Mrs. Dorriman was not a little perplexed just then by the delay in her
brother's arrival. She had lost much of her dread in connection with
those papers which had at one time weighed so heavily upon her, and the
affection which had sprung up between her and her roughly-spoken brother
made her feeling in regard to a possible fault he might have committed
sink into the background. But all through her little daily duties,
rendered sweeter and pleasanter because of Margaret's companionship,
when she was reading or working, walking by the burn-side, or gliding
along on the sea in a boat, whatever her occupation was there was a
subtle indefinable consciousness of something impending, which did not
actually make her unhappy, but which kept her in a state of suppressed
mental excitement.
Mr. Stevens had something to do with her not dwelling upon this coming
explanation unduly. He seemed to be ubiquitous, flying here and there
and everywhere at one and the same moment. He seemed to think so little
of what he called running up to London, but he managed to spend a great
deal of his time at Inchbrae.
There was a great deal he consulted Margaret about, but she was quick
enough to see that business was not always the real reason of his
visits. It often happened that a letter might have done just as well,
and nothing but a dread of seeming inhospitable, made Margaret refrain
from saying so.
Margaret was so accustomed to find that without any effort on her part
those few specimens of mankind she had met always managed to fall in
love with her, that she was afraid now of this being the case, and she
puzzled Mr. Stevens by becoming all at once distant and reserved with
him--her manner became changed and cold.
It was only natural that she should become her own heroine, now she had
no Grace to think of, and that all interest centred in herself.
Mrs. Dorriman spoiled and petted her. Jean thought her perfection; the
people liked her manner, which was both gentle and courteous to them;
and when they discovered that she was a "giving" lady their respect and
affection rose to enthusiasm. The few outsiders knew that she had faced
a tragedy; and the death of her child, her husband's insanity,
everything combined to surround her with the halo of suffering, which
sets a woman apart from other women.
There was little in the surroundings of Inchbrae to draw out her
sympathies. The people were not badly off, the crofter question had not
cropped up, and the soil was fertile. Now and again a sick woman wanted
soup and she got it, or a child was in need of some garment which gave
occupation, but this was all.
Margaret was essentially a loveable woman, and had that air of
dependence which (though frequently misleading enough) appeals so
forcibly to the chivalrous side of mankind, and, with the claim it
establishes, so often creates, an affection besides.
She was what people call sentimental, but not in the mis-used sense of
that very ill-used word. Just as the commonest objects in life, a broken
bough, a shallow pool, the faded leaf upon the grass, resolve themselves
into pictures to the eye of an artist, so where the poetic faculty
exists (more especially when it has been developed by suffering) all the
various incidents of life, all the impulses and influences of personal
life, become unwritten poems. Margaret had suffered terribly; the
suffering was healing under the influence of time, but leaving a vivid
imagination. She lived much over again, she dwelt morbidly upon her own
shortcomings, and she began to be dangerously near an all-absorbing
selfishness.
There was one pleasure that never palled upon her--the effect of natural
beauty is so different upon different temperaments. The freshness of a
sea-bound coast, the tints of grey and green, the harmony of all, is
felt by some who recognise the quickened circulation, and call it
health-giving; and so it is.
To a poet, however, this harmony of nature says something more--there is
a deeper and fuller meaning in it all, whether the faculty of expression
be given or not. Heaven and earth do not seem far apart when the soul is
stirred to its very depths. The secret of those forces that carry awe
when manifested in their grandest power, has a key-note, which, begun
here, is carried upwards. Margaret had the power of expression, and her
poems became to her the best and highest part of her life; she no longer
cared to publish them; so much of herself was in them that she shrank
from letting any one read them. She lived in a world of her own, a
world full of beauty, but one in which self entered too much.
Grace's letter, with its violent expressions of remorse, and its
incoherent account of having left Paul, broke in upon her self-absorbed
feelings with rather a rude shock.
She knew Grace too well to doubt the despair of which her sister wrote,
as though it and remorse henceforward were to be her portion; but she
could not doubt her sincerity about the money; the cry was too natural,
and Margaret's own sentiments were in such complete accordance with it.
It had been painful to her the ease with which Grace had accepted the
money, and she felt thankful now that they had this point in common.
In her own mind the argument she had used seemed conclusive. "I vowed a
vow I could not keep, and the benefit arising from a broken vow cannot
justly be mine."
She rose to answer this letter, which had disturbed her, and, opening
the door, found Mr. Stevens just coming into the hall.
"Can you spare me a moment?" he said, with some anxiety.
She answered "Yes," trusting that his business was really business.
"I have had such an extraordinary letter from Mr. Sandford," he began.
