The topic of this chapter may well be prefaced by an extract from

Herbert Spencer on the treatment of offspring. He first supposes that

some future philosophic speculator, examining the course of education

of the present period, should find nothing relating to the training

of children, and that his natural inference would be that our schools

were all for monastic orders, who have no charge of infancy and

childhood. He then remarks, "Is it not an astonishing fact that, though

on the treatment of offspring depend their lives or deaths and their

moral welfare or ruin, yet not one word of instruction on the treatment

of offspring is ever given, to those who will hereafter be parents?

Is it not monstrous that the fate of a new generation should be left

to the chances of unreasoning custom, or impulse, or fancy, joined

with the suggestions of ignorant nurses and the prejudiced counsel of

grandmothers?

"If a merchant should commence business without any knowledge of

arithmetic or book-keeping, we should exclaim at his folly and look

for disastrous consequences. Or if, without studying anatomy, a man

set up as a surgeon, we should wonder at his audacity and pity his

patients. But that parents should commence the difficult work of rearing

children without giving any attention to the principles, physical,

moral, or intellectual, which ought to guide them, excites neither

surprise at the actors nor pity for the victims."

"To tens of thousands that are killed add hundreds of thousands that

survive with feeble constitutions, and millions not so strong as they

should be; and you will have some idea of the curse inflicted on their

offspring, by parents ignorant of the laws of life. Do but consider

for a moment that the regimen to which children are subject is hourly

telling upon them to their life-long injury or benefit, and that there

are twenty ways of going wrong to one way of going right, and you will

get some idea of the enormous mischief that is almost everywhere

inflicted by the thoughtless, hap-hazard system in common use."

"When sons and daughters grow up sickly and feeble, parents commonly

regard the event as a visitation of Providence. They assume that these

evils come without cause, or that the cause is supernatural. Nothing

of the kind. In some cases causes are inherited, but in most cases

foolish management is the cause. Very generally parents themselves are

responsible for this pain, this debility, this depression, this misery.

They have undertaken to control the lives of their offspring, and with

cruel carelessness have neglected to learn those vital processes which

they are daily affecting by their commands and prohibitions. In utter

ignorance of the simplest physiological laws, they have been, year by

year, undermining the constitutions of their children, and so have

inflicted disease and premature death, not only on them but also on

their descendants.

"Equally great are the ignorance and consequent injury, when we turn

from the physical to the moral training. Consider the young, untaught

mother and her nursery legislation. A short time ago she was at school,

where her memory was crammed with words and names and dates, and her

reflective faculties scarcely in the slightest degree exercised--where

not one idea was given her respecting the methods of dealing with the

opening mind of childhood, and where her discipline did not in the

least fit her for thinking out methods of her own. The intervening

years have been spent in practicing music, fancy work, novel-reading

and party-going, no thought having been given, to the grave

responsibilities of maternity, and scarcely any of that solid

intellectual culture obtained which would fit her for such

responsibilities; and now see her with an unfolding human character

committed to her charge, see her profoundly ignorant of the phenomena

with which she has to deal, undertaking to do that which can be done

but imperfectly even with the aid of the profoundest knowledge!"

In view of such considerations, every young lady ought to learn how

to take proper care of an infant; for, even if she is never to become

the responsible guardian of a nursery, she will often be in situations

where she can render benevolent aid to others, in this most fatiguing

and anxious duty.

The writer has known instances in which young ladies, who had been

trained by their mothers properly to perform this duty, were in some

cases the means of saving the lives of infants, and in others, of

relieving sick mothers from intolerable care and anguish by their

benevolent aid.

On this point, Dr. Combe remarks, "All women are not destined, in the

course of nature, to become mothers; but how very small is the number

of those who are unconnected, by family ties, friendship, or sympathy,

with the children of others! How very few are there, who, at some time

or other of their lives, would not find their usefulness and happiness

increased, by the possession of a kind of knowledge intimately allied

to their best feelings and affections! And how important is it, to the

mother herself, that her efforts should be seconded by intelligent,

instead of ignorant assistants!"

In order to be prepared for such benevolent ministries, every young

lady should improve the opportunity, whenever it is afforded her, for

learning how to wash, dress, and tend a young infant; and whenever she

meets with such a work as Dr. Combe's, on the management of infants,

she ought to read it, and _remember_ its contents.

It was the design of the author to fill this chapter chiefly with

extracts from various medical writers, giving some of the most important

directions on this subject; but finding these extracts too prolix for

a work of this kind, she has condensed them into a shorter compass.

Some are quoted verbatim, and some are abridged, from the most approved

writers on this subject.

"Nearly one half of the deaths, Occurring during the first two years

of existence, are ascribable to mismanagement, and to errors in diet.

At birth, the stomach is feeble, and as yet unaccustomed to food; its

cravings are consequently easily satisfied, and frequently renewed."

"At that early age, there ought to be no fixed time for giving

nourishment. The stomach can not be thus satisfied." "The active call

of the infant is a sign, which needs never be mistaken."

"But care must be taken to determine between, the crying of pain or

uneasiness, and the call for food; and the practice of giving an infant

food, to stop its cries, is often the means of increasing its

sufferings. After a child has satisfied its hunger, from two to four

hours should intervene before another supply is given."

"At birth, the stomach and bowels, never having been used, contain a

quantity of mucous secretion, which requires to be removed. To effect

this, Nature has rendered the first portions of the mother's milk

purposely watery and laxative. Nurses, however, distrusting Nature,

often hasten to administer some active purgative; and the consequence

often is, irritation in the stomach and bowels, not easily subdued."

It is only where the child is deprived of its mother's milk, as the

first food, that some gentle laxative should be given.

"It is a common mistake, to suppose that because a woman is nursing,

she ought to live very fully, and to add an allowance of wine, porter,

or other fermented liquor, to her usual diet. The only result of this

plan is, to cause an unnatural fullness in the system, which places

the nurse on the brink of disease, and retards rather than increases

the food of the infant. More will be gained by the observance of the

ordinary laws of health, than by any foolish deviation, founded on

ignorance."

There is no point on which medical men so emphatically lift the voice

of warning as in reference to administering medicines to infants. It

is so difficult to discover what is the matter with an infant, its

frame is so delicate and so susceptible, and slight causes have such

a powerful influence, that it requires the utmost skill and judgment

to ascertain what would be proper medicines, and the proper quantity

to be given.

Says Dr. Combe, "That there are cases in which active means must be

promptly used to save the child, is perfectly true. But it is not less

certain that these are cases of which no mother or nurse ought to

attempt the treatment. As a general rule, where the child is well

managed, medicine, of any kind, is very rarely required; and if disease

were more generally regarded in its true light, not as something thrust

into the system, which requires to be expelled by force, but as an

aberration from a natural mode of action, produced by some external

cause, we should be in less haste to attack it by medicine, and more

watchful in its prevention. Accordingly, where a constant demand for

medicine exists in a nursery, the mother may rest assured that there

is something essentially wrong in the treatment of her children."

"Much havoc is made among infants, by the abuse of calomel and other

medicines, which procure momentary relief but end by producing incurable

disease; and it has often excited my astonishment, to see how recklessly

remedies of this kind are had recourse to, on the most trifling

occasions, by mothers and nurses, who would be horrified if they knew

the nature of the power they are wielding, and the extent of injury

they are inflicting."

Instead, then, of depending on medicine for the preservation of the

health and life of an infant, the following precautions and preventives

should be adopted.

"Take particular care of the _food_ of an infant. If it is nourished by

the mother, her own diet should be simple, nourishing, and temperate. If

the child be brought up 'by hand,' the milk of a new-milch cow, mixed

with one third water, and sweetened a little with _white_ sugar, should

be the only food given, until the teeth come. This is more suitable than

any preparations of flour or arrowroot, the nourishment of which is too

highly concentrated. Never give a child _bread, cake,_ or _meat_, before

the teeth appear. If the food appear to distress the child after eating,

first ascertain if the milk be really from a new-milch cow, as it may

otherwise be too old. Learn, also, whether the cow lives on proper food.

