Philip did not know how long he remained, almost paralysed, in the
court, dazed in his mind, incapable of movement. He was in the centre of
a long row of people, and to make his way out was difficult. He felt
that the noise would call attention to him, and that he might be
somehow identified--identified, as what? He did not know--his head was
not clear enough to give any reason. When he came more to himself, and
his eyes regained a little their power of vision, it seemed to him that
everybody had stolen away. There was the judge, indeed, still sitting
imperturbable, the jury restless in their box, the lawyers going on with
their eternal quarrel over a bewildered witness, all puppets carrying on
some unintelligible, wearisome, automaton process, contending,
contending for ever about nothing. But all that had secured Philip’s
attention was gone. John Tatham’s head was no longer visible under the
witness-box; the ladies had disappeared from their elevated seats; the
man with the opera-glass was gone. They were all gone, and the empty
husks of a question which only concerned the comfort and life of the
commonplace culprit in the dock were being turned over and over like
chaff by the wind. And yet it was some time before poor young Pippo, shy
of attracting attention, feeling some subtle change even in himself
which he did not understand, afraid to have people look at him and
divine him, knowing more of him perhaps than he himself knew, could make
up his mind to move. He might have remained there till the court broke
up but for the movement of some one beside him, who gathered up his hat
and umbrella, and with some commotion pushed his way between the rows of
seats. Philip followed, thankful of the opportunity, and, as it
happened, the sensation of the day being over, many others followed
too, and thus he got out into the curious, wondering daylight, which
seemed to look him in the face, as if this Philip had never been seen by
it before. That was the impression given him--that when he first came
out the atmosphere quivered round him with a strange novelty, as if he
were some other being, some one without a name, new to the world, new to
himself. He did not seem sure that he would know his way home, and yet
he did not call a passing hansom, as he would have done yesterday, with
a schoolboy’s pleasure in assuming a man’s careless, easy ways. It is a
long way from the Law Courts to Ebury Street, but it seemed a kind of
satisfaction to be in motion, to walk on along the crowded streets. And,
as a matter of fact, Philip did lose his way, and got himself entangled
in a web of narrow streets and monotonous little openings, all so like
each other that it took him a long time to extricate himself and find
again the thread of a locality known to him. He did not know what he was
to do when he got in. Should he find her there, in the little dingy
drawing-room as usual, with the tea on the table? Would she receive him
with her usual smile, and ask where he had been and what he had seen,
and if the Musgraves had enjoyed it, exactly as if nothing had happened?
Even this wonder was faint in Philip’s mind, for the chief wonder to him
was himself, and to find out how he had changed since the morning--what
he was now, who he was? what were the relations to him of other people,
of that other Philip Compton who had been seated in the court with the
opera-glass, who had arrived at Windyhill to visit Elinor Dennistoun on
the 6th of September, 1863, twenty years ago? Who was that man? and what
was he, himself Philip Compton, of Lakeside, named Pippo, whom his
mother had never once in all his life called by his real name?
To his great wonder, and yet almost relief, Philip found that his mother
had not yet returned when he got to Ebury Street. “Mrs. Compton said as
she would very likely be late. Can I get you some tea, sir? or, perhaps
you haven’t had your lunch? you’re looking tired and worrited,” said the
landlady, who had known Pippo all his life. He consented to have tea,
partly to fill up the time, and went up languidly to the deserted room,
which looked so miserable and desert a place without her who put a soul
into it and made it home. He did not know what to do with himself, poor
boy, but sat down vacantly, and stared into empty space, seeing,
wherever he turned, the rows of faces, the ladies making signs to each
other, the red robes of the judge, the lawyers contending, and that
motionless pale figure in the witness-box. He shut his eyes and saw the
whole scene, then opened them again, and still saw it--the dingy walls
disappearing, the greyness of the afternoon giving a depth and distance
to the limited space. Should he always carry it about with him wherever
he went, the vision of that court, the shock of that revelation? And yet
he did not yet know what the revelation was; the confusion in his mind
was too great, and the dust and mist that rose up about him as all the
old building of his life crumbled and fell away.
“I’m sure as it’s that nasty trial, sir, as has been turning your mamma
all out of her usual ways,” said the landlady, appearing with her tray.
“Oh, the trial! Did you know about the trial?” said Philip.
“Not, Mr. Pippo, as ever she mentioned it to me. Mrs. Compton is a lady
as isn’t that confidential, though always an affable lady, and not a bit
proud; but when you’ve known folks for years and years, and take an
interest, and put this and that together---- Dear, dear, I hope as you
don’t think it’s taking a liberty. It’s more kindness nor curiosity, and
I hope as you won’t mention it to your mamma.”
Pippo shook his head and waved his hand, at once to satisfy the woman
and dismiss her if possible; but this was not so easy to do.
“And Lord St. Serf so bad, sir,” she said. “Lord, to think that before
we know where we are there may be such changes, and new names, and no
knowing what to say! But it’s best not to talk of it till it comes to
pass, for there’s many a slip between the cup and the lip, and there’s
no saying what will happen with a man that’s been adying for years and
years.”