"I wrote to him about money matters, and his answer is, that he is not
in a position to advance a penny anywhere. I am afraid things have gone
very wrong; have you heard anything?"
"Nothing to this effect. Mrs. Dorriman cannot imagine why he does not
come."
"He says, '_I am utterly penniless, and can do nothing!_' It is most
extraordinary!"
"I wonder if Mrs. Dorriman knows anything? shall I go and find her?"
"No; I have written to Mr. Sandford for an explanation; till I hear
again there is no use making her unhappy."
"It will affect her?" Margaret asked, with real interest.
"It will affect her. She told me once she had no settlements, and was
entirely dependent upon her brother."
"I am so grieved."
"It will, of course, affect you also, Mrs. Drayton. It seems very hard
upon both of you."
"And my sister is giving up that money; Paul Lyons cannot bear her
having it."
"I have made up my mind. I am going to ask you a great favour, Mrs.
Drayton."
"Pray do not," said Margaret, much distressed, and turning rosy red.
"Why?" he asked, astonished, and very much offended with her.
"We had better ... do let us remain friends," she said, pleadingly.
"What else do I want?" he asked, very much astonished at her changing
colour.
"Oh," said Margaret, drawing a long breath and speaking with evident
relief; "of course I will do anything for you."
He looked suspiciously at her.
"You young ladies are so cautious in these days; you answered as though
I was going to ask you to lend me ten thousand pounds, or lay a proposal
of marriage at your feet."
Again Margaret coloured violently, but she laughed also; she felt she
had so nearly made herself supremely ridiculous.
"What I want you to do," continued Mr. Stevens, earnestly, "is nothing
very remarkable. I want you to manage that I shall have a little time
alone with Mrs. Dorriman. I have something to say to her, and it so
happens that I never can see her alone; you are always there, you know."
How Margaret laughed to herself!
"My dear Mr. Stevens," she said, all the former charm and cordiality of
her manner once again in full force, "how dreadfully sorry I am that I
have been so blind and so stupid. I am afraid I have been dreadfully in
your way."
"Well, you have rather," said Mr. Stevens, who was disappointed to find
her manner, capricious; he had thought her above that sort of thing.
Margaret laughed again, but she went upstairs, put on her things, and
then found Mrs. Dorriman, who was still weighing in her own mind the
respective merits of cranberry or blackberry jam for the pudding that
evening.
"Which does Mr. Stevens like best? for I think he will dine here
to-night," Margaret said, with a smile the little lady did not
understand.
"Have you asked him, my dear?" she asked placidly; "I did not know he
was here."
"No, but I think you will ask him. He is here, and, by the way, he wants
to see you about something."
Mrs. Dorriman took off her housekeeping apron, washed her hands, and
went composedly to meet her fate, with an innocence and want of
suspicion that gave Margaret much quiet amusement.
Mrs. Dorriman was a little nervous, because she thought perhaps Mr.
Stevens brought her news from her brother. She had not heard from him
for some days, and she expected him daily; since the frequent attacks of
illness, which she did not thoroughly understand the import of, a vague
uneasiness filled her.
"Is my brother well? Have you news of him?" she asked hastily, when she
went into the room.
"He was well enough when I heard," he answered; and then a sudden
shyness possessed him.
She waited for him to speak, and he noted, with much admiration, that
when she sat expectant she did not fidget. This power of stillness he
counted a great merit. Nothing annoyed him so much as being spoken to in
turns, with an intense and unflattering attention towards an
uninteresting piece of work, or what he considered uninteresting.
"I wish," he said suddenly, "that you could think of some one else as
much as you do of your brother!"
Startled, she raised her eyes, and his look confused her.
"I----I have no one else," she said, in a low voice.
"Yes, you have, Mrs. Dorriman, if only you will try to think so. I
believe--I am afraid the idea is new to you--but could you not try and
like me a little? I cannot tell you how I have learned to love you! but
you are so good and so unselfish. I think--I am quite sure--there is
nobody like you!..."
Margaret, sitting on the stone seat, heard voices coming towards her.
She rose, and went to meet those two who, after the flush of youth and
bloom was passed, had for the very first time found a real home in the
heart of another.
Mrs. Dorriman seemed to have renewed her youth; the flush in her face,
and the serenity of her brow, made her look so much younger.
She walked as in a dream. She had for so long now thought of Mr. Stevens
as a most kind and most helpful friend; and she had always admired that
independence and straight-forwardness that upheld the right without
roughness. And this man loved her! How wonderful, she thought in her
humility, how extraordinary, that he, with the whole world to choose
from, should love _her_--wish her to be his wife.
