I belong to the family of the Merrys of Leicestershire. Our chief
characteristic was well suited to our patronymic. "Merry by name and
merry by nature," was a common saying among us. Indeed, a more
good-natured, laughing, happy set of people it would be difficult to
find. Right jovial was the rattle of tongues and the cachinnation which
went forward whenever we were assembled together either at breakfast or
dinner or supper; our father and mother setting us the example, so that
we began the day with a hearty laugh, and finished it with a heartier.
"Laugh and grow fat" is an apothegm which all people cannot follow, but
our mother did in the most satisfactory manner. Her skin was fair and
most thoroughly comfortably filled out; her hair was light, and her
contented spirit beamed out from a pair of large laughing blue eyes, so
that it was a pleasure to look at her as she sat at the head of the
table, serving out the viands to her hungry progeny. Our sisters were
very like her, and came fairly under the denomination of jolly girls;
and thoroughly jolly they were;--none of them ever had a headache or a
toothache, or any other ache that I know of. Our father was a good
specimen of a thorough English country gentleman; he was thorough in
everything, honest-faced, stout, and hearty, not over-refined, perhaps,
but yet gentle in all his thoughts and acts; a hater of a lie and every
thing dishonourable, hospitable and generous to the utmost of his means;
a protector of the poor and helpless, and a friend to all his
neighbours. Yes, and I may say more, both he and my mother were humble,
sincere Christians, and made the law of the Bible their rule of life.
He told a good story and laughed at it himself, and delighted to see our
mother and us laugh at it also. Had he been bred a lawyer, and lived in
London, he would have been looked upon as a first-rate wit; but I am
certain that he was much happier with the lot awarded to him. He had a
good estate; his tenants paid their rents regularly; and he had few or
no cares to disturb his digestion or to keep him awake at night; and I
am very certain that he would far rather have had us to hear his jokes,
and laugh at them with him, than all the wits London ever produced. He
delighted in joining in all our sports, either of the field or flood,
and we always looked forward to certain amusement when he was able to
accompany us. He was our companion and friend; we had no secrets from
him,--why should we? He was always our best adviser, and if we got into
scrapes, which one or the other of us was not unfrequently doing, we
were very certain that no one could extricate us as well as he could. I
don't mean to say that he forgot the proverb, "Spare the rod, spoil the
child;" or that we were such pieces of perfection that we did not
deserve punishment; but we had sense enough to see that he punished us
for our good: he did it calmly, never angrily, and without any
unnecessarily severe remark, and we certainly did not love him the less
for the sharpest flogging he ever gave us. Directly afterwards, he
would meet the culprit in his usual frank, hearty way, and seem to
forget all about the matter.
Our sisters were on the same happy intimate terms with our mother, and
we boys had no secrets with her, or with them either.
Our father used to believe and assert that our family had settled in
Leicestershire before the Conquest, and, in consequence of this notion,
he gave us all old English names or what he supposed to be such. His
own name was Joliffe, and he used to be called by his hunting
associates, the other gentlemen of the county, Jolly Merry. He was not,
I should say, _par excellence_ a fox hunter, though he subscribed to the
county hunt, and frequently followed the hounds; and no one rode better,
nor did any one's voice sound more cheerily on copse or hill side than
did his, as he greeted a friend, or sang out, in the exuberance of his
spirits, a loud tallyho-ho. My name stood sixth in the Family Bible,
and that of Marmaduke had fallen to my lot. We had a Cedric, an
Athelstane, an Egbert, and an Edwin among the boys, and a Bertha, an
Edith, and a Winifred among the girls. We all went to school in our
turns, but though it was a very good school, we did not like it so much
as home. When, however, we got to school, we used to be very jolly, and
if other boys pulled long faces we made round ones and laughed away as
usual. Our school was in Northamptonshire, so that we had not far to
go, and we kept up a very frequent correspondence with home, from which,
in consequence of its vicinity, we received more hampers laden with
cakes and tongues, and pots of jam, and similar comestible articles,
than most of our companions. I do not say that we should not otherwise
have been favourites, but it might have been remarked that the
attentions and willingness to oblige us of our companions increased in
proportion to the size of our hampers, and our readiness to dispense
their contents.
