If Margaret had continued to have any hopes of her sister's seeing
matters as she saw them she would soon have been undeceived. Grace's
spirits were a real trial to her, but this was nothing compared to the
congratulations that poured in from Lady Lyons, and even from Jean.
Grace announced to every one that she had succeeded to a fortune, and
made no secret of its having been a legacy from her brother-in-law.
If any thing could have added to Margaret's feeling about it, it was
being congratulated upon her husband's having done the right thing.
Lady Lyons was quite bewildered by Grace's impetuous confidences--though
with all her questioning she could not make out exactly what the fortune
was. Grace's expression 'heaps of money' might mean any thing.
How tiresome it was that she had definitely refused her chaperonage! How
stupidly she had acted--it was really very provoking that sometimes
people could not look forward and see more clearly what lay behind the
veil of futurity.
Just as she was extremely provoked with herself, Margaret, for the first
time since her trouble, came to see her.
She looked very fair and sweet in the plain black dress she wore, and
Lady Lyons, who was kind-hearted, was touched by the signs of sorrow so
easily read in her countenance, and received her with a momentary
forgetfulness of her own position as an invalid.
Margaret knew nothing of what had passed between her sister and Lady
Lyons, and she had come because she was really anxious to arrange
something soon. She was urged by Mrs. Dorriman to hurry north that she
might have the heat of the summer by the sea, and she could not go till
her sister was safely placed with some one in whom she had some
confidence.
Before Lady Lyons could arrange her ideas, and say what she wished about
the legacy, Margaret had asked her point-blank if she would undertake
the charge of Grace.
Lady Lyons was flattered and pleased, and, for a moment or two, did
nothing but talk incoherently about the compliment.
"I do not think you need consider it a great compliment," said Margaret,
smiling, "unless you feel that my good opinion is one. It is best to be
frank, Lady Lyons; my sister is not strong, she is not equal to all she
wishes to do, and I shall be much happier leaving her under your care
than with a stranger."
"I am not a stranger, certainly, and I have friends, but I am not
certain they will please your sister. I am not fashionable, and I do not
know fashionable people."
"I do not think Grace will mind that," said Margaret, innocently.
Lady Lyons looked at her rather curiously. "You and your sister are not
at all like each other, Mrs. Drayton; when she spoke to me she
distinctly gave me to understand I was not good enough and did not know
any but fossils. Yes, that was the word, _fossils_!"
There was an offended tone--it was evident she had not forgiven Grace
yet.
"Grace talks nonsense sometimes, Lady Lyons; you can afford to laugh at
these things. I did not know she had already asked you to take her to
London, or I should not have troubled you."
"Oh! she did not ask me; we put a supposititious case to each other,"
said Lady Lyons, afraid now that things might still not come to a happy
conclusion. "Frankly, dear Mrs. Drayton, I should, myself, like to go
to London for a while. I often feel one of those good London doctors
would set me up after a bit. I have often wished to be nearer them. Now,
from here, by the time I get to the station, and then get to their
houses, and then back again, I am quite worn out, and then there is the
expense."
"Yes, there is the expense." Margaret spoke a little dreamily; she could
not help thinking that if Lady Lyons spent her time running after
doctors Grace would hardly have what she bargained for.
"Of course, Mrs. Drayton, expense is nothing to you who throw away
thousands," said Lady Lyons in an injured tone.
"Do I throw away thousands?" asked Margaret, who did not know how busy
rumour had been as regarded her fortune and what she had done with it.
"I think not, but I was wondering, perhaps, if the charge of a young
girl like my sister was not too much for you."
"Oh, no!" exclaimed Lady Lyons, afraid of seeing all her visions fade
away. "I only meant that I might at first see some one, and be put in a
right way."
"Grace will want to go everywhere, to all the plays, and concerts, and
every attainable thing," said Margaret, impressively. "You must not
accept the position with your eyes shut."
