stared at me for a moment, and the girls drew their breaths in with a
soft concerted sound. “Fiddlesticks,” Mrs Bland said briskly, “If that
isn’t just like these ignorant lowclass Yankees. Get in, Quentin.”
Shreve and I sat on two small collapsible seats. Gerald cranked the car
and got in and we started.
“Now, Quentin, you tell me what all this foolishness is about,” Mrs
Bland said. I told them, Shreve hunched and furious on his little seat
and Spoade sitting again on the back of his neck beside Miss
Daingerfield.
“And the joke is, all the time Quentin had us all fooled,” Spoade said.
“All the time we thought he was the model youth that anybody could trust
a daughter with, until the police showed him up at his nefarious work.”
“Hush up, Spoade,” Mrs Bland said. We drove down the street and crossed
the bridge and passed the house where the pink garment hung in the
window. “That’s what you get for not reading my note. Why didnt you come
and get it? Mr MacKenzie says he told you it was there.”
“Yessum. I intended to, but I never went back to the room.”
“You’d have let us sit there waiting I dont know how long, if it hadnt
been for Mr MacKenzie. When he said you hadnt come back, that left an
extra place, so we asked him to come. We’re very glad to have you
anyway, Mr MacKenzie.” Shreve said nothing. His arms were folded and he
glared straight ahead past Gerald’s cap. It was a cap for motoring in
England. Mrs Bland said so. We passed that house, and three others, and
another yard where the little girl stood by the gate. She didnt have the
bread now, and her face looked like it had been streaked with coaldust.
I waved my hand, but she made no reply, only her head turned slowly as
the car passed, following us with her unwinking gaze. Then we ran beside
the wall, our shadows running along the wall, and after a while we
passed a piece of torn newspaper lying beside the road and I began to
laugh again. I could feel it in my throat and I looked off into the
trees where the afternoon slanted, thinking of afternoon and of the bird
and the boys in swimming. But still I couldnt stop it and then I knew
that if I tried too hard to stop it I’d be crying and I thought about
how I’d thought about I could not be a virgin, with so many of them
walking along in the shadows and whispering with their soft girlvoices
lingering in the shadowy places and the words coming out and perfume and
eyes you could feel not see, but if it was that simple to do it wouldnt
be anything and if it wasnt anything, what was I and then Mrs Bland
said, “Quentin? Is he sick, Mr MacKenzie?” and then Shreve’s fat hand
touched my knee and Spoade began talking and I quit trying to stop it.
“If that hamper is in his way, Mr MacKenzie, move it over on your side.
I brought a hamper of wine because I think young gentlemen should drink
wine, although my father, Gerald’s grandfather” _ever do that Have you
ever done that In the grey darkness a little light her hands locked
about_
“They do, when they can get it,” Spoade said. “Hey, Shreve?” _her knees
her face looking at the sky the smell of honeysuckle upon her face and
throat_
“Beer, too,” Shreve said. His hand touched my knee again. I moved my
knee again. _like a thin wash of lilac coloured paint talking about him
bringing_
“You’re not a gentleman,” Spoade said. _him between us until the shape
of her blurred not with dark_
“No. I’m Canadian,” Shreve said. _talking about him the oar blades
winking him along winking the Cap made for motoring in England and all
time rushing beneath and they two blurred within the other forever more
he had been in the army had killed men_
“I adore Canada,” Miss Daingerfield said. “I think it’s marvellous.”