However, I will not dwell on my school life. I imbibed a certain amount
of classical and elementary knowledge of a somewhat miscellaneous
description, and received not a few canings, generally for laughing in
my class at something which tickled my fancy, when I ought not to have
allowed my fancy to be tickled; but altogether my conduct was such that
I believe I was considered to have brought no discredit on the Merry
name or fame. Such was my uneventful career at school.
We were all at home for the summer holidays. We were seated at
breakfast. What a rattle of tongues, and knives, and forks, and cups,
and saucers there was going on. What vast slices of bread and butter
were disappearing within our well practised jaws. Various cries
proceeded from each side of the table. "Bertha, another cup of tea;"
"Bertha, some more milk;" "Bertha, you haven't given me sugar enough by
half;" "Bertha, I like strong tea; no wish-wash for me."
Bertha was our oldest sister and tea-maker general. She had no sinecure
office of it; but, in spite often of the most remarkable demands, she
dispensed the beverage with the most perfect justice and good humour.
Not unsatisfactory were the visits paid to the sideboard, covered as it
was with brawn, and ham, and tongue, and a piece of cold beef, and such
like substantial fare.
Suddenly the tenor of our conversation was turned by the entrance of the
servant with the post-bag. The elders were silent for a few minutes,--
our father and mother and Bertha, and Cedric, who was at home from
college. Our mother had a large circle of correspondents, and seldom a
post arrived without a letter for her. Our father had fewer; but this
morning he received one, in a large official-looking cover, which
absorbed his attention. Still the clatter of tongues went on among us
younger ones. Our father and mother had grown so accustomed to it,
that, as the miller awakes when his mill stops, so they would have
looked up to ascertain what was the matter had we been silent.
"Which of you would like to become a midshipman?" asked our father
looking up suddenly.
The question had an effect rarely produced in the family. We were all
silent. Our mother put down her letters, and her fond eyes glanced
round on our faces. Her countenance was unusually grave.
Again my father looked at the document in his hand. "Captain Collyer
says he should not be more than fourteen. Marmaduke, that is your age.
What do you say on the subject?" said my father.
"Joliffe, what is it all about?" asked my mother, with a slight
trepidation in her voice.
"I forgot that I had not read the letter. It is rather long. It is
from my old friend, Dick Collyer, and a better fellow does not breathe.
The tenor of it is that he has got command of a fine frigate, the Doris,
fitting with all despatch for sea, and that he will take one of our boys
as a midshipman, if we like to send the youngster with him. There is no
time to lose, as he expects to be ready in a week or ten days; so we
must decide at once."
The question was put indirectly to me, "Should I like to go to sea?"
Now, I had never even seen the sea, and had never realised what a
man-of-war was like. The largest floating thing to which I was
accustomed was the miller's punt, in which my brothers and I used
occasionally to paddle about on the mill-pond; in which mill-pond, by
the bye, we had all learned to swim. I had seen pictures of ships,
though as to the size of one, and the number of men she might carry, I
was profoundly ignorant. I was, therefore, not very well qualified to
come to a decision. Suddenly I recollected a visit paid to us by Tom
Welby, an old schoolfellow, after his first trip to sea, and what a
jolly life I thought he must lead as he described his adventures, and
how fine a fellow he looked as he strutted about with his dirk at his
side, the white patch on his collar, and the cockade in his hat. I
decided at once. "If you wish it, father, I'm ready to go," said I.
My father looked at me affectionately. There was, I am certain, a
conflict going on in his mind whether or not he should part with me; but
prudence conquered love.
"Of course, you must all have professions, boys, and the navy is a very
fine one," he observed. "What do you say, Mary?"
My mother was too sensible a woman to make any objections to so
promising an offer if I did not; and therefore, before we rose from the
breakfast table, it was settled that I was to be a midshipman, and we
were all soon laughing away as heartily as ever. The news that Master
Marmaduke was going away to sea quickly reached the servants' hall, and
from thence spread over the village.
