In spite of his own declarations to the contrary, Lord Herbert Arden was
a very sensitive man. When he said he was not, he was perhaps trying to
deceive himself, but the attempt was at best only partially successful.
Few men in his circumstances can escape the daily sting that lies in
comparing their unfortunate outward personality with the average
symmetry of the human race. Women seem to feel deformity less than men,
or perhaps one only thinks so because they bear it more bravely; it is
hard to say. If Darwin is right, men are far more vain of their
appearance than women; and there are many who believe that a woman's
passive courage is greater than a man's. Be that as it may, the
particular sufferer who made Laura Carlyon's acquaintance at the ball
was in reality as sensitive a man in almost all respects as could be met
with anywhere in ordinary life. When he discovered that he was seriously
in love with Laura Carlyon, his existence changed suddenly, and for the
worse, so far as his comfort was concerned.
He reviewed the situation as calmly as he could, when a fortnight or
more had passed and he had seen her a dozen times at her step-father's
house and in the world. One main fact was now quite clear to him. She
was not what is called popular in society; she had not even any intimate
friends. As for his own chances, he did not like to think of them.
Though only the younger brother of a peer of high rank, he was entitled
to expect a large fortune from an uncle on his mother's side, who had
never made any secret of his intentions in regard to his property, and
who, being over eighty years of age, could not be expected to live much
longer in the ordinary course of nature. At present his modest portion
was quite sufficient for himself, but he doubted whether it would
suffice for his needs if he married. That, however, was of minor
importance. The great fortune was safe and he was an exceedingly good
match from a financial point of view. Miss Carlyon was poor, as he knew
from Ghisleri, and Ghisleri had very probably told her that Arden was
rich, or would be before long. He refused to believe that Laura, of her
own free will, might marry him for his money; but it was intolerable to
think that her mother and step-father might try to force her into the
match from considerations of interest. He was not just to the Princess
of Gerano, but he knew her very slightly as yet and had no means of
forming a positive opinion.
In the meantime he had been introduced to Donna Adele Savelli, who had
received him with the greatest warmth, protesting her love for the
English people and everything English, and especially for her
step-mother and step-sister. He had also renewed his acquaintance with
young Savelli, whom he had known slightly during a former visit to Rome,
and who now, he thought, met him rather coldly. He attributed Adele's
gushing manner to a desire to bring about a marriage, and he did not
attempt to account for Don Francesco's stiffness; but he liked neither
the one manifestation nor the other, for both wounded him in different
degrees.
Above all other difficulties, the one which was most natural to his
delicately organised nature was of a purely disinterested kind. He
feared lest Laura, who evidently felt both pity and sympathy for him,
should take the two together for genuine love and sacrifice herself in a
life which would by and by become unbearable to her. He could not but
see that at every meeting she grew more interested in his conversation,
until when he was present, she scarcely paid any attention to any one
else. Such a friendship, if it could have been a real friendship, might
have made Arden happy so long as it lasted; but on his side, at least,
nothing of the kind was possible. He knew that he was hopelessly in
love, and to pretend the contrary to himself was real pain. He guessed
with wonderful keenness the direction Laura's heart was taking, and he
was appalled by the vision of the misery which must spread over her
young life if, after she had married him, she should be roused to the
great truth that pity and love are not the same, though they be so near
akin as to be sometimes mistaken one for the other.
His weak health suffered and he grew more and more restless. It would
have been a satisfaction to speak out a hundredth part of what he felt
to Ghisleri. But he was little given to making confidences, and Ghisleri
was, or seemed to be, the last man to invite them. They met constantly,
however, and talked upon all sorts of topics.
One day Ghisleri came to breakfast with Arden in his rooms at the hotel,
looking more weather-beaten than usual, for he was losing the tan from
his last expedition in the south, and there were deep black shadows
under his eyes. Moreover, he was in an abominably bad humour with
everything and with everybody except his friend. Arden knew that he
never gambled, and he also knew the man well enough to guess at the true
cause of the disturbance. There was something serious the matter.