Cows that are fed on _still-slops_, as is often the case in cities,

furnish milk which is very unhealthful."

Be sure and keep a good supply of pure and fresh air in the nursery.

On this point, Dr. Bell remarks, respecting rooms constructed without

fireplaces and without doors or windows to let in pure air from without,

"The sufferings of children of feeble constitutions are increased

beyond measure, by such lodgings as these. An action, brought by the

commonwealth, ought to lie against those persons who build houses for

sale or rent, in which rooms are so constructed as not to allow of

free ventilation; and a writ of lunacy taken out against those who,

with the commonsense experience which all have on this head, should

spend any portion of their time, still more, should sleep, in rooms

thus nearly air-tight."

After it is a month or two old, take an infant out to walk, or ride,

in a little wagon, every fair and warm day; but be very careful that

its feet, and every part of its body, are kept warm; and be sure that

its eyes are well protected from the light. Weak eyes, and sometimes

blindness, are caused by neglecting this precaution. Keep the head of

an infant cool, never allowing too warm bonnets, nor permitting it to

sink into soft pillows when asleep. Keeping an infant's head too warm

very much increases nervous irritability; and this is the reason why

medical men forbid the use of caps for infants. But the head of an

infant should, especially while sleeping, be protected from draughts

of air, and from getting cold.

Be very careful of the skin of an infant, as nothing tends so

effectually to prevent disease. For this end, it should be washed all

over every morning, and then gentle friction should be applied with

the hand, to the back, stomach, bowels, and limbs. The head should be

thoroughly washed every day, and then brushed with a soft hair-brush,

or combed with a fine comb. If, by neglect, dirt accumulates under the

hair, apply with the finger the yolk of an egg, and then the fine comb

will remove it all, without any trouble.

Dress the infant so that it will be always warm, but not so as to cause

perspiration. Be sure and keep its feet _always_ warm; and for this

often warm them at a fire, and use long dresses. Keep the neck and arms

covered. For this purpose, wrappers, open in front, made high in the

neck, with long sleeves, to put on over the frock, are now very

fashionable.

It is better for both mother and child, that it should not sleep on

the mother's arm at night, unless the weather be extremely cold. This

practice keeps the child too warm, and leads it to seek food too

frequently. A child should ordinarily take nourishment but twice in

the night. A crib beside the mother, with plenty of warm and light

covering, is best for the child; but the mother must be sure that it

is always kept warm.

Never cover a child's head, so that it will inhale the air of its own

lungs. In very warm weather, especially in cities, great pains should

be taken to find fresh and cool air by rides and sailing. Walks in a

public square in the cool of the morning, and frequent excursions in

ferry or steamboats, would often save a long bill for medical

attendance.

In hot nights, the windows should be kept open, and the infant laid

on a mattress, or on folded blankets. A bit of straw matting, laid

over a feather bed and covered with the under sheet, makes a very cool

bed for an infant.

Cool bathing, in hot weather, is very useful; but the water should be

very little cooler than the skin of the child. When the constitution

is delicate, the water should be slightly warmed. Simply sponging the

body freely in a tub, answers the same purpose as a regular bath. In

very warm weather, this should be done two or three times a day, always

waiting two or three hours after food has been given.

"When the stomach is peculiarity irritable, (from teething,) it is of

paramount necessity to withhold all the nostrums which have been so

falsely lauded as 'sovereign cures for _cholera infantum_.' The

true restoratives for a child threatened with disease are cool air,

cool bathing, and cool drinks of simple water, in addition to

_proper_ food, at stated intervals."

In many cases, change of air from sea to mountain, or the reverse, has

an immediate healthful influence and is superior to every other

treatment. Do not take the advice of mothers who tell of this, that,

and the other thing which have proved excellent remedies in their

experience. Children have different constitutions, and there are

multitudes of different causes for their sickness; and what might cure

one child, might kill another, which appeared to have the same

complaint. A mother should go on the general rule of giving an infant

very little medicine, and then only by the direction of a discreet and

experienced physician. And there are cases, when, according to the

views of the most distinguished and competent practitioners, physicians

themselves are much too free in using medicines, instead of adopting

preventive measures.

Do not allow a child to form such habits that it will not be quiet

unless tended and amused. A healthy child should be accustomed to lie

or sit in its cradle much of the time; but it should occasionally be

taken up and tossed, or carried about for exercise and amusement. An

infant should be encouraged to _creep_, as an exercise very

strengthening and useful. If the mother fears the soiling of its nice

dresses, she can keep a long slip or apron which will entirely cover

the dress, and can be removed when the child is taken in the arms. A

child should not be allowed, when quite young, to bear its weight on

its feet very long at a time, as this tends to weaken and distort the

limbs.

Many mothers, with a little painstaking, succeed in putting their

infants into their cradle while awake, at regular hours for sleep; and

induce regularity in other habits, which saves much trouble. During

this training process a child may cry, at first, a great deal; but for

a healthy child, this use of the lungs does no harm and tends rather

to strengthen than to injure them, unless it becomes exceedingly

violent. A child who is trained to lie or sit and amuse itself, is

happier than one who is carried and tended a great deal, and thus

rendered restless and uneasy when not so indulged.

The most critical period in the life of an infant is that of dentition

or teething, especially at the early stages. An adult has thirty-two

teeth, but young children have only twenty, which gradually loosen and

are followed by the permanent teeth. When the child has ten teeth on

each jaw, all that are added are the permanent set, which should be

carefully preserved; this caution is needful, as sometimes decay in

the first double teeth of the second set are supposed to be of the

transient set, and are so neglected, or are removed instead of being

preserved by plugging. When the first teeth rise so as to press against

the gums, there is always more or less inflammation, causing nervous

fretfulness, and the impulse to put everything into the mouth. Usually

there is disturbed sleep, a slight fever, and greater flow of saliva;

this is often relieved by letting the child have ice to bite, tied in

a rag.

Sometimes the disorder of the mouth extends to the whole system. In

difficult teething, one symptom is the jerking back of the head when

taking the breath, as if in pain, owing to the extreme soreness of the

gums. This is, in extreme cases, attended with increased saliva and

a gummy secretion in the corners of the eyes, itching of the nose,

redness of cheeks, rash, convulsive twitching of lips and the muscles

generally, fever, constipation, and sometimes by a diarrhea, which

last is favorable if slight; difficulty of breathing, dilation of the

pupils of the eyes, restless motion and moaning; and finally, if not

relieved, convulsions and death. The most effective relief is gained

by lancing the gums. Every woman, and especially every mother, should

know the time and order in which the infant teeth come, and, when any

of the above symptoms appear, should examine the mouth, and if a gum

is swollen and inflamed, should either have a physician lance it, or

if this can not be done, should perform the operation herself. A sharp

pen-knife and steady hand making incision to touch the rising tooth

will cause no more pain than a simple scratch of the gum, and usually

will give speedy relief.

The temporary teeth should not be removed until the new ones appear,

as it injures the jaw and coming teeth; but as soon as a new tooth is

seen pressing upward, the temporary tooth should be removed, or the

new tooth will come out of its proper place. If there is not room where

the new tooth appears, the next temporary tooth must be taken out.

Great mischief has been done by removing the first teeth before the

second appear, thus making a contraction of the jaw.

Most trouble with, the teeth of young children comes from neglect to

use the brush to remove the tartar that accumulates near the gum,

causing disease and decay. This disease is sometimes called _scurvy_,

and is shown by an accumulation around the teeth and by inflamed gums

that bleed easily. Removal of the tartar by a dentist and cleaning the

teeth after every meal with a brush will usually cure this evil, which

causes loosening of the teeth and a bad breath.