Margaret's congratulations were most heartfelt. She understood the charm
to Mr. Stevens that lay in Mrs. Dorriman's sweetness and gentleness, and
there was something frank and pleasant about him.
The sight of these two, so utterly and quietly happy, did make her think
a little of the emptiness of her own life; but she would not dwell upon
this--she would try and throw her energies into some useful direction.
In the meantime, she would do her utmost not to mar Mrs. Dorriman's
happiness by any repinings about leaving Inchbrae. The place was very
dear to her; she had grown to love it; but she knew that there was no
scope here for her energies. She must turn her steps southwards; she
would not make a third in the little household. Perhaps Mr. Sandford
might wish her to remain with him, and she would do this. She told
herself she would do whatever was really right.
Mr. Stevens, before he left Inchbrae, made Anne Dorriman give him a
solemn promise--a promise that she gave him smiling till, she saw him
grave.
"Promise me, Anne, that, come ill or good fortune, nothing will turn you
from marrying me!"
"I promise."
She said it thoughtfully, and then insisted on his repeating the words.
"Now," he said, "if every shilling of your brother's has gone, if you
are left without one, still you will be my wife?"
"You are speaking as though you knew," she said, looking at him
inquiringly; but he turned her words aside, and she forgot them.
"What have I done to deserve this happiness?" she asked of Margaret
later, when the two went to their rooms.
"Much," said Margaret, gently. "Have you ever lived for yourself?--never
since I knew you! I was thinking only to-day that it was not good for me
to be with you, because you make so much of me and so little of
yourself, that I am growing narrow and selfish."
"Nonsense! my dear," answered Mrs. Dorriman. "Oh! Margaret, if you knew
how I hate being alone and having to decide things myself--now think of
the comfort of having some one to go to!"
"And so able to help you," said Margaret, feelingly.
She also felt this burden of loneliness; felt it all the more because of
the contrast between her own life and that of others.
Christie was much moved when the news was told her.
"It is coming near, my dear," she said to Margaret, "in the Lord's good
time."
Margaret did not comprehend her.
Jean was most amusing upon the subject.
"And what for no!" she asked, when Mrs. Dorriman told her. "You have
never had real true love, though Mr. Dorriman, poor man, was aye fond of
you in his way; but he was a crookit stick, with no pith in him. This
man's a man to be proud of. There's stuff in him, and you will be able
to lean on him. It's not a light puff of wind will blow him down!"
Mrs. Dorriman wrote to her brother, and, in a few words which she found
difficult to write, told him of her engagement.
She also said that she trusted Margaret would fill her place and live
with him. "I think Margaret will be more to you than I could ever be."
She wound up by saying, "You have been kind, but I have always felt that
you were disappointed in me. I am not strong-minded enough to be a good
companion for one so accustomed to more intelligence."
Had she deliberately steeped her pen in gall she could not have given
him a bitterer moment.
He was physically unfit for any excitement or worry. His illness had
gained rapidly upon him, and he suffered terribly at times.
He received a letter from Margaret which also troubled him greatly.
Knowing him to be well off, and that he did not care about money for its
own sake, she wrote with confidence to him about Grace.
"She has given up the money left to her after me which I refused to
take. I am afraid that giving it up will embarrass her and Paul. You
have often offered to settle money upon me--to give me much that I did
not want--will you do something for my sister? will you arrange
something to make up to her for what she has given up? I think you feel
with me, that accepting that money would humiliate me whether it was
accepted by Grace or by myself."
A few days and then came the answer.
"DEAR MARGARET,
"I have nothing to give. I have no right to give anything, and I
have not got it in my power. I am ill, and I am miserable. When I
can I am going to Inchbrae. I have something to say to my sister. I
think your ideas about that overstrained."
To say Margaret was disappointed is to say little. She doubted now
whether the stand she had taken was the right one. All at once she
seemed to see everything differently; for a moment or two she felt as
though her sensitiveness on this subject had led Grace to disaster.
But, on re-reading her sister's letter, she saw that her objections had
had no weight; it was Paul who thought as she did; it was because of her
husband that Grace had yielded.
Before she had time to arrange in her own mind whether it would be wise
or not to let Mrs. Dorriman know about Mr. Sandford's illness and his
loss of fortune, Mrs. Dorriman had come up to her and recognised her
brother's writing.
At first when Margaret tried to put her off with the convenient word
"business," Mrs. Dorriman was ready to believe it, but Margaret's
countenance was expressive; and the little woman, anxious at any rate
about her brother, got so hysterical that she was only pacified by its
being given her.
"I must go to him!" she exclaimed as she saw the tremulous handwriting;
"he must be very ill."
