I
Krzycki left Miss Anney's with a sensation as if lightning had struck
directly in front of him and suddenly stunned him. He could neither
collect nor connect his thoughts; he was not even in a condition to
realize his situation nor reflect upon it. The only impression, or
rather feeling, which in the first moments remained was a feeling of
illimitable amazement. On the way he repeated every little while,
"Hanka Skibianka! Hanka Skibianka!" and seemed incapable of doing aught
else. He did not find Gronski at home, as the latter had left
immediately after the noon hour, telling the servant that he would
return late at night. So he went to his room, locked himself in without
knowing why; afterwards he flung himself into an armchair and sat
abstractedly for over an hour. After the lapse of that time, he opened
his trunk and began to pack things into it with excessive zeal, until
finally he propounded to himself the question: "Why am I doing this?"
Not being able to find an answer, he abandoned that work and only
resumed it when he came to the unexpected conclusion that in any case
he would have to move away from Gronski's.
Having finished, he put on his hat and left, without any well-defined
object, for the city. For a while a desire rose in him to call upon his
mother and Pani Otocka, but he stifled it at once. For what? It seemed
to him that he had nothing to tell his mother about himself and his
intentions; and that he could talk with her only about this unheard-of
intelligence, the discussion of which would be for him, beyond all
expression, afflicting. Unconsciously, he reached the Holy Cross Church
and wanted to enter it, but the hour was late and the church was
locked. The morning of that day and the joint prayer with her stood
vividly before his eyes. Ah, how sincerely he prayed; how he loved her;
how he loved her! And now he could not resist the impression that this
light-haired, idolized lady, with whom he said in that chapel "Under
Thy Protection," and Hanka Skibianka were two different beings. And he
felt in his heart a kind of disenchantment with which he began to
contend. For why was he nevertheless so acutely affected by it? Was it
because Hanka was a peasant girl and he a nobleman? No! Miss Anney
never represented herself as an English noblewoman, and a Polish
peasant is no worse than an English commoner. He could not clearly
perceive that the reason of it lay in this: that Miss Anney through her
descent alone, foreign and distant, appeared to him a sort of princess,
and Hanka was a near and domestic girl from Zarnow. She aroused less
curiosity and therefore was less attractive. She was so much easier,
therefore, cheaper to him. In vain he recalled and repeated that this
Hanka is that same light-haired lady, charming as a dream, alluring,
genteel, womanly, responding in sentiment to every thought and every
word; the feeling of disenchantment was more powerful than those
thoughts, and that charm of exoticism, which suddenly was lacking in
the girl, minimized her worth in his eyes.
But, besides this, there was something else, in view of which the
disenchantment and all unexpected impressions stood aside and became
matters of secondary importance. This was, that he had once possessed
that girl--body and soul. She was at that time almost a child--a flower
not yet in full bloom which he plucked and carried for some time at his
bosom. The memory of that could be a reproach only for him; no fault
whatever weighed on her. He recollected those moonlight nights on which
he stole to the mill; those whispers which were one quiet song of love
and intoxication, interrupted only by kisses; he recalled how he
clasped to his heart her girlish body, fragrant with the hay of the
fields; how he drank the tears from her eyes and how he said to her
that he would give up for her all the ladies of all the courts. The
idyl passed, but now there wafted upon him from her the breath of the
first youthful years, the first love, the first ecstasy, and the truly
great poetry of life. Besides, there was truth in what he had confided
to Gronski in Jastrzeb: that the girl loved him as no other woman in
the world surely would love him. And at the thought of this, his heart
began to melt. Together with the wave of recollection, Hanka returned
and again engaged his thoughts.
Yes. But that was Hanka and she is Miss Anney. In Ladislaus, from the
time he fell in love with her, his senses leaped wildly towards her
like a pack of yelping hounds; but he held them in leash because at the
same time he knelt before his beloved. She was to him an object of
desire but at the same time a sacred relic; something so inaccessible,
exalted, pure, and mysterious in its virginity that at the thought that
the moment would arrive when he would be the master of those treasures
and secrets appeared to him a delight beyond all measure of delight;
all the more fathomless as it was, united, as it were, with a
sacrilege. And now he had to say to himself that this sacrilege he had
already committed; that the charm of something unknown was dispelled;
that in this vestal there were for him no mysteries and that he had
already drunk from that cup. And this again was one lure less; one
disenchantment more. In this manner Miss Anney muddied his recollection
of the field peasant-girl, Hanka,--Hanka depreciated the charm of Miss
Anney. Both were so different, so unlike each other, that, being unable
to merge them into one entity, he vainly intensified that jarring
impression with a feeling of disquietude and pain.
In this vexation of spirit there occurred to him one wicked, low, and
ugly thought. In what manner did the poor and simple Hanka change into
the brilliant Miss Anney? In what manner could a gray sparrow from
under a village thatched hut be transformed into a paradisiacal bird?