They sat down to breakfast and began to talk of politics and the
weather, as old friends do when they are aware that there is something
wrong. Ghisleri spoke English perfectly, with an almost imperceptible
accent, as many Italians do nowadays.
"Come along with me, Arden," he said at last, as though losing patience
with everything all at once. "Let us go to Paris or Timbuctoo. This
place is not fit to live in."
"What is the matter with it?" asked Arden, in a tone of amusement.
"The matter with it? It is dull, to begin with. Secondly, it is a
perfect witches' caldron of scandal. Thirdly, we are all as bad as we
can be. There are three points at least."
"My dear fellow, I do not see them in the same light. Take some more
hock."
"Oh, you--you are amusing yourself! Thank you--I will--half a glass. Of
course you like Rome--you always did--you foreigners always will. You
amuse yourselves--that is it."
"I see you dancing every night as though you liked it," observed Arden.
"No doubt!"
Ghisleri suddenly grew thoughtful and a distant look came into his eyes,
while the shadows seemed to deepen under them, till they were almost
black. He had eaten hardly anything, and now, regardless of the fact
that the meal was not half over, he lit a cigarette and leaned back in
his chair as though he had finished.
"You are not looking well, Arden," he said at last. "You must take care
of yourself. Take my advice. We will go somewhere together for a couple
of months."
"There is nothing I should like better, but not just at present. I will
stay in Rome until the weather is a little warmer."
Arden was not in the least conscious that his expression changed as he
thought of the reason which kept him in the city and which might keep
him long. But Ghisleri, who had been watching for that particular
hesitation of manner and for that almost imperceptible darkening of the
eyes, knew exactly what both meant.
"Oh, very well," he answered indifferently. "We can go later. People
always invent absurd stories if one goes away in the middle of the
season without any apparent object."
The remark was a little less than general, and Arden was at once
confirmed in his suspicion that something unpleasant had happened in
Ghisleri's life, most probably in connection with the Contessa dell'
Armi. His friend was in such a savage humour that he might almost become
communicative. Arden was a very keen-sighted man, and not without tact,
and he thought the opportunity a good one for approaching a subject
which had long been in his mind. But he had been in earnest when he had
told Laura that he knew Ghisleri's character to be what he called
complicated, and he was aware that Pietro's intelligence was even more
penetrating than his own. He was therefore very cautious.
"You say that Rome is such a great place for gossip," he began, in
answer to Ghisleri's last observation. "I suppose you know it by
experience, but I cannot say that we strangers hear much of it."
"Perhaps not," admitted Ghisleri, rather absently.
"No, we do not hear much scandal. For instance, I go rather often to the
Gerano's. I do not remember to have heard there a single spiteful story,
except, perhaps,"--Arden stopped cautiously.
"Precisely," said Pietro, "the exceptions are rare in that house. But
then, the Prince is generally away, and both the Princess and her
daughter are English, and especially nice people."
Arden helped himself to something that chanced to be near him, and
glanced at his companion's rather impenetrable face. He knew that at the
present moment the latter was perfectly sincere in what he said, but he
knew also that Ghisleri spoke of most people in very much the same tone.
It was something which Arden could never quite understand.
"Do you think," he began presently, "that the fact of their being
English has anything to do with Miss Carlyon's unpopularity here?"
"My dear fellow, how should I know?" asked Ghisleri, with something
almost like a laugh.
"You do know, of course. I wish you would tell me. As an Englishman, the
mother interests me."
"From the point of view of our international relations, I see,
collecting information for an article in the Nineteenth Century, or else
your brother is going to speak on the subject in the Lords. What do you
think about the matter yourself? If I can put you right, I will."
"What an extraordinary man you are!" exclaimed Arden. "You always insist
upon answering one question by another."