Not a moment was lost by our mother in commencing the preparations for
my outfit. Stores of calico were produced, and she and Bertha had cut
out a set of shirts and distributed them to be made before noon. While
they were thus employed, I went down to have a talk with my father, and
to have my ignorance on nautical affairs somewhat enlightened, though
he, I found, knew very little more about them than I did. While I was
in the study the footman came to say that Widow Bluff wished to see him.
"Let her come in," was his reply. "Well, dame, what is it you want
this morning?" he asked, in his cheery encouraging tone as she appeared.
"Why, sir, I hears how Master Marmaduke's going away to sea, and I comes
to ask if he'll take my boy Toby with him," answered the dame, promptly.
"What, Mrs Bluff, do you wish him to be an officer?" said my father.
"Blessy no, sir. It's to be his servant like. I suppose he'll want
some one to clean his shoes and brush his clothes, and such little
things, and I'd be proud for my Toby to do that," answered the dame.
Now, I had always thought Toby Bluff to be a remarkably dunder-headed,
loutish fellow, though strong as a lion, and with plenty of pluck in his
composition. I had helped him out of a pond once, and done him some
other little service, I fancy; but I had forgotten all about the matter.
"I will see about it, dame," said my father. "But I doubt if Toby,
though a good lad, will ever set the Thames on fire."
"Blessy heart, I hopes not," exclaimed the dame in a tone of horror.
"He'd be a hanged, if he did, like them as burnt farmer Dobbs's corn
stacks last year."
Toby, it appeared, was waiting outside. My father sent for him, and
found that he really had a very strong desire to go to sea, or rather to
follow me. Toby had an honest round freckled countenance, with large
hands and broad shoulders, but a slouching awkward gait, which made him
look far less intelligent than he really was. As he had always borne a
good character, my father promised to learn if Captain Collyer would
take him. The answer was in the affirmative. Behold, then, Toby Bluff
and me about to commence our career on the briny ocean.
I tried to laugh to the last; but somehow or other, it was a harder job
than I had ever found it; and as to my mother and sisters, though they
said a number of funny things, there was a moisture in their eyes and a
tremulousness in their voices very unusual with them. Toby Bluff, as he
scrambled up on the box of the chaise, which was to take us to meet the
London coach, blubbered out with a vehemence which spoke more for the
sensitiveness of his feelings than for his sense of the dignified; but
when his mother, equally overcome, exclaimed, "Get down, Toby; I'll not
have thee go, boy, an thou takest on so," he answered sturdily, "Noa,
noa, mother; I've said I'd stick to Measter Marmaduke, and if he goes,
I'll go to look after him."
My brothers cheered and shouted as we drove off, and I did my best to
shout and cheer in return, as did Toby in spite of his tears. My father
accompanied us as far as London. We spent but a few hours in that big
city.
"I don't see that it be so very grand like," observed Toby as we drove
through it. "There bees no streets paved with gold, and no Lord Mayor
in a gold coach,--only bricks and mortar, and people running about in a
precious hurry."
Captain Collyer had desired that I should come down by the coach to the
George at Portsmouth, where he would send his coxswain to meet me, and
take me to the tailor, who would make my uniform, a part of my outfit
which our country town had been unable to supply.
It was a bright summer morning when my father accompanied us to
Piccadilly, whence the Portsmouth coach started.
"Cheer up, and don't forget your name, Marmaduke," he said, wringing my
hand as I was climbing on to the front seat. He nodded kindly to Toby,
who followed me closely. "Don't you forget to look after the young
master, boy," he added.
"Noa, squire, while I'se got fists at the end of my arms, I won't,"
answered Toby.
"All right," shouted the guard, and the coach drove off.
I found myself seated by a tall man with a huge red nose, like the beak
of an eagle, a copper complexion, jet black piercing eyes, and enormous
black bushy whiskers. He looked down at me, I thought, with ineffable
contempt. His clothes were of blue cloth, and his hands, which were
very large and hairy, were marked on the back with strange devices,
among which I observed an anchor, a ship, and a fish, which made me
suspect that he must be a nautical character of some sort. He addressed
the coachman and the passenger on the box seat several times in a
wonderfully loud gruff voice, but as they showed by their answers that
they were not inclined to enter into conversation with him, he at last
turned his attention to me.