Much injury is often done to teeth by using improper tooth-powder.

Powdered chalk sifted through muslin is approved by all dentists, and

should be used once every day. The tooth-brush should be used after

every meal, and floss silk pressed between the teeth to remove food

lodged there. This method will usually save the teeth from decay till

old age.

When an infant seems ill during the period of dentition, the following

directions from an experienced physician may be of service. It is now

an accepted principle of all the medical world that fevers are to be

reduced by cold applications; but an infant demands careful and

judicious treatment in this direction; some have extremely sensitive

nerves, and cold is painful. For such, tepid sponging should be used

near a fire, and the coldness increased gradually. The sensations of

the child should be the guide. Usually, but not always, children that

are healthy will learn by degrees to prefer cold water, and then it

may safely be used.

When an infant becomes feverish, wrapping its body in a towel wrung

out in warm, or tepid water, and then keeping it warm in a woolen

blanket, is a very safe and soothing remedy.

In case of constipation, this preparation of food is useful:

One table-spoonful of unbolted flour wet with cold water. Add one pint

of hot water, and boil twenty minutes. Add when taken up, one pint of

milk. If the stomach seems delicate and irritable, strain out the bran,

but in most cases, retain it.

In case of diarrhea, walk with the child in arms a great deal in the

open air, and give it rice-water to drink.

The warmth and vital influences of the nurse are very important, and

make this mode of exercise both more soothing and more efficacious,

especially in the open air, the infant being warmly clad.

In case of feverishness from teething or from any other cause, wrap

the infant in a towel wrung out in tepid water and then wrap it in a

woolen blanket. The water may be cooler according as the child is older

and stronger. The evaporation of the water draws off the heat, while

the moisture soothes the nerves, and usually the child will fall into

a quiet sleep. As soon as it becomes restless, change the wet towel

and proceed as before.

The leading physicians of Europe and of this country, in all cases of

fevers, use water to reduce them, by this and other modes of

application. This method is more soothing than any other, and is as

effective for adults as for infants.

Some of the most distinguished physicians of New-York who have examined

this chapter give their full approval of the advice given. If there

is still distrust as to this mode of using water to reduce fevers, it

will be advantageous to read an address on the use of cold applications

in fevers, delivered by Dr. William Neftel, before the New-York Academy

of Medicine, published in the _New York Medical Record_ for November,

1868: this can be obtained by inclosing twenty cents to the editor, with

the post-office address of the applicant.

XXII.

THE MANAGEMENT OF YOUNG CHILDREN.

In regard to the physical education of children, Dr. Clarke, Physician

in Ordinary to the Queen of England, expresses views on one point, in

which most physicians would coincide. He says, "There is no greater

error in the management of children, than that of giving them animal

diet very early. By persevering in the use of an over-stimulating diet

the digestive organs become irritated, and the various secretions

immediately connected with digestion, and necessary to it, are

diminished, especially the _biliary secretion_. Children so fed

become very liable to attacks of fever, and inflammation, affecting

particularly the mucous membranes; and measles and other diseases

incident to childhood, are generally severe in their attacks."

The result of the treatment of the inmates of the Orphan Asylum, at

Albany, is one which all who have the care of young children should

deeply ponder. During the first six years of the existence of this

institution, its average number of children was eighty. For the first

three years, their diet was meat once a day, fine bread, rice, Indian

puddings, vegetables, fruit, and milk. Considerable attention was

given to clothing, fresh air, and exercise; and they were bathed once

in three weeks. During these three years, from four to six children,

and sometimes more, were continually on the sick-list; one or two

assistant nurses were necessary; a physician was called two or three

times a week; and, in this time, there were between thirty and forty

deaths. At the end of this period, the management was changed, in these

respects; daily ablutions of the whole body were practiced; bread of

unbolted flour was substituted for that of fine wheat; and all animal

food was banished. More attention also was paid to clothing, bedding,

fresh air, and exercise.

The result was, that the nursery was vacated; the nurse and physician

were no longer needed; and, for two years, not a single case of sickness

or death occurred. The third year also, there were no deaths, except

those of two idiots and one other child, all of whom were new inmates,

who had not been subjected to this treatment. The teachers of the

children also testified there was a manifest increase of intellectual

vigor and activity, while there was much less irritability of temper.

Let parents, nurses, and teachers reflect on the above statement, and

bear in mind that stupidity of intellect, and irritability of temper,

as well as ill-health, are often caused by the mismanagement of the

nursery in regard to the physical training of children.

There is probably no practice more deleterious, than that of allowing

children to eat at short intervals, through, the day. As the stomach

is thus kept constantly at work, with no time for repose, its functions

are deranged, and a weak or disordered stomach is the frequent result.

Children should be required to keep cakes, nuts, and other good things,

which should be sparingly given, till just before a meal, and then

they will form a part of their regular supply. This is better than to

wait till after their hunger is satisfied by food, when they will eat

the niceties merely to gratify the palate, and thus overload the stomach

and interrupt digestion.

In regard to the intellectual training of young children, some

modification in the common practice is necessary, with reference to

their physical well-being. More care is needful, in providing

_well-ventilated_ school-rooms, and in securing more time for

sports in the open air, during school hours. It is very important to

most mothers that their young children should be removed from their

care during certain school hours; and it is very useful for quite young

children, to be subjected to the discipline of a school, and to

intercourse with other children of their own age. And, with a suitable

teacher, it is no matter how early children are sent to school, provided

their health is not endangered by impure air, too much confinement,

and too great mental stimulus, which is the chief danger of the present

age.

In regard to the formation of the moral character, it has been too

much the case that the discipline of the nursery has consisted of

disconnected efforts to make children either do, or refrain from doing,

certain particular acts. Do this, and be rewarded; do that, and be

punished; is the ordinary routine of family government.

But children can be very early taught that their happyness, both now

and hereafter, depends on the formation of _habits_ of submission,

self-denial, and benevolence. And all the discipline of the nursery

can be conducted by parents, not only with this general aim in their

own minds, but also with the same object daily set before the minds

of the children. Whenever their wishes are crossed, or their wills

subdued, they can be taught that all this is done, not merely to please

the parent, or to secure some good to themselves or to others; but as

a part of that merciful training which is designed to form such a

character, and such habits, that they can hereafter find their chief

happiness in giving up their will to God, and in living to do good to

others, instead of living merely to please themselves.

It can be pointed out to them, that they must always submit their will

to the will of God, or else be continually miserable. It can be shown

how, in the nursery, and in the school, and through all future days,

a child must practice the giving up of his will and wishes, when they

interfere with the rights and comfort of others; and how important it

is, early to learn to do this, so that it will, by habit, become easy

and agreeable. It can be shown how children who are indulged in all

their wishes, and who are never accustomed to any self-denial, always

find it hard to refrain from what injures themselves and others. It

can be shown, also, how important it is for every person to form such

habits of benevolence toward others that self-denial in doing good

will become easy.

Parents have learned, by experience, that children can be constrained

by authority and penalties to exercise self-denial, for _their own_

good, till a habit is formed which makes the duty comparatively easy.

For example, well trained children can be accustomed to deny themselves

tempting articles of food, which are injurious, until the practice

ceases to be painful and difficult. Whereas, an indulged child would

be thrown into fits of anger or discontent, when its wishes were crossed

by restraints of this kind.

But it has not been so readily discerned, that the same method is

needful in order to form a habit of self-denial in doing good to others.

It has been supposed that while children must be forced, by _authority_,

to be self-denying and prudent in regard to their own happiness, it may

properly be left to their own discretion, whether they will practice any

self-denial in doing good to others. But the more difficult a duty is,

the greater is the need of parental authority in forming a habit which

will make that duty easy.