"It gives one time to think," retorted Ghisleri. "These cigarettes are
distinctly bad; give me one of yours, please. I never can understand why
the government monopoly here should exist, and if it does why they
should not give us Russian--"
"My dear Ghisleri," said Arden, interrupting him, "we were talking about
the Princess Gerano."
"Were we? Oh, yes, and Miss Carlyon, too, I remember. Do you like them?"
"Very much; and I think every one should. That is the reason why I am
surprised that Miss Carlyon should not receive much more attention than
she does. I fancy it is because she is English. Do you think I am
right?"
"No," said Ghisleri, slowly, at last answering the direct question, "I
do not think you are."
"Then what in the world is the reason? The fact is clear enough. She
knows it herself."
"Probably some absurd bit of gossip. Who cares? I am sorry for her,
though."
"How can there be any scandal about a young girl of her age?" asked
Arden, incredulously.
"In this place you can start a story about a baby a year old," answered
Ghisleri. "It will be remembered, repeated, and properly adorned, and
will ultimately ruin the innocent woman when she is grown up. Nobody
seems to care for chronology here--anachronism is so much more
convenient."
"Why are you so absurdly reticent with me, Ghisleri?" asked Arden, with
some impatience. "You talk as though we had not known each other ten
years."
"On the contrary," answered Pietro, "if we were acquaintances of
yesterday, I would not talk at all. That is just the difference. As it
is, and because we are rather good friends, I tell you what I believe to
be the truth. I believe--well, I will allow that I know, that there is a
story about Miss Carlyon, which is commonly credited, and which is a
down-right lie. I will not tell you what it is. It does not, strictly
speaking, affect her reputation, but it has made her unpopular--since
you have used that word. Ask any of the gossips, if you care enough--I
am not going to repeat such nonsense. It never does any good to repeat
other peoples' lies."
Arden was silent, and his long white fingers played uneasily upon the
edge of the table. It had been a hard matter to extract the information,
but such as it was he knew that it was absolutely reliable. When
Ghisleri spoke at all about such things, he spoke the truth, and when he
said that he would positively say no more, his decision was always
final. Arden had discovered that in the early days of their
acquaintance. Perhaps Pietro went to absurd lengths in this direction,
and there were people who called it affectation and made him out to be
an even worse man than he was, but his friend knew that it was genuine
in its way. He was all the more disturbed by what he had heard, and it
was a long time before he spoke again.
Ghisleri smoked in silence and drank three cups of coffee while Arden
was drinking one. He looked at that time like a man who was living upon
his nerves, so to say, instead of upon proper nourishment.
An hour later the two men went out together, Arden taking Pietro with
him in his carriage. The air was bright and keen and the afternoon
sunlight was already turning yellow with the gold of the coming evening.
The carriage was momentarily blocked at the corner of the Pincio near
the entrance, by one that was turning out of the enclosure opposite the
band stand. It chanced to be the Princess of Gerano's landau, and she
and her daughter were seated in it, closely wrapped in their furs. It
was Arden's victoria that had to pull up to let the Princess drive
across, and by a coincidence the Savelli couple were in the one which
hers would have to follow in the descending line after crossing the
road.
Francesco Savelli bowed, smiled, and waved his hat, evidently to Laura
rather than to her mother. With a rather forced smile Adele slowly bent
her head. Arden bowed at the same moment, and looked from one carriage
to the other. Ghisleri followed his example, and there was the very
faintest expression of amusement on his face, which Arden of course
could not see. A number of men on foot lined the side of the road close
to the carriage.
"People always come back to their first loves!" said a low voice at
Arden's elbow.