What did the woman mean? He got rid of her at length, chiefly by dint of
making no reply: and then, to tell the truth, Pippo’s eye had been
caught by the pile of sandwiches which the kind woman, pitying his
tired looks, had brought up with the tea. He was ashamed of himself for
being hungry in such a dreadful emergency as this, but he was so, and
could not help it, though nothing would have made him confess so much,
or even touch the sandwiches till she had gone away. He pretended to
ignore them till the door was shut after her, but could not help vividly
remembering that he had eaten nothing since the morning. The sandwiches
did him a little good in his mind as well as in his body. He got rid of
the vision of the faces and of the red figure on the bench. He began to
believe that when he saw her she would tell him. Had she not said so?
That after awhile he should hear everything, and that all should be as
it was before? All as it was before--in the time when she told him
everything, even things that Granny did not know. But she had never told
him this, and the other day she had told him that it was other people’s
secrets, not her own, that she was keeping from him. “Other people’s
secrets”--the secrets of the man who was Philip Compton, who went to
Windyhill on the 6th of September, ten days before Elinor Dennistoun’s
marriage day. “What Philip Compton? Who was he? What had he to do with
her? What, oh, what,” Pippo said to himself, “has he to do with me?”
After all, that was the most tremendous question. The others, or
anything that had happened twenty years ago, were nothing to that.
Meanwhile Elinor, of all places in the world, was in John Tatham’s
chambers, to which he had taken her to rest. I cannot tell how Mr.
Tatham, a man so much occupied, managed to subtract from all he had to
do almost a whole day to see his cousin through the trial, and stand by
her, sparing her all the lesser annoyances which surround and exaggerate
such a great fact. He had brought her out into the fresh air, feeling
that movement was the best thing for her, and instead of taking her home
in the carriage which was waiting, had made her walk with him, supported
on his arm, on which she hung in a sort of suspended life, across the
street to the Temple, hoping thus to bring her back, by the necessity of
exertion, to herself. And indeed she was almost more restored to herself
by this remedy than John Tatham had expected or hoped. For though he
placed her in the great easy-chair, in which her slender person was
engulfed and supported, expecting her to rest there and lie motionless,
perhaps even to faint, as women are supposed to do when it is
particularly inconvenient and uncomfortable, Elinor had not been there
two minutes before she rose up again and began to walk about the room,
with an aspect so unlike that of an exhausted and perhaps fainting
woman, that even John, used as he was to her capricious ways, was
confounded. Instead of being subdued and thankful that it was over, and
this dreadful crisis in her life accomplished, Elinor walked up and
down, wringing her hands, moaning and murmuring to herself; what was it
she was saying? “God forgive me! God forgive me!” over and over and
over, unconscious apparently that she was not alone, that any one heard
or observed her. No doubt there is in all our actions, the very best,
much for God to forgive; mingled motives, imperfect deeds, thoughts full
of alloy and selfishness; but in what her conscience could accuse her
now he could not understand. She might be to blame in respect to her
husband, though he was very loth to allow the possibility; but in this
act of her life, which had been so great a strain upon her, it was
surely without any selfishness, for his interest only, not for her own.
And yet John had never seen such a fervour of penitence, so strong a
consciousness of evil done. He went up to her and laid his hand upon her
arm.
“Elinor, you are worn out. You have done too much. Will you try and rest
a little here, or shall I take you home?”
She started violently when he touched her. “What was I saying?” she
said.
“It does not matter what you were saying. Sit down and rest. You will
wear yourself out. Don’t think any more. Take this and rest a little,
and then I will take you home.”
“It is easy to say so,” she said, with a faint smile. “Don’t think! Is
it possible to stop thinking at one’s pleasure?”
“Yes,” said John, “quite possible; we must all do it or we should die.
And now your trial’s over, Nelly, for goodness’ sake exert yourself and
throw it off. You have done your duty.”
“My duty! do you think that was my duty? Oh, John, there are so many
ways to look at it.”
“Only one way, when you have a man’s safety in your hands.”
“Only one way--when one has a man’s safety--his honour, honour! Do you
think a woman is justified in whatever she does, to save that?”
“I don’t understand you, Elinor; in anything you have done, or could do,
certainly you are justified. My dear Nelly, sit down and take this. And
then I will take you home.”
She took the wine from his hand and swallowed a little of it; and then
looking up into his face with the faint smile which she put on when she
expected to be blamed, and intended to deprecate and disarm him, as she
had done so often: “I don’t know,” she said, “that I am so anxious to
get home, John. You were to take Pippo to dine with you, and to the
House to-night.”
“So I was,” he said. “We did not know what day you would be called. It
is a great nuisance, but if you think the boy would be disappointed not
to go----”
“He would be much, much disappointed. The first chance he has had of
hearing a debate.”
“He would be much better at home, taking care of you.”