"I assure you, dear Mrs. Drayton, I do understand it all, a young girl,
and never having had any pleasure. I only mentioned about doctors,
because it is, you know, one of the advantages of London--you can get,
as a learned friend of mine once said, the best advice for your soul and
body."
This conversation did not impress Margaret very favourably, but time was
running on, and she had given up her house. With all Lady Lyons'
nonsense and absurdity she was a kind-hearted woman, and no one would
ever have any real influence with Grace.
That young lady took it all very calmly. She did not object to Lady
Lyons, or evince any surprise at her being ready now to do what she had
proclaimed herself reluctant to do before; but she was so completely
absorbed by the approaching change in her existence that Margaret was
hurt to find how little she seemed to feel the separation from herself.
The sisters parted. Margaret gave her last look, and saw Grace in the
celebrated brown velvet, which, in a warm June day, was singularly
inappropriate, looking fragile but radiant, ordering about the porters,
and quite giving herself the airs of a young person of consequence.
With a sigh, Margaret leaned back; this one close tie did not bring her
much satisfaction.
As the train swept on through the rich country, however, the new
expectation, the movement, and change of scene, wrought their own work.
The soft colour came into her face. For the first time she found herself
looking forward instead of looking back.
Everything was pleasant to her that day. She was alone, Jean having
sturdily refused to share her carriage, and she had nothing to disturb
her. Never had she seen the foliage richer, she thought, and she looked
at the myriads of cowslips and ox-eyed daisies with a sudden longing to
be near them. She had a book with her, but she never opened it. She had
had a great pleasure, in a most friendly letter from her publisher--with
a substantial proof of his admiration for her book of poems, and asking
for the names of those she wished to send them to.
Margaret smiled over this request. She had not a friend in the world she
cared to tell about her writing. Yes! one friend, Sir Albert Gerald, and
to him she would send her little book and write. He had been so kind,
and he was very good.
She was roused from these reflections by the entrance of Mr. Stevens
into the carriage. He had been in a smoking-carriage part of the way,
and he now came in, bringing various papers to while away the tedium of
the journey.
His entrance broke up her reverie. She had grown to like him, though
she sometimes thought how much finer a character his would be if he
could only put suspicion more on one side. His first impulse was to
doubt everything and everybody; and his caution was carried to such an
extreme that his friendships were few, and only extended after a long
period of probation.
The train stopped at York, and Margaret, under his escort, went to get
some refreshment.
As she was returning to her carriage she heard her name uttered in
surprise, and in another moment Sir Albert Gerald himself stood beside
her.
She was unfeignedly glad to see him, and they plunged into quite an
animated conversation, forgetting for the moment everything save that
accident had brought them once more together.
Margaret was first recalled to the present by Mr. Stevens, who reminded
her that the train would go on without her if she did not hurry. Even
then she turned naturally to Sir Albert, and he hurried along with her;
and, to Mr. Stevens's great dissatisfaction, got in and calmly sat down
opposite to her.
Why the older man took exception to this no one can say; but his
suspicions were all on the alert, and everything the young man did
seemed to him significant.
Margaret, of course, introduced them to each other, explaining, as Mr.
Stevens thought, in a manner utterly unnecessary, that he was travelling
down to Scotland to take care of her. But the brief words seemed only an
interruption to the flow of talk. At first they both tried to bring him
into the conversation, but in vain. He sat grimly in a corner,
determined not to be won over by a good-looking young fellow of whom he
knew nothing, and wondering at Margaret's glow of colour and animation.
Once he heard a little laugh, and he looked up surprised he could make
nothing of their conversation. Some one had written a book of
poetry--but what could there be said about such nonsense? Any sane man
who had something to say could surely say it in good honest prose.
"Do you like poetry," asked Sir Albert, suddenly turning to him
pleasantly.
"No, I don't," Mr. Stevens answered with quite unnecessary shortness. "I
never see the use of it."
"If useful things only were given to us here," said Margaret, gently,
"our lives would be very dull."