He turned quickly and saw several men watching the Savelli across his
victoria. He knew none of them, and it was impossible to guess which had
spoken. Ghisleri, being on the right side, as Arden's guest, could not
have heard the words. Having just noticed the rather striking contrast
between Francesco Savelli's demonstrative greeting and his wife's almost
indifferent nod, it naturally struck the Englishman that the remark he
had overheard might refer to the person he was himself watching at that
moment. Donna Adele Savelli's expression might very well be taken for
one of jealousy, but her husband's behaviour was assuredly too marked
for anything more than friendship. Arden coupled the words with the
facts and concluded that he had discovered the story of which Ghisleri
had spoken. Francesco Savelli was said to be in love with Laura Carlyon.
That was evidently the gossip; but he had seen Laura's face, too, and it
was quite plain that she was wholly indifferent. On the whole, though
the tale reflected little credit on Savelli, it was not at all clear why
it should make Laura unpopular, unless people said that she encouraged
the man, which they probably did, thought Lord Herbert Arden, who was a
man of the world.
The more he considered the matter the more convinced he became that he
was right, and the conviction was on the whole a relief. He had been
uneasy for some time, and Ghisleri's guarded words had not satisfied
him; chance, however, had done what Ghisleri would not do, and the
mystery was solved. The Princess of Gerano was at home that evening, and
Arden of course went to the palace early, and was the last to leave.
Three times between half-past ten and half-past two o'clock Laura and he
installed themselves side by side at some distance from the
drawing-room, and each time their conversation lasted over half an hour.
It was not a set ball, but one of the regular weekly informal dances of
which there are so many in Rome during the season. The first
interruption of Arden's talk appeared in the shape of Don Francesco
Savelli, who asked Laura for a turn. Oddly enough she glanced at Lord
Herbert's face before accepting, and the action sent a strange thrill to
his heart. He struggled to his feet as she rose to go away with Savelli,
and then sank back again and remained some time where he was, absently
watching the people who passed. His face was very pale and weary now
that the excitement of conversation had subsided, and he felt that if he
was not positively ill, he was losing the little strength he had with
every day that passed. Late hours, heated rooms, and strong emotions
were not the best tonics for his feeble physical organisation, and he
knew it. At last he made an effort, got up, and moved about in the
crowd, exchanging a few words now and then with a passing acquaintance,
but too preoccupied and perhaps too tired to talk long with indifferent
people. He nodded as Ghisleri passed him with the Contessa dell' Armi on
his arm, and he thought there was a bad light in his friend's eyes,
though Pietro was looking better than in the afternoon. The two had
evidently been dancing together, for the Contessa's white neck heaved a
little, as though she were still out of breath. She was a short, slight
woman of exquisite figure, very fair, with deep violet eyes and small
classic features, almost hard in their regularity; evidently wilful and
dominant in character. Arden watched the pair as they went on in search
of a vacant sofa just big enough for two.
They had scarcely sat down and he could see that Ghisleri was beginning
to talk, when Anastase Gouache appeared and stood still before them. To
Arden's surprise the Contessa welcomed him with a bright smile and
pointed to a chair at her side of the sofa. Anastase Gouache was a
celebrated painter who had married a Roman lady of high birth, and was a
very agreeable man, but Arden had not expected that he would be invited
so readily to interrupt so promising a conversation. Ghisleri's face
expressed nothing. He appeared to join in the talk for a few minutes and
then rose and left the Contessa with Gouache. She looked after him, and
Arden thought she grew a shade paler and frowned. A faint smile appeared
on the Englishman's face and was gone again in an instant as Ghisleri
came near him, returning again to the ball-room. Ghisleri had glanced at
him as he passed and had seen that he was not talking to a lady.
"May I have the next dance, Miss Carlyon?" asked Pietro, when he found
Laura in a corner with Francesco Savelli. "Thanks," he said, as she
nodded graciously, and he passed on.
"Will you give me the dance after the next?" he inquired a few minutes
later, coming up with Donna Adele, who was moving away on young
Frangipani's arm.
"Certainly, caro Ghisleri," she answered, with alacrity, "as many as you
please."