In order to secure this, some parents turn their earliest efforts to

this object. They require the young child always to offer to others

a part of every thing which it receives; always to comply with all

reasonable requests of others for service; and often to practice little

acts of self-denial, in order to secure some enjoyment for others. If

one child receives a present of some nicety, he is required to share

it with all his brothers and sisters. If one asks his brother to help

him in some study or sport, and is met with a denial, the parent

requires the unwilling child to act benevolently, and give up some of

his time to increase his brother's enjoyment. Of course, in such an

effort as this, discretion must be used as to the frequency and extent

of the exercise of authority, to induce a habit of benevolence. But

where parents deliberately aim at such an object, and wisely conduct

their instructions and discipline to secure it, very much will be

accomplished.

In regard to forming habits of obedience, there have been two extremes,

both of which need to be shunned. One is, a stern and unsympathizing

maintenance of parental authority, demanding perfect and constant

obedience, without any attempt to convince a child of the propriety

and benevolence of the requisitions, and without any manifestation of

sympathy and tenderness for the pain and difficulties which are to be

met. Under such discipline, children grow up to fear their parents,

rather than to love and trust them; while some of the most valuable

principles of character are chilled, or forever blasted.

In shunning this danger, other parents pass to the opposite extreme.

They put themselves too much on the footing of equals with their

children, as if little were due to superiority of relation, age, and

experience. Nothing is exacted, without the implied concession that

the child is to be a judge of the propriety of the requisition; and

reason and persuasion are employed, where simple command and obedience

would be far better. This system produces a most pernicious influence.

Children soon perceive the position thus allowed them, and take every

advantage of it. They soon learn to dispute parental requirements,

acquire habits of forwardness and conceit, assume disrespectful manners

and address, maintain their views with pertinacity, and yield to

authority with ill-humor and resentment, as if their rights were

infringed upon.

The medium course is for the parent to take the attitude of a superior

in age, knowledge, and relation, who has a perfect _right_ to control

every action of the child, and that, too, without giving any reason for

the requisitions. "Obey _because your parent commands_," is always a

proper and sufficient reason: though not always the best to give.

But care should be taken to convince the child that the parent is

conducting a course of discipline, designed to make him happy; and in

forming habits of implicit obedience, self-denial, and benevolence,

the child should have the reasons for most requisitions kindly stated;

never, however, on the demand of it from the child, as a right, but

as an act of kindness from the parent.

It is impossible to govern children properly, especially those of

strong and sensitive feelings, without a constant effort to appreciate

the value which they attach to their enjoyments and pursuits. A lady

of great strength of mind and sensibility once told the writer that

one of the most acute periods of suffering in her whole life was

occasioned by the burning up of some milkweed-silk, by her mother.

The child had found, for the first time, some of this shining and

beautiful substance; was filled with delight at her discovery; was

arranging it in parcels; planning its future use, and her pleasure in

showing it to her companions--when her mother, finding it strewed over

the carpet, hastily swept it into the fire, and that, too, with so

indifferent an air, that the child fled away, almost distracted with

grief and disappointment. The mother little realized the pain she had

inflicted, but the child felt the unkindness so severely that for

several days her mother was an object, almost of aversion. While,

therefore, the parent needs to carry on a steady course, which will

oblige the child always to give up its will, whenever its own good or

the greater claims of others require it, this should be constantly

connected with the expression of a tender sympathy for the trials and

disappointments thus inflicted.

Those, again, who will join with children and help them in their sports,

will learn by this mode to understand the feelings and interests of

childhood; while at the same time, they secure a degree of confidence

and affection which can not be gained so easily in any other way. And

it is to be regretted that parents so often relinquish this most

powerful mode of influence to domestics and playmates, who often use

it in the most pernicious manner. In joining in such sports, older

persons should never yield entirely the attitude of superiors, or allow

disrespectful manners or address. And respectful deportment is never

more cheerfully accorded, than in seasons when young hearts are pleased

and made grateful by having their tastes and enjoyments so efficiently

promoted.

Next to the want of all government, the two most fruitful sources of

evil to children are, _unsteadiness_ in government and _over-

government_. Most of the cases in which the children of sensible and

conscientious parents turn out badly, result from one or the other of

these causes. In cases of unsteady government, either one parent is very

strict, severe and unbending, and the other excessively indulgent, or

else the parents are sometimes very strict and decided, and at other

times allow disobedience to go unpunished. In such cases, children,

never knowing exactly when they can escape with impunity, are constantly

tempted to make the trial.

The bad effects of this can be better appreciated by reference to one

important principle of the mind. It is found to be universally true,

that, when any object of desire is put entirely beyond the reach of

hope or expectation, the mind very soon ceases to long for it, and

turns to other objects of pursuit. But so long as the mind is hoping

for some good, and making efforts to obtain it, any opposition excites

irritable feelings. Let the object be put entirely beyond all hope,

and this irritation soon ceases.

In consequence of this principle, those children who are under the

care of persons of steady and decided government know that whenever

a thing is forbidden or denied, it is out of the reach of hope; the

desire, therefore, soon ceases, and they turn to other objects. But

the children of undecided, or of over-indulgent parents, never enjoy

this preserving aid. When a thing is denied, they never know hut either

coaxing may win it, or disobedience secure it without any penalty, and

so they are kept in that state of hope and anxiety which produces

irritation and tempts to insubordination. The children of very indulgent

parents, and of those who are undecided and unsteady in government,

are very apt to become fretful, irritable, and fractious.

Another class of persons, in shunning this evil, go to the other

extreme, and are very strict and pertinacious in regard to every

requisition. With them, fault-finding and penalties abound, until the

children are either hardened into indifference of feeling, and

obtuseness of conscience, or else become excessively irritable or

misanthropic.

It demands great wisdom, patience, and self-control, to escape these

two extremes. In aiming at this, there are parents who have found the

following maxims of very great value:

First: Avoid, as much as possible, the multiplication of rules and

absolute commands. Instead of this, take the attitude of advisers. "My

child, this is improper, I wish you would remember not to do it." This

mode of address answers for all the little acts of heedlessness,

awkwardness, or ill-manners so frequently occurring with children.

There are cases, when direct and distinct commands are needful; and

in such cases, a penalty for disobedience should be as steady and sure

as the laws of nature. Where such steadiness and certainty of penalty

attend disobedience, children no more think of disobeying than they

do of putting their fingers into a burning candle.

The next maxim is, Govern by rewards more than by penalties. Such

faults as willful disobedience, lying, dishonesty, and indecent or

profane language, should be punished with severe penalties, after a

child has been fully instructed in the evil of such practices. But all

the constantly recurring faults of the nursery, such as ill-humor,

quarreling, carelessness, and ill-manners, may, in a great many cases,

be regulated by gentle and kind remonstrances, and by the offer of

some reward for persevering efforts to form a good habit. It is very

injurious and degrading to any mind to be kept under the constant fear

of penalties. _Love_ and _hope_ are the principles that should be mainly

relied on, in forming the habits of childhood.

Another maxim, and perhaps the most difficult, is, Do not govern by

the aid of severe and angry tones. A single example will be given to

illustrate this maxim. A child is disposed to talk and amuse itself

at table. The mother requests it to be silent, except when needing to

ask for food, or when spoken to by its older friends. It constantly

forgets. The mother, instead of rebuking in an impatient tone, says,

"My child, you must remember not to talk. I will remind you of it four

times more, and after that, whenever you forget, you must leave the

table and wait till we are done." If the mother is steady in her

government, it is not probable that she will have to apply this slight

penalty more than once or twice. This method is far more effectual

than the use of sharp and severe tones, to secure attention and

recollection, and often answers the purpose as well as offering some

reward.

The writer has been in some families where the most efficient and steady

government has been sustained without the use of a cross or angry tone;

and in others, where a far less efficient discipline was kept up, by

frequent severe rebukes and angry remonstrances. In the first case,

the children followed the example set them, and seldom used severe

tones to each other; in the latter, the method employed by the parents

was imitated by the children, and cross words and angry tones resounded

from morning till night, in every portion of the household.