"Why are you going down to Portsmouth, little boy?" he asked, in a tone
I did not like.
"I suppose because I want to get there," I answered.
"Ho! ho! ho!" His laugh was like the bellowing of a bull. "Going to
sea, I fancy," he remarked.
"Yes, going to see Portsmouth," said I, quietly, "if I keep my eyes
open."
"Ho! ho! sharp as a needle I see," observed the big man.
"Sharpness runs in the family," I replied. We were well up to this sort
of repartee among each other at home.
"Your name is Sharp, I suppose," said my friend.
"No, only my nature, like a currant or a sour gooseberry," I replied,
not able to help laughing myself.
"Take care, youngster, you don't get wounded with your own weapon," said
the big man.
"Thank you," I answered, "but I am not a tailor."
"No--ho, ho, ho,--perhaps not; but you are little more than the ninth
part of a man," said the giant.
"The ninth part of you, you mean; but I am half as big as most men now,
and hope to be a whole man some day, and a captain into the bargain."
"Then I take it you are that important character, a new fledged
midshipman," observed my huge companion.
"Judging of you by your size, I should suppose on the same grounds that
you are nothing less than an admiral," I retorted.
"I should be, if I had my deserts, boy," he replied, drawing himself up,
and swelling out his chest.
"Then are you only a captain?" I asked.
"I once was, boy," he replied with a sigh which resembled the rumbling
of a volcano.
"Captain of the main-top," said the gentleman on the box without turning
round.
"What are you now, then?" I asked.
"A boatswain," uttered the gentleman on the box.
"Yes, young gentleman, as our friend there says, I am a boatswain," he
exclaimed in a voice of thunder, "and a very important person is a
boatswain on board ship, let me tell you, with his call at his mouth,
and colt in his hand, as your silent companion there will very soon find
out, for I presume, by the cut of his jib, that he is not a midshipman."
"And what is a boatswain on board ship?" I asked, with unfeigned
simplicity.
"Everything from truck to kelson, I may say, is under his charge," he
replied consequentially. "He has to look after masts, spars, rigging,
sails, cables, anchors, and stores; to see that the men are kept under
proper discipline, and make them smart aloft. In my opinion a
man-of-war might do without her captain and lieutenants, but would be no
man-of-war without her boatswain."
The gentleman on the box laughed outright, but the boatswain took no
notice of it. I began to think in spite of his coarseness that he must
be a very important personage, and probably I showed this in my manner,
for he went on enlarging on his own importance.
"I tell you, young gentleman, it's my belief that I have been round the
world oftener and seen more strange sights than any man living."
"I should like to hear some of your adventures," I said.
"I dare say you would, and if you like to pay me a visit on board the
Doris frigate, and will inquire for Mr Jonathan Johnson, the boatswain,
I shall be happy to see you and to enlighten your mind a little."
"Why, that is the ship I am going to join," I exclaimed; "didn't Captain
Collyer tell you?"
"No, he has not as yet communicated that important matter to me,"
answered Mr Jonathan Johnson, twisting his huge nose in a comical way.
"But give us your flipper, my hearty,--we are to be shipmates it seems.
I like you for your dauntless tongue; if you've a spirit to match,
you'll do, and I promise you that you shall some day hear what you shall
hear."
The coach stopped at the George. A seaman, who announced himself as Sam
Edkins, Captain Collyer's coxswain, came up, and touching his hat
respectfully to Mr Johnson, helped me off the coach.
"Well, Edkins, have all the officers joined yet?" asked the boatswain.
"All but the second lieutenant; he's expected aboard to-day, sir," was
the answer.
"What's his name, Edkins? I hope he's not a King's hard bargain, like
some lieutenants I have fallen in with within the last hundred years,"
said Mr Johnson.