“Did you ever drink perfume?” Spoade said. _with one hand he could lift
her to his shoulder and run with her running Running_
“No,” Shreve said. _running the beast with two backs and she blurred in
the winking oars running the swine of Euboeleus running coupled within
how many Caddy_
“Neither did I,” Spoade said. _I dont know too many there was
something terrible in me terrible in me Father I have committed Have you
ever done that We didnt we didnt do that did we do that_
“and Gerald’s grandfather always picked his own mint before breakfast,
while the dew was still on it. He wouldnt even let old Wilkie touch it
do you remember Gerald but always gathered it himself and made his own
julep. He was as crochety about his julep as an old maid, measuring
everything by a recipe in his head. There was only one man he ever gave
that recipe to; that was” _we did how can you not know it if youll just
wait I’ll tell you how it was it was a crime we did a terrible crime it
cannot be hid you think it can but wait Poor Quentin youve never done
that have you and I’ll tell you how it was I’ll tell Father then itll
have to be because you love Father then we’ll have to go away amid the
pointing and the horror the clean flame I’ll make you say we did I’m
stronger than you I’ll make you know we did you thought it was them but_
_it was me listen I fooled you all the time it was me you thought I was
in the house where that damn honeysuckle trying not to think the swing
the cedars the secret surges the breathing locked drinking the wild
breath the yes Yes Yes yes_ “never be got to drink wine himself, but he
always said that a hamper what book did you read that in the one where
Geralds rowing suit of wine was a necessary part of any gentlemen’s
picnic basket” _did you love them Caddy did you love them When they
touched me I died_
one minute she was standing there the next he was yelling and pulling at
her dress they went into the hall and up the stairs yelling and shoving
at her up the stairs to the bathroom door and stopped her back against
the door and her arm across her face yelling and trying to shove her
into the bathroom when she came in to supper T. P. was feeding him he
started again just whimpering at first until she touched him then he
yelled she stood there her eyes like cornered rats then I was running in
the grey darkness it smelled of rain and all flower scents the damp warm
air released and crickets sawing away in the grass pacing me with a
small travelling island of silence Fancy watched me across the fence
blotchy like a quilt on a line I thought damn that nigger he forgot to
feed her again I ran down the hill in that vacuum of crickets like a
breath travelling across a mirror she was lying in the water her head on
the sand spit the water flowing about her hips there was a little more
light in the water her skirt half saturated flopped along her flanks to
the waters motion in heavy ripples going nowhere renewed themselves of
their own movement I stood on the bank I could smell the honeysuckle on
the water gap the air seemed to drizzle with honeysuckle and with the
rasping of crickets a substance you could feel on the flesh
is Benjy still crying
I dont know yes I dont know
poor Benjy
I sat down on the bank the grass was damp a little then I found my shoes
wet
get out of that water are you crazy
but she didnt move her face was a white blur framed out of the blur of
the sand by her hair
get out now
she sat up then she rose her skirt flopped against her draining she
climbed the bank her clothes flopping sat down
why dont you wring it out do you want to catch cold
yes
the water sucked and gurgled across the sand spit and on in the dark
among the willows across the shallow the water rippled like a piece of
cloth holding still a little light as water does
he’s crossed all the oceans all around the world
then she talked about him clasping her wet knees her face tilted back in
the grey light the smell of honeysuckle there was a light in mothers
room and in Benjys where T. P. was putting him to bed
do you love him
her hand came out I didnt move it fumbled down my arm and she held my
hand flat against her chest her heart thudding
no no
did he make you then he made you do it let him he was stronger than you
and he tomorrow Ill kill him I swear I will father neednt know until
afterward and then you and I nobody need ever know we can take my school
money we can cancel my matriculation Caddy you hate him dont you dont
you
she held my hand against her chest her heart thudding I turned and
caught her arm
Caddy you hate him dont you
she moved my hand up against her throat her heart was hammering there
poor Quentin
her face looked at the sky it was low so low that all smells and sounds
of night seemed to have been crowded down like under a slack tent
especially the honeysuckle it had got into my breathing it was on her
face and throat like paint her blood pounded against my hand I was
leaning on my other arm it began to jerk and jump and I had to pant to
get any air at all out of that thick grey honeysuckle
yes I hate him I would die for him I’ve already died for him I die for
him over and over again everytime this goes
when I lifted my hand I could still feel crisscrossed twigs and grass
burning into the palm
poor Quentin
she leaned back on her arms her hands locked about her knees
youve never done that have you
