction. If he was able to bear the fatigue of
making a call, she begged that he would come to her at any hour he chose
to name, as she wished to speak to him. He answered at once that he
would be at her house on the following day at three o'clock.
He knew very well what she wanted, and why she did not wait until he
came of his own accord. She meant to speak to him of the duel, and her
questions would be hard to answer, since she was probably in ignorance
of many details of his former life, familiar enough to people of his own
age. He knew, of course, that the world said he had really fought on her
account, and that he could never prevail upon the world to think
otherwise. But he was very anxious that Laura herself should know the
truth. She might forgive him for having let people believe that she had
been concerned in the matter rather than Maddalena dell' Armi, out of
womanly consideration for the latter, but she would assuredly not pardon
him if she continued to suppose that he had made her the subject of
useless gossip.
The situation was not an easy one.
At the appointed hour he entered her drawing-room. He was almost
startled by her beauty when he first saw her standing opposite to him.
She had developed in every way during the many weeks since he had seen
her. The perfectly calm and regular life she led had produced its
inevitable good effect. She, on her part, was almost as much shocked by
his looks as Maddalena had been.
"Have I not asked too much of you?" she inquired, pushing forward a
comfortable chair for him, and arranging a cushion in it.
"Not at all. Thanks," he added, as he sat down, "you are very good, but
pray do not imagine that I am an invalid."
"I only saw you in the street," she said, almost apologetically. "I did
not realise how desperately ill you still looked. Please forgive me."
"But I should have come to-day or to-morrow in any case," protested
Ghisleri. "After what has happened--yes, I think I know why you sent for
me. You have heard what every one is saying. The men who came to see me
before I could go out told me all about it. I knew beforehand that it
would turn out as it has, though we gave our seconds another excuse, as
you have probably also heard, and which, if the truth were known, was
much nearer to betraying the cause of the quarrel than any one supposed.
Am I right? You wished to ask me why I had the impertinence to fight a
duel about you. Is that it?"
"I would not put it in that way," said Laura. "But I did wish to ask you
why you took the matter up so violently. Please do not enter into the
question now--you are not strong enough. I am very sorry indeed that I
wrote to you."
"You need not be, for I am quite able to tell you all about it. I have
thought the matter over, and I think you will forgive me if I tell you
the whole story from beginning to end. It is a confidence, and I have
not the least fear that you will betray it. If you are not willing to
hear it, you will always believe that I have wantonly made you the talk
of the town. It is entirely to justify myself in your eyes that I ask
you to listen to what I am going to say. Some points may shock you a
little. Have I your leave?"
"Yes--if you really wish to tell me for your own sake. For mine, I do
not ask you to tell me anything."
"It is for my own sake. I am quite selfish. When you have heard all, you
will know more or less the history of my life, of which many people know
certain details."
He paused and leaned back in his deep chair, closing his eyes a moment
as though he were collecting his thoughts. Laura settled herself to
listen, turning in her seat so as not to face him, but so that she
could look at him while he was speaking.
"I have never told any one this story," he began, "for I have never had
any good reason for doing so. When I was a very young man I loved the
Princess Corleone, who was, by her maiden name, Donna Bianca
Campodonico, the daughter of the old Duca di Norba who died of
paralysis, and own sister to Gianforte Campodonico, with whom I fought
this duel. I loved that lady with all my heart to the day of her death,
and being young and tactless, I showed it too much. Her brother,
Gianforte, hated me in consequence, because there was talk about his
sister and me--and our names were constantly coupled together. I did my
best to remain on civil terms with him, but at last he insulted me
openly and we fought. This first duel took place a little more than six
years ago, in Naples, where Donna Bianca lived after her marriage.
Campodonico did his best to kill me, and at last I ran him through the
arm. On the ground, without heeding the slight wound which disabled his
right arm, he demanded pistols, but the seconds on both sides refused,
and declared the affair terminated. As the original challenge had come
from me, his position was quite untenable. He sought occasion after that
to insult me again, but I avoided him. Then the Princess fell ill. Two
days before she died, she had herself carried into the drawing-room, and
sent for me. Her brother was already there. She made us both promise
that for her sake we would never quarrel again. We joined hands and
solemnly bound ourselves, for we knew she was dying. Then I took leave
of her. I never saw her again, and I shall not see her hereafter."
He paused a moment, but not a muscle of his face betrayed emotion. Laura
had listened with breathless interest.
"Do not say that," she said softly.
"I lived alone for a long time," continued Ghisleri, without heeding her
remark. "Then at last I came back to the world, and did many things,
mostly bad, of which I need not speak. I fell a little in love, now and
then, and at last somewhat more seriously with a lady of whom we will
not speak, against whose good name no slander had ever been breathed.
Now I come to the events which caused the duel. People have been saying
that you have the evil eye and are a jettatrice. The absurd tale is
repeated from mouth to mouth, and will ultimately make society here
unbearable for you. You are enough of a Roman to understand that. There
was a big dinner at San Giacinto's one night, and Campodonico and I sat
opposite to each other. He believes in this nonsense and I do not.