"You are very good," he said, with a slight bow, and withdrew to a
window near Laura to wait until the waltz began. He could see Arden
through the open door from the place where he stood.
When the dance was over he led Laura out and took one turn through the
rooms, making a few commonplace remarks on the way. Coming back, he
stopped as though by accident close to Lord Herbert.
"I am afraid you will think me very rude if I ask you to let me leave
you," he said. "I am engaged for the next dance--it is a quadrille--and
I must find a vis-à-vis."
Arden of course heard and presented himself immediately in Ghisleri's
place. Laura was quite ready to go back with him to the sofa in the
corner, and they resumed their conversation almost at the point at which
it had been interrupted by Francesco Savelli. Neither of them ever knew
that Ghisleri had brought them together again by a little social skill,
just beyond what most people possess. Arden looked after him, half
believing that he had only given Laura an excuse for leaving her in
order to return to the Contessa dell' Armi, who was now surrounded by
half a dozen men, beginning with old Spicca, who, as has been said, was
still alive in those days, and ending with the little Vicomte de
Bompierre, a young French attaché with a pleasant voice, a bright smile,
and an incipient black moustache. But to Arden's surprise Ghisleri took
quite a different direction, and began to speak to one man after
another, evidently trying to secure a vis-à-vis for the square dance.
"You must not let me bore you, or rather you must not bore yourself with
me," said Arden to Laura, after a short pause in the conversation. "You
are altogether much too good to me."
"You never bore me," answered the young girl. "You are one of the few
people who do not."
Arden smiled a little sadly.
"I am glad to be one of the 'few people,'" he said, "even if I am the
last."
"You are too modest." She tried to laugh, but the effort was not very
successful.
"No, I am not. I have much more vanity than you would suppose, or think
possible, considering how little I have to be vain of."
"Opinions may differ about that," answered Laura, looking into his eyes.
"You have much that many men might envy, and probably do."
"What, for instance?"
Laura hesitated, and then smiled, without effort this time.
"You are very good looking," she said after a moment.
"No one has ever told me that before," he answered. A very slight flush
rose in his pale face.
"It is not of much importance, either. Would you like me to enumerate
your good qualities?"
"Of all things!"
"You are honest and kind, and you are very clever, I think, though I am
not clever enough to be sure. You have no right to be unhappy, and you
would not be if you were not so sensitive about--about not being so
strong and big as some men are. What difference does it make?"
"You will almost tempt me to think that it makes none, if you talk in
that way," said Arden.
"Do you mean to say that you would really and truly change places with
any one? With Signor Ghisleri, for instance?"
"Indeed I would, with him, and very gladly. I would rather be Ghisleri
than any man I know."
"I cannot understand that," answered Laura, thoughtfully. "If I were a
man, I would much rather be like you. Besides, they say Signor Ghisleri
has been dreadfully wild, and is anything but angelic now. You used that
very word about him the first evening we met; do you remember?"
"Of course I do; but what has that to do with it? Must I necessarily
choose a saint for my friend, and pick out one to exchange places with
me if it were possible? A woman saint may be lovable, too lovable
perhaps, but a man saint about town is like a fish out of water. But you
are right about Ghisleri, up to a certain point, only you do not
understand him. He is an exceedingly righteous sinner, but a sinner he
is."
"What do you mean by a righteous sinner?" asked Laura, gravely.
"Do not bring me down to definitions. I have not at all a logical mind.
I mean Ghisleri--that is all I can say. I would much rather talk about
you."
"No, I object to that. Tell me, since you wish so much to be Signor
Ghisleri, what do you think you would feel if you were?"
"What he feels--everything that a man can feel!" answered Arden, with a
sudden change of tone. "To be straight and strong and a match for other
men. Half the happiness of life lies there."
His voice shook a little, and Laura felt that the tears were almost in
her eyes as she looked earnestly into his.