what done what
that what I have what I did
yes yes lots of times with lots of girls
then I was crying her hand touched me again and I was crying against her
damp blouse then she lying on her back looking past my head into the sky
I could see a rim of white under her irises I opened my knife
do you remember the day damuddy died when you sat down in the water in
your drawers
yes
I held the point of the knife at her throat
it wont take but a second just a second then I can do mine I can do mine
then
all right can you do yours by yourself
yes the blades long enough Benjys in bed by now
yes
it wont take but a second Ill try not to hurt
all right
will you close your eyes
no like this youll have to push it harder
touch your hand to it
but she didnt move her eyes were wide open looking past my head at the
sky
Caddy do you remember how Dilsey fussed at you because your drawers were
muddy
dont cry
Im not crying Caddy
push it are you going to
do you want me to
yes push it
touch your hand to it
dont cry poor Quentin
but I couldnt stop she held my head against her damp hard breast I could
hear her heart going firm and slow now not hammering and the water
gurgling among the willows in the dark and waves of honeysuckle coming
up the air my arm and shoulder were twisted under me
what is it what are you doing
her muscles gathered I sat up
its my knife I dropped it
she sat up
what time is it
I dont know
she rose to her feet I fumbled along the ground
Im going let it go
I could feel her standing there I could smell her damp clothes feeling
her there
its right here somewhere
let it go you can find it tomorrow come on
wait a minute I’ll find it
are you afraid to
here it is it was right here all the time
was it come on
I got up and followed we went up the hill the crickets hushing before us
its funny how you can sit down and drop something and have to hunt all
around for it
the grey it was grey with dew slanting up into the grey sky then the
trees beyond
damn that honeysuckle I wish it would stop
you used to like it
we crossed the crest and went on toward the trees she walked into me she
gave over a little the ditch was a black scar on the grey grass she
walked into me again she looked at me and gave over we reached the ditch
lets go this way
what for
lets see if you can still see Nancys bones I havent thought to look in a
long time have you
it was matted with vines and briers dark
they were right here you cant tell whether you see them or not can you
stop Quentin
come on
the ditch narrowed closed she turned toward the trees
stop Quentin
Caddy
I got in front of her again
Caddy
stop it
I held her
Im stronger than you
she was motionless hard unyielding but still
I wont fight stop youd better stop
Caddy dont Caddy
it wont do any good dont you know it wont let me go
the honeysuckle drizzled and drizzled I could hear the crickets watching
us in a circle she moved back went around me on toward the trees
you go on back to the house you neednt come
I went on
why dont you go on back to the house
damn that honeysuckle
we reached the fence she crawled through I crawled through when I rose
from stooping he was coming out of the trees into the grey toward us
coming toward us tall and flat and still even moving like he was still
she went to him
this is Quentin Im wet Im wet all over you dont have to if you dont want
to
their shadows one shadow her head rose it was above his on the sky
higher their two heads
you dont have to if you dont want to
then not two heads the darkness smelled of rain of damp grass and leaves
the grey light drizzling like rain the honeysuckle coming up in damp
waves I could see her face a blur against his shoulder he held her in
one arm like she was no bigger than a child he extended his hand
glad to know you
we shook hands then we stood there her shadow high against his shadow
one shadow
whatre you going to do Quentin
walk a while I think Ill go through the woods to the road and come back
through town
I turned away going
goodnight
Quentin
I stopped
what do you want
in the woods the tree frogs were going smelling rain in the air they
sounded like toy music boxes that were hard to turn and the honeysuckle
come here
what do you want
come here Quentin
I went back she touched my shoulder leaning down her shadow the blur of
her face leaning down from his high shadow I drew back
look out
you go on home
Im not sleepy Im going to take a walk
wait for me at the branch
Im going for a walk
Ill be there soon wait for me you wait
no Im going through the woods
I didnt look back the tree frogs didnt pay me any mind the grey light
like moss in the trees drizzling but still it wouldnt rain after a while
I turned went back to the edge of the woods as soon as I got there I
began to smell honeysuckle again I could see the lights on the
courthouse clock and the glare of town the square on the sky and the
dark willows along the branch and the light in mothers windows the light
still on in Benjys room and I stooped through the fence and went across
the pasture running I ran in the grey grass among the crickets the
honeysuckle getting stronger and stronger and the smell of water then I
could see the water the colour of grey honeysuckle I lay down on the
bank with my face close to the ground so I couldnt smell the honeysuckle
I couldnt smell it then and I lay there feeling the earth going through
