[According to the New York correspondent of _The Daily Telegraph_,
recent practical tests prove that the substitution of ragtime
melodies for the lugubrious farewell music usually played on a big
liner's departure does away with the mournful scenes attending such
functions and puts everybody in the best of spirits.]
When I broke the news to Mabel that a most insistent cable
Had demanded my departure to a land across the sea,
She occasioned some dissension by announcing her intention
Of delaying her farewell until the vessel left the quay.
I displayed a frigid shoulder to her scheme, and frankly told her
That no public show of sentiment my tender heart should sear,
For I knew the tears would blind me when "The Girl I Left Behind Me"
And the strains of "Auld Lang Syne" reverberated in my ear.
But I've recently relented and quite willingly consented
To be sped upon my journey by the mistress of my soul;
I shall banish sorrow's canker ere the sailors weigh the anchor,
And present a smiling visage when the ship begins to roll.
There'll be no one feeling chippy when the band plays "Mississippi"
(Such a melody would even lend a fillip to a wreck);
I shall laugh and warble freely when they start "The Robert E. Lee,"
And my cup will be complete when "Snooky-Ookums" sweeps the deck.
Tears of joy there'll be for shedding when "The Darkie's Ragtime Wedding"
Sends a syncopated spasm through the passengers and crew;
And, when warning tocsins clang go, down the gangway Mab will tango,
While I bunny-hug the steward to the tune of "Hitchy-Koo."
STANLEY J. FAY.
July 30, 1913.