"No, sir; he's no hard bargain," answered Edkins. "I heard the captain
say his name is Bryan, the same officer who, with twenty hands, cut out
a French brig of seven guns and ninety men the other day in the West
Indies."
"All right; he'll do for us," observed Mr Johnson, with a patronising
air. "By the bye, Edkins, have you received any directions about this
boy?"
"No, sir; only that he was to go aboard at once."
"Very well, then, I'll take him. Come, youngster--what's your name?"
"Please, sir, it be Tobias Bluff; but I be called Toby most times,"
answered my young follower, evidently awe-struck with the manner and
appearance of Mr Johnson. Not an inch did he move, however, from my
side.
"Come along, boy," cried the boatswain in a thundering tone which might
have been heard half down the High Street.
"Noa," said Toby, looking up undauntedly at him; "I has a said I'd stick
to the young squire, and I'll no budge from his side, no, not if you
bellows louder than Farmer Dobbs's big bull."
Never had the boatswain been thus bearded by a ship's boy. His black
eyes flashed fire--his nose grew redder than ever, and seizing him by
the collar of his jacket, he would have carried him off in his talons,
as an eagle does a leveret, had not Edkins and I interfered.
"You see, Mr Johnson, the boy has the hay-seed in his hair, and doesn't
know who you are, or anything about naval discipline," observed the
coxswain. "If you'd let him stay with the young gentleman, I'll just
put him up to a thing or two, and bring him aboard by and by."
Mr Johnson, who was really not an ill-natured man, agreed to this,
remarking, "Mind, boy, the king is a great man ashore, but I'm a greater
afloat--ho, ho, ho," and away he walked down the street to the Point.
The passenger who had had the box seat was standing near all the time.
"He'll find that there's a greater man than he is on board, if he
overstays his leave," I heard him remark, with a laugh, as he entered
the inn.
He was a slight active young man, with a pleasant countenance.
"That's our second lieutenant, Mr Bryan," said Edkins to me. "I saw
his name on his portmanteau. He must have thought the boatswain a rum
'un."
Captain Collyer's tailor lived close at hand, so I went there at once,
and he promised to have a suit ready for me by the following morning.
Edkins told me I was to dine with the captain at the George, and to
sleep there. He proposed that we should walk about in the interval, and
I employed part of the time in comforting Toby, persuading him to
accompany the coxswain on board the frigate without me.
We had just got outside the Southsea-gate, when, passing a fruit-stall,
I saw a little boy, while the old woman who kept the stall was looking
another way, surreptitiously abstract several apples and make off with
them. She turned at the moment and observed the deed.
"Come back, ye little thieving spalpeen," she cried angrily, rising and
making sail in chase. She was very stout, and filled out with
petticoats on either side. The wind was very strong from the
south-west, and, knowing that it is easier to sail with a fair wind than
a foul, off darted the little boy before it over Southsea common. He,
however, compared to the old lady, was like a brig to a seventy-four,
with the studding sails set alow and aloft, and she, with her wide
expanded figure propelled onward, was rapidly gaining on the
apple-loving culprit. She would have caught him to a certainty. Toby
and I and Edkins ran on to see the result. An old admiral (so Edkins
told me he was), taking his constitutional, stopped, highly enjoying the
fun. He observed the cause of old Molly's rapid progress. His
sympathies were excited for the urchin.
"Try her on a wind, boy; try her on a wind," he shouted, giving way to
his feelings in loud laughter.
The boy took the hint, and coming about darted off to the westward.
Molly attempted to follow, but her breath failed her; the hitherto
favouring gale blew her back, and with anathemas on the head of the
culprit, she gave up the pursuit, and returned panting to her stall.
"There's the price of your apples, Molly," said the admiral, as he
passed, handing her a sixpence. "You have gained it for the fun you
have afforded me."
"That 'ere little chap will come to the gallows some day, if he goes on
like that," was the comment made by Toby.
"That's true, boy," observed Edkins. "People are apt to forget, if they
are amused, whether a thing is right or wrong; white's white, and
black's black, whatever you choose to call them."