my clothes listening to the water and after a while I wasnt breathing so
hard and I lay there thinking that if I didnt move my face I wouldnt
have to breathe hard and smell it and then I wasnt thinking about
anything at all she came along the bank and stopped I didnt move
its late you go on home
what
you go on home its late
all right
her clothes rustled I didnt move they stopped rustling
are you going in like I told you
I didnt hear anything
Caddy
yes I will if you want me to I will
I sat up she was sitting on the ground her hands clasped about her knee
go on to the house like I told you
yes Ill do anything you want me to anything yes
she didnt even look at me I caught her shoulder and shook her hard
you shut up
I shook her
you shut up you shut up
yes
she lifted her face then I saw she wasnt even looking at me at all I
could see that white rim
get up
I pulled her she was limp I lifted her to her feet
go on now
was Benjy still crying when you left
go on
we crossed the branch the roof came in sight then the windows upstairs
hes asleep now
I had to stop and fasten the gate she went on in the grey light the
smell of rain and still it wouldnt rain and honeysuckle beginning to
come from the garden fence beginning she went into the shadow I could
hear her feet then
Caddy
I stopped at the steps I couldnt hear her feet
Caddy
I heard her feet then my hand touched her not warm not cool just still
her clothes a little damp still
do you love him now
not breathing except slow like far away breathing
Caddy do you love him now
I dont know
outside the grey light the shadows of things like dead things in
stagnant water
I wish you were dead
do you you coming in now
are you thinking about him now
I dont know
tell me what youre thinking about tell me
stop stop Quentin
you shut up you shut up you hear me you shut up are you going to shut up
all right I will stop we’ll make too much noise
Ill kill you do you hear
lets go out to the swing theyll hear you here
Im not crying do you say Im crying
no hush now we’ll wake Benjy up
you go on into the house go on now
I am dont cry Im bad anyway you cant help it
theres a curse on us its not our fault is it our fault
hush come on and go to bed now
you cant make me theres a curse on us
finally I saw him he was just going into the barbershop he looked out I
went on and waited
Ive been looking for you two or three days
you wanted to see me
Im going to see you
he rolled the cigarette quickly with about two motions he struck the
match with his thumb
we cant talk here suppose I meet you somewhere
Ill come to your room are you at the hotel
no thats not so good you know that bridge over the creek in there back
of
yes all right
at one oclock right
yes
I turned away
Im obliged to you
look
I stopped looked back
she all right
he looked like he was made out of bronze his khaki shirt
she need me for anything now
I’ll be there at one
she heard me tell T. P. to saddle Prince at one oclock she kept watching
me not eating much she came too
what are you going to do
nothing cant I go for a ride if I want to
youre going to do something what is it
none of your business whore whore
T. P. had Prince at the side door
I wont want him Im going to walk
I went down the drive and out the gate I turned into the lane then I ran
before I reached the bridge I saw him leaning on the rail the horse was
hitched in the woods he looked over his shoulder then he turned his back
he didnt look up until I came onto the bridge and stopped he had a piece
of bark in his hands breaking pieces from it and dropping them over the
rail into the water
I came to tell you to leave town
he broke a piece of bark deliberately dropped it carefully into the
water watched it float away
I said you must leave town
he looked at me
did she send you to me
I say you must go not my father not anybody I say it
listen save this for a while I want to know if shes all right have they
been bothering her up there
thats something you dont need to trouble yourself about
then I heard myself saying Ill give you until sundown to leave town
he broke a piece of bark and dropped it into the water then he laid the
bark on the rail and rolled a cigarette with those two swift motions
spun the match over the rail
what will you do if I dont leave
Ill kill you dont think that just because I look like a kid to you
the smoke flowed in two jets from his nostrils across his face
how old are you
I began to shake my hands were on the rail I thought if I hid them hed
know why
Ill give you until tonight
listen buddy whats your name Benjys the natural isnt he you are
Quentin
my mouth said it I didnt say it at all
Ill give you till sundown
Quentin
he raked the cigarette ash carefully off against the rail he did it
slowly and carefully like sharpening a pencil my hands had quit shaking
listen no good taking it so hard its not your fault kid it would have
been some other fellow
did you ever have a sister did you
no but theyre all bitches
I hit him my open hand beat the impulse to shut it to his face his hand
moved as fast as mine the cigarette went over the rail I swung with the
other hand he caught it too before the cigarette reached the water he
held both my wrists in the same hand his other hand flicked to his
armpit under his coat behind him the sun slanted and a bird singing
somewhere beyond the sun we looked at one another while the bird singing
he turned my hands loose
look here