Another important maxim is, Try to keep children in a happy state of

mind. Every one knows, by experience, that it is easier to do right

and submit to rule when cheerful and happy, than when irritated. This

is peculiarly true of children; and a wise mother, when she finds her

child fretful and impatient, and thus constantly doing wrong, will

often remedy the whole difficulty, by telling some amusing story, or

by getting the child engaged in some amusing sport. This strongly shows

the importance of learning to govern children without the employment

of angry tones, which always produce irritation.

Children of active, heedless temperament, or those who are odd, awkward,

or unsuitable in their remarks and deportment, are often essentially

injured by a want of patience and self-control in those who govern

them. Such children often possess a morbid sensibility which they

strive to conceal, or a desire of love and approbation, which preys

like a famine on the soul. And yet, they become objects of ridicule

and rebuke to almost every member of the family, until their

sensibilities are tortured into obtuseness or misanthropy. Such

children, above all others, need tenderness and sympathy. A thousand

instances of mistake or forgetfulness should be passed over in silence,

while opportunities for commendation and encouragement should be

diligently sought.

In regard to the formation of habits of self-denial in childhood, it

is astonishing to see how parents who are very sensible often seem to

regard this matter. Instead of inuring their children to this duty in

early life, so that by habit it may be made easy in after-days, they

seem to be studiously seeking to cut them off from every chance to

secure such a preparation. Every wish of the child is studiously

gratified; and, where a necessity exists of crossing its wishes, some

compensating pleasure is offered, in return. Such parents often maintain

that nothing shall be put on their table, which their children may not

join them in eating. But where, so easily and surely as at the daily

meal, can that habit of self-denial be formed, which is so needful in

governing the appetites, and which children must acquire, or be ruined?

The food which is proper for grown persons, is often unsuitable for

children; and this is a sufficient reason for accustoming them to see

others partake of delicacies, which they must not share. Requiring

children, to wait till others are helped, and to refrain from,

conversation at table, except when addressed by their elders, is another

mode of forming habits of self-denial and self-control. Requiring them

to help others first, and to offer the best to others, has a similar

influence.

In forming the moral habits of children, it is wise to take into account

the peculiar temptations to which they are to be exposed. The people

of this nation are eminently a trafficking people; and the present

standard of honesty, as to trade and debts, is very low, and every

year seems sinking still lower. It is, therefore, preeminently

important, that children should be trained to strict _honesty_,

both in word and deed. It is not merely teaching children to avoid

absolute lying, which is needed: _all kinds of deceit_ should be

guarded against; and all kinds of little dishonest practices be

strenuously opposed. A child should be brought up with the determined

principle, never to _run in debt_, but to be content to live in

a humbler way, in order to secure that true independence, which should

be the noblest distinction of an American citizen.

There is no more important duty devolving upon a mother, than the

cultivation of habits of modesty and propriety in young children. All

indecorous words or deportment should be carefully restrained; and

delicacy and reserve studiously cherished. It is a common notion, that

it is important to secure these virtues to one sex, more than to the

other; and, by a strange inconsistency, the sex most exposed to danger

is the one selected as least needing care. Yet a wise mother will be

especially careful that her sons are trained to modesty and purity of

mind.

Yet few mothers are sufficiently aware of the dreadful penalties which

often result from indulged impurity of thought. If children, in _future_

life, can be preserved from licentious associates, it is supposed that

their safety is secured. But the records of our insane retreats, and the

pages of medical writers, teach that even in solitude, and without being

aware of the sin or the danger, children may inflict evils on

themselves, which not unfrequently terminate in disease, delirium, and

death.

There is no necessity for explanations on this point any farther than

this; that certain parts of the body are not to be touched except for

purposes of cleanliness, and that the most dreadful suffering comes

from disobeying these commands. So in regard to practices and sins of

which a young child will sometimes inquire, the wise parent will say,

that this is what children can not understand, and about which they

must not talk or ask questions. And they should be told that it is

always a bad sign, when children talk on matters which parents call

vulgar and indecent, and that the company of such children should be

avoided. Disclosing details of wrong-doing to young and curious

children, often leads to the very evils feared. But parents and

teachers, in this age of danger, should be well informed and watchful;

for it is not unfrequently the case, that servants and school-mates

will teach young children practices, which exhaust the nervous system

and bring on paralysis, mania, and death.

And finally, in regard to the early religious training of children,

the examples of the Creator in the early training of our race may

safely be imitated. That "He is, and is a rewarder"--that he is

everywhere present--that he is a tender Father in heaven, who is grieved

when any of his children do wrong, yet ever ready to forgive those who

are striving to please him by well-doing, these are the most effective

motives to save the young from the paths of danger and sin. The rewards

and penalties of the life to come are better adapted to maturer age,

than to the imperfect and often false and fearful conceptions of the

childish mind.

XXIII.

DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS AND SOCIAL DUTIES.

Whenever the laws of body and mind are properly understood, it will

be allowed that every person needs some kind of recreation; and that,

by seeking it, the body is strengthened, the mind is invigorated, and

all our duties are more cheerfully and successfully performed.

Children, whose bodies are rapidly growing and whose nervous system

is tender and excitable, need much more amusement than persons of

mature age. Persons, also, who are oppressed with great responsibilities

and duties, or who are taxed by great intellectual or moral excitement,

need recreations which physically exercise and draw off the mind from

absorbing interests. Unfortunately, such persons are those who least

resort to amusements, while the idle, gay, and thoughtless seek those

which are not needed, and for which useful occupation would be a most

beneficial substitute.

As the only legitimate object of amusement is to prepare mind and body

for the proper discharge of duty, the protracting of such as interfere

with regular employments, or induce excessive fatigue, or weary the

mind, or invade the proper hours for repose, must be sinful.

In deciding what should be selected, and what avoided, the following

are guiding principles. In the first place, no amusements which inflict

needless pain should ever be allowed. All tricks which cause fright

or vexation, and all sports which involve suffering to animals, should

be utterly forbidden. Hunting and fishing, for mere sport, can never

be justified. If a man can convince his children that he follows these

pursuits to gain food or health, and not for amusement, his example

may not be very injurious. But when children see grown persons kill

and frighten animals, for sport, habits of cruelty, rather than feelings

of tenderness and benevolence, are cultivated.

In the next place, we should seek no recreations which endanger life,

or interfere with important duties. As the legitimate object of

amusements is to promote health and prepare for some serious duties,

selecting those which have a directly opposite tendency, can not be

justified. Of course, if a person feels that the previous day's

diversion has shortened the hours of needful repose, or induced a

lassitude of mind or body, instead of invigorating them, it is certain

that an evil has been done which should never be repeated.

Another rule which has been extensively adopted in the religious world

is, to avoid those amusements which experience has shown to be so

exciting, and connected with so many temptations, as to be pernicious

in tendency, both to the individual and to the community. It is on

this ground, that horse-racing and circus-riding have been excluded.

Not because there is any thing positively wrong in having men and

horses run and perform feats of agility, or in persons looking on for

the diversion: but because experience has shown so many evils connected

with these recreations, that they should be relinquished. So with

theatres. The enacting of characters and the amusement thus afforded

in themselves may be harmless; and possibly, in certain cases, might

be useful: but experience has shown so many evils to result from this

source, that it has been deemed wrong to patronize it. So, also, with

those exciting games of chance which are employed in gambling.

Under the same head comes dancing, in the estimation of the great

majority of the religious world. Still, there are many intelligent,

excellent, and conscientious persons who hold a contrary opinion. Such

maintain that it is an innocent and healthful amusement, tending to

promote ease of manners, cheerfulness, social affection, and health

of mind and body; that evils are involved only in its excess; that

like food, study, or religions excitement, it is only wrong when not

properly regulated; and that, if serious and intelligent people would

strive to regulate, rather than banish, this amusement, much more good

would be secured.