I felt very sure, from what I saw of Edkins, that he would take good
care of Toby. He left me at the George. The captain came at last. He
was a broad-shouldered, thick-set man, not very tall, but with fair hair
and a most pleasant expression of countenance. Frank, honest, and
kind-hearted I was certain he was. He reminded me of my father, except
that the squire had a fresh and he had a thoroughly saltwater look about
him. We were joined at dinner by several officers, and among others by
my fellow-passenger, who proved, as Edkins suspected, to be Mr Bryan,
the second lieutenant of the Doris. He amused the company very much by
an account of Mr Johnson's conversation with me.
"He is a very extraordinary fellow, that," said the captain. "He is a
first-rate seaman, and thoroughly trustworthy in all professional
matters; but I never met his equal for drawing the long bow. I knew him
when I was a lieutenant, and could listen to his yarns."
The party laughed heartily at my account of the old applewoman and the
little boy, and I felt wonderfully at my ease among so many big-wigs,
and began to fancy myself a personage of no small importance. After
dinner, however, Mr Bryan called me aside. "I must give you a piece of
advice, youngster. I overheard your contest of wit with the boatswain,
and I remarked the way you spoke to your superior officers at dinner.
You are now in plain clothes, and the Captain's guest, but do not
presume on their present freedom. You will find the drawing-room and
the quarter-deck very different places. Sharpness and wit are very well
at times, but modesty is never out of place." I thanked Mr Bryan, and
promised to remember his advice.
The next day, with the assistance of the tailor, I got into my uniform,
and, after I had had a little time to admire myself, and to wish that my
mother and sisters could see me, Edkins appeared to take me and my traps
on board. The frigate had gone out to Spithead, where one of England's
proud fleets was collected. The gig was waiting at the point. I
stepped into her with as much dignity as I could command and we pulled
out of the harbour. When we got into the tide-way the boat began to bob
about a good deal. I felt very queer. "Edkins, is this what you call a
storm?" I asked, wishing the boat would be quiet again.
"Yes, in a wash-tub, Mister Merry. As like a storm as a tom-tit is to
an albatross," he answered.
My astonishment at finding myself among the line-of-battle ships at
Spithead was very great. What huge floating castles they appeared--what
crowds of human beings there were on board, swarming in every direction,
like ants round their nest. In a few moments a wonderful expansion of
my ideas took place. Even our tight little frigate, as I had heard her
called, looked an enormous monster when we pulled alongside, and the
shrill whistle and stentorian voice of the boatswain sounded in my ears
as if the creature was warning us to keep off, and I thought, if it
began to move, that we should, to a certainty, be crushed. However, I
managed to climb up the side, and as I saw Edkins touch his hat to a
tall thin gentleman in uniform, with a spy-glass under his arm, and say,
"Come aboard, sir;" I touched mine, and said, "Come aboard, sir."
"All right," said Edkins, as he passed me. "This is the
first-lieutenant."
He did not take much notice of me; but soon afterwards Mr Bryan
appeared and shook hands with me, and told him that I was a new
midshipman, a friend of the captain's, and was very kind; and after a
little time he called another midshipman, and desired him to take me
down to the berth and to introduce me to our messmates. My conductor
was a gaunt, red-haired lad, who had shoved his legs and arms too far
into his trousers and jacket. He did not seem well-pleased with the
duty imposed on him. I followed him down one flight of steps, when I
saw huge cannon on either side, and then down another into almost total
darkness; and though he seemed to find his way very well, I had no
little difficulty in seeing where he was going. He stopped once and
said, "What's your name, youngster?" I told him, and turning to the
right he caught me by the collar and shoved me through a door among a
number of young men and boys, exclaiming, in a croaking voice, "Here's
Master Marmaduke Merry come to be one of us; treat him kindly for his
mother's sake."
Having thus satisfactorily fulfilled his mission he disappeared.
"Sit down, boy, and make yourself at home," said an oldish man with grey
hair, from the other end of the table.
"Thank you, as soon as I can see where to sit," said I; "but you don't
indulge in an over-abundance of light down here."