Pietrasanta mentioned your name, and accidentally broke a glass at
almost the same moment. Then a discussion arose about the existence of
such a thing as the evil eye, and Campodonico and I talked about it
across the table, while everybody listened. We exchanged a few rather
incisive remarks, but nothing more. That was the end of the matter so
far as you were concerned, and it was owing to this discussion that
people said we fought on your account."
"I see," said Laura. "It was all a mistake, then?" "Yes. But I suppose
Campodonico was irritated. In the drawing-room I lit a cigarette, and
stood some time looking at a copy of Zichy's picture of Tamara falling
into the Demon's arms. Tamara chances to be a very striking likeness of
the Princess Corleone, and if I had reflected that Campodonico might
have also noticed the fact, I would not have stood there looking at it
as I did. But I forgot. Before I knew it, he was at my elbow, evidently
very angry, for he perfectly understood why I liked the picture. He
asked me whether I did not think that a solemn promise such as we had
made might be broken under certain circumstances. I said I did not think
so. He lost his temper completely, and said I was a coward. I still
refused to quarrel with him, and he grew more and more insulting, until
at last he began a sentence which I would not let him end, to the effect
that, could Donna Bianca have been there to judge us both, she might
wish the promise broken--I suppose that would have been his
inference--if she could have seen that the man she had loved had fallen
so low as to love the lady to whom I referred a little while ago. He
named her. I answered that Donna Bianca never meant that our promise
should shield the liar who slandered a good and defenceless woman,
because his name chanced to be Campodonico. We told our seconds that we
had quarrelled about the talent of Zichy, the painter of the picture,
because no immediate and better excuse suggested itself. That is the
whole story."
"It is a very strange one," said Laura, in a low voice, and looking up
at his pale face. "If people only knew the truth about what they see!
Tell me, Signor Ghisleri, is it a fact that you did not fire at him?"
"Yes."
"Why did you not?"
"Because--if you really care to know--I still felt bound to my promise,
and I should never have forgiven myself if I had hurt him. Will you say
that you understand the rest of the story, and will you forgive me if I
let it be thought that the duel was about you?"
"Indeed I forgive you," Laura answered without hesitation. "You acted
splendidly all through, and I would not--"
"Please do not praise me," said Ghisleri, interrupting her with word and
gesture. "Whatever I did was only the consequence of former actions of
mine, most of which were bad in themselves. Besides, I have told you all
this by way of an apology, and I thank you very sincerely for accepting
it. Let the matter end there."
"Very well. That need not prevent me from thinking what I please, need
it?"
"I shall always be really grateful for any kind thought you give me."
Laura was silent for a moment. She was surprised to find that her old
feeling of dislike for him had greatly diminished. She had not even
noticed it when he had entered the room, for she had been at once struck
by his appearance of ill-health, and her first instinct had been that of
sympathy for him. And now, whatever effect his personality produced on
her, she could hardly conceal her admiration of his conduct. He had told
the story very simply, and she felt that he had told it truthfully, and
that she was able to judge of the man from a new point of view. She
could not but appreciate the courage he had shown in bearing insult, and
at last, in not returning his adversary's fire, and he rose in her
estimation because he had done these things for the sake of a woman he
had really loved.
"May I ask you one question?" she inquired after the pause.
"Of course, and I will answer it if I can."
"I dare say you remember something you told me about yourself a long
time ago--how you distrust yourself, and torment yourself about
everything you do. Will you tell me whether you have found any fault
with your own conduct in this affair, apart from everything which went
before the dinner party at which you met Don Gianforte? It would
interest me very much to know."
Ghisleri thought over his answer for a few seconds before he gave it.
"Except in so far as I involved your name in the affair," he said, "I do
not think I reproach myself with anything very definite."
He had hardly finished speaking when the door opened, and Donald
announced Don Francesco and Donna Adele Savelli. A very slight shadow
passed over Laura's face, as she rose to meet her step-sister, but
Ghisleri remained cold and impassive. Adele started perceptibly, as
Laura had done, when she saw him, and Ghisleri was struck by the change
in her own appearance. Her expression was that of a woman who is in
almost constant pain, and who has grown restless under it, and fears its
return at any moment. Her eyes turned uneasily, glancing about the room
in all directions, and avoiding the faces of those present. She was
pale, too, and looked altogether ill.
"I am so glad to see you, Ghisleri," she said, after she had kissed the
air somewhere in the neighbourhood of Laura's cheek. "I had no idea you
were out already, and as we are going away to-morrow, I was afraid I
might not meet you."
"Are you going out of town so soon?" asked Ghisleri, in some surprise.
"Yes, I am ill, and they say I must go to the country. Do you remember
when you met me in the street, and recommended sulphonal? I took it, and
it did me good for some time. But then, all at once, I found it did not
act so well, and I lost my sleep again. I want the doctors to give me
something, but they say all those things become a habit--chloral, you
know, and morphia, and a great many things. As if I cared! I would not
mind any habit if I could only sleep--and I see things all night--ugh!
it is horrible! Have you ever had insomnia? It is quite the most
dreadful thing in the world."