On the other side, it is objected, not that dancing is a sin, in itself

considered, for it was once a part of sacred worship; not that it would

be objectionable, if it were properly regulated; not that it does not

tend, when used in a proper manner, to health of body and mind, to

grace of manners; and to social enjoyment: all these things are

conceded. But it is objected to, on the same ground as horse-racing

and theatrical entertainments; that we are to look at amusements as

they are, and not as they might be. Horse-races might be so managed

as not to involve cruelty, gambling, drunkenness, and other vices. And

so might theatres. And if serious and intelligent persons undertook

to patronize these, in order to regulate them, perhaps they would be

somewhat raised from the depths to which they have sunk. But such

persons believe that, with the weak sense of moral obligation existing

in the mass of society, and the imperfect ideas mankind have of the

proper use of amusements, and the little self-control which men or

women or children practice, these will not, in fact, be thus regulated.

And they believe dancing to be liable to the same objections. As this

recreation is actually conducted, it does not tend to produce health

of body or mind, but directly the contrary. If young and old went out

to dance together in open air, as the French peasants do, it would be

a very different sort of amusement from that which often is witnessed

in a room furnished with many lights and filled with guests, both

expending the healthful part of the atmosphere, where the young collect,

in their tightest dresses, to protract for several hours a kind of

physical exertion which is not habitual to them. During this process,

the blood is made to circulate more swiftly than usual, in circumstances

where it is less perfectly oxygenized than health requires; the pores

of the skin are excited by heat and exercise; the stomach is loaded

with indigestible articles, and the quiet, needful to digestion,

withheld; the diversion is protracted beyond the usual hour for repose;

and then, when the skin is made the most highly susceptible to damps

and miasms, the company pass from a warm room to the cold night-air.

It is probable that no single amusement can be pointed out combining

so many injurious particulars as this, which is so often defended as

a healthful one. Even if parents, who train their children to dance,

can keep them from public balls, (which is seldom the case,) dancing,

as ordinarily conducted in private parlors, in most cases is subject

to nearly all the same mischievous influences.

The spirit of Christ is that of self-denying benevolence; and his great

aim, by his teachings and example, was to train his followers to avoid

all that should lead to sin, especially in regard to the weaker ones

of his family. Yet he made wine at a wedding, attended a social feast

on the Sabbath, [Footnote: Luke xiv. In reading this passage, please

notice what kind of guests are to be invited to the feast that Jesus

Christ recommends.] reproved excess of strictness in Sabbath-keeping

generally, and forbade no safe and innocent enjoyment. In following

his example, the rulers of the family, then, will introduce the most

highly exciting amusements only in circumstances where there are such

strong principles and habits of self-control that the enjoyment will

not involve sin in the actor or needless temptation to the weak.

The course pursued by our Puritan ancestors, in the period succeeding

their first perils amid sickness and savages, is an example that may

safely be practiced at the present day. The young of both sexes were

educated in the higher branches, in country academies, and very often

the closing exercises were theatricals, in which the pupils were

performers and their pastors, elders, and parents, the audience. So,

at social gatherings, the dance was introduced before minister and

wife, with smiling approval. The roaring fires and broad chimneys

provided pure air, and the nine o'clock bell ended the festivities

that gave new vigor and zest to life, while the dawn of the next day's

light saw all at their posts of duty, with heartier strength and blither

spirits.

No indecent or unhealthful costumes offended the eye, no half-naked

dancers of dubious morality were sustained in a life of dangerous

excitement, by the money of Christian people, for the mere amusement

of their night hours. No shivering drivers were deprived of comfort

and sleep, to carry home the midnight followers of fashion; nor was

the quiet and comfort of servants in hundreds of dwellings invaded for

the mere amusement of their superiors in education and advantages. The

command "we that are strong, ought to bear the infirmities of the weak,

and not to please ourselves," was in those days not reversed. Had the

drama and the dance continued to be regulated by the rules of

temperance, health, and Christian benevolence, as in the days of our

forefathers, they would not have been so generally banished from the

religious world. And the question is now being discussed, whether they

can be so regulated at the present time as not to violate the laws,

either of health or benevolence. [Footnote: Fanny Kemble Butler remarked

to the present writer that she regarded theatres wrong, chiefly because

of the injury involved to the actors. Can a Christian mother contribute

money to support young women in a profession from which she would

protect her own daughter, as from degradation, and that, too, simply

for the amusement of herself and family? Would this be following the

self-sacrificing benevolence of Christ and his apostles?]

In regard to home amusements, card-playing is now indulged in, in many

conscientious families from which it formerly was excluded, and for

these reasons: it is claimed that this is a quiet home amusement, which

unites pleasantly the aged with the young; that it is not now employed

in respectable society for gambling, as it formerly was; that to some

young minds it is a peculiarly fascinating game, and should be first

practiced under the parental care, till the excitement of novelty is

past, thus rendering the danger to children less, when going into the

world; and, finally, that habits of self-control in exciting

circumstances may and should be thus cultivated in the safety of home.

Many parents who have taken this course with their sons in early life,

believe that it has proved rather a course of safety than of danger.

Still, as there is great diversity of opinion, among persons of equal

worth and intelligence, a mutual spirit of candor and courtesy should

be practiced. The sneer at bigotry and narrowness of views, on one

side, and the uncharitable implication of want of piety, or sense, on

the other, are equally ill-bred and unchristian. Truth on this subject

is best promoted, not by ill-natured crimination and rebuke, but by

calm reason, generous candor, forbearance, and kindness.

There is another species of amusement, which a large portion of the

religious world formerly put under the same condemnation as the

preceding. This is novel-reading. The confusion and difference of

opinion on this subject have arisen from a want of clear and definite

distinctions. Now, as it is impossible to define what are novels and

what are not, so as to include one class of fictitious writings and

exclude every other, it is impossible to lay down any rule respecting

them. The discussion, in fact, turns on the use of those works of

imagination which belong to the class of fictitious narratives. That

this species of reading is not only lawful but necessary and useful,

is settled by divine examples, in the parables and allegories of

Scripture. Of course, the question must be, what kind of fabulous

writings must be avoided, and what allowed.

In deciding this, no specific rules can be given; but it must be a

matter to be regulated by the nature and circumstances of each case.

No works of fiction which tend to throw the allurements of taste and

genius around vice and crime should ever be tolerated; and all that

tend to give false views of life and duty should also be banished. Of

those which are written for mere amusement, presenting scenes and

events that are interesting and exciting and having no bad moral

influence, much must depend on the character and circumstances of the

reader. Some minds are torpid and phlegmatic, and need to have the

imagination stimulated: such would be benefited by this kind of reading.

Others have quick and active imaginations, and would be as much injured

by excess. Some persons are often so engaged in absorbing interests,

that any thing innocent, which will for a short time draw off the mind,

is of the nature of a medicine; and, in such cases, this kind of reading

is useful.

There is need, also, that some men should keep a supervision of the

current literature of the day, as guardians, to warn others of danger.

For this purpose, it is more suitable for editors, clergymen, and

teachers to read indiscriminately, than for any other class of persons;

for they are the guardians of the public weal in matters of literature,

and should be prepared to advise parents and young persons of the evils

in one direction and the good in another. In doing this, however, they

are bound to go on the same principles which regulate physicians, when

they visit infected districts--using every precaution to prevent injury

to themselves; having as little to do with pernicious exposures, as

a benevolent regard to others will allow; and faithfully employing all

the knowledge and opportunities thus gained for warning and preserving

others. There is much danger, in taking this course, that men will

seek the excitement of the imagination for the mere pleasure it affords,

under the plea of preparing to serve the public, when this is neither

the aim nor the result.