"I have no poetry in my life, and I do not feel dull," he answered in a
softer manner to her.
"Are you sure you have no poetry in your life?" asked Sir Albert,
pleasantly--he was anxious to make friends with a man Margaret liked and
respected.
"It is difficult to say where it comes into my life," said Mr. Stevens,
more politely, melting a little under the influence of so pleasant a
voice and manner. "I am manager in a manufactory, and work is the order
of the day. Till we leave off and I go out home I never breathe the
fresh air or see the sun shine."
"But they greet you, then," said Sir Albert, earnestly; "the play of the
sunshine upon the river, the ripple of the brook, the endless stories
found in every leaf and blossom, the song of the birds, all these sweet
gifts are nature's poems given to make us better and wiser men, and
happier ones too," he added in a lower voice.
"Put in that way," began Mr. Stevens; and then, a little ashamed of
being influenced so soon by a man he had never seen before, he said more
abruptly, "I think bringing sentiment into work is the ruin of every
thing--what do we want with it? If we use our faculties, and work to the
best of our ability, I conceive that is all that is expected of us. I
think life is an easy enough problem, though philosophers try and make
it out otherwise. We are given two paths, a right one and a wrong one;
the right one is often difficult, the wrong one frequently pleasant; it
is our own fault if we choose it, and it leads us to disaster."
"_If we use our faculties_," repeated Margaret, in her gentle voice,
with a certain emphasis on the words. "Do we use our faculties, Mr.
Stevens, if we shut our eyes (that are given to us to make use of) and
do not observe what is lovely and fair around us?"
Mr. Stevens was a little staggered by this question. "Looking at flowers
and mountains and listening to birds singing, is not poetry," he said,
obstinately.
"But if we read a poem and appreciate it, if we listen to music, if we
see a fine painting, in short, if we see the poetry in other people's
work, it has a good influence on our minds." Sir Albert spoke earnestly.
"I don't see that at all. Working people have no time for poetry and
pretty things. Their lives are very different."
"You are indeed mistaken. Much of the misery and the vice amongst the
very poorest people are caused by the squalor and absence of any charm
or higher influence in their lives. This is so well recognised that many
people are spending time and money in trying to improve the look of
things for the poor. Think, Mr. Stevens," said Margaret, earnestly,
"only think what it must be for a hard-working man to go home to a
wretched, comfortless room, without paper on the walls, or an atom of
_home_-look about the place, a tired-out wife, and children cross
because their natural energies have no outlet. If he could go home to a
comfortable room with cheerful colour about it and find it clean. If the
children, instead of having access only to the grimy streets, could play
in the squares and gardens, so selfishly shut up from them now, their
lives would be better, they would take heart, and not find the one
relief, the public-house afterwards."
"And a nice sight the squares and gardens would be, in a very short
time," Mr. Stevens said, a little moved by Margaret's extreme
earnestness, and trying to hide that it affected him.
"Why should they be? Look at the Temple gardens, look at places already
open to the public! I would give anything to see all these places thrown
open to all."
"And in Paris everything is open, and who shall say we are less
well-behaved than the French?" said Sir Albert, backing her up.
"Two against one is hardly fair," said Mr. Stevens, the last shred of
prejudice dropping from him, and beginning to find that there was
something very delightful in a man who could talk of something besides
work.
When after another hour Sir Albert got out of the train Mr. Stevens was
quite cordial in expressing his hope that they would meet again at no
distant time.
Before they parted, Sir Albert, with a glance at Margaret, promised to
send him a book of poetry that would convert him.
"I am going to travel for a year or so," he continued, turning to
Margaret, "then I also shall go to Scotland."
She understood what he meant. He was very kind and very thoughtful; but
_that_ now--that could never be!
When he had left, and the train had started again, she was very much
amused to hear Mr. Stevens say--
"There is a great deal to like in that young man. Have you known him
long?"
Margaret answered, and told him the story of his most terrible accident.
