Now that the Presidential elections are over it is hoped that
any Irish-Americans who joined the Sinn Fein murder-gang for
electioneering purposes will go home again.
* * *
Owing to pressure on space, due among other things to the American
election, the net sale controversy in one of our contemporaries was
held over on Wednesday last. We are quite sure that neither Senator
HARDING nor Mr. COX was aware of his responsibility in the matter.
* * *
Lord HOWARD DE WALDEN says, "I would rather trust a crossing-sweeper
with an appreciation of music than a man who comes from a public
school." We agree. The former is much more likely to have been a
professional musician in his time.
* * *
The mystery of the Scottish golf club that was recently inundated with
applications for membership is now explained. It appears that a caddy
refused a tip of sixpence offered him by one of the less affluent
members, and the story somehow leaked out.
* * *
At one Hallowe'en dinner held in London the haggis was ten minutes
late. It is said that it had had trouble with a dog on the way and had
come off second best.
* * *
The man who was heard last week to say that he had no idea that Mrs.
ASQUITH had published a book of memoirs has now, on the advice of his
friends, consented to see a doctor.
* * *
The clergy of Grays, in Essex, are advocating the abolition of Sunday
funerals. It is said that quite a number of strict Sabbatarians have a
rooted objection to being buried on the Sabbath.
* * *
According to an evening paper hawthorn buds have been plucked at
Hornsey. We don't care.
* * *
A Liberal Independent writes to ask if the Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, who has
been elected Lord Rector of Edinburgh University, is the well-known
Prime Minister of that name.
* * *
A firm of music publishers have produced what they describe as a
three-quarter one-step. It will soon be impossible to go to a dance
without being accompanied by a professional arithmetician.
* * *
It seems that high prices have even put an end to the chicken that
used to cross the road.
* * *
"Only through poverty," says Mr. MAURICE HEWLETT, "will England
thrive." As a result of this statement we understand that several
profiteers have decided to get down to it once again.
* * *
A Japanese arrested at Hull was found to have seven revolvers and two
thousand rounds of ammunition on him. It was pointed out to him that
the War was over long ago.
* * *
A contemporary refers to a romance which ended in marriage. Alas! how
often this happens.
* * *
The United States Government has decided to recognise the present
Mexican Government. Mexican bandits say they had better take a good
look at them while there is yet time.
* * *
A Prohibitionist asserts that Scotland will be dry in five years. Our
own feeling is that these end-of-the-world prognostications should be
prohibited by law.
* * *
An Oxford professor has made himself the subject of a series of
experiments on the effects of alcohol. Several college professors of
America quite readily admit that they never thought of that one.
* * *
A correspondent writes to a contemporary to say that he wears a hat
exactly like _The Daily Mail_ hat, and that he purchased it long
before _The Daily Mail_ was started. The audacity of some people in
thinking that anything happened before _The Daily Mail_ started is
simply appalling.
* * *
Three stars have recently been discovered by an American. No, no; not
those stars, but stars in the heavens.
* * *
"Whilst returning to camp one night I walked right into a herd of
elephants," states a well-known explorer in his memoirs. We have
always maintained that all wild animals above the size of a rabbit
should carry two head-lights and one rear-light whilst travelling
after dark.
* * *
A small island was advertised for sale last week. Just the sort of
thing for a bad sailor to take with him when crossing the Channel on a
rough day.
* * *
"Everyone knows," a writer in _The Daily Mail_ declares, "that
electric light in the poultry-house results in more eggs." There may
be more of them but they never have the real actinic taste of the
natural egg.
* * *
An American inventor has devised a scheme for lassoing enemy
submarines. This is a decided improvement on the method of just
sticking a pin into them as they whizz by.
* * *
Since the talk of Prohibition in Scotland, we are informed that one
concert singer began the chorus of the famous Scottish ballad by
singing "O ye'll tak the dry road."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Mrs. Jones_. "YOU'D SEE IN THE PAPERS, JOHN, ABOUT THE
AGITATION IN FAVOUR OF THE WIFE GOVERNING THE HOME."
_Mr. Jones_. "WELL, CARRY ON, DEAR."]
* * * * *