"You had better ask Mr. Stevens what he thinks," said Margaret, gently.
"My dear, yes. What a comfort it is to have some one with a good head on
his shoulders who will advise me what is best to be done. It is such a
comfort! But I am very unhappy about my brother; I must write at once."
"Why not telegraph? Mr. Stevens lives near Renton; if you telegraphed
and asked him to find out if your brother is seriously ill, and if he
advises you to go to him, you would have the answer much sooner. We
might easily drive in ourselves with the telegram and wait for the
answer, or go and wait at Mrs. Macfarlane's."
"My dear Margaret, what a practical person you are; and I know exactly
where Mr. Stevens is just now. He told me how he mapped out his day, and
at this moment he is in the counting-house at Renton, and will be there
till three."
"Then we will lose no time," said Margaret.
They had long ago invested in a pony and pony-carriage of their own, and
were soon speeding on their way, Mrs. Dorriman thoughtful and anxious,
sustained by a consciousness of that help she had so recently become
possessed of; Margaret silent, wondering a little what her life was
really going to be, noticing, with a little pang, that even Mr.
Sandford, lonely and suffering though he was, said not one single word
about her going to him.
Something in the scenery brought Sir Albert Gerald to her mind. She
wondered if he ever thought of her now; it seemed strange that he had
dropped so completely out of her acquaintance--for months she had heard
nothing of him. More than once she had said something about him in her
letters to Grace, but she never took any notice, evidently, thought
Margaret, not understanding how much she was interested in him as a
friend, since it was only natural after what had passed between them.
She seemed to herself to have missed happiness all through her life. Had
either her father or mother lived, or had she understood what Sir Albert
meant about being free? Where was the use of this going back to old
regrets? She blamed herself because she had thought he would, before
now, have made some sign. After all, there were many other girls in the
world, and no one could have had so sad a history; she had no right to
be disappointed, and yet she knew she was bitterly disappointed.
They went straight to the little post-office, and, while Mrs. Dorriman
despatched the telegram, Margaret sent the pony to the inn-stables, and
then went to ask for letters.
There was one from Grace. After dwelling rapturously upon a new cloak,
which, she said, she should call charity, because it covered so many
sins in the shape of old-fashioned garments, telling of a bonnet she had
fallen in love with and could not afford, recounting trifling adventures
that had befallen her, she said,
"Do you know of any grand passion Sir Albert is likely to have? I hear
he has left London to go and offer himself, his fastidiousness, his fine
place, and his treacherous heart, to some one he has long secretly
loved. I cannot help feeling angry because, because, because.... I hoped
some one I knew had attracted him. Pray do not swear at me or say
anything disagreeable, but it is horrid: and I think men are a mistake
generally, always excepting, of course, Paul, with the biggest P you can
imagine, and I am not sure I would say that did I not feel that he may
look over my letter."
A great weight settled upon poor Margaret's spirits. This was the
solution she had feared, and yet how far more painful is the story told
by a friend than the one we tell ourselves. The world suddenly became
dark to her; she was conscious of Mrs. Dorriman's joy and satisfaction
on receiving Mr. Stevens's telegram. Her brother was better, but would
like them both to go to him towards the end of the week. "You cannot
possibly make the troublesome journey alone, but I will go for you and
Mrs. Drayton," was the substance of his telegram, and the poor little
woman remembered vividly how, with far less experience, she had had to
make this very journey alone, and how she felt forlorn and unhappy and
received no comfort from any one.
They lunched with Mrs. Macfarlane, who was delighted Mrs. Dorriman was
going to have such a nice husband. She was in such good spirits, so
cheerful, and so overflowing with prosperity, that poor Margaret felt
her, for the first time, oppressive. She exerted herself on the way home
to enter into Mrs. Dorriman's satisfaction, but every word uttered in
most innocent self-gratulation gave her companion an additional pang.
"To be so cared for, for the first time in all my life! Not possible to
make that troublesome journey alone! What have I done, Margaret, to
deserve it all? How can I be thankful enough?"
The afternoon was still only half over when they got home to Inchbrae.
The day's brightness was as yet undimmed, and yet on the far-off hills
lay soft shadows. The sun was capricious as a youthful beauty, now
shining in all its glory and turning the rippling sea to gold, and then
veiling himself behind those fleecy clouds that floated over the various
peaks and crags. Margaret, throwing off the bonnet she only wore when
she made expeditions to the little town, went bareheaded down the
burn-side, anxious to face out her trouble and fight that battle with
herself which her sister's letter rendered necessary.