"And all this happened before your marriage? Most extraordinary!" he
said.
Margaret was annoyed with herself, because she felt herself grow
crimson.
When he saw her colour he said, with greater emphasis--
"Most extraordinary!"
Both she and Jean were tired enough when they reached Perth. Margaret,
indeed, had a certain mental excitement which prevented her sleeping.
With the tenderness of conscience, which amounted to something akin to
morbidness, she accused herself of having forgotten because she had
allowed herself to be happy.
"Alas!" she thought, "is it possible that I am the same miserable broken
woman who cared not even for the light of day a few weeks ago? And now a
change of scene, meeting with an old friend, has sent courage through my
veins, and made life seem sweet to me again."
But there was no use lamenting over feelings which had gone, and she was
too honest with herself to blind herself to the fact of being different.
Her grief for her child was there sharp and painful, for a mother cannot
forget. But the crushing sense of having done something unworthy had
been lifted from her. The tone of gentle respect and sympathy shown her
by Sir Albert had swept false theories upon one side. She still said to
herself, "I have sinned!" but she no longer said, "Heaven can forgive,
but man never can!" and the sharpest sting was gone.
Jean was in a state of wild excitement as they drew near the old
haunts. Her head was turning in rapid succession from side to side as
she recognised the various landmarks.
"Eh!" she exclaimed aloud, greatly to the amusement of the other
passengers, "there is the old kirk and the hill behind it, just as I
left them."
"You did not expect them to run away, did you?" said an elderly man,
watching her keenly.
"I do not know what I expected," she answered, in an abstracted manner,
"but they are there--and that is a very great deal to me."
Margaret had no associations, but she also looked eagerly at a place of
which she had heard so much.
The great brown hills were sleeping in the sunshine, their beautiful
outlines sharp and clear against a pale sky, on which floated a few
golden clouds. Between some fir-trees she at length saw the sea.
But it seemed to her that never had she appreciated it so fully before.
The purple shadows sweeping over it made the bright radiance of the
sun's last rays exquisitely beautiful, and the crest of each restless
wave seemed a moving mass of gold. As the train drew up, her eyes were
still dazzled by the brilliancy of the picture.
Mrs. Dorriman, inclined to be tearful, and quite resolved not to give
way, made singular faces, as she held that forlorn figure to her kindly
heart.
"Do not cry, my dear," she said, in a low voice, as she watched
Margaret's calm face, expecting every moment to see her break down, and
quite astonished at her calmness and self-command.
Margaret was not inclined to cry. The source of her tears lay far too
deep. She had wept for her child for months, and still there came that
painful spasm if something brought it suddenly before her; but Mrs.
Dorriman had no association in connection with it. She reminded her of
her girlhood, of Lornbay, of all that happened there, and any emotion
she felt was softened to her now by the soothing influence of Sir Albert
Gerald's kindness and sympathy.
"It is like coming home," she said to Mrs. Dorriman.
"My poor child!"
"It is pleasant to feel so at home. I seem to know that bent fir-tree
and the look of the hills--and oh! how perfect the air is here!"
"Yes, it is fine," said Mrs. Dorriman, putting her sentiment and tears
upon one side as she saw that Margaret needed neither.
"What a delicious scent! What is it?" exclaimed Margaret, as the famous
pony-carriage bowled along towards Inchbrae.
"The gorse in full bloom. There is nothing like it," answered the little
lady, full of happiness now she had some one who could appreciate all
these things at her side. "My own idea is that the breath of the sea and
the scent of the gorse-flower and heather would make any one well; and
I am so glad, dear--so glad you are here."
"I am glad to be here," said Margaret, thoughtfully; "it is like a
beautiful awakening in another and a fairer world after a bad dream."
"And Margaret, love, I do so want to ask you something."
"Ask me anything you like."
"We are not exactly 'kin,' as Jean would say, but would you give me a
name? I am too old to be called Anne, but will you not call me something
else?"
