[Sidenote: SAVING AND WASTING]
DON'T expect to lay up a bank account by what you save from living
inside your allowance. There are lots of unexpected things coming up
which cost money. Only be careful and choose the things that seem
necessary. You can't _save_ much money; but you don't have to _waste_ a
cent to live and be a gentleman.
[Sidenote: WRITING HOME]
_Don't_ forget to _write home_ once every so often. Mama and Papa are
always glad to see the College-town postmark; and, like as not, Papa is
paying your way through College. Think how you'd feel, if he forgot,
sometimes, to send that _check_!
[Sidenote: WHEN FATHER COMES TO TOWN]
_Don't_ treat _Father_ or _Uncle John_ shabbily if one of them happens
in town unexpectedly. Maybe _you'll_ have a son or a nephew in the old
place one day; and then _you'll_ like to take a run out, once in a
while, and see how things are getting on.
[Sidenote: SHOWING OFF AT HOME]
_Don't_ swagger when you go _home_ for your first Thanksgiving or
Christmas vacation. It doesn't make your friends envious of you. It's
apt to make them _sore_.
[Sidenote: RUNNING BILLS]
_Don't_ think that because you can charge things at almost any store in
the College Town, it is your duty to have your name on the books of
_every_ firm. You don't need to back _every_ enterprise; besides, most
every firm has a habit of rendering monthly bills, and a few of these
make even a _fair allowance_ look washed out and _faded_.
[Sidenote: THAT AUTOMOBILE]
_Don't_ think that it is your Father's duty to present you with an
_automobile_. In Father's day, it was _possible_ for a boy to go through
College without one of these things. Remember that it cost a few pence
to repair them and run them;--or rather run them and then repair them;
and Father's twenty years in business have taught him a _few_ things.
Many a father would as soon buy his son an auto, but is not willing to
_endow_ one.
[Sidenote: ABOUT PAWNING YOUR WATCH]
_Don't_ pawn your watch or sleeve-links during your first year. This
privilege is limited to upper-classmen who do Society. A pawn-ticket is
a _very_ compromising thing if found by some of your close relatives.
You don't know what it is? It is a thin slip of paper somewhat
resembling a check; only it weighs _more heavily on the mind_. No matter
_how_ funny a story you make at home of pawning your Grandfather's
watch, the heads of the family _never_ see the joke. When you rake in
the price of exchange for your pawned watch, it seems just like
_finding_ money, _but_ when you pay it back out of a slim allowance at
the end of the month, it seems like _losing_ the same amount, _plus_.
[Illustration: DONT PAWN YOUR WATCH DURING YOUR FIRST YEAR]
[Sidenote: GETTING HOOKED ON]
_Don't_ buy _cigars_ in _wholesale_ quantities from mysterious-looking
foreigners, who say they have just done a neat little job of smuggling
from Havana, and are willing to let you in on a _good_ thing. They may
even flatter you by telling you that _you_ look trustworthy. They really
mean that you look easy. It's _your_ move.
[Sidenote: BEGGARS]
_Don't_ give money to able-bodied beggars. Some may even speak good
French or German. If you happen to be taking French or German, you will
imagine that _you_ are the _only_ one in the world who can help them.
But don't yield. As for crippled or blind and deaf beggars, help them
now and then. You don't have to listen to their reminiscences of _Life
in a Saw-mill_ to do this, unless you care for that sort of thing.
[Sidenote: QUESTIONS OF CONSCIENCE--YOUR OWN BUSINESS]
_Don't_ kill your _conscience_ in regard to matters which you have been
brought up to see in certain definite lights. If you think playing cards
for money and the drinking of beer wrong, then _don't_ play and _don't_
indulge. You'll never be thought less of in College for hanging on to
principle. Just be sure that your principles are _worth_ sticking up
for, and then _stick_. A wise old Englishman puts it this way: "Obey
your conscience; but just be _sure_ that your conscience is not that of
an _ass_."
[Illustration: THE 52 PASTEBOARDS]
_Don't_ get into the _little game_ too often. Under certain conditions
it's as easy as rolling off the decalogue. Sometimes you get in because
you're afraid others will think you are afraid to play. This is really
not courage. A word more: when you're in, often the time when you
_think_ you can't afford to stop is just the time when you _can_ best
afford it. Take this advice; it is better than that of _R. E. Morse_.
[Sidenote: SPENDING MONEY]
_Don't_ keep _spending money_ for a lot of things that you would hardly
care to itemize in the account you send to Father. Remember how he said,
"I'll keep you decently, only I don't want College to make only a sport
of my boy." Sometimes, when you are pressed, you think of asking Father
to lend you money to be _paid back_ with interest, when you get _older_.
Don't be surprised if he refuses and asks, "_Where's_ your collateral?"
Remember that the Business World, hunting about for something to which
to attach its respect and admiration, does _not_ single out the
_Undergraduate_ in _College_.