The influences of such an afternoon should by rights have soothed her. A
temperament such as hers, keenly susceptible as it was, should have
become more in harmony with the glowing, peaceful, and brilliant scene
around. But when the soul is deeply wounded the very fairness and
serenity of lovely scenery jars upon it, and the cry is akin to one
bereaved who has lost its all here, and feels the day garish and the
sunshine a mockery.
There was that ever-trembling whisper of the burn, that sounded not long
ago to her telling her a love story. Now she would have given worlds to
stop it since it told her lies. Everything, she thought, was happy but
herself; the very bees had a heartless hum as they rejoiced over a bed
of golden crowsfoot and wild thyme close at hand; and when from a little
fishing-boat came a cheery Gaelic song, cheery and yet melancholy
because of its minor key, Margaret's self-restraint gave way, and,
covering her face with her hands, she cried quietly, but quite
heart-brokenly.
On the hill-side came a rapid footstep, that yet was not heard on the
short, well-nibbled grass; a few hill-sheep raised their heads and
looked with a certain wonder at the intruder, not moving a step, since
they knew no fear. Margaret only heard the slight rustle, when some one
stood close to her; she had not time to wipe away her tears; startled,
she rose, and there calling her softly, and with outstretched hands, was
Sir Albert Gerald.
"What has distressed you?" he said, noting with quick sympathy her
tearful face.
How could she tell him? He was here, and the look in his eyes, the whole
expression of his face, told her that he had come to seek _her_. Grace's
story was true, why had she made herself miserable? How stupid she was!
Blushing, she answered part of his question, and he was content.
"I thought that you would never come again."
* * * * *
What change had come over everything?
Margaret thought the day brighter, softer, more enchanting than ever
before known. She moved as in a dream, outwardly quiet, a whole world of
passion, and love, and gratitude, swelling her heart.
"I am afraid of my happiness," she said that evening to Mrs. Dorriman,
when Sir Albert had gone out with his cigar, and the two friends had
gone upstairs to bed. "I am so intensely, so perfectly, happy! God is
very good to me!"
"My dear," said Mrs. Dorriman, "I am nearly as happy about you as I am
about myself, and I think Mr. Stevens is right (he is always right). He
says we need not question why we are happy, but enjoy it, and be
thankful for it. I like Sir Albert very much indeed, and if he cannot
quite compare with ... older men just now, I dare say when he comes to
be older----"
"He will be a second Mr. Stevens," said Margaret, laughing, as she said
good-night.
Next day brought Mrs. Dorriman a letter from her brother, the contents
of which puzzled her and bewildered her very nearly as much as the
famous letter had done more than two years and a half ago, when we first
made her acquaintance.
She was to come to Renton with Margaret, and she was also to bring
Christie with her. Jean of course would be welcome, but he wished to see
Christie particularly.
Mr. Stevens not having arrived, Mrs. Dorriman took her perplexities to
Margaret.
"Why he should want to see Christie is so very remarkable," said she, in
something of the old puzzled and plaintive tone.
"Did he know her in old days?"
"Of course he must have seen her, as a young man he must have known her,
because she lived on the place, and it was our way to know everybody;
but all these years she has been here and he has never taken any notice
of her. I believe she would hardly know him by sight now."
"Perhaps she is connected with some memory of his youth."
"Yes! of course that may be it."
Mrs. Dorriman went herself to tell Christie about it; wishing to prepare
the old woman, doubtful as to her consenting to go on a railway for the
first time in all her life.
But when she reached Christie's cottage she found her in her Sunday's
clothes--her best mutch[1] on, and all the small possessions she wished
to take with her ready packed.
[Footnote 1: Highland married woman's cap.]
"How did you know, Christie?" she asked in great amazement.
"When I heard Mr. Sandford was ill and not likely to mend, I wanted to
go and see him. I made ready; I have something to say to him, for your
sake, my dear!"
Mrs. Dorriman sat down to rest.
"For my sake!" she repeated. "Oh! Christie, I want nothing from him."
"But I do for you, and for myself I would die in the old place; for
you, I'd best keep quiet a bit longer."
She said no more of her hopes and wishes, but her parting words were:
"When you're ready I'm ready; not but what railways are fearful things
to be sent about the world, with nothing but a screech and a puff of
smoke."
Mr. Stevens in the meantime entered into various details with Mrs.
Dorriman, even helping her to settle what things she would take with her
or leave behind.
"There is one thing you must take, as Sandford expressly wishes you to
do so." He spoke looking at her a little curiously.
A flash of recollection came to her.
"The box and papers," she exclaimed.
"_A_ box and papers. Never again shall I say that all women are full of
curiosity! I know differently now."
"You know everything, I think," said Mrs. Dorriman.