"I always do. I always think of you as if you were my own, my very own,
relation, and do call you 'Auntie.' Will that do?" and Margaret bent and
kissed her.
"Oh!" said Mrs. Dorriman with a sigh, "you do not know how sweet it is
to have some one to love you. I have had so little affection all my
life, and sometimes it makes me feel a little forlorn. I think having a
sister must be such an enormous comfort."
"Sometimes," said Margaret, "and sometimes a great anxiety; of course,
few ties can come up to it," she added, hastily, afraid of allowing even
Mrs. Dorriman to know the intense and bitter disappointment Grace was to
her.
They arrived at Inchbrae, and, if Margaret had admired it at all before,
she could not help being still more enthusiastic about all now. Can
anything in nature excel the charm of a well-kept flower-garden with its
gay flower-beds and velvet lawn, and a background of pines with their
red stems glowing in the sunset, and a magnificent range of rocks behind
it; while through the delicate and graceful birch-trees glimpses of the
sea in all its changing beauty and capricious moods is there to give
that sense of the Infinite which raises our thoughts above and beyond it
all?
Margaret's eyes filled with sudden tears. The loveliness of it all
touched and soothed her, and yet she was nearly weeping. She seemed all
at once to see that she had hitherto missed something in her life which
was now given her. She put up her hand as Mrs. Dorriman was going to
speak, and asked, in the lowered tone of one who is conscious of being
moved and charmed beyond expression, what the noise was near them?
"It sounds like a river; it is distinct from the solemn thud of the sea
I hear breaking on the rocks."
"It is the river; that is the sound I missed so much when I went to
Renton," answered Mrs. Dorriman, full of the delight of having
Margaret's sympathy.
"It has a rushing mighty sound like the wings of a relentless fate,"
said Margaret, dreamily; "I never was so near a river before."
"Do you like being so near it? Some people think it disturbs them; that
louder noise through all is the waterfall. Come and have some tea now,
and, when you are rested, we will go by the river-walk."
"Everything is so lovely," she exclaimed, as she followed Mrs. Dorriman
into the bright little drawing-room, and noticed the pretty freshness of
everything.
She was delighted with her own room, which was looking towards the sea.
"How you must have felt leaving all this!" she exclaimed as she looked
out upon it all.
"I did feel it then, but you soon became my great comfort and pleasure.
I am glad I went, for many reasons, but one chief reason is that I
learnt to know you there."
Margaret had but one vision of the sea in her memory. She had thought
the grand sweep of the bay and the mouth of the Clyde heavenly, and it
lingered in her memory as she had watched it with Grace that first
night, and had been so entranced with its smooth beauty, upon which the
moonlight had thrown such a lovely and silvery veil.
But with all the associations of that place and the vivid remembrance of
Sir Albert Gerald's yacht gliding into the bright moonlit streak, like
a bird ready to fold her wings and rest,--she felt that there could be
no comparison.
No sea, rippling in smoothly, far away from the turbulence and strife,
sheltered in the great arms of a bay nearly surrounding it, smiling
there even when fierce and angry beyond the shelter, can possibly equal
in grandeur the same sea crashing in against perpendicular rocks,
dashing itself with terrific strength against an iron-bound coast, as
though scorning the obstacles in front of it; and Margaret, her whole
heart tender and sensitive to impressions of natural beauty, was carried
out of herself by this new scene, so suddenly presented to her.
How small, how little, seemed the former ideas she had had of the place.
She was too full of thought to speak much, and her silence suited Mrs.
Dorriman, who, while striving to keep every word she said away from
subjects likely to touch upon poor Margaret's loss, betrayed by the very
pains she took, by her sudden pauses and the hesitation of her manner,
that there was an expectation on her side of some emotion she did not
wish to arouse.
This would not do.
There were some things in Margaret's life that she could never touch
upon with any one. Her husband's madness had been very terrible, so
terrible that she never willingly allowed it to remain in her mind, and
she never mentioned him.