“As if I wanted taking care of! or as if the boy, who has always been
the object of everybody’s care himself, would be the proper person to do
it! If he had been a girl, perhaps--but it is a little late at this
time of day to wish for that now.”
“You were to tell him everything to-night, Elinor.”
“Oh, I was to tell him! Do you think I have not had enough for one day?
enough to wear me out body and soul? You have just been telling me so,
John.”
He shook his head. “You know,” he said, “and I know, that in any case
you will have it your own way, Elinor; but you have promised to tell
him.”
“John, you are unkind. You take advantage of me being here, and so
broken down, to say that I will have my own way. Has this been my own
way at all? I would have fled if I could, and taken the boy far, far
away from it all; but you would not let me. Yes, yes, I have promised.
But I am tired to death. How could I look him in the face and tell
him----” She hid her face suddenly in her hands with a moan.
“It will be in the papers to-morrow morning, Elinor.”
“Well! I will tell him to-morrow morning,” she said.
John shook his head again; but it was done behind her, where she could
not see the movement. He had more pity of her than words could say. When
she covered her face with her hands in that most pathetic of attitudes,
there was nothing that he would not have forgiven her. What was to
become of her now? Her position through all these years had never been
so dangerous, in John’s opinion, never so sad, as now. Philip Compton
had been there looking on while she put his accusers to silence, at what
cost to herself John only began dimly to guess--to divine, to forbid
himself to inquire. The fellow had been there all the time. He had the
grace not to look at her, not to distract her with the sight of
him--probably for his own sake, John thought bitterly, that she might
not risk breaking down. But he was there, and knew where she was to be
found. And he had seen the boy, and had cared enough to fix his gaze
upon him, that gaze which John had found intolerable at the theatre. And
he was on the eve of becoming Lord St. Serf, and Pippo his heir. What
was to be the issue of these complications? What was to happen to her
who had hid the boy so long, who certainly could hide him no more?
He took her home to Ebury Street shortly after, where Philip, weary of
waiting, and having made a meal he much wanted off the sandwiches, had
gone out again in his restlessness and unhappiness. Elinor, who had
become paler and paler as the carriage approached Ebury Street, and who
by the time she reached the house looked really as if at last she must
swoon, her heart choking her, her breathing quick and feverish, had
taken hold of John to support herself, clutching at his arm, when she
was told that Philip was out. She came to herself instantly on the
strength of that news. “Tell him when he comes in to make haste,” she
said, “for Mr. Tatham is waiting for him. As for me I am fit for nothing
but bed. I have had a very tiring day.”
“You do look tired, ma’am,” said the sympathetic landlady. “I’ll run up
and put your room ready, and then I’ll make you a nice cup of tea.”
John Tatham thought that, notwithstanding her exhaustion, her anxiety,
all the realities of troubles present and to come that were in her mind
and in her way, there was a flash something like triumph in Elinor’s
eyes. “Tell Pippo,” she said, “he can come up and say good-night to me
before he goes. I am good for nothing but my bed. If I can sleep I shall
be able for all that is before me to-morrow.” The triumph was quenched,
however, if there had been triumph, when she gave him her hand, with a
wistful smile, and a sigh that filled that to-morrow with the terror and
the trouble that must be in it, did she do what she said. John went up
to the little drawing-room to wait for Pippo, with a heavy heart. It
seemed to him that never had Elinor been in so much danger. She had
exposed herself to the chance of losing the allegiance of her son: she
was at the mercy of her husband, that husband whom she had renounced,
yet whom she had not refused to save, whose call she had obeyed to help
him, though she had thrown off all the bonds of love and duty towards
him. She had not had the strength either way to be consistent, to carry
out one steady policy. It was cruel of John to say this, for but for him
and his remonstrances Elinor would, or might have, fled, and avoided
this last ordeal. But he had not done so, and now here she was in the
middle of her life, her frail ship of safety driven about among the
rocks, dependent upon the magnanimity of the husband from whom she had
fled, and the child whom she had deceived.
“Your mother is very tired, Philip,” he said, when the boy appeared. “I
was to tell you to go up and bid her good-night before you went out; for
it will probably be late before you get back, if you think you are game
to sit out the debate.”
“I will sit it out,” said Philip, with no laughter in his eye, with an
almost solemn air, as if announcing a grave resolution. He went
up-stairs, not three steps at a time, as was his wont, but soberly, as
if his years had been forty instead of eighteen. And he showed no
surprise to find the room darkened, though Elinor was a woman who loved
the light. He gave his mother a kiss and smoothed her pillow with a
tender touch of pity. “Is your head very bad?” he said.
“It is only that I am dreadfully tired, Pippo. I hope I shall sleep: and
it will help me to think you are happy with Uncle John.”
“Then I shall try to be happy with Uncle John,” he said, with a sort of
smile. “Good-night, mother; I hope you’ll be better to-morrow.”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “To-morrow is always a new day.”
He seemed in the half light to nod his head, and then to shake it, as
one that assents, but doubts--having many troubled thoughts and
questions in his mind. But Pippo did not at all expect to be happy with
Uncle John.