In regard to the use of such works by the young, as a general rule,

they ought not to be allowed, to any except those of a dull and

phlegmatic temperament, until the solid parts of education are secured

and a taste for more elevated reading is acquired. If these stimulating

condiments in literature be freely used in youth, all relish for more

solid reading will in a majority of cases be destroyed. If parents

succeed in securing habits of cheerful and implicit obedience, it will

be very easy to regulate this matter, by prohibiting the reading of

any story-book, until the consent of the parent is obtained.

The most successful mode of forming a taste for suitable reading, is

for parents to select interesting works of history and travels, with

maps and pictures suited to the age and attainments of the young, and

spend an hour or two each day or evening, in aiming to make truth as

interesting as fiction. Whoever has once tried this method will find

that the uninjured mind of childhood is better satisfied with what

they know is true, when wisely presented, than with the most exciting

novels, which they know are false.

Perhaps there has been some just ground of objection to the course

often pursued by parents in neglecting to provide suitable and agreeable

substitutes for the amusements denied. But there is a great abundance

of safe, healthful, and delightful recreations, which all parents may

secure for their children. Some of these will here be pointed out.

One of the most useful and important, is the cultivation of flowers

and fruits. This, especially for the daughters of a family, is greatly

promotive of health and amusement. It is with the hope that many young

ladies, whose habits are now so formed that they can never be induced

to a course of active domestic exercise so long as their parents are

able to hire domestic service, may yet be led to an employment which

will tend to secure health and vigor of constitution, that much space

will be given in the second volume of this work, to directions for the

cultivation of fruits and flowers.

It would be a most desirable improvement, if all schools for young

women could be furnished with suitable grounds and instruments for the

cultivation of fruits and flowers, and every inducement offered to

engage the pupils in this pursuit. No father, who wishes to have his

daughters grow up to be healthful women, can take a surer method to

secure this end. Let him set apart a portion of his ground for fruits

and flowers, and see that the soil is well prepared and dug over, and

all the rest may be committed to the care of the children. These would

need to be provided with a light hoe and rake, a dibble or garden

trowel, a watering-pot, and means and opportunities for securing seeds,

roots, bulbs, buds, and grafts, all which might be done at a trifling

expense. Then, with proper encouragement and by the aid of a few

intelligible and practical directions, every man who has even half an

acre could secure a small Eden around his premises.

In pursuing this amusement children can also be led to acquire many

useful habits. Early rising would, in many cases, be thus secured; and

if they were required to keep their walks and borders free from weeds

and rubbish, habits of order and neatness would be induced. Benevolent

and social feelings could also be cultivated, by influencing children

to share their fruits and flowers with friends and neighbors, as well

as to distribute roots and seeds to those who have not the means of

procuring them. A woman or a child, by giving seeds or slips or roots

to a washerwoman, or a farmer's boy, thus inciting them to love and

cultivate fruits and flowers, awakens a new and refining source of

enjoyment in minds which have few resources more elevated than mere

physical enjoyments. Our Saviour directs us in making feasts, to call,

not the rich who can recompense again, but the poor who can make no

returns. So children should be taught to dispense their little treasures

not alone to companions and friends, who will probably return similar

favors; but to those who have no means of making any return. If the

rich, who acquire a love for the enjoyments of taste and have the means

to gratify it, would aim to extend among the poor the cheap and simple

enjoyment of fruits and flowers, our country would soon literally

"blossom as the rose."

If the ladies of a neighborhood would unite small contributions, and

send a list of flower-seeds and roots to some respectable and honest

florist, who would not be likely to turn them off with trash, they

could divide these among themselves and their poor neighbors, so as

to secure an abundant variety at a very small expense. A bag of

flower-seeds, which can be obtained at wholesale for four cents, would

abundantly supply a whole neighborhood; and by the gathering of seeds

in the autumn, could be perpetuated.

Another very elevating and delightful recreation for the young is found

in _music_. Here the writer would protest against the practice common in

many families, of having the daughters learn to play on the piano

whether they have a taste and an ear for music, or not. A young lady who

does not sing well, and has no great fondness for music, does nothing

but waste time, money, and patience in learning to play on the piano.

But all children can be taught to sing in early childhood, if the

scientific mode of teaching music in schools could be more widely

introduced, as it is in Prussia, Germany, and Switzerland. Then young

children could read and sing music as easily as they can read language;

and might take any tune, dividing themselves into bands, and sing off

at sight the endless variety of music which is prepared. And if parents

of wealth would take pains to have teachers qualified for the purpose,

who should teach all the young children in the community, much would

be done for the happiness and elevation of the rising generation. This

is an element of education which we are glad to know is, year by year,

more extensively and carefully cultivated; and it is not only a means

of culture, but also an amusement, which children relish in the highest

degree; and which they can enjoy at home, in the fields, and in visits

abroad.

Another domestic amusement is the collecting of shells, plants, and

specimens in geology and mineralogy, for the formation of cabinets.

If intelligent parents would procure the simpler works which have been

prepared for the young, and study them with their children, a taste

for such recreations would soon be developed. The writer has seen young

boys, of eight and ten years of age, gathering and cleaning shells

from rivers, and collecting plants and mineralogical specimens, with

a delight bordering on ecstasy; and there are few, if any, who by

proper influences would not find this a source of ceaseless delight

and improvement.

Another resource for family diversion is to be found in the various

games played by children, and in which the joining of older members

of the family is always a great advantage to both parties, especially

those in the open air.

All medical men unite in declaring that nothing is more beneficial to

health than hearty laughter; and surely our benevolent Creator would

not have provided risibles, and made it a source of health and enjoyment

to use them, if it were a sin so to do. There has been a tendency to

asceticism, on this subject, which needs to be removed. Such commands

as forbid _foolish_ laughing and jesting, "_which are not convenient_"

and which forbid all idle words and vain conversation, can not apply to

any thing except what is foolish, vain, and useless. But jokes,

laughter, and sports, when used in such a degree as tends only to

promote health and happiness, are neither vain, foolish, nor "not

convenient." It is the excess of these things, and not the moderate

use of them, which Scripture forbids. The prevailing temper of the

mind should be serious, yet cheerful; and there are times when

relaxation and laughter are not only proper but necessary and right

for all. There is nothing better for this end than that parents and

older persons should join in the sports of childhood. Mature minds can

always make such diversions more entertaining to children, and can

exert a healthful moral influence over their minds; and at the same

time can gain exercise and amusement for themselves. How lamentable

that so many fathers, who could be thus useful and happy with their

children, throw away such opportunities, and wear out soul and body

in the pursuit of gain or fame!

Another resource for children is the exercise of mechanical skill.

Fathers, by providing tools for their boys, and showing them how to

make wheelbarrows, carts, sleds, and various other articles, contribute

both to the physical, moral, and social improvement of their children.

And in regard to little daughters, much more can be done in this way

than many would imagine. The writer, blessed with the example of a

most ingenious and industrious mother, had not only learned before the

age of twelve to make dolls, of various sorts and sizes, but to cut

and fit and sew every article that belongs to a doll's wardrobe. This,

which was done by the child for mere amusement, secured such a facility

in mechanical pursuits, that, ever afterward, the cutting and fitting

of any article of dress, for either sex, was accomplished with entire

ease.

When a little girl begins to sew, her mother can promise her a small

bed and pillow, as soon as she has sewed a patch quilt for them; and

then a bedstead, as soon as she has sewed the sheets and cases for

pillows; and then a large doll to dress, as soon as she has made the

undergarments; and thus go on till the whole contents of the baby-house

are earned by the needle and skill of its little owner. Thus the task

of learning to sew will become a pleasure; and every new toy will be

earned by useful exertion. A little girl can be taught, by the aid of

patterns prepared for the purpose, to cut and fit all articles necessary

for her doll. She can also be provided with a little wash-tub and irons

and thus keep in proper order a complete miniature domestic

establishment.

