DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Instead of writing all this nonsense about the
behaviour of boys at school, why doesn't someone write about the
behaviour of parents at school--at their son's school, I mean? That is
a subject which really requires ventilation, for the behaviour of most
parents at school is _positively mouldy_.
Of course it's very nice for your people to come down and see you
and all that, but there's a good deal of anxiety about it which might
easily be avoided, and I have therefore written out a few simple RULES
FOR PARENTS AT SCHOOL which I hope you will publish.
(I.) Do not greet your son upon your arrival with "Well, boysie," or
some such rotten expression as that. It's the sort of thing that it
may take him years to live down.
(II.) Do not insist upon attaching the son of your old friend Smith
to the party. Old Smith may be all right, but young Smith may be in a
House you can't mix with, or something like that.
(III.) Do not say to your son, of someone else's cap, "That's a pretty
cap; why don't you have one like it?" because it's probably either the
First XI. colours, or the cap of a House you wouldn't be seen dead in.
(IV.) Do not tell the House Master how well your son played in the
boys' cricket match last summer holidays. Your son is probably a
perfect rabbit, and the master is certain to know it.
(V.) Do not discuss such subjects as "The Public School and the
Development of Character" with the masters in your son's presence.
It's very unpleasant to have the development of your character
discussed. In fact it's hardly decent.
(VI.) Do not treat a member of the XI. as if he were an ordinary
person; and--
(VII.) For Heaven's sake don't walk across Great Green. Only fellows
who have been in the XI. two seasons may do so, yet I've known parents
wander all over it before their sons could stop them, and only laugh
when told what they had done!
Hoping you will publish this, as I think you ought to do,
Yours truly,
CHUBB Minor.
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[Illustration: THE NINE OLD MEN OF THE SEA.
RAMSAY MACSINDBAD. "WELL, WELL, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE. THERE MIGHT
HAVE BEEN TEN OF 'EM."]
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[Illustration: MORE NEW BLOOD FOR OLD ENGLAND.
INTRIGUED BY THE ACTION OF THE GREAT EASTERN RAILWAY AUTHORITIES
IN IMPORTING A NEW MANAGER FROM THE STATES, THE GOVERNMENT, IT IS
RUMOURED, ARE ABOUT TO GO EVEN FURTHER AFIELD IN SEARCH OF PROMISING
TALENT FOR THE FRONT BENCH.]
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