[Sidenote: EARNING MONEY]
_Don't_ be ashamed of chances to _earn money_ in College, if you need
it. More fellows earn their way through College than you have any idea
of. College men have _lots_ of respect for a fellow who isn't ashamed to
_work_.
[Sidenote: THE DEAD GAME ACT]
_Don't_ be a Sport or a Snob. Either is fatal. The _dead game act_ plays
itself out sooner than those who work it suppose, and serves oftener to
_point a weakness_ than _adorn a virtue_.
[Sidenote: IMITATING]
_Don't imitate_ the manner of some one else. When you try to be _like
some one else_, you only succeed in being _unlike yourself_. People
don't expect or want you to be like them.
[Sidenote: THE FANCY INCOME POSE]
_Don't_ pretend that you have a _fancy income_, if you haven't. It's a
cheap, expensive pose. Lots of fellows get money regularly from home.
All they have to do, it would seem, is to rip open letters and sign
their names on the back of what falls out. If you _aren't_ in this
class, don't _pretend_ you are. It isn't _how much_ money you've got,
but _how you make what you've got do_, that shows you up a good one.
[Sidenote: THAT BANK ACCOUNT]
_Don't_ fail to keep one eye on that _bank account_. It _slowly_ and
_surely_ dwindles. It needs watching especially, about the time the elms
put on their new leaves, and the undergraduates their new flannel
trousers. To end the year with an over-drawn bank account is risky. No
fellow can afford to have his _credit_ go _below_ par.
[Sidenote: EXERCISE]
_Don't_ neglect the _health_ habit. Substitute the tennis racquet for
the cigarette, one of these days, and note the _difference_. It may
make you feel like a _King_ in the _pink_ of condition; after which
you'll probably try it again, which won't hurt you a bit.
[Sidenote: JOKES]
_Don't_ repeat _all_ the _jokes_ that come into your head. Avoid
especially jokes that may be old. Many a fellow's popularity may hinge
on the fact that he'll _listen_ to a funny story without insisting on
telling another that isn't _quite_ so funny.
[Sidenote: SHOWING OFF]
_Don't_, if you are from a large well-to-do Preparatory School, talk too
much about it, or think that the College must be run on the _same plan_
as your school. Your views may not be _appreciated_.
[Sidenote: SWAGGERING]
_Don't_ aspire to be taken for an upper-classman by cultivating a walk
or a _swagger_ or an _air_. You can work this _so_ hard, that finally
you are the only one deceived.
[Sidenote: ROWDYISM]
_Don't_ be rowdyish, or _get the reputation_ of being a drunken fellow.
The _real_ fun you get out of _College_ need not be a continual round of
batting.
[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING SNUBBED]
_Don't_ think it is always entirely the _other_ man's fault if he fails
to speak to you. If you have not the ability to make an impression worth
another's remembering, _look to yourself_.
[Sidenote: COLLEGE HABITS]
_Don't_ be a _fool_. This is the sum and the substance of all that
herein precedes. A fellow shows himself a fool or not a fool by his
_habits_. _College habits_ are funny things. The sooner you form your
College habits the _better_,--or _worse_. To put off the sensible
resolve till the time of your last exam may be as useless as the call of
the _doctor_ after the _minister_ has left.
[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING THE ASS]
_Don't_ imagine for a moment that coming to _College_ enables you to
act in a superior way to others who have not enjoyed the same privilege.
A _College_ career is a grand, good thing; but its _object_ is to enable
you, if possible, better to _understand_ the World, not to _lift_ you at
all above it. The World hates a fool; but a _College-bred fool_, it
thoroughly despises. Don't let your ears grow long, and don't bray.
[Sidenote: ABOUT BEING A GENTLEMAN]
_Don't_ imagine that the _College Catalogue_, or even _this book_, can
tell you _all_ the things you need to know concerning how to make a man
of yourself. After all, its really _up to you_. Look about, and be a
gentleman. You say, "But these few remarks hardly _begin_ to solve the
problem." And echo answers, "_VERBUM SAP_."
HERE ENDS THE COLLEGE FRESHMAN'S DON'T BOOK BY G. F. E. (A. B.)
A SYMPATHIZER. DECORATIONS AND INITIALS BY RAYMOND CARTER
ILLUSTRATIONS BY CHARLES FRANK INGERSON PUBLISHED BY PAUL ELDER
& COMPANY AND PRINTED FOR THEM BY THE TOMOYE PRESS UNDER THE
DIRECTION OF J. H. NASH IN THE CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO DURING THE
MONTH OF MAY AND YEAR NINETEEN HUNDRED & TEN
* * * * *
Transcriber's Notes:
All of the illustration captions omit the apostrophe in the word
"DON'T." This was retained. All other punctuation was corrected if
wrong.