"You see what I am," he continued, more and more bitterly, "I am a
cripple. There is no denying it--why should I even try to hide it a
little? Nature, or Heaven, or what you please to call it, has been good
enough to make concealment impossible. If I am not quite a hunchback, I
am very near it, and I can hardly walk even with a stick. And look at
yourself, straight and graceful and beautiful--well, you pity me, at
least. Why should I make a fool of myself? It is the first time I ever
spoke like this to any one."
"You are quite wrong," answered Laura, in a tone of conviction. "I do
not pity you--indeed I do not think you are the least to be pitied. I
see it quite differently. It hardly ever strikes me that you are not
just the same as other people, and when it does--I do not know--I mean
to say that when it does, it makes no painful impression upon me. You
see I am quite frank."
While she was speaking the colour rose in two bright spots on Arden's
pale cheeks, and his bright eyes softened with a look of wonderful
happiness.
"Are you quite in earnest, Miss Carlyon?" he asked, in a low voice.
"Quite, quite in earnest. Please believe me when I say that it would
hurt me dreadfully if I thought you doubted it."
"Hurt you? Why?"
She turned her deep, sad eyes to him, and looked at him without
speaking. He was on the point of telling her that he loved her--then he
saw how beautiful she was, and he felt his withered knee under his hand,
and he was ashamed to speak. It was a cruel moment, and his nerves were
already overstrained by perpetual emotion, as well as tired from late
hours and lack of sleep. He hesitated a moment. Then bent his head and
covered his eyes with his hand. Laura said nothing for several moments,
but seeing that he did not move, she touched his sleeve.
"Dear Lord Herbert, do not be so unhappy," she said softly. "You really
have no right to be, you know."
"No right?" He looked up suddenly. "If you knew, you would not say
that."
"I should always say it. As long as you have friends--friends who love
you, and would do anything for you, why should you make yourself so
miserable?"
"I want more than a friend--even than friendship."
"What?"
"I want love."
Again she gazed into his eyes and paused. Her face was very
white--whiter than his. Then she spoke.
"Are you so sure you have not got that love?" she asked. Her own voice
trembled now.
Arden started and a look of something almost like fear came into his
face. He could hardly speak.
"Love?" he repeated, and he felt he could say nothing more.
"Yes, I mean it." So she chose her fate.
She thought there was a touch of the divine in poor Arden's expression
as he heard the words. Then his face grew pale, the light faded from his
eyes, and his head sank on his breast. Laura did not at first realise
what had happened. She felt so strongly herself, that nothing in his
manner would have surprised her. She heard nothing of the hum of the
voices in the room, or if she did, she heard the harmony of a happy
hymn, and the great branches of candles were the tapers upon an altar in
some sacred place.
Still Arden did not move. Laura bent down and looked at his face.
"Lord Herbert!" She called him softly. "Herbert, what is the matter?"
No answer came. She looked round wildly for help. At that moment the
dance was just over and Ghisleri passed near her with Donna Adele on his
arm. Laura rose and overtook him swiftly, touching his arm in her
excitement.
"Lord Herbert has fainted--for heaven's sake, help him!" she cried, in a
low voice.
Pietro Ghisleri glanced at the sofa.
"Excuse me," he said hastily to Donna Adele, and left her standing in
the middle of the room. He bent down and felt Arden's forehead and
hands.
"Yes, he has fainted," he said to Laura. "Show me the way to a quiet
place."
Thereupon he took his unconscious friend in his arms and followed Laura
quickly through the surging crowd that already filled the room, escaping
in haste from the heat as soon as the dance was over in the ball-room
beyond.
For a few seconds one of those total silences fell upon the party which
always follow an accident. Then, as Ghisleri disappeared with his
burden, every one began to talk at once, speculating upon the nature of
Lord Herbert Arden's indisposition. Heart disease--epilepsy--nervous
prostration--most things were suggested.
"Probably too much champagne," laughed Donna Adele in the ear of the
lady nearest to her.