It was a frightful and crushing trial out of which she had come into the
light. Her wings had been scorched and broken in the conflict, but they
had not been injured for all time. The stain was not permanent, and she
had passed through it all without understanding it, except so far as
this, that she believed to every woman an instinct is given as a help.
She had wilfully erred against hers, and she had suffered cruelly.
But of her child ... yes, of her child she was longing to speak! the
want of sympathy in Grace had sent back all the touching records, so
dear to a mother's heart, and she knew that Mrs. Dorriman would give
sympathy.
"It is a grief to me," she said, gently, "that you never saw my child. I
should like to tell of it, if my speaking of it does not trouble you."
"Oh! my dear," said Mrs. Dorriman, and her voice trembled a little. "Is
it wise for you?"
"It is wise," answered Margaret. "I often wish I had a friend near me to
whom I could sometimes speak of it--it hurts me to feel that it is not
to be mentioned before me, while I feel it still so near me."
Mrs. Dorriman, her anxiety checked about giving Margaret pain, could
only answer by a tighter grasp of the arm she clung to.
"Yes, at first it was very dreadful to me. Now at times tears still
come, but I am beginning to think of it as waiting for me, not as lying
here and leaving me childless and alone. It was very fair, auntie, and
had winning ways...." She stopped for a moment and went on in the
subdued voice which was her characteristic. "At first I was so selfish
and I prayed for death, I, who have still much to do."
"You have seen much illness lately?"
"I have seen many terrible things," she answered, earnestly. "I have
seen troubles and trials that dwarf mine; I try to help; it is a great
blessing to be able to help. When I stroke the little faded cheek of
another child I still think of mine, for I am still selfish in my grief;
but the joy of seeing a child recover kills the selfishness, and I begin
more to do things for God's sake and theirs, than for the sweet little
face always present to me. I am happier since I have learned how to make
others happy!"
She paused, folding her hands, and looking to Mrs. Dorriman like some
fair saint, with her unclouded eyes and the sweet folded lips that were
both grave and tender.
"Here there is poverty, sickness, and often sorrow," said Mrs. Dorriman;
"but somehow, with these surroundings, poverty does not seem so grim."
"Here there are springs of water, fresh air and _this_," said Margaret,
pointing to the river; "but in London, water is taxed even to the very
poor, the very kindling of their fires is a difficulty. Here the people
have at any rate kindling," and she added, pointing to a woman in the
distance, who was carrying a bundle of furze,
"And peat for the cutting; and yet the ambition of many is to leave the
country and flock to the towns."
"The sound of higher wages is tempting, but what I hope to live to see
one day is the middle-man done away with."
"The middle-man!" exclaimed Mrs. Dorriman; "I do not understand you, my
dear."
"I mean those who pay the manufacturer so little that he often cannot
raise wages, or do what he would like to do, and who grasp from the rich
as well; and the working class I think of do not understand the
question, and not understanding are unjust. They blame the rich, but the
rich are not to blame; they pay often a hundred per cent. where the
workman does not get ten. It is the middle-man who grows rich grasping
on either side, and who spend their money in eating and drinking. They
help no art or science, and they are indignant if they are appealed to
for charitable aid. You do not know how bad it is!" and Margaret's cheek
flushed with her earnest, almost passionate, speech.
"I never thought of it before," said Mrs. Dorriman, "and now I do not
quite understand. Shopkeepers have to pay high rents and rates and
things."
"Oh, I do not mean the better class of shopkeepers," said Margaret, "and
I am talking of small shops I know about in London where coals are sold
by the pound and tea in ounces, and those places where shirts are made,
literally _made_, for twopence. It is this misery that should be
attacked, these things should be made impossible!"
"Why can it not be done?" said Mrs. Dorriman.
"Because ours is such a free country that interference is not often
possible. Oh, there is so much to put right it does not bear thinking
about," and the two turned up the river-side and home.