"Ha, ha, ha! Make room for Marmaduke, some of you youngsters there,"
exclaimed the old mate, for such I found he was, and caterer of the
mess, "Remember your manners, will you, and be polite to strangers."
"But he is not a stranger," said a boy near me. "Yes, he is, till he
has broken biscuit with us," said old Perigal. "That reminds me that
you are perhaps hungry, youngster. We've done tea, but we shall have
the grog and the bread on the table shortly. We divide them equally.
You youngsters have as much to eat as you like of the one, _weevils_ and
all, and we drink of the other. It's the rule of the mess, like the
laws of the Medes and Persians, not to be broken. However, we will
allow Merry a small quantity to-night, as it is his first on board ship,
but after that, remember, no infraction of the laws;" and old Perigal
held up a weapon which he drew from his pocket, and with which, I found,
he was wont to enforce his commands in the berth.
His system worked pretty well, and it kept the youngsters from falling
into that most pernicious of practices, spirit drinking, and the
oldsters were too well seasoned to be injured by the double allowance
they thereby obtained.
Altogether I was pleased with my reception, and I fancy my new shipmates
were pleased with me. My great difficulty at first was finding my way
about, for as to which was the head or after part of the ship I had not
the slightest notion, and the direction I received to go aft or go
forward conveyed no idea to my mind.
As I was groping my way about the lower-deck, I saw what I took to be a
glimmering light in a recess, when a roaring voice said, "Ho, ho! Mr
Merry, what--have you come to see me? Welcome aboard the Doris." The
light was the nose, and the voice that of Jonathan Johnson the
boatswain.
I thanked him, and, guessing it would please him, told him that I should
hold him to his promise of recounting his adventures.
"Time enough when we get into blue water, Mr Merry. Under present
circumstances, with every thing to do, and nobody fit to do it but
myself; for you see, Mr Merry, the gunner and carpenter are little
better than nonentities, as you will find out some day; I have barely
time to eat my necessary meals, much less to talk."
I told him that I should anxiously look forward to a fitting time for
the expected treat, and asked him where I could find Toby Bluff.
"You shall see him in a jiffy," he answered; and he bellowed out, "Boy
Bluff! Boy Bluff! send aft boy Bluff!"
The same words were repeated in various hoarse tones, and in less than a
minute Toby came running up. He had had the advantage of a day's
experience on board, and had wonderfully soon got into the ways of the
ship.
When he saw me he shouted with joy.
"I did think, Master Marmaduke, you never would a coome," he exclaimed.
"But it's all right now, and my--what a strange place this bees. Not a
bit like the Hall, though there's plenty o' beef here for dinner, but
it's main tough, and the bread for all the world's like old tiles."
"Be thankful you haven't to live on grind-stones and marlin-spikes, as I
once had for a whole month, with nothing but bilge-water to wash 'em
down," growled out the boatswain, who heard the observation.
As he told me that he had not time to talk, I did not ask him how this
had happened.
I might prolong indefinitely my account of my first days on board ship.
I gradually found myself more and more at home, till I began to fancy
that I must be of some use on board. No one could be kinder than was
Captain Collyer, and he was constantly employing me in a variety of ways
in which he thought I could be trusted. One day he sent for me, and
giving me a letter, ordered me to take it on board the flagship, and to
deliver it in person to Captain Bumpus, the flag-captain. I knew
Captain Bumpus, because he had been one of our dinner party at the
George, and I remembered that he had laughed complacently at my stories.
He was, however, very pompous, not a little conceited, and a great
dandy, and I cannot say that I had felt any great respect for him.
We had discussed him in the berth, and the opinion was that he was sweet
on one of the admiral's daughters. At all events he was a bachelor, and
having lately made some prize-money, he was supposed to be looking out
for a wife to help him to spend it. Moreover it was whispered that he
wore a wig, but this he strenuously denied, being very fond of talking
of the necessity he was under of having to go and get his hair cut, till
it became a common remark that though Captain Bumpus got his hair cut
oftener than any one else, it never appeared shorter.