he took the bark from the rail and dropped it into the water it bobbed
up the current took it floated away his hand lay on the rail holding the
pistol loosely we waited
you cant hit it now
no
it floated on it was quite still in the woods I heard the bird again and
the water afterward the pistol came up he didnt aim at all the bark
disappeared then pieces of it floated up spreading he hit two more of
them pieces of bark no bigger than silver dollars
thats enough I guess
he swung the cylinder out and blew into the barrel a thin wisp of smoke
dissolved he reloaded the three chambers shut the cylinder he handed it
to me butt first
what for I wont try to beat that
youll need it from what you said Im giving you this one because youve
seen what itll do
to hell with your gun
I hit him I was still trying to hit him long after he was holding my
wrists but I still tried then it was like I was looking at him through a
piece of coloured glass I could hear my blood and then I could see the
sky again and branches against it and the sun slanting through them and
he holding me on my feet
did you hit me
I couldnt hear
what
yes how do you feel
all right let go
he let me go I leaned against the rail
do you feel all right
let me alone Im all right
can you make it home all right
go on let me alone
youd better not try to walk take my horse
no you go on
you can hang the reins on the pommel and turn him loose he’ll go back to
the stable
let me alone you go on and let me alone
I leaned on the rail looking at the water I heard him untie the horse
and ride off and after a while I couldnt hear anything but the water and
then the bird again I left the bridge and sat down with my back against
a tree and leaned my head against the tree and shut my eyes a patch of
sun came through and fell across my eyes and I moved a little further
around the tree I heard the bird again and the water and then everything
sort of rolled away and I didnt feel anything at all I felt almost good
after all those days and the nights with honeysuckle coming up out of
the darkness into my room where I was trying to sleep even when after a
while I knew that he hadnt hit me that he had lied about that for her
sake too and that I had just passed out like a girl but even that didnt
matter anymore and I sat there against the tree with little flecks of
sunlight brushing across my face like yellow leaves on a twig listening
to the water and not thinking about anything at all even when I heard
the horse coming fast I sat there with my eyes closed and heard its feet
bunch scuttering the hissing sand and feet running and her hard running
hands
fool fool are you hurt
I opened my eyes her hands running on my face
I didnt know which way until I heard the pistol I didnt know where I
didnt think he and you running off slipping I didnt think he would have
she held my face between her hands bumping my head against the tree
stop stop that
I caught her wrists
quit that quit it
I knew he wouldnt I knew he wouldnt
she tried to bump my head against the tree
I told him never to speak to me again I told him
she tried to break her wrists free
let me go
stop it I’m stronger than you stop it now
let me go Ive got to catch him and ask his let me go Quentin please let
me go let me go
all at once she quit her wrists went lax
yes I can tell him I can make him believe anytime I can make him
Caddy
she hadnt hitched Prince he was liable to strike out for home if the
notion took him
anytime he will believe me
do you love him Caddy
do I what
she looked at me then everything emptied out of her eyes and they looked
like the eyes in the statues blank and unseeing and serene
put your hand against my throat
she took my hand and held it flat against her throat
now say his name
Dalton Ames
I felt the first surge of blood there it surged in strong accelerating
beats
say it again
her face looked off into the trees where the sun slanted and where the
bird
say it again
Dalton Ames
her blood surged steadily beating and beating against my hand
It kept on running for a long time, but my face felt cold and sort of
dead, and my eye, and the cut place on my finger was smarting again. I
could hear Shreve working the pump, then he came back with the basin and
a round blob of twilight wobbling in it, with a yellow edge like a
fading balloon, then my reflection. I tried to see my face in it.
“Has it stopped?” Shreve said. “Give me the rag.” He tried to take it
from my hand.
“Look out,” I said, “I can do it. Yes, it’s about stopped now.” I dipped
the rag again, breaking the balloon. The rag stained the water. “I wish
I had a clean one.”
“You need a piece of beefsteak for that eye,” Shreve said. “Damn if you
wont have a shiner tomorrow. The son of a bitch,” he said.
“Did I hurt him any?” I wrung out the handkerchief and tried to clean
the blood off of my vest.
“You cant get that off,” Shreve said. “You’ll have to send it to the
cleaner’s. Come on, hold it on your eye, why dont you.”
“I can get some of it off,” I said. But I wasn’t doing much good. “What
sort of shape is my collar in?”
“I dont know,” Shreve said. “Hold it against your eye. Here.”
“Look out,” I said. “I can do it. Did I hurt him any?”
“You may have hit him. I may have looked away just then or blinked or
something. He boxed the hell out of you. He boxed you all over the
place. What did you want to fight him with your fists for? You goddamn
fool. How do you feel?”