Besides these recreations, there are the enjoyments secured in walking,

riding, visiting, and many other employments which need not be

recounted. Children, if trained to be healthful and industrious, will

never fail to discover resources of amusement; while their guardians

should lend their aid to guide and restrain them from excess.

There is need of a very great change of opinion and practice in this

nation in regard to the subject of social and domestic duties. Many

sensible and conscientious men spend all their time abroad in business;

except perhaps an hour or so at night, when they are so fatigued as

to be unfitted for any social or intellectual enjoyment. And some of

the most conscientious men in the country will add to their professional

business public or benevolent enterprises, which demand time, effort,

and money; and then excuse themselves for neglecting all care of their

children, and efforts for their own intellectual improvement, or for

the improvement of their families, by the plea that they have no time

for it.

All this arises from the want of correct notions of the binding

obligation of our social and domestic duties. The main object of life

is not to secure the various gratifications of appetite or taste, but

to form such a character, for ourselves and others, as will secure the

greatest amount of present and future happiness. It is of far more

consequence, then, that parents should be intelligent, social,

affectionate, and agreeable at home and to their friends, than that

they should earn money enough to live in a large house and have handsome

furniture. It is far more needful for children that a father should

attend to the formation of their character and habits, and aid in

developing their social, intellectual, and moral nature, than it is

that he should earn money to furnish them with handsome clothes and

a variety of tempting food.

It will be wise for those parents who find little time to attend to

their children, or to seek amusement and enjoyment in the domestic and

social circle, because their time is so much occupied with public cares

or benevolent objects, to inquire whether their first duty is not to

train up their own families to be useful members of society. A man who

neglects the mind and morals of his children, to take care of the

public, is in great danger of coming under a similar condemnation to

that of him who, neglecting to provide for his own household, has

"denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel."

There are husbands and fathers who conscientiously subtract time from

their business to spend at home, in reading with their wives and

children, and in domestic amusements which at once refresh and improve.

The children of such parents will grow up with a love of home and

kindred which will be the greatest safeguard against future temptations,

as well as the purest source of earthly enjoyment.

There are families, also, who make it a definite object to keep up

family attachments, after the children are scattered abroad; and, in

some cases, secure the means for doing this by saving money which would

otherwise have been spent for superfluities of food or dress. Some

families have adopted, for this end, a practice which, if widely

imitated, would be productive of much enjoyment. The method is this:

On the first day of each month, some member of the family, at each

extreme point of dispersion, takes a folio sheet, and fills a part of

a page. This is sealed and mailed to the next family, who read it, add

another contribution, and then mail it to the next. Thus the family

circular, once a month, goes from each extreme to all the members of

a widely-dispersed family, and each member becomes a sharer in the

joys, sorrows, plans, and pursuits of all the rest. At the same time,

frequent family meetings are sought; and the expense thus incurred is

cheerfully met by retrenchments in other directions. The sacrifice of

some unnecessary physical indulgence will often purchase many social

and domestic enjoyments, a thousand times more elevating and delightful

than the retrenched luxury.

There is no social duty which the Supreme Law-giver more strenuously

urges than hospitality and kindness to strangers, who are classed with

the widow and the fatherless as the special objects of Divine

tenderness. There are some reasons why this duty peculiarly demands

attention from the American people.

Reverses of fortune, in this land, are so frequent and unexpected, and

the habits of the people are so migratory, that there are very many

in every part of the country who, having seen all their temporal plans

and hopes crushed, are now pining among strangers, bereft of wonted

comforts, without friends, and without the sympathy and society so

needful to wounded spirits. Such, too frequently, sojourn long and

lonely, with no comforter but Him who "knoweth the heart of a stranger."

Whenever, therefore, new-comers enter a community, inquiry should

immediately be made as to whether they have friends or associates, to

render sympathy and kind attentions; and, when there is any need for

it, the ministries of kind neighborliness should immediately be offered.

And it should be remembered that the first days of a stranger's sojourn

are the most dreary, and that civility and kindness are doubled in

value by being offered at an early period.

In social gatherings the claims of the stranger are too apt to be

forgotten; especially in cases where there are no peculiar attractions

of personal appearance, or talents, or high standing. Such a one should

be treated with attention, _because_ he is a stranger; and when

communities learn to act more from principle, and less from selfish

impulse, on this subject, the sacred claims of the stranger will be

less frequently forgotten.

The most agreeable hospitality to visitors who become inmates of a

family, is that which puts them entirely at ease. This can never be

the case where the guest perceives that the order of family arrangement

is essentially altered, and that time, comfort, and convenience are

sacrificed for his accommodation.

Offering the best to visitors, showing a polite regard to every wish

expressed, and giving precedence to them, in all matters of comfort

and convenience, can be easily combined with the easy freedom which

makes the stranger feel at home; and this is the perfection of

hospitable entertainment.

XXIV.

CARE OF THE AGED.

One of the most interesting and instructive illustrations of the design

of our Creator, in the institution of the family state, is the

preservation of the aged after their faculties decay and usefulness

in ordinary modes seems to be ended. By most persons this period of

infirmities and uselessness is anticipated with apprehension, especially

in the case of those who have lived an active, useful life, giving

largely of service to others, and dependent for most resources of

enjoyment on their own energies.

To lose the resources of sight or hearing, to become feeble in body,

so as to depend on the ministries of others, and finally to gradually

decay in mental force and intelligence, to many seems far worse than

death. Multitudes have prayed to be taken, from this life when their

usefulness is thus ended.

But a true view of the design of the family state, and of the ministry

of the aged and helpless in carrying out this design, would greatly

lessen such apprehensions, and might be made a source of pure and

elevated enjoyment.

The Christian virtues of patience with the unreasonable, of self-

denying labor for the weak, and of sympathy with the afflicted, are

dependent, to a great degree, on cultivation and habit, and these can

be gained only in circumstances demanding the daily exercise of these

graces. In this aspect, continued life in the aged and infirm should

be regarded as a blessing and privilege to a family, especially to the

young, and the cultivation of the graces that are demanded by that

relation should be made a definite and interesting part of their

education. A few of the methods to be attempted for this end will be

suggested.

In the first place, the object for which the aged are preserved in

life, when in many cases they would rejoice to depart, should be

definitely kept in recollection, and a sense of gratitude and obligation

be cultivated. They should be looked up to and treated as ministers

sustained by our Heavenly Father in a painful experience, expressly

for the good of those around them. This appreciation of their ministry

and usefulness will greatly lessen their trials and impart consolation.

If in hours of weariness and infirmity they wonder why they are kept

in a useless and helpless state to burden others around, they should

be assured that they are not useless; and this is not only by word,

but, better still, by the manifestation of those virtues which such

opportunities alone can secure.

Another mode of cheering the aged is to engage them in the domestic

games and sports which unite the old and the young in amusement. Many

a weary hour may thus be enlivened for the benefit of all concerned.

And here will often occur opportunities of self-denying benevolence

in relinquishing personal pursuits and gratification thus to promote

the enjoyment of the infirm and dependent. Reading aloud is often a

great source of enjoyment to those who by age are deprived of reading

for themselves. So the effort to gather news of the neighborhood and

impart it, is another mode of relieving those deprived of social

gatherings.

There is no period in life when those courtesies of good breeding which

recognize the relations of superior and inferior should be more

carefully cherished than when there is need of showing them toward

those of advancing age. To those who have controlled a household, and

still more to those who in public life have been honored and admired,

the decay of mental powers is peculiarly trying, and every effort

should be made to lessen the trial by courteous attention to their

opinions, and by avoiding all attempts to controvert them, or to make

evident any weakness or fallacy in their conversation.

In regard to the decay of bodily or mental faculties, much more can

be done to prevent or retard them than is generally supposed, and some

methods for this end which have been gained by observation or experience

will be presented.