I stepped into the second gig, and as Edkins went with me to steer the
boat, I had no difficulty in getting alongside the flagship. As we
pulled under the stern, I saw several ladies looking out from a stern
gallery, which Edkins told me belonged to the admiral's cabin. I found
my way on deck, and touching my hat to the mate of the deck, announced
my errand.
"Come, I'll show you," he said, seeing that I hesitated which way to
turn, and he led me up first to one deck and then to another, and then
he pointed to a door at which a sentry was standing, and told me to go
in there. I found four or five officers in the after-cabin waiting to
see Captain Bumpus, who was dressing, I collected from their
conversation.
Presently a frizzled out Frenchman, the very cut of a stage barber (a
refugee, I heard afterwards), entered the cabin with a freshly dressed
wig on a block.
"Monsieur de Captain tell me to bring his vig and put it in his cabin.
I do so vid your permission, gentlemen," he observed, as he placed it on
the table, and with a profound bow took his departure.
The story went that Captain Bumpus, who was fond of good living, had
only lately fallen in with poor Pierre Grenouille, and had concluded a
bargain on which he prided himself exceedingly. Ostensibly Pierre was
engaged to dress his dinners, but privately to dress his hair, or rather
his wigs.
There was a general titter among the officers, in which I heartily
joined.
Suddenly, before we had time to compose our features, a door on one side
opened, and Captain Bumpus appeared in full rig, with his sword under
his arm, and his cocked hat in hand, looking self-satisfied in the
extreme. He started when he saw the wig block and wig, the fac-simile
of the one he wore on his head.
"What's that?" he exclaimed in a voice hoarse with rage. "Who put it
there?"
No one answered, and dashing down his hat, he seized the wig block and
wig, and with an exclamation of anger threw them overboard.
"Now, gentlemen," he said, turning round and attempting to be calm,
"what is it you have to say? Really this incident may seem ridiculous,"
he added, seeing that there was still a suppressed titter going on, "but
I detest the sight of a wig block since--you know that Highland
tragedy--"
"A man overboard! a man overboard!" was heard resounding in gruff voices
from above.
"Oh, poor man, he will be drowned, he will be drowned," came in a
sharper treble from the admiral's cabin.
I heard the shrill pipe of the boatswain's mate as boats were being
lowered, and at that instant into the cabin rushed the French barber,
wringing his hands in a frantic state, and exclaiming, "Oh, Captain,
your beautiful vig, your beautiful vig, it vill all be spoilt, it vill
all be spoilt."
"My wig!" shouted Captain Bumpus, in a voice of thunder. "My wig, you
anatomy, you mendacious inventor of outrageous impossibilities. Begone
out of the cabin, out of the ship, overboard with you, the instant
dinner is served!" And he gave the unhappy barber a kick which sent him
flying across the after-cabin, through the door of the outer one,
against the sentry, who was knocked over, and soldier and barber lay
floundering and kicking, and bawling and swearing in their native
dialects, amid the laughter of the officers, who ran to see what had
become of the little man, and the shouts of the men who were outside.
Meantime the tide was running strong, and the wig block drifted past the
other ships of the fleet, from all of which boats instantly put off in
chase. They were all assembled round the fatal block, and the bowman of
one, more fortunate than the rest, had got hold of it, and held it up
amid shouts of laughter, when a boat from the flagship arrived and
claimed the prize.
As the boat returned and pulled up astern, the admiral shouted out,
"Have you got the poor fellow?"
"It wasn't a man, sir; it was only the captain's wig, sir," was the
answer.
"The captain's what?" cried the admiral.
"Captain Bumpus's wig," shouted the bowman, as he held it up for
inspection.
"Come aboard with it, then," answered the admiral, roaring with
laughter, for he richly enjoyed a joke.
I heard a merry giggle in the stern gallery. Captain Bumpus turned pale
with rage and mortified vanity. I delivered my despatch, to which he
said he would send an answer. The next day it was reported that he had
resigned his commission and gone on shore. He could not bear the idea
that the whole fleet should have discovered he wore a wig.