Hanka was a betrayed girl; therefore the bridges had been burnt behind
her. Amidst the wealth of a foreign land, beautiful but poor girls have
before them only one road to the acquisition of affluence and even
polish, and that was the road of shame. Hanka found one patron who took
care of her in the appropriate manner; how many similar patrons and
protectors could Miss Anney find? At the thought of this Krzycki's head
swam. Conscience said to him, "You opened those gates before her," and
at the same time he was seized by such anger at Miss Anney and himself
that if the life or death of both rested in his hands, he would at that
moment have selected death. Something within him was rent asunder;
something crashed. It seemed to him that again, just above his head,
pealed lightning, which stunned him and burnt, within him, to a crisp,
the ability to think.
He wandered a long time over the city. He himself did not know in what
manner he again found himself before Pani Otocka's home, but he did not
enter for he once more felt that at that time he could not speak with
his mother. He returned to his own house late at night. Gronski was
already at home, and for an hour had been waiting for him with the tea.
"Good evening," he said, "I have returned from your mother's."
And Ladislaus asked him with blunt impetuosity, "Do you know who Miss
Anney is?"
"I do. Pani Otocka told me."
A moment of silence followed.
"What do you say to this?"
"I could ask you that question."
Ladislaus sat heavily in the chair, drew his palm over his forehead and
replied with bitter irony:
"Ah, I have time. I was given a week for consideration."
"That is not too much," answered Gronski, looking at him questioningly.
"Certainly. Does Mother also know?"
"Yes. Pani Otocka told her everything."
Again silence ensued.
"My dear Laudie," said Gronski, "I can understand that this must have
shocked you, and for that reason I will not speak with you of it until
you calm down and regain your equipoise. You must also become familiar
with and well weigh the reasons why Miss Anney told only Pani Otocka
who she was and why she came to Jastrzeb under her new name, to which,
after all, she has a perfect right. Here is a letter from her. She
requested me to deliver it to you to-morrow and that is why I did not
hand it to you as soon as you appeared. At present I do not think that
it would be proper to defer the matter. But do not open it at once nor
in my presence. Put it away and read it when alone, when you can ponder
over every word. Positively do this. That which has happened moved me
to such an extent that for the time being I could not speak of it
calmly. To-day I can only give you this advice: be a man and do not
allow yourself to be swept away by the current of impressions. Row!"
To this Ladislaus, who sobered up a little under the influence of these
words, said:
"I thank you, sir. I will read the letter in privacy. It is now so
indispensable to me that I trust, sir, that you will not take it ill of
me if I no longer abuse your hospitality. I am sincerely and cordially
grateful to you for everything, but I must lock myself up. How long--I
do not know. When I am myself again, I will come to you to discuss
everything, God grant, more calmly. Now in reality, I see that I was
justly given one week's time. But besides time, I feel the need of my
own den. I cannot get rid of various thoughts, immensely bitter and
even horrible. To-day they hold me by the head and it is necessary that
I should hold them by the head--and for that reason I want to have my
own den."
"You know how willing I am to please you," answered Gronski; "I
understand you, and though in advance I decided not to torment you with
any questions, nevertheless, do what is best for yourself. I must tell
you also that your mother is moving to a hotel, as she is offended with
Pani Otocka. She took umbrage because she did not tell her at once in
Jastrzeb who Miss Anney was."
"I confess that I do not understand that--"
"Nevertheless, that would have been directly contrary to what those
ladies desired. Pani Otocka's intentions were the noblest. Time will
elucidate and equalize everything. Even Marynia did not know anything,
not only because Pani Zosia was bound by her word, but also because she
did not deem it proper to acquaint her with your former behavior and
your relations with the Hanka of former days. With Hanka--Miss Anney!
That was an unheard-of turn of affairs. Do you remember our
conversation in Jastrzeb when we went hunting for woodcock? Do you
remember?"
"I remember, but I cannot speak of it."
"Yes, better not speak of it at this time. Miss Anney's letter
undoubtedly will clear up the dark sides of the affair and explain what
is now unintelligible. If you desire to read it at once, I will go and
leave you here."
"I am very curious about it and for just that reason I will take my
leave of you."
"But you will pass this night with me?"
"I have packed my things and the hotels are always open."
"In such case good-by!--and remember what I told you. Row! Row!"
After a moment Gronski remained alone. He also was agitated,
distressed, but curious to the highest degree. When after Ladislaus'
confessions in Jastrzeb, he said to him that "the mills of the gods
grind late," he spoke it in a way one utters, off-hand, any maxim to
which one does not attach any real significance. In the meantime life
verified it in a manner fabulous but nevertheless logical. For as a
fable only appeared the transformation of Hanka into Miss Anney, but
that Miss Anney desired to see the man, whom, as a child, she loved in
her first transports of love and the place which bound her with so many
memories, tender and sad, was a matter natural and intelligible. And,
of course, she could not return to Jastrzeb and stay under the Krzycki
roof-tree otherwise than under a changed name. And thus it happened;
and the later events rolled on with their own force until they reached
the moment when it was necessary to reveal the secret. Gronski knew
already from Pani Otocka everything which she could tell him and
absolved from all sin her as well as Miss Anney. Nevertheless, he
understood that an unprecedented situation was created, and such a knot
was twisted that the untangling of it was impossible to foresee. It
could only be untwined by Krzycki, and even he stood not only in the
presence of new difficulties but, as it were, in the presence of a new
person.