She shuddered, and Ghisleri could see well enough that the suffering to
which she referred was not at all imaginary.
"No," he answered. "I have never had anything of that kind. When I go to
bed at all I sleep five or six hours very soundly."
"How I envy you that! Even five or six hours--I, who used to sleep nine,
and always ten after a ball. And now I very often do not close my eyes
all night. The sulphonal did me so much good. Can you not tell me of
something else?"
"The best way to get over it would be to find out what causes it, and
cure that," observed Ghisleri. "Generally, too, a quiet and healthy
life, exercise, plain food, and a good conscience will do good." He
laughed a little as he spoke, and then he noticed that Adele was looking
at him rather strangely. He wondered idly whether her mind were
wandering in some other direction.
"Of course," he continued, "you have no idea of what produces the
trouble. If you could find that out, it would be simpler."
"Yes, indeed," assented Adele, with a forced smile. "If all that is
necessary were to have a good conscience and walk an hour or two every
day, I should soon get well."
"I have no doubt you will in any case. Are you going to Gerano, or to
your own place?"
"To Gerano. It is warmer. Castel Savello is too high for the spring. I
should freeze there. It would be a charity if you would drive out and
spend a day or two with us, when you are stronger. I wish you would come
out and see us, Laura," she said, turning to her step-sister, to whom
Francesco was talking in a low voice. "You used to like Gerano when we
were girls. Do you remember dear old Don Tebaldo, who used to shed tears
because you were a Protestant?"
"Indeed I do. I hear he is alive still. It is two years since I was
there the last time. Francesco has been telling me all about your
illness. I am so sorry. I should think you would do better to consult
some good specialist. But, of course, the country can do you no harm."
"I hope not," said Adele, with sudden despondency. "I have borne enough
already. I could not bear much more."
"Nobody can understand what is the matter with her," observed Francesco,
and his tone showed that he did not care.
"You have let her dance too much this winter," said Laura, addressing
him. "You ought to keep her from over-tiring herself."
"It is not easy to prevent Adele from doing anything she wishes to do,"
answered Savelli. "This winter she has insisted on going everywhere. I
have warned her a hundred times, but she would not listen to me, and of
course this is the result."
"When did it begin?" asked Ghisleri, who seemed interested in Adele's
mysterious illness. "When did you first lose your sleep?"
"You remember," she answered. "We were just talking of our meeting in
the street, and the sulphonal. It was about that time--a little before
that, of course, for I had been suffering several days when I met you."
"Ah, yes--I remember when that was," said Ghisleri, in a tone of
reflection.
He joined in the conversation during a few minutes longer, and then took
leave of the three. Formerly he would have gone to spend an hour or two
with Maddalena, but he had no inclination to do so now. He would gladly
have stayed with Laura if the Savelli couple had not come. He wished to
be alone, now, and to think over what he had done. It was the first time
that he had ever told the story of his love for Bianca Corleone to any
one, and calm as he had seemed while telling it, he had felt a very
strong emotion. He was glad to be at home again, alone with his own
thoughts, and with the picture that reminded him of the dead woman. He
knew that she would have forgiven him for speaking of her to-day as he
had spoken, and to such a woman as Laura Arden. For in his heart he
compared the two. There had been grand lines in Bianca Corleone's
character, as there were in that of her passionate brother, as Ghisleri
believed there must be in Laura Arden's also, and great generosities,
the readiness to go to any length for the sake of real passion, the
power to hate honestly, to love faithfully, and to forgive wholly--all
things which Pietro missed in himself. And Laura had to-day waked the
memory of that great love which had once filled his existence, and which
had not ended with the life that had gone out before its day, in all its
beauty and freshness. He was grateful to her for that, and he sat long
in his chair after his lonely meal, thinking of her and of the other,
and of poor Maddalena dell' Armi, whose very name, sounding in his
imagination, sent a throb of remorse through his heart.
A pencil lay near him and he took a sheet of paper and began to write,
as he often did when he was alone, scribbling verses without rhyme, and
often with little meaning except in their connection with his thoughts.
He was no poet.
"A sweet, dark woman, with sad, holy eyes,
Laid her cool hand upon my heart to-day,
And touched the dear dead thing that's buried there.
Her saintly magic cannot make it live,
Nor sting once more with passionate deep thrill
The bright torn flesh where my lost love breathed last.
"She has no miracles for me--nor God
Forgiveness, nor earth healing--nor death fear.
I think I fear life more--and yet, to live
Were easy work, could I but learn to die;
As, if I learned to live, I should hate death.
But I cannot hate death--not even death--
Since that is dead which made death hateful once;
Nor hate I anything; let all live on,
Just and unjust, bad, good, indifferent,
Sinner and saint, man, devil, angel, martyr--
What are they all to me? Good night, sweet rest--
I wish you most what I can find the least.
We meet again soon. Have you heard the talk
About the latest scandal of our town?
No? Nor have I. I care less than I did
About the men and women I have known.
Good night